Me: Okay...I hope you all remember my other Akatsuki crack song fic, My Humps, because you'll get this one if you do. The song title is Milkshake, by Kelis. I heard this while I was flipping through TV channels and saw the music video, and I just absolutely HAD to post a crack fic about this! Enjoy!
After their last incident with Konan's radio, Pein ordered Deidara to blow it up with one of his numerous clay bombs. (If you ask me, someone has an ob-ses-sion!) Therefore, the Akatsuki would never again be cursed to random outbursts of semi-inappropriate song-singing.
So the Akatsuki were back on schedule, getting new manicures and trying (and failing epically) to capture more jinchuriki. Hidan kept trying to sacrifice Tobi to Jashin, Deidara was helping Hidan sacrifice Tobi to Jashin, the non-existent fairy god, Zetsu was busy hitting on some petunias in the backyard, Kakuzu was taking one of his many money-baths (wearing his dollar-coin swimming goggles, of course), Kisame was watching another season of 'Sharks Gone Wild', and Pein was drowning in a mountain of looming paperwork.
Well, that is, until Konan just HAD to buy another radio without anyone knowing. And the incredibly stupid thing she did after THAT, well, she listened to the exact same station My Humps was playing on...
So while Deidara was forcing Tobi towards Hidan's room of DOOOOOOOM, Konan-yet again- came screaming out of her room, covering her eyes. This time though, all of the boys paid attention to her.
"HOLY SHIT JUGS, I LISTENED TO ANOTHER SONG ON THE RADIO!" Konan screamed, and everyone shrieked in fear. Then they all glared at Tobi.
"Whaaaaaaat? Tobi didn't fart this time, Tobi swears!" the nutcase pleaded and everyone sweatdropped dramatically.
"No idiot, we mean, don't start singing again, un!" Deidara snapped while slapping poor Tobi upside his masked head.
"Jeez Blondie, no need to abuse the goof--" Kisame was oh-so-rudely interrupted by a certain female's voice.
Konan:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
and they're like,
its better than yours,
Damn right its better than yours,
I can teach you,
but I have to charge
I know you want it,
the thing that makes me,
what the guys go crazy for.
They lose their minds,
the way I wind,
I think its time
Everyone immediately joined Deidara on abusing Tobi till no end.
"WHAT THE FUCK TOBI, UN!" Deidara shouted while throwing his little bombs at Tobi violently.
"Didn't we tell you not to SING?!" Pein yelled and pimp-slapped the mask-wearing man on.
"TOBI DIDN'T SING! TOBI WAS JUST THINKING THE WORDS!" Tobi shrieked in defense while cowering in the corner.
"WELL THEN DON'T SING!!" everyone screamed and Deidara suddenly found himself singing in a girl's voice to the song.
Deidara:
a la-la la la,
warm it up.
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting
Deidara covered his mouth and screamed into it, though everyone else cracked up.
"I always knew he was a girl!" Konan laughed, and Pein nodded in agreement.
"I still don't remember why I let him join in the first place!" the leader cackled evilly and that just busted everyone up some more, until Zetsu came back inside singing,
Zetsu:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
and they're like,
its better than yours,
Damn right its better than yours,
I can teach you,
but I have to charge
I can see you're on it,
you want me to teach the
techniques that freaks these boys,
It can't be bought,
just know, thieves get caught,
watch if your smart
Okay, now THAT wasn't even funny; it just scared the hell out of Kisame, who then proceeded to have a heart attack and drop dead. Everyone stared down at his body for a minute before shrugging nonchalantly and turning back to Zetsu, who had actually added the little drama queen *snap*. Pein wondered why he even let ANY of his members join then.
As if things couldn't get any WEIRDER, Konan began singing again.
Konan:
la la-la la la,
warm it up,
la la-la la la,
the boys are waiting,
Everyone glared at her, but the blue-haired woman gave them a cheeky grin before sitting back down. Kakuzu had just finished with his money bath, and was counting more of it when he heard the song that he loved SO FREAKING MUCH. He jumped in with:
Kakuzu:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
and they're like,
its better than yours,
Damn right its better than yours,
I can teach you,
but I have to charge
Pein shrieked while speeding out of the room, sobbing loudly. Everyone had gone insane! Tobi, who was reading a book he found on Kisame's bed, decided that he would finally have his moment to shine.
Tobi:
Once you get involved,
everyone will look this way-so,
you must maintain your charm,
same time maintain your halo,
just get the perfect blend,
plus what you have within,
then next his eyes are squint,
then he's picked up your scent
The Akatsuki gaped at the masked man, who shrugged and continued his reading. They actually all had to admit; the Uchiha-in-disguise was pretty good when it came to these weird song. Finally, Kakuzu, Konan, Tobi, Deidara, and Zetsu did the final verses together, singing oddly well.
Kakuzu, Konan, Tobi, Deidara, Zetsu:
lala-lalala, My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
warm it up,
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting,
and they're like,
its better than yours,
Damn right its better than yours,
I can teach you,
but I have to charge
Once again, just like last time, Tobi looked at Deidara.
Deidara looked at Konan.
Konan looked at Zetsu.
Zetsu looked at Kakuzu.
But this time, the Akatsuki all ran into Konan's room, tore the radio apart, burned it, then had a nice cigarette afterwards. And they all agreed on one final thing: no more music for ANYONE.
Me: I just realized, I didn't include Hidan in this crack fic...awweh, we'll pretend he was working up a scheme to trick Tobi into sacrificing himself...mufufufu, did you like? Yesh, this was the full sequel to My Humps, in case you couldn't figure that out. ^^ Once again, you don't have to review; it's for our entertainment only.
-Peachuz ^3^