Remembrance of the Past

I had bid the last of my guests a good evening when I entered my own home again. Looking around the dimly lit room, I noticed that there wasn't much cleaning up to do, as my friend had helped with that earlier. I took a seat upon the dark red loveseat, only to hit my buttocks against a hard surface. Glancing down, I saw the box that my aunt had given earlier before she left. Inside the box, she told me, were journals of sorts to her sister, my mother. Deciding that I had nothing better to do, I let my hand gently lifting the lid up; inside I found four leather bound journals, each tied with a red ribbon in the form of a bowtie and about two centimeters thick. Lifting the top one out of its container, I saw what must have been an index card underneath it that read:

To my dearest niece,

I want you to have the letters that I wrote to my sister.

In the corner, I found out that it was dated around twenty years ago; it made me wonder just how long my aunt had planned to give me this. After untying the ribbon, I let my hands feel the crisp, yellowed pages of the journal. The first two pages were left blank, however on the third page I found a letter.

Dearest Sister,

It has been several months since your passing and yet there is still a dull ache in my heart. Everyone takes their time in the healing process, but I fear that Brother will never heal. To make matters worse, my fear became realised after your death. About a month after the funeral, I took it upon myself to care for Aiko (I believe that was the name you chose for her). It wasn't until I visited after your funeral that I learned of Brother's treatment towards her. I found her crying in the bassinet, malnourished and unclothed.

I am terribly sorry, but I did what I thought was best for her. I couldn't let her live like that, she wouldn't have survived long! So now she is safely sleeping in my home.

Brother, for the most part, has changed since your passing. He seems only to be the shell of what he used to be, He spends too many hours at his work, he's rarely home nowadays and I believe he is spoiling his older children, especially Kiyoko. Oh how I wish the situation was different! Then no one would have to suffer.

Forgotten memories flooded back to me: Aiko is my sister, my mother has been dead for nearly twenty years, and for a short amount of time my father had spoiled my brothers and I rotten. He had given us anything we asked without as much as a bat of an eye and he even gave me more than I had asked for; to this day I still have a box that contains most of the toys Father had bought for me.

I flipped to the next page in the journal to find a picture of two, identical women both laughing at the camera along with a small child wrapped in the arms of the taller one. I instantly recognised the shorter woman as my aunt, which meant that the taller one was my mother and the two children must be my brother Takuya and I. Judging from the slight bulge that protruded from underneath my mother's shirt that would soon be my younger brother Naoya, I would have been no older than two years of age. Takuya eagerly pointed towards a sheet sign that read Broadway; so this was the famous New York trip that he kept talking about when we were younger. Father's absence from the picture meant that he was the one who took it.

When we were younger, our parents had often gone on business trips around the world and sometimes they used it as a family retreat; oftentimes bringing Mother's sister along with them. Soon I began feeling that I didn't have the emotional strength to read all of the letters in one sitting, so I turned to a random page; this one was dated eighteen months later.

Best wishes to you,

I think that Brother has been completed swallowed by his grief. Aiko will be two in a few months' time. I've tried convincing him to take her back, as the sooner he does, the better for her. I want him to look at her for who she is, his daughter, but things are not going that way, it seems. As for the way he treats the other children, I find that Brother is austere towards them as he seems to scold them for nearly everything. He has become so cold-hearted that the children only speak in quiet tones and now they rarely smile; it has become a cold house indeed.

Aside from being unsocial, however, they are well. Takuya continues to study hard and become one of the top competitors in his age group in kendo, even though he shows great haughtiness like his father. Kiyoko is doing well in her second year of school despite past events and as for Naoya, he is about to enter school. He is a shy boy, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

My aunt had hoped that her caring of my sister was only temporary; how wrong she was. Aiko had lived with our aunt for nearly twenty years. I never remembered receiving any "real" clarification as to why my sister was staying with our mother's sister. My brothers and I were only told that Father was too "sad" to take care of her. This explanation only piqued my curiosity; how could someone be too sad to take care of an infant? My constant pestering for answers soon made Takuya, being four years older than I am and the wisest of us all, simply told me not to meddle in the affairs of the elders. I, having only been six at the time, had oftentimes forgotten that I even had a younger sister because she was taken out of my life almost as soon as she was brought into it.

I knew that my mother was involved in some sort of injury that required surgery, but in doing so would result in harm to the baby, so natural she refused, wanting to wait until after the birth. Father had respected her wishes at first; however she soon became ill to the point of being bedridden. Physicians and those closest to her all recommended termination, but she was too stubborn to listen to reason.

While she was told to rest as much as possible, Mother was usually occupied with the many quarrels, questions, and antics of my brothers and me for we were too young to understand

the severity of the situation. I remember that I once wept into her nightclothes because Father and Takuya were sad. It's funny how one object can bring back so many memories, both joyful and painful.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and turned towards the clock that hung on the wall. It was only nine thirty and fatigue had not yet begun to claim me so I decided to go ahead and read some more. Figuring that the first journal only contained events following Mother's death, I skipped ahead to the fourth one. Opening it somewhere near the middle, I stumbled upon:

I hope you are doing well wherever you are, Sister.

It has been eleven years to this day and many things have happened without your presence. That just goes on to remind me that even though someone had died, life will always continue on without that person.

Despite being reserved, Takuya has become a fine man. In a few years he will take over the corporation as intended since birth. Kiyoko is busily preparing for her entrance exams. She has told me of her pursuit in the study of midwifery. Naoya, is has always been very different from his brother. Where Takuya was arrogant and hot-headed, Naoya is cunning and spiteful. And now he has started a band with Emi, Kaien's daughter. I could be wrong but I believe that he is only going through a phase to let out all of the pent up anger inside. Honouring the traditions of his family, he has gone for the 'angura kei' style using only finishing makeup.

And lastly, Aiko has grown up to be like you in almost every way; she even chews her food in careful concentration and often has a soft smile on her face.

A smile crept onto my face; I couldn't help but remember Naoya's bad singing and playing their instruments while wearing kimono and headdresses that geisha wore. Depending on the song, he would either play the guitar or koto. Father was initially furious, and scorned the idea, but eventually left Naoya to his own devices after learning of my brother's entertainment purpose. Figuring that he had no intention of making a living as a musician, Father even agreed to fund the group of "misfits". Emi usually used her position as the leader singer to write songs that dealt with contempt and often had satire in them. I had never admitted this to anyone, but I loved their songs. Takuya, on the other hand, mad no point in hiding what he thought by ridiculing Naoya on the subject whenever possible.

For the second time that night, I glanced at the clock to see that it was five minutes until ten o'clock. A yawn escaped me, signaling that now was a good time for sleep. I decided to heed my body's advice and packed the journals back into their proper place. A thought crossed my mind as I pulled the futon out of the closet; I should go and visit Aiko tomorrow, after all, we have twenty years of catching up to do.

Aiko – unisex Japanese name meaning 'loved child'

Kiyoko – female Japanese name meaning 'pure child'

Takuya – male Japanese name meaning 'eminent one'

Naoya – male Japanese name meaning 'straight arrow'

Emi – female Japanese name meaning 'blessed with beauty'

Angura kei – a sub-genre of visual kei where bands have a dark and formal appearance by wearing traditional Japanese garb (kimono are widely used)

koto – traditional Japanese stringed musical instrument