Hello Awesome Person that is reading my Fic. This is a story that I started writing one night and it turned into this. The ending is random because i was trying to find a way to end it. A few people that read it thought it was funny so I decided to post. :] Hope you like it, Reviews good and bad are appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with the WWE nor do I own anything associated with Ashton Kutcher. The only characters I own are Mandy, Candy and Molly the dog
Characters: Cody Rhodes, 2 OC's and Special appearance from 2 superstars.
Note: I in no way support super kicking dogs. (you will understand later..)
Warning: Quite alot of swearing
Cody stood in the kitchen with a huge grin on his face. He met a girl at the park the day before and they really clicked. He had decided to invite her out to dinner but the restaurant was full and he was going to make it up to her by having dinner at his house.
"I hope she likes pasta" he said whilst reading the cook book.
"Oh no! I still have to set the table. What about music? Oh god now im nervous."
He went into the lounge and walked over to the stereo, putting his rock mix tape in.
"She's gonna love these songs!"
Some may say Cody was too excited but he hadn't had a date in eight months. He strolled back into the kitchen only to see a fiery blaze.
"Oh no! The pasta!"
Quickly, he threw a wet dish cloth over the stove which put out the flames. He put on his flowery oven mitts and took the pasta off of the stove. Seconds later and it had reignited.
"What the hell is wrong with this thing!"
Cody ran to the basement and grabbed the fire extinguisher.
"I knew this was meant to go in the kitchen! Teddy lied!" he yelled angrily as he ran back to extinguish the blaze. It was too late to save the oven. He put out the flames that were climbing up the wall and muttered in disappointment.
At least the pasta was safe. Sighing, he looked into the bowl. It didn't look like the picture in the book, thats for sure.
"Stupid Ted lied to me!"
He picked up the now, singed, cook book he had been examining before. "Now Aunt Betty lied to me! My pasta was meant to be a golden yellow colour!"
Cody glanced back at the bowl and decided he may as well serve it anyway.
He walked over to the laundry cupboard and looked for a nice table cloth.
'Its all about presentation' he thought to himself. Cody pulled out the first table cloth he saw and held it up. Pictures of kittens were printed all over it.
He pulled out the next one. Ducks. Angrily, he tossed it away. Out came the next one. Bunny rabbits.
"Where the hell are all these animal table cloths coming from?"
He settled for the one with the kittens. As he was walking towards the dining room, he heard a noise from the direction he came from but decided it was just his dog Molly messing around with her dog toys. That was until a distinctive shredding noise came from beside him. Molly barked furiously at the kitten tablecloth and ripped it to tatters.
"Molly you naughty dog! Now I have to use one of those other ridiculous table cloths!" He looked back only to find those, too, ripped to shreds.
"I guess the kitten one is still useable."
Doubt about this date was growing increasingly larger. He placed the tattered mess on the table and went to get everything he needed for the dinner.
About 10 minutes later he had everything set up. He lit the final candle just as the doorbell rung. "Mandy's gonna love this!"
Quickly he ran over to the door and opened it to see a petite brunette. "Are you hurt? Cuz it looks like you fell from heaven." That was the best pick up line Cody knew.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" she said as she burst past, knocking him into the coat rack.
This was not the girl he remembered from the park. She walked into the dining room and saw the candlelit dinner resting on the tattered kitten print tablecloth. She went to sit down on the chair as Cody was pulling it out for her like the gentleman he is.
The brunette missed the chair completely and landed with a thud on the ground. "Oh my gosh, i'm sorry!"
He tried to help her up but instead got punched in the face.
"What the fuck are you trying to do!"
He remained silent and quickly sat down on his seat while she got back up. She brushed down her dress and sat down opposite Cody.
Mandy looked down at the plate in front of her that seemed to contain what looked like blackened lumps of coal.
"What the fuck is this shit?" she asked angrily.
"I was just trying to cook you a nice homecooked meal of pasta but the stove caught on fire."
They looked over to where the oven had once been. All that remained now was a heap of ash.
