Title: Kira Sucks: the world's greatest novel

Author: Your curiosity about my identity has raised the odds of your being in league with Kira by twelve percent.

Summary: L writes an original story and posts it to FF.N The following is the resultant conversation between Raito and L.

Warnings/Pairings: Tongue in cheek, nonsense. No pairing, yaoi/slash, or logic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, or FFN. Both would have considerably more slash if I did. (And considering how much slash FFN has already, that's really saying something.)

Feedback: If you so wish, I'd be happy to receive some.

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"With my knowledge, there is an excellent chance that I can write the world's greatest novel. My understanding of complex human behaviorisms and thought processes ensures an accurate portrayal of my characters as emotive and empathic figures."

"Ryuzaki, you may understand the human condition, but you are not possessing 'of' the human condition. I'm sorry, my friend, but you have the emotional range of a toaster oven."

"Actually-"

"NO. You will not sit here and list the alleged personality traits of toaster ovens, or the responses they may elicit from people: Their danger or usefulness to society, or how you would like a toasted bagel."

"…Well- Oh, look at this. I already have a review for my story."

"It's been posted for six weeks. You just 'now' received your first review?"

"I imagine my readers needed time to let all of the nuances of the plot development sink in."

"So what does the review say?"

"It says 'Booo'."

"They're booing you?"

"No… It is more likely that they found my story frighteningly good, and were responding in a fashion that would best express that sentiment. Or, perhaps I've inadvertently let elements of the investigation slip, and they are attempting to give me a clue. What if Kira is a ghost?"

"You're entirely delusional, you know?"

[EXIT Raito]

"Chances of Raito being Kira… Sixty-three percent… Chances of Raito being a ghost…"

END

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A/N: Don't ask. Just… don't. XD (I lie. Ask all you like.)