Tie your heart at night to mine, love,
and both will defeat the darkness
like twin drums beating in the forest
against the heavy wall of wet leaves.
- Love Sonnet LXXIX, Pablo Neruda
He still remembers that she tastes like sunlight.
Her hair is lighter than he's ever known it, shimmering as though it were made of gold as she untucks it from her coat, letting the curls tumble halfway down her back. She's grown it. She's grown it a lot longer than he's ever seen her with, longer than she ever swore that she would.
He watches as she shoves her wallet back into her purse, teeth nibbling away at her lower lip, pale pink- he remembers them red and swollen, stretching into a wide smile she reserves only for him. Grabs the coffee from the counter with a polite yet strained smile aimed towards the server, a young pimply faced teenage girl that drinks her in with bright eyes, and turns to walk from the shop.
Castle fumbles with his own coffee, dithering for a moment before he decides to shove it in the trashcan he stands by on the sidewalk. Watching her through the window of the shop and trying to keep calm as she walks out, too deep in thought to register him watching her. Strange. She was always able to do that. Always told him that it was creepy.
Then she steps out onto the sidewalk, looking up and within a fraction of a moment her green eyes meet his, seem to stutter with emotion as she drinks him in. Only for one moment. Then they crinkle around the edges, softening, happiness spilling in the colour of fire.
"Hey, Castle."
She takes a step forward, hand raising by her side as though she's going to reach out for him but thinks better of it. He catches her hand as it falls, ghosting a thumb across her knuckles. Watches the hitch in her breath, the tears that glimmer in her eyes.
"Kate."
Suddenly, he's grateful that it's eight in the evening and that the hustle and bustle of New York has dimmed over the day. It's not gone completely, but on this corner of the block, illuminated by the soft white lights of Starbucks, he is staring into her beautiful green eyes for the first time in two years and it feels like there is nothing else in the world other than this. Nothing other than the tears of happiness that haze over her eyes, the way that she's grinning wider than he's ever seen her do so, the hitch to her breath as she searches his eyes and tells him everything he needs to know with their silent but communicable forever.
"You're... How long have you been back in New York?" She asks quietly, squeezing his hand.
He tugs her closer, and she drifts to him without protesting.
"Two days. I had to visit mother and Alexis, and then I came to find you. You weren't at your apartment, so I figured, where else would you be but the nearest coffee shop?" He chuckles.
She laughs shyly, ducking her head. He's never known her to be like this.
"I just got off my shift. Wrapped the case up early today." She purses her lips and looks up at him from beneath a curtain of curls. "You busy, Castle?"
"Why, are you asking me out, detective?"
"Shut up, Castle." She says, hand slipping out of his and whacking him on the arm, eyes bright.
"I didn't think that you'd want to... I just..." He stammers, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I mean, how was I to know whether you'd still be single? I was just gonna ask if I could come back to the precinct-"
"Sure you were, Castle." She rolls her eyes, but then suddenly she softens, biting her lip. "I didn't- I mean... There was never anyone else. Not when I knew you'd come back. Eventually."
He swallows every sorry excuse he'd thought up on his way here, every practiced word that he'd jotted down on paper, all in his attempts to persuade her to give him another chance. They'd ended amicably, sure, with her saying she didn't know where they were headed, that maybe this wasn't what they both wanted, that time apart would do them good. That pushing Nikki Heat aside for a moment and pursuing a certain British spy in England would give them both the space they needed to figure out what they wanted.
"Was there... I saw that you were with this actress..." Her brows furrow, jealously flaring in her eyes before she can quell it.
"Publicity stunt." He blurts out immediately, reassuring her. "To promote the book. There was never anyone else. Never... Never will be, Kate."
A soft smile addresses itself on her lips then, and she looks up at him confidently. "So are you asking me out or not, Castle?"
"Me? But I thought you-"
"Castle!"
He smiles, but aches with the past. "I never... I never took you on a date. Before."
"Does it really count as a date when I'm still in my work clothes and bought my own coffee, Castle?"
"Gotta keep you on your toes, Kate."
She laughs, sipping her coffee, and slips her arm into his without warning. He startles violently but her hand clutches the crease of his elbow, thumb swirling a familiar pattern there. Her hands never did keep still. He remembers that. (He remembers everything; from their first night together to her bloodshot eyes as she told him it was for the best.)
"Okay, then. Our first date it is." She says, taking another sip of her coffee.
It's every type of cliche, but they walk through Central Park together. She dumps her coffee in the trashcan at the entrance, eventually slipping his arm around her waist so she can snuggle into his side, head lolling on his shoulder. They stand on bank rock bridge, overlooking the water, even though the night is dark and he can barely see their reflections in the ripples. But, no, he can see her eyes. Alight in the nighttime, head resting on his shoulder, content, even as the winter wraps around them like a curse.
"I'm sorry." She says. "I shouldn't have pushed you away, Castle. I don't know why you came back for me."
He clears his throat, once, twice, before answering her. He's thought about this. Long and hard. He had always been destined to come back to America anyway, this is his home, this is where his mother and his daughter live. But he had always contemplated taking her back, if she'd wanted him in her life at all. He'd never thought there would be a chance for them again. Not with two years spent in another country, hearing of her secondhand from Esposito and Ryan over their infrequent phone calls. But they, like most things, came to an end eventually.
"Once, a beautiful woman came to my door, soaked to the bone with rain, probably freezing her ass off too. And you know what she told me? She told me she just wanted me." He glances down at her, watching as one stray tear leaks from her eyes. "For the next year, she showed me- each and every day- how that was true. I was wanted. By someone who wasn't blood-related, someone who had the choice whether to want me or not."
"That's not answering the question, Castle." She murmurs.
He squeezes her hip with his hand, remembering the soft lines of her, the parts of her that he will always remember.
"Things hit a snag... But things always do. We'd spent summers apart before, only to find each other again. And time healed us both each time. Things were better each time. So, I came back because... Because I know you said that we weren't headed anywhere, that you were too scared, that I held back too much- But I just want you, Kate. Every single day for the rest of forever. I know that now. Time apart showed me that. And, if you want that too, we can have our always."
He doesn't look at her, because honestly, he's terrified for the look on her face. It's likely that he's probably pushed too far, that she'll withdraw into her shell again, as she always did. He's ruining the chance she's giving him.
But then she wraps both arms around his waist, tucking her head into his chest. His arms embrace her easily, chin resting atop her head. She had always been the perfect height for this.
"That was cheesy as hell, Castle." She huffs into his chest with a wry smile, before looking up at him, eyes glittering. "But I always promised you always, didn't I?"
"I'm holding you to it."
"I wouldn't expect any less."
He holds her closer, like he's afraid she'll disappear any moment now. "I still love you, Kate."
She smiles. "You've never had to say it. I've always know."
"But I left you. For two years. Two years you were alone and-"
"Castle." She presses a finger to his lips, silencing him. "I was the one that pushed you away. And did you ever think I stopped loving you?"
In this cracked darkness, he can nothing but the glimmer of love in her eyes, something time will never extinguish.
"No. Never."
Kate smiles softly, chuckling. "One hell of a date."
He presses a kiss to her forehead. "Tell me about it."
Later, in a different kind of darkness, with her naked body pressing against his, breath on his neck, she whispers in a terrified voice: "I'm so glad you came back. I didn't think you would. I've never deserved your love, Castle."
He clutches her tighter and tries to shield her from her dark thoughts. "Never ever underestimate your worth, Kate."
She's trembling, but answers him lightly, hand pressed above his heart. "I do. Every day. It makes me see how lucky I am; it makes me love you more."
The night will never swallow the sunlight he tastes in her kiss.