"You suck at cooking and what the fuck were you thinking? I fucking hate pasta you idiot!"
A single tear ran down Codys face as she began to rant again.
"I need something to calm down. Hopefully your taste in music isn't as fucking gay as your taste in tablecloths."
He smirked. His rock mix tape was as far from gay as possible.
She walked over to the stereo and pushed play.
It's raining men!
hallelujah it's raining men!
His smirk was exchanged for a look of shock. Mandy was not impressed. "You've got to be fucking kidding me! What other shit have you got on this mixtape?"
She pushed the next button.
Like a virgin!
Touched for the very first time!
Like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin
When your heart beats..
next to mine!
She had a disgusted look on her face whilst Cody looked mortified.
Once again, she pushed next.
No man does it all by himself.
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the y.m.c.a.
I'm sure they can help you today.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...
"You fucking retard."
He looked down in embarrassment. This was not his mixtape. Mandy took out the mixtape and looked at the title. She read it out loud. 'Teddy's paradise of fun'. Staring at Cody, she raised an eyebrow.
"Who's Ted? Your gay lover?"
Cody waved his arms around. "No! Im straight!"
She laughed menacingly. "Your about as straight as a corkscrew!"
Nearly all pride drained from his soul, Cody went and sat down at the dining table, and started playing with his 'pasta'. She continued to listen to the music on the mix tape. Cody was going to kill Ted.
Im every woman
Its all in me!
Abything you want done, baby
I'll do it naturally!
Mandy continued to laugh. She walked back over to the table and sat down. "You got any desert?"
"Actually yes, yes I do." He was pleased at the fact that a Chocolate fudge brownie awaited.
"Well, go and fucking get it!"
He sighed, getting up to grab his masterpiece. At least this dish didnt catch on fire. He brought it back with some Chocolate Brownie sauce and set it down on the table.
"You must be gay if you can make this" Mandy stated matter of factly.
She started getting angry when the chocolate sauce wasn't coming out of the bottle. "What the fuck is wrong with your fucking gay sauce!"
He grabbed one of the candles. "Here, Let me melt it a bit." He leant over the table but his foot slipped from under him. As if in slow motion, the candle glid through the air skimming over Mandy's hair. Boom. Her hair was up in flames. What was it with him and setting stuff on fire today? She screamed. "You fucking moron!"
"Drop and roll! Drop and roll!"
But she didn't drop and roll. Cody saw a fire ball fly past his face and out a nearby window into his neighbors yard. He looked back to Mandy, but he did not see a petite brunette. He saw a pettite..Bald girl? He stared at her, eyes and mouth gaping open.
"Don't fucking judge me!"
"I..ah..um." Cody was lost for words.
While trying to think of something to say, his 'good' friend Edge ran in wearing a fake Dumbledor beard. "Give me my broomstick fool!"
Ted ran in a few seconds later wearing a sombrero hat and riding a broomstick. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Codys 'date' in progress.
"Um, hi guys.." Ted said nervously.
Adam didn't care that he had just barged in. He was looking at the bald chick in front of him.
"Hey Cody, you said she was brunette..not bald."
"Yes, was. A lot of things have hap-" He was cut off.
"Um, Cody?"
"Yeah?"
"Your table is on fire."
Cody turned around to see his table burning furiously. For some reason, he wasn't shocked. He grabbed the fire exinguisher and put it out.
"As I was saying, a lot of things have happened tonight." He turned to Mandy. "Look, Mandy, I don't think it's going to work out."
"What the fuck are you on about, my fucking name isn't Mandy!"
"What?"
"My name's Candy!"
"Then who is Mandy?"
"My twin."
"Why are you here then?"
"Wanted to check things out."
"But why hasn't she come?"
"Oh, she'll be here any minute. I told her you postponed for 8."
Cody looked at the mess around him. The doorbell rung.
"Dun dun dun!"
"Shut up Ted!"
He licked his fingers and rubbed his hair and eye brows back, before opening the door.
"Hello Mandy" he said with a grin.
