It just struck me that I should write this before the episode tonight… best case scenario here.
Emma hadn't gotten far when she realized that she was being absurd. She was running from an attractive man that she had kissed. Yes, he had goaded her into it. Yes, she was feeling something that she hadn't expected (or wanted) to feel. And yes, Hook seemed to be looking for something far more than she was currently willing to give. But to run away like a blushing teenager? How ridiculous. How weak.
She had to work with this man to find and save her son. Running away was going to make the next encounter extremely awkward. Emma spun on her heel and headed back toward where she had left the pirate. Better to get the meeting over with now as opposed to later in front of Mary Margaret, David, and Regina. And better to make sure he understood exactly where she stood and that she meant it when she said this was a one-time thing.
Emma was pulled out of her musings by voices in the distance. "You think that kiss actually meant something?" Pan. What the hell did he want now? Emma moved a little closer and crouched down behind a tree, masked by forest flora.
"I do." Came Hook's reply in the softest voice Emma had ever heard the man use. "I think it means she's finally starting to see me for the man I am." Emma's heart dropped a little. He was wrong. Sure, he wasn't evil and she didn't hold him in the place of utter disdain she once did. But he was self-serving, an indiscriminant flirt, an untrustworthy mercenary who could turn on her at any time if someone offered the right price.
"What? A one-handed pirate with a drinking problem?" That was… horribly cruel. At least Emma knew that Hook wouldn't turn on her to enter Pan's service. "I'm no grown up, but I'm pretty sure that's less than appealing." He was wrong. Although Emma would readily admit the pirate had some less than attractive personality traits and could be both conceited and annoying, she had yet to see his alcohol intake impede his effectiveness. And the hook? It didn't take away from his more appealing attributes (or his looks) and it just seemed… right somehow when it came to the man she had just kissed.
"A man of honor." Honor. Could a pirate be a man on honor? Was his flip-flopping from one side to another; from Cora to Emma to Cora again honorable? But, he had been straight with her all along and he had apparently saved David. He had allowed Gold on his ship and had held his hand against the man. In fact, Emma was pretty sure she was the only person on the ship who Hook could stomach at all. Yet he brought them to Neverland, a place he obviously despised and stayed with them. Helped them. All to save a boy he had no claim to and no relationship with. Out of the goodness of his heart.
"So tell me, what would a man of honor like yourself do with a big fat secret?" Pan was baiting Hook, but Emma wondered too. Would he prove true? Or would he withhold information they needed for his own gain?
"Well that depends what the secret is."
"Baelfire." Emma's heart caught in her throat. "Neal. Whatever name he goes by these days. The guy Emma loves. Henry's father." Damn him. Damn that devil for daring to talk about him.
"What of him? He's dead."
"No. I'm afraid not. He's alive." Alive? How? How could it be possible? "That's not even the best part. He's in Neverland." Emma was floored. Neal was in Neverland? How had she not known he was alive? Emma was equal parts relieved and terrified.
"He's here?" Hook's voice sounded shocked, disbelieving. Emma chanced a quick glance around the tree trunk she was hiding behind. Was that desperation she saw on his profile? Despair starting to color his stance?
"Oh, yes. Can you believe it?" Pan sneered. He was loving every second of this encounter. "I'm sure that Emma would love to know that Henry's father is still alive. But I'd hate for that to get in the way of a budding romance. So, I'll leave it up to you; to tell her or not. Let's see what kind of man you really are." And then like that, Pan was gone. And Hook was left on his own. His face registering shock. His shoulders hunched and he started to cave in upon himself.
And then his knees hit the ground and with a strangled sob he began to beat the rock before him with his fist. Emma watched the tears leave tracks down his face. His anger quickly dissipated and he collapsed against the rock. Emma had to strain to hear his whispers. "Why? Why let me hope then take it away? Why let me see a chance to be whole again then break me into smaller pieces than ever before? Have I not suffered enough? What am I being punished for? Damn this place and damn me for breathing still."
Emma had seen enough. Either she had to confront him right now or she had to go back to camp. Emma turned and moved silently through the forest. As she got further away she haphazardly started grabbing down twigs to explain her absence from camp. I'm not avoiding him. I'm not.
