Harry Gay
By:Generation Pope and ideas by Insanity
If you are offended by this, isn't that to bad.
Once upon a time there was a magical school of which craft and wizardry that went by the name of Hogwarts. Hogwarts was a school that was previously home to many successful witches and wizards including Mr. Salazar Slitherin and Sir. Godrick Griffindor. Today, our story will focus on the life of a much less successful wizard. Harry Potter was known to be a magical protégée just because he has an abnormal scar on his head. The scar is actually just the indent of a large brain toomer, but we will save that story for another time; but the truth was, Harry's brainy front was all just an act to cover up how stupid he was on a daily basis. The only people who knew the true Harry Potter were his 2 accomplices Ron and Hermione.
"HARRY, RON! Lets go to moaning Myrtles BATHROOMMM!" Hermione screamed at Harry and Ron who were sitting by the side of the basilisks tunnel waving dead ferrets in front of it.
"Shut the hell up Hermione, we are in moaning myrtles bathroom!"
"Well…- Hermione looked around and spied moaning myrtle moaning incomprehensibly in one of the bathroom stalls. She was also looking weirdly in Harry's direction at the same time…How strange.-Well why don't we go find TALKING GARGOYLES!" she shrieked.
"FOINE" Ron Yelled and he grabbed the Ferret and stomped out of the bathroom angrily.
"Ohhh Ronald, don't be such a bawstard" Hermione said in her spiffy British accent.
"Well then Harry…lets go find the TALKING GARGOYLES! They're bound to be around here somewhere"
There was a long awkward pause.
"Harry? The talking gargoyles are bound to be around her somewhere" Hermione repeated and she motioned towards the door.
There was more silence. Harry was looking off into the distance and crossing his eyes. He wasn't even keeping his eyes open for gargoyles.
"HARRY I SA-"
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR DAMN GARGOYLES! They can all BURN IN HELL!" Harry screamed like a spoiled bitch from new York.
He ran past Hermione and ran out into the hallway.
"FUCK THE WORLDDDDD!" Harry screamed insanely as he ran. He suddenly started to do a little skip-hop-jig-dance walk down the hallway.
"Hey Harry!" Nevil greeted cheerily as he saw Harry dancing down the hallway.
"OI! Piss off you demented faggot!" Harry screamed 2 inches away from Nevil's face.
Nevil just stood there in shock and Harry proceeded to dance down the hallway.
"LET'S PROCEED TO THE COURT YARD!" Harry scream-sang to no one.
Ron and Hermione had heard Harry screaming and were now trying to catch up with him.
Harry made it to the courtyard and he walked over to the fountain in the middle of the yard.
"Lyke chyeah, manicure time gurl!" Some girl yelled to her friend.
Harry was pretty pissed that someone had said the word manicure. For you see when Harry was little there was a man named Voldimort. Voldimort had killed Harry's parents with evil magic. Then he turned on Harry. As Voldimort was striking Harry over the head with his wand to prepare the pain, he noticed that Voldimort had very freshly manicured fingers with red sparkly polish and nicely trimmed cuticles.
Harry walked over to the girl and stepped on her foot.
"Um excuse me, but lyke, your totally stepping on lyke my foot"
"Oh sorry" Harry said as he picked up her body and then threw her onto the ground. He then began to jump up and down on her body while making monkey noises.
When he was done, he kicked her body to the side and let her friends tend to her. He had more important things to do.
He walked over to the fountain and picked up a brick. He started to smash the gargoyle statues with the brick.
Just then Hermione and Ron ran into the courtyard.
"HARRY NO! Not the talking gargoyles!" Hermione screamed but it was to late. Harry discarded the brick by whipping it at that girl he stomped on.
He walked over to a tree and stared at the ground.
" 'ey 'arry, you okay?" Ron asked unsurely, because he was always unsure if Harry was going to turn around and attack him or not.
"I'm fine, watch this Ron" Harry said as he pulled out his wand.
He started to flail his arm around in random directions so it looked like it was made of Jelly and he began to swear at the wand.
"Fucking wand, do what I want you to! Because I said so that's why you piece of shit! BITCH! WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"
The pear began to levitate in the air. Harry began to flail his arm even harder this time. The pear flew in random directions.
It flew halfway across the courtyard and smacked at full speed into the back of a girls head. She fell over and landed on her face.
"SUCKA'" Harry yelled like a gangsta' and then he walked over to a corner of the court yard which had some tables placed nicely in it.
" 'arry, I don't think this is a very good idea…" Ron said, unsurely as usual.