"Hi Cody!" She gave him a hug and then walked inside.
She examined the scene in front of her. Two grown men seemed to be roleplaying, a chair was on fire, and the short shorts song was playing. But thats when she saw it. Her sister Candy.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!"
"Checking out some stuff."
"You told me he postponed!"
"I guess I lied."
"Why do you always have to ruin everything!"
"I think bitchface over there did a good enough job of that himself."
The twins turned to look at Cody who remained quiet.
"What did he do?"
"He nearly broke my back, tried to give me food poisening, set the house on fire, set my wig on fire, worst part is, he's not even straight!"
Mandy gasped. "Cody! I thought you were different! But you're just like everyone else! How dare you do these things to my sister! And to lead me on when your actually gay!"
It was Codys turn to gasp. "IM NOT GAY!"
Candy snickered. "Says he who "likes short shorts" and "dreams of it raining men."
Candy started telling Mandy what had happened up until she arrived, every now and then, letting out ferocious roars of laughter.
Edge walked over to Cody and whispered in his ear. "Want me to bail you out?"
"No! Remember what happened last time you tried to bail me out?"
Flashback
"I'm afraid you're just not good enough to continue your contract with the WWE."
"Sir! I will do better! I promise! Anything! I'll do it, just please give me another chance! I will do whatever it takes! This is my life!"
"Im sorry Cody. This is the end of the road for you."
"I understand sir." Cody got up to leave with Vince following close behind, he was about to walk away when vince stopped him. He had a strange smirk on his face.
"Cody, I just want to say that-"
Vince was cut off by Edge who ran straight at him and speared him.
"What are you doing you moron?"
"I've come to bail you out!"
They looked at Vince who was unconcious on the floor. Out of nowhere Ashton Kutcher walked over with a camera crew.
"Im sorry to say this Cody but...YOU'VE BEEN PUNKED!" Ashton looked down at Vince. "Oh...Good luck guys." Ahston left as quick as possible.
End of flashback
"You're overreacting. You got your job back didn't you?"
"Because it was all a joke to begin with!"
Ted joined in the conversation. "It's either be bailed out, or stay with mandy and Candy.
Cody thought for a minute. "Just don't get us sued."
"Sure thing bud."
Edge speared Candy. Mandy started freaking out and dragged Candy out of the house. "You freaks!"
Cody, Ted and Edge listened as the rumble of a motor started and faded away.
Codys face went red. "I said DON'T get us sued!"
Sighing, Edge replied. "Always looking at the negative. It got rid of them didn't it?"
Ted laughed. "Edge is right. Besides I think it went pretty well."
It was silent for a few moments.
Cody looked at the two men in front of him. "Why are you guys dressed like Dumbledore and a mexican Harry Potter?"
"Long story" Edge replied.
Molly barked her way up the hallway and stopped beside Cody.
"Hey Molly." He rubbed her head. "You are once again the only woman in my life."
Molly had a smug look on her face, lifted a leg up and took a piss on Codys foot.
"You son of a bitch!" He picked Molly up and super kicked her out the window. Some may say harsh, but Cody had had enough. Ted and Edge decided to make their exit for two reasons. One, to avoid the line of fire, And two, to avoid cleaning up.
One week later
Word about Cody's distaster of a date had spread and he just wanted it off of his mind. That was hard considering all of the locker room was talking about it. He sat at his new table checking the mail. "Bill..bill...bill...bill...Justice court?"
He ripped open the professional looking letter and read it.
Dear Mr Rhodes,
You are hereby ruled guilty on the account of physical and emotional trauma caused to two young women. Therefore you must pay me $100,000. Give it to Chris Jericho. He will know what to do with it.
Judge Joriche
Underneath that it had Judge Joriches signiture. The name Chris was crossed out and replaced with Cadence.
"Thats strange, i've never heard of a Judge Cadence Joriche, but it's signed so it must be official."
He left in search of Chris, deciding to pay the money right away. He didn't want to look like a fool by not paying court fines.