It's Dark Inside
"Nico? Jason said. "What is he talking about?"
"I don't know. Nothing."
"Nothing?" Favonius cried, "The one you care for most... plunged into Tartarus, and still you will not allow the truth?"
"Tell him Nico di Angelo," Cupid said, "Tell him you are a coward, afraid of yourself and your feelings. Tell him the real reason you ran from Camp Half Blood, and why you are always alone."
"I left Camp Half-Blood because of love." Nico choked out "Annabeth she – "he recoiled as he was hit with Cupid's next words,
"Still hiding," he taunted and Nico's world continued to break apart, memories washing over him, memories that killed him and yet were still his reason for living, the only reason he didn't give up when trapped, alone in Tartarus
"Nico," Jason managed to say from where he was crumpled on the ground, "it's okay. I get it." Nico glanced over, then pain and misery washing across his face.
"No you don't," he said, his voice cracking "There's no way you can understand."
"And so you run away again," Cupid chided. "From your friends, from yourself."
"I don't have friends!" Nico yelled, hot tears forcing their way out of his eyes and down his cheeks, "I left Camp Half-Blood because I don't belong! I'll never belong!" Nico gasped as the pain, the emotions he'd pushed down, the feelings he'd tried to force away, came back all at once and threatened to consume him.
His voice like broken glass, he managed to force out, "I – I wasn't in love with Annabeth."
"You were jealous of her," Jason said. "That's why you didn't want to be around her. Especially why you didn't want to be around…him. It makes total sense." Jason Grace, always kind, always attempting to understand. The darkness subsided. The Roman dead collapsed into bones and crumbled to dust.
"I hated myself," Nico said. "I hated Percy Jackson."
Nico woke up thrashing, his sheets tangled around his legs, the air refusing to fill his lungs. He angrily wiped the tears from his face and chucked his wet pillow across the room. He heard a knock on the door, most likely the reason he'd woken up in the first place, although he wasn't complaining about being pulled out of reliving his worst nightmare for the thousandth time since his meeting with Cupid. Pulling his jacket on, Nico opened the door a crack,
"What?" He snapped, his voice still hoarse with sleep and maybe a little pain. Jason wedged his foot in the door and smiled brightly but Nico hated the touch of sympathy he could see in Golden Boy's perfect grin.
"Meeting in about five minutes." Jason forced the door open a little more until he could see Nico's entire face, "They want everyone there," he smiled again and now there was more sympathy than warmth. Nico slid out the door, face stormy and Jason stepped back.
"Great" he replied, not bothering to even try for any form of emotion. Jason lifted his hand as if to pat Nico's shoulder but awkwardly lowered it on second thought.
"If you'd rather not, I can say you were dead to the world." Jason suggested and Nico scowled,
"I wish I were," he muttered but then stalked off in the direction of the dining room, Jason matching his pace, "I can handle it," he snapped at Jason, "What do you think I've been doing for the last few years when you hadn't been forced in on my life." Jason coughed awkwardly,
"Um, not handling it?" Nico glared at him but he just shrugged, "As much as I hate to agree with Cupid, running isn't handling it." Nico's glare intensified
"Well I faced it," he spat, "Or did you miss that part? Cause I'm not doing it again." Jason sighed,
"Nico, they're not going to care," Nico opened his mouth to snap at him but they were interrupted,
"Who's not going to care about what?" Annabeth gave Nico a warm smile, grey eyes still full of life, despite falling into Tartarus. Nico ignored her and he'd like to say he ignored the boy behind her, black hair perfectly messy, sea green eyes sparkling, but of course he had to at least glance. Of course he had to glance. It's his own fault for the wave of pain that followed as Percy Jackson grinned, still tan, still perfect, still very much alive. And it's his own fault for letting his eyes trail down to see his arm wrapped around her shoulders, his other hand in hers, their fingers laced together. Nico could have saved him, he was strong enough, even after all he'd been through, but Percy let go. He fell into the depths of hell to be with her when Nico had to go through it alone. And here they were, tired for sure, but together, whole. There would be no picking up the pieces of these two. No having to save what they could from the wreckage, no piecing together a broken shell that couldn't be fixed. Nico was broken long before Tartarus, Hell just assured there was no way of putting the pieces back together.
Nico pointedly took a seat away from them but Jason Grace, decided to ignore the warning signs and brave the storm anyway. Nico's scowl deepened as the son of Jupiter pulled out the chair next to him, managing to drag it far closer than it needed to be. Jason glanced at Nico briefly before clearing his throat,
"So," he began, "We're all alive and not in immediate danger for once." Everyone laughed and Percy leaned over, planting a kiss on Annabeth's cheek before whispering something in her ear. Nico rolled his eyes,
"Give it up," he hissed to Jason who he knew was looking at him with either worry or sympathy and could even be about to pat him supportively. Piper blinked at Nico curiously before turning to Annabeth,
"Obviously you're not in fighting form but any ideas coming to mind." Annabeth shook her head
"We have a lot to consider," she answered seriously, leaning away from Percy. "A lot of options and none of them particularly good."
"Either way, someone dies or gets hurt or Gaia wins." Nico explained darkly and Percy sighed,
"Thank you for that contribution Nico," he replied sarcastically and Nico shrugged.
"Someone should try IM Reyna, see if she got my message." Annabeth said suddenly and Nico raised an eyebrow,
"When did you have time to send a message in Tartarus? How did you send a message in Tartarus?" He asked in disbelief and Percy muttered something about barbeque and offerings causing Annabeth rolled her eyes,
"It's a long story." There was a silence for a moment until Leo got up tiredly,
"Well as fun as all this death talk is, I actually have some repairs to do." Annabeth nodded,
"We'll take care of the IM," Percy said, getting to his feet and pulled Annabeth up after him. "The rest of you get some rest or train or whatever." Nico pulled out his knife and pretended to examine it for damage until Percy left the room, taking Annabeth with him. As soon as there was no sight of the son of Poseidon, Nico pushed back his chair and abruptly left the room.
"Is he okay?" He heard Piper ask Jason in a worried tone and paused briefly outside the room to hear his reply,
"Fine," Jason answered, "Just tired, we all are." Nico couldn't see them but he could imagine the look Piper was fixing on him. That one that was sympathy mixed with confusion mixed with I-don't-believe-a-word-you-are-saying that had always made Nico feel like he'd just lied to his mom.
"What happened in Croatia?" She asked softly and there was a silence,
"Nothing," Jason replied eventually and then he sighed, most likely Piper's mom look was wearing him down, "At least," he hesitated, "It's not my story to tell." Nico peeked in to see Piper nod slowly then lace her fingers with Jason's in a way that sent pains through his chest as he remembered a certain someone doing something similar no less than half an hour ago.
"Well," Piper said finally, "I should go practice with Hazel." Jason nodded,
"I'm going to find Nico." Piper arched an eyebrow,
"Again?" Jason shrugged,
"Yeah?"
"Look I don't know what went down with you two," Piper glanced towards the door as if she knew Nico was listening, "But maybe he needs space." Jason didn't look convinced,
"I've given him space."
"Not enough." Jason stood up,
"I'm going to try at least." Piper sighed,
"Alright. I'll see you later." Jason nodded than headed towards Nico who quickly stepped into the shadows and melted back to his room and locked the door. He had done plenty of talking for the day, now he needed to be alone, away from Percy and away from Jason who had decided the best way to deal with it was keeping talking about it. All it did was kept Nico thinking about it. Running away wasn't the solution, he knew that. But sometimes it helped to escape the problem and forget it, if only for a little while.