"Shut the fuck up Ron" Harry said as he began to flail his arm again.
"Stupid bitch wand, move the fucking table or I'll bust you white ass! WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" He yelled as he flailed both of his arms, even though the wand only required the movement of one.
The Table lifted into the air and Harry began to swing the table around in mid air. Then it picked up speed to about 90mph and collided with a boy. He fell over and stopped moving
"AHAHA LOSER!" Harry screamed.
"Harry! What do you think you're doing! You're going to get us all expelled!"
"Shut up Hermione, or I'll throw you at someone next!" Harry yelled. He then began to levitate all the tables that were arranged so nicely, and throw them all into a giant stack of mess in the middle of the yard.
"Much better! Oh!, by the way guys, look what I can do!" Harry squealed as he proceeded to run circles around his friends. Then he backtracked a few steps.
"SIKE!- He screamed. –Bet you didn't see that coming Mothersucka's!" Harry screamed and then he took off in a sprint towards the owlery.
"OHH NOOO! Hermione screamed like Scary Spice and she took off after Harry.
"How does he run that fast up stairs!" Ron yell-asked.
"He looks like he's running up 6 stairs at a time!" Hermione yelled in bewilderment
Harry made it to the top of the tower in 7 steps and standing in the Owlery all by herself was Cho.
"O, Harry! Fancy seeing you here, I was wondering if you could help me, see my mom's birthday present was stolen by that owl and I couldn't reach it. Can you get it for me?" Cho asked in her braisish (british asian and Scottish mixed) accent.
"Only if you pay me up front you hoe"
"Pardon me?"
"Foine! I'll get your damn owl" Harry huffed angrily and he climbed the wall to get up to the owl. But the owl flew away higher, so Harry chased it. He continued to chase it until he couldn't go any higher and he was sideling a ledge.
"Be careful!" Yelled Cho.
Harry just mumbled angrily and he almost fell.
"FUCK YOU OWL!" Harry screamed and he drew his wand. He waved his hand crazily and was about to levitate the owl but instead a bomb spell came out and the owl internally combusted. Cho's mom's present fell safely to Cho's hands.
"Harry! You killed the owl! - Cho sobbed into the valentine's chocolate she had bought her mom. But thanks for helping me Harry" Cho sniffed.
"Shut the FUCK up you stupid bitch! I would rather jump off this ledge and commit suicide than help you again you dirty bitch!" Harry spat and he jumped from the ledge. Fortunately Cho's body shielded his fall. He got off of her and then stole the chocolates.
Just as Hermione and Ron made it up the last of the steps Harry bolted out the door of the owlry.
"Eat truffle bitches!" Harry said as he whipped hard chocolate truffles at his friends.
"HARRY! WHAT THE F'!" Hermione screamed like those gay guys from the David Blaine video.
Harry then pulled out a raw steak from his jacket that he had been hiding in his invisibility cloak.
He shoved it into Hermione's face and started tying it there with a strange looking rope with eyes.
"HERMIONE! Stop strapping raw meat to your face or you'll get attacked by a rare bird!" Harry screamed.
"Harry get off!" Hermione screamed as she pushed Harry off of the tower stairs they were standing on. Harry fell all the way back down through the roof of Hogwarts and right in front of the door they were all holding secret classes at.
All the teachers were trying to crack the code of how to release the mysterious door from the wall. They believe now that you need to want to get into the room really badly, and you need to have a purpose to be in there. Although the real way to get in is to harass the door and swear at it until it gave in. Trust Harry to find the proper method.
"FUCKING OPEN YOU GOD FORSAKEN DOOR!" Harry shrieked at the wall and he beat the wall with his fists. He roundhouse kicked the wall and gave it a few judo chops. Just as Ron and Hermione had arrived to see if Harry was okay, Harry disappeared behind the door.
"Harry let us in!" Hermione said at the wall, which looked quite odd.
"No you stupid bitch, I am currently creating a time bomb that will go off in exactly 2 hours and destroy all of Hogwarts! Harry screamed through the wall and laughed manically.
"Now, now Harry, don't do anything hasty, you will regret it!"
"OOPS! FUCKING SHIT BITCH ASSHOLE GODDAMN!" Harry's muffled curses could be heard from behind the wall.
"Harry! What Happened!" Hermione yelled.
Harry burst through the door on his nimbus 2000 broom and swept up Hermione and Ron. He flew through the hole in the roof, up into the clouds. Just then Hogwarts exploded.
The end.
Hope you all enjoyed that. It was inspired by the harry potter book 5 video game.
Please R&R even flames are nice XD