MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT
All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©
Name of chapter: Extreme Embarrassment
Rating: K+
Summary: It's a perfectly normal day for Mike Newton. Unfortunately for him, his 'perfectly normal' days have passed at the untimely arrival of the otherworldly beautiful Cullens, and Mike finds himself in a maelstrom of eternal humiliation.
Author's Note: This chapter has been re-written and edited due to the large amount of immaturity in it. I hope it is better now. Some parts are different.
Words: 2424
Character Point of View: Mike Newton
Settings: Forks High School
It was a normal morning in the wet and rainy town of Forks. Man, I hated everything about this town. I drove my Suburban over to Forks High School, and parked it. I got out, and shut the door in a cool manner. What I saw next made me freeze.
There was a shiny silver Volvo parked opposite my car. I stepped back and took in the view.
Oh, man.
My normal and perfectly okay car looked like something straight out of the car dump, beside the sleek and magnificent car. I gulped miserably.
The car must belong to really rich people. May be I could make friends with them. The idea cheered me up, and I moved towards the school, my mind full of schemes.
Just then, Jessica Stanley ran to my side. Eww. I mean she's hot n' all, but I don't think I like a girl who talks too much.
"Hey, Mike!" She nearly screamed in my ear. God, she was so loud, how did people keep up with her?
"Hey, Jess," I mumbled gloomily.
"Mike, did you hear about the Cullens?" She chattered away. "They're like, totally hot and sexy. There are three boys, and two girls. The guys are, like, totally drool-worthy hot!"
My ears perked up. Two richgirls? May be they'd go out with me…
"Two girls?" I asked Jess.
"Yeah, two totally pretty girls." She scowled. "It's not even fair -I mean, on their first day, and they've got the whole town drooling after them. The doctor adopted them."
"Jess!" I pestered. "Tell me everything."
She rolled her eyes. "The girls' names are Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale. The guys' names are Edward, Emmett and Jasper. Jasper and Rosalie are twins, and Alice, Edward and Emmett are adopted. Their adopted parents are Carlisle and Esme Cullen. I saw them before, and they look so…young, like twenty or something."
She frowned. "I mean, they look way too young to be parents to five teens."
"Did you see them? They all look like models! Edward looks totally hawt!" She stalled, blushing red. "I mean, they look like they stepped out of Vogue or ELLE."
I didn't know what a Vogue or ELLE was, so I let her drone on.
"And did you see Rosalie's Christian Louboutins?" she jabbered on. "I mean, that pair of heels had to have cost her nine hundred dollars! I don't think her parents would have given her that much money…Oh, Mike –did you see Emmett? Gawd, he looks so…sexy!" She blushed furiously. I realized she had given too much away.
"Well, see ya soon," I said, before running to the school doors. I gritted my teeth furiously.
Who were these Cullen boys? What made them more good-looking (as Jess had put it), than Mike Newton? I had asked Mom to take me to the dentist to remove my nasty braces, and I used contact lenses now instead of glasses, because glasses and braces made me look like a geek. I was different now, with a totally awesome body that would make most girls swoon.
My old friends, Eric Yorkie and Tyler Crowley all laughed at me as I strutted down the aisle in the hall.
"Hey, Mike," said Eric, smirking. "What did you do with the glasses and braces? Did they jump into the trash after they had to be subjected to you? I would do that, man –so don't feel too bad."
I gave a contemptuous snort and swaggered on, not noticing the open locker door in front of me. My face hit hard on the locker door and Eric and Tyler started hooting real loud. Others joined in the laughing.
I glowered at them, before glancing around for any new faces. There were five new people in the room who I had not noticed before. There were two blondes, two brunettes and a boy with reddish-brown hair.
The blonde girl was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. The dark-haired girl talking to her was extremely short and most of her features resembled a pixie, and a totally sexy pixie she was. I fell in love with them instantly.
Jessica walked to me. "Hey, Mike! Why did you run away from me in the parking lot? I wanted to tell you about-"
I silenced her. "Are they the Cullens?"