Emma circled to the other side of the camp through the forest and continued to gather wood as she calmed down, never once letting her mind wander to her former beau. She kept her mind on Hook. Would he share the secret? When he didn't (because she didn't believe he would), how would she confront him? How long should she wait?
Twenty minutes and an armful of kindling after she left Hook, Emma entered camp. She dropped the wood next to Mary Margaret who was fletching arrows near the campfire. Regina sat close-by and was looking at David with a curious expression. Emma glanced toward him too and he seemed to fidget under the gaze of the two women.
Someone was stomping through the underbrush. Hook. Emma steeled herself. She was a good liar. She wouldn't let him or anyone else know that she had any idea what was going on. Everyone, Emma included, looked toward the path into camp as Hook appeared.
Hook's brow was furrowed and his head bowed. He was cradling his hand in the crook of his other arm. "Hook?" Mary Margaret asked, drawing the man's attention. He raised his head and his eyes inevitably caught Emma's as she stood behind her mother. His eyes were full of emptiness. His eyes said he had nothing left. They were hopeless, broken. He was empty.
It was too much. Emma's mind went blank and she could feel nothing but the need to not get lost in his emptiness. So, she broke eye contact and looked down towards his feet.
And saw the blood. And then she was running across the camp toward him and then she was in front of him pulling the protecting arm away from the injured one. "You're hurt!" She heard her voice exclaim at some point. And again her voice came when she saw the large bleeding scratches and forming bruises. "What happened?"
"Not important," Hook muttered as he pulled his hand back again. "Emma, I have to tell you…"
"Not important? Look at your hand!" She pulled his arm back towards her. "We have to get you cleaned up. Come with me." She started to pull him toward the fire.
"No, Emma wait. Just… just listen. Please." Emma and Hook were face to face again. Her fingers no longer held his arm and she saw his bloodied hand raised to push her hair out of her face and behind her ear, but he caught the blood out of the corner of his eye and lowered his hand back onto his other arm. "Emma, Pan found me. He… he said your Neal is alive. He's here on this island and my guess is that if Pan is telling us, he must have him captive."
He had told her! He could have kept quiet and he didn't. Emma suddenly couldn't hold back the emotions that had been threatening since she had heard Pan speak the words earlier in the forest. The desperation when she lost Neal, her anger at him for leaving her to go to jail for him, her feelings of abandonment when he was engaged to someone else, the despair when she lost him again, all mixed with her inexplicable attraction to Hook, the strange camaraderie that had formed between them, the fire of their kiss, and the fear that he would betray her too. Emma found herself wishing desperately that what Hook was saying was true while also praying vehemently that he was wrong. "He can't be. He was shot! We wouldn't have been able to save him in time even if he hadn't fallen into the portal. How-how do we even know Pan's telling the truth?"
"He doesn't lie, love. Pan is a devil and a manipulator, but he never lies."
"We have to find him. He's gotten off the island before. We can go home!" Mary Margaret said.
"He won't be in Pan's camp." Hook said, still staring down at Emma. "He'll want Baelfire and the boy separated. He needs your son to be hopeless and alone. If he sees his father, he'll have hope. Pan will keep them far apart."
"So our only hope out of here is probably clear across the island." Regina sounded exasperated.
"Yes, probably. And we'll need to get to him first. Neal's absence might go unnoticed; the boy's will not."
"We need a plan before we move." David was taking charge now. "It doesn't make sense to start now. We'll have to begin in the morning." Everyone seemed to agree and they all dispersed. Mary Margaret went back to her arrows. Regina mumbled something about food and moved toward their stock of berries and roots they had collected. David moved to build the fire back up.
Emma was alone with Hook, who had diverted his eyes from hers. "Come on. Let me look at your hand." She pulled him over to the fire and reached in his jacket to pull the bottle of rum from the pocket within. He was quiet as she poured the rum over his hand, wound a strip of cloth around his palm and knuckles, and tied it off.
"We'll find them for you, love. Both of them." He said as he pulled his bandaged hand away.
"I know you will, Killian." He looked up at the sound of his given name. Emma reached out and wiped at a dried tear track on his cheek. "I know you will."
Because, Emma knew, Killian was a man of honor.