Miserable at Best, a glee fanfic

Dear Marley,

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want it so

Marley. What have I done? I've made you cry, I imagine, many times before. You were finally mine. I know that letting go is hard, I'm trying to let go too, I can't believe I ended it. But things were always hard between us weren't they? But I was willing to do it if you were, I can't believe I let you go. Your eyes, I still remember how brightly they shown that one night. The night we looked up into the sky and just wanted to run away from everything. Now I'm not the one you look up into the sky with anymore.

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Ryder. He came into your life. But he's the kind of guy that every mother wants for her daughter, not some guy that's been making her cry since nearly day one. Please, don't pretend like he's not there, I know the truth. He's making you fell loved again, I know that. I'll bet you two just sit around sometimes and he jumps up and asks you to dance, and you'll say yes. I know you will, because he's a nice guy, and he can make you happy.

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but,
Without you I'll be miserable at best

I can't believe I never told you how I felt, you were the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I guess I never gave you a reason to know how I felt about you, I was too much like my dad. I can live without you Marley, but I won't be happy about it. I know I'm selfish for saying that, because I let you go, but it's the truth.

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
'Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breathes to stay

You were all I've ever wanted. You really were. Everything you did was just, amazing and I couldn't get enough. Everything I wanted to give you, was everything neither of us could have in the first place. I know I told you that I would move on before you did, but I never expected for Ryder to come along. He was a shoulder to cry on wasn't he? And now when I see you two together, it kills me. Every time I see you two, it gets harder to breath, and I know why, because that should be me.

Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

I feel like a deadbeat. I just walked away when I saw you crying, I thought that by now I would be an expert on just moving on to the next girl, but with you it was different. I felt like you were the one. I still feel that way, but what can be done? You're with him now. He makes you happy. You don't have to worry about him changing his ways, because he was always a better man than I was. But I do need you, Marley. You make me whole, complete. When I'm with you, I feel the closest to a man than I've ever been.

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

But I know that he can give you so much more than I can or ever could. I know that he's probably there reading this with you when you get it. He's a good guy, but I love you more, Marley, I really do. I don't know how you can't see that. Maybe because I haven't given you enough proof, but I really do love you more than he ever could, trust me.

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but,
Without you I'll be miserable at best

Ladada, ladada, ladada oh, oh

I should have told you, I should have I don't know why I didn't. You were the best thing that has ever been mine and I just let you go like nothing. I know that I can live without you, but it's really hard for me, I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I was just scared, I didn't know what would happen or if I could handle it, so I ran and I broke your heart, and I'm so sorry. Please believe me.

And this will be the first time in a week
That I talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

When I hand you this letter, it'll be the first time that I see you in a while. I don't know if I'll be able to talk to you, but this is why I'm writing this letter, in case I can't speak in front of you anymore. Do you know how long I've gone without sleep? It's been a long time. I just keeping seeing you and Ryder and I can't handle it. I see the way you looked in his arms as you two danced and the way you smiled, and it hurt. We both thought I was stronger than this, but I guess we wrong. I miss you Marley, I miss the way you make me feel. I miss you.

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but,
Without you I'll be miserable at best
And I can live without you but,
Without you, I'll be miserable at best
And I can live without you but,
Oh, without you, I'll be miserable at best

I know this is just pathetic, but Marley, it's how I feel. I don't think I'll ever feel this way again, and I'll probably go back to doing what I do best, being a player. I just want you to know that for that time that we were together, you changed me. You made me a better person. I can live without you, but without I'll be miserable at best.

From, Jake

Song: "Miserable at Best" by Mayday Parade