She looked nervously at the new guys. I had a feeling that they were the Cullens, but I had to make sure. I didn't want to embarrass myself again.
"The blond guys are Rosalie and Jasper," she rattled off in a whisper. "The pixie there is Alice and that buff guy is Emmett." Here –her face turned red, no doubt reminded of the slip-up incident in the parking lot.
"Who's that?" I pointed at the reddish-brown haired guy. His eyes met mine, and he smirked coldly. I looked away.
"That's Edward," she said dreamily. "He's so…dreamy."
"I bet he is," I snarled out. I glanced at the Cullens again. They were staring at me. And it wasn't in the "Is-he-old-or-new-here" or "Hey-he's-so-gorgey" way. As a matter of fact, it was in the opposite way. You know, as in the "Yuck-he's-gross" way, in case you didn't figure it out.
May be they're admiring me for my hot body and cool personality, I thought nervously. Just then it occurred to me that it wouldn't be good if I chickened out. No, it definitely wouldn't.
I stuck out my chin and strutted to Rosalie and Alice. I was sure one of them would be my future girlfriend. And then later on, my future wife. Rosalie Newton. Alice Newton. They wouldn't be able to resist my charm and good looks.
The bronze haired one broke out in laughter. His voice was very smooth and musical, like some singer's. I snorted inwardly. My voice was better –it made his voice sound plain compared to mine. Edward Cullen started laughing again. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper looked at him with confusion. Only little Alice didn't look surprised. In fact, there was this weird grin on her face, like something spectacular was gonna happen.
Edward shook his head at them, and continued laughing. Rosalie rolled her eyes and went back to talking with Alice. Emmett looked at Edward with something that equalled pity, and whispered something to Jasper. The latter burst out in laughter.
"So," I said in my hottest voice.
The Cullens looked at me like I was a piece of dog poop they had stepped on by accident. It made me uncomfortable and scared outta my pants.
Since it made me uncomfortable, my next words came out all wrong.
"S-s-so, would y-y-you come with me to the bathroom?" I blushed tomato-red. Had I actually asked them to come with me to the bathroomwhen what I wanted to tell Rosalie was actually "Hi? I'm Mike Newton. Wanna be my girlfriend?"
The muscular guy, Emmett and the dude looking like he was in pain, Jasper came forward with murderous looks. They reminded me of a pair of anacondas. Trust me. I've seen the movie, and I hate anacondas with a fiery passion.
I expected Emmett and Jasper to push me back or something like that, but what I didn't expect was the wave of emotion that swept through me. I started to shake in terror.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" snarled out Emmett. My eyes grew wide in terror. He looked so scary and demonic.
I felt my pants getting wet, and I looked down.
Oh, no.
I was standing in a big puddle of pee.
Get it? Pee. Pee!
And that's when the gales of laughter started. The whole hall had been silent when I was talking to the Cullens. While my bladder was being emptied on the floor, they stared at me and started screaming with laughter. I could swear tears of mirth were running down their cheeks.
"Sorry," said Alice, looking at me with pity. What was she apologizing for?
I turned around and fled, not noticing the puddle of pee on the floor. I slipped on the puddle and went flying across the room when I heard a sound.
RIP! RIP! RIP!
When I stopped sliding on the now-wet floor, I got up shakily. No one else stepped forward to help me. Great way to go, people.
I realized they were still staring at me. The laughter had stopped, but some red-faced girls were still giggling in a nervous manner. I glanced at Jessica, who was red in the face.
"What?" I snapped at her. Jessica looked up, and I could swear that her face became redder when she looked at me.
"Oh," she squeaked, and covered her face. "I can't look!"
"What?"
Jessica pointed at my butt. I turned around like a dog, but I couldn't see. I felt around on my butt and realized it.
Oh, man. Cazzo. Merde.
My pants had ripped the whole way around my butt, and my boxers were being exposed. I flushed bright red, and ran into the nearest room.
