"Plunder, forget this! I can't work under these conditions!" Hoggish Greedly flailed his arms angrily.
"What in the hell is the problem now?" Plunder snapped irritably. He had a migraine, and Greedly's voice was only amplifying the pounding in his head.
"She's nuts! I only suggested a very minor adjustment to one of the hovercraft, and she just about bit my head off!"
"That would be one hell of a bite," muttered Plunder under his breath. Greedly glared at him. "What was that?"
"Nothing. Look, she's probably PMSing. Just leave her alone."
"And how would you know that?"
Looten massaged his temples with the tips of his fingers. "Trust me, I know. Boy, do I know."
Greedly stared at him.
"Are you two...dating?"
"Yes. And what rock have you been living under again?" Plunder said sarcastically.
Greedly snorted loudly as he laughed. "I can't believe you put up with her long enough to work with her, let alone date her! How long has this been going on?"
"That's none of your business, Greedly."
"Aw, come on..."
"No!"
"Spill it."
"Why should I?"
Greedly grinned. He had him now. "Because if your relationship interferes with our schemes, then I wanna know so I don't waste my time and money investing in them."
"Damn you."
"Well...?"
"Fine! Two years." Plunder crossed his arms and pouted.
"And you've managed to survive?"
"Haha. That's really funny."
"Really, why do you put up with her?" Greedly inquired, genuinely curious.
Plunder blinked. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"Well, come to think of it, maybe you would. After all, you've put up with your wife for sixteen years. I couldn't imagine doing that."
Greedly glared at him. "That was a low blow."
Plunder smiled wickedly.
"But my wife isn't completely batshit insane. And quit trying to avoid the question."
Plunder snorted in annoyance.
"Blight isn't insane. Well mostly not. And I like having an intelligent conversation, alright?"
"What else?" Greedly prodded him.
"Why do you even care?"
"Because I want to know why someone like you, a billionaire, could have almost anybody you want, but you go and choose someone like Blight."
"'Someone like Blight'? What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You know what I mean."
Plunder shot him an indignant look. "No, Greedly, I don't know what you mean. Please, elaborate."
Greedly rolled his eyes. "Fine. Like you need it spelled out, though."
The other man tapped his foot impatiently. "Well..?"
"For one, she's nuts. And I don't care what you say – she acts that way around everyone else. Heck, even when she's on her own, she acts crazy."
"What? How could you possibly know that?"
"MAL."
"You've been talking to MAL." It was more of a statement than a question.
"Sort of. He strikes up conversations. It's kind of creepy."
"Fine. What does MAL tell you?"
"He says her behaviors are 'illogical' and 'random', and that she throws stuff at him when she's angry."
Plunder now felt his headache pulsating somewhere behind his eyes.
"Greedly, your wife throws things at you when she's angry. And, if I might add, it's quite humorous."
"What about the illogical stuff?"
Looten placed his hand over his eyes in both exasperation and to block out the light feeding his migraine.
"MAL is a computer. He thinks anything humans do is illogical and random. He cannot even begin comprehend what a mood swing is. Hell, he doesn't really understand anger. Most likely he pissed her off by saying something 'helpful' and she threw a beaker at him or something. So consider anything MAL says as BS."
"What about when she's not alone?"
"Seriously Greedly, I think you're confusing 'insane' with 'a personality'. And you mean to tell me you've never had a mood swing before? In your entire life?"
"But what about the maniacal laughter?"
"Hey, she enjoys her work. We've all done it at some point. I certainly know you have."
"And the crazy, incredibly dangerous inventions with no applicable function outside of building it because she can?"
"Considering that you once thought hovering around residential areas in a pig-shaped, tree-sucking flying saucer was a good idea, I don't think you have any room to talk."
"I was drunk!"
"Not according to Rigger."
"Whatever. Now to my next point."
"I can't wait."