Unfortunately, that 'room' turned out to be the senior class, in which there were quite a number of cute girls. I had hoped to impress Amy Donalds, the cutest girl in the senior class, and arriving in her classroom, wearing pee-soaked clothes, and ripped pants exposing my boxers was the worst impression I had made on her.
The senior class stared at me, like a bunch of albino bugs. And then, they burst into gales of laughter. I wondered vaguely if I would have to perform CPR on one of them.
That's just when I saw who the teacher was. It was Senora Goff, who was scarlet in the face. Man, this was not good. Goff was the strictest teacher in Forks High…well, in my opinion, anyway.
She took the ruler and hit it on the table. "Silencio! Esto es atroz conducta! Yo esperaba mas de una clase mayor!"
The class sobered down, though some continued to giggle hysterically.
Senora Goff turned to me, her eyes blazing.
"And you, Mr. Newton, come with me!" She screamed at me, and stormed out of the door.
I took a deep breath, and followed her nervously. I heard a few whistles behind me, and tried to cover up my exposed butt. Thankfully, the people in the hall had disappeared to their classes. The Cullens weren't there too.
Thank God. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had humiliated myself beyond words in front of Rosalie Hale, who I had planned to make a great impression on.
Senora Goff led me though another hall, which was crowded with students from younger classes. They stared at us –Goff leading me forward and me cowering behind her. Mrs. Goff didn't seem affected by the stares, giggles and whispers, but I was. I wished that the ground would just open and swallow me up.
"Oh my goodness! Is that Mike Newton? The most popularguy, as he says?"
"Ew!"
"His butt! That's so yuck!"
"Ooh...Butt-face Newton!"
I flushed red and attempted to cover my butt, but it was of no use. The younger children had already seen it and were fleeing the site to protect the innocence of their eyes.
Mrs. Goff led me to Mr. Greene's office. She opened the door, and her glare told me to go in. Her eyes avoided my bottom with a lot of effort. When I didn't go in the room, her nostrils flared.
"Go in, Newton!" she growled at me. So I complied, and went in.
The principal almost had a fainting fit when he saw me.
"What does this mean, Senora Goff?" He exploded, his eyes breaking away from me to the teacher beside me.
As my Spanish teacher explained the situation to Mr. Greene, his eyes bulged out till they were on the verge of falling out of his eye sockets. And the he had had enough.
His stern eyes moved to my crimson face. By now, it seemed everyone was avoiding looking at me because I was half-naked. Oh, hip-hip-hurray.
"The class will be wondering where you are," he told Mrs. Goff. She took it as a hint to leave the room and she left immediately, without looking at me.
"Sit," he commanded me. There was a hint of pity and amusement in his eyes, behind the incensed fury.
Mr. Greene called his assistant and ordered her to fetch spare clothes for me. The assistant went out the door rather quickly. He wrinkled his nose when my soaked clothes touched the chair in front of him.
"Mr. Newton, you cannot do things like this in the school. I will have to expel you…"
My eyes widened in horror. What would Mum and Dad think of it? Dad would ground me and ban me from touching the TV again. Mum would start screaming at me the moment I entered the room.
"…if you repeat this episode again. We cannot destroy the innocence of the students from younger classes. Do you hear that?"
"Yes, sir," I mumbled humbly.
"And don't repeat this episode again."
"No, sir."
His assistant returned with new clothes this time, and shoved them into my hands, without even looking at me.
"Please go and change now," said Mr. Greene. When I didn't move, he said, "Now."
I stalked out of the room and disappeared into the boys' room to change. I didn't look at the shocked cleaners, not even when they fled out of the room. I groaned heavily, and banged my head on the door. Today was the worst moment of my life.
Translation from Spanish to English:
"Silencio! Esto es atroz conducta. Yo esperaba mas de una clase mayor!" – "Silence! This is outrageous behaviour. I expected more of a larger class!"
Do correct me if there are any mistakes. I will always appreciate a little help from my readers! Mrs. Goff is mentioned in Midnight Sun. She's Edward's Spanish teacher.
-Pistis Sophia.