Tuesday 01/05
Dear Tenant,
Please remember to clean crushed popcorn out from between the couch cushions, after having special friends around for movie nights.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 02/05
Dear Landlord,
I will try to be more careful about my popcorn droppings.
Do you know when the glass will be replaced in the first floor lounge room? It is getting drafty.
Your Tenant
Tuesday 08/05
Dear Tenant,
The glass will be replaced as soon as legal issues have been resolved.
Perhaps this would be the opportune moment to remind you that horseplay should be confined to the downstairs rec room, to avoid the inconvenience of broken windows and ambulance trips with special friends.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 09/05
Dear Landlord,
The ancient form of Aikido is a highly respected martial art. I am certain it does not fall under the title 'horseplay'. However, I have referred the comment to my sensei, in case he shares your opinion. He may contact you on the issue.
In my defense regarding this particular incident. Perhaps the 'accident' may have been avoided had the rec room not been strewn in various computer parts, which I have expressly been forbidden to touch under any circumstance.
Your Tenant
PS. He didn't fall that far, only one floor.
Tuesday 15/05
Dear Tenant,
Maybe if your hunk of junk motorcycle wasn't in pieces in the garage, I could've set up my computers in that area as originally planned. As it is the oil stains on every surface make it unclean for my computer lab. Not to mention the constant smell of turps makes me high.
I think it best you park your historical rust heap on the street, and then I will move my computers.
Your Landlord
PS. Base trick informing sensei, ½ hour lecture on injustice endured, but not forgotten.
Wednesday 16/05
Dear Landlord,
Completely unreasonable. That bike's a classic. CLASSIC. Like, worth a ton when it's restored. I won't do it. I recall something being mentioned about off street parking, when you convinced me to move in here.
No Way! It stays.
Your Tenant
PS. ½ hr Lecture deserved twice over for calling my baby a rust heap
Tuesday 22/05
Dear Tenant,
Omae O Kuroso!
Your Landlord
Wednesday 23/05
Dear Landlord,
Give me back my conditioner, I'm going out tonight. Without you!
Your Tenant
Tuesday 29/05
Dear Tenant,
Please refrain from engaging in extracurricular actives with your special friends in the hallway.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 30/05
Dear Landlord,
Jealous?
Your Tenant
Tuesday 05/06
Dear Tenant,
Of who? Him? Certainly not. I am not so flexible and would be at best severely uncomfortable. Perhaps you would break fewer toys if you did not attempt to bend them so far.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 06/06
Dear Landlord,
Please refrain from slobbering on her Royal Highness within view. I have not been able to eat for several days.
Your Tenant
Tuesday 12/06
Dear Tenant,
Really? I have not noticed any reduction in the hyperspace speed that food in this house is consumed at. Either you are feeding several special friends sequestered in your room or your appetite is fine.
I suspect the latter due to the fact no one has tried to escape by throwing themselves from a first floor window and there is no reduction in the size of your love handles.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 13/06
Dear Landlord,
LOVE HANDLES!
Shinigami comes for you tonight, then we will see…
Your Tenant
Tuesday 19/06
Dear Tenant,
Please return MY ice pack to the freezer. I cannot go to work looking like I have had my wisdom teeth removed.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 20/06
Dear Landlord,
No. You broke my leg. I'm calling Quatre.
Your Tenant
Tuesday 26/06
Dear Tenant,
I think the fighting has gone too far. I am sorry I broke your leg. It was an accident.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 27/06
Dear Landlord,
You are only apologizing because Quatre made you. You hate me, and as soon as I can hobble reasonably I'm leaving.
Your (ex-) Tenant
Tuesday 02/07
Dear Tenant,
What have you done? Why does Releena think I am going to marry her? You baka, I know you sent those flowers. 'My Aphrodite…' I would never write such drivel. I take back my previous apology, I do not forgive you.
Your (ex-) Landlord
PS. Wish I had broken more than your leg
Wednesday 03/07
Dear Landlord,
You deserve each other I hope you lose your hearing with constant exposure to her high decibel shriek. I often told my guests that we kept a banshee in the basement.
Your (ex-) Tenant
PS. You wish
Tuesday 09/07
Dear Tenant,
Not that it is any of your business, but Releena and I are in a professional relationship. My kisses are only EVER chaste and friendly. And you have seriously jeopardized her safety by encouraging her. Badly done.
Your (ex-) Landlord
Wednesday 10/07
Dear Landlord,
Don't shame me like your opinion means anything. You are nothing. Nothing to me. I am alone, I like it that way. Don't ever think I need you.
Your (ex-) Tenant
Tuesday 16/07
Dear Tenant,
Hn.
Your (ex-) Landlord
Wednesday 17/07
Dear Landlord,
Omae O Kuroso
Your (ex-) Tenant
Tuesday 23/07
Dear Tenant,
That's my line.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 24/07
Dear Landlord,
Ah, tired and over used platitude. You're right, it is your line! Should've copyrighted.
Your Tenant
PS. We are being forced to have dinner with Quat, Trowa and Wuffie, but don't expect me to converse with you. Leg breaker
Tuesday 30/07
Dear Tenant,
Duo?
Your Landlord
Wednesday 31/07
Dear Landlord,
I am not talking to you.
Your Tenant
Tuesday 06/08
Dear Tenant,
I bought pocky at the shops, chocolate AND strawberry.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 07/08
Dear Landlord,
I want an apology, not bribery.
Your Tenant
PS. Eat the strawberry and I'll break something of yours (laptop is in easy reach and often unguarded)
Tuesday 13/08
Dear Tenant,
Fine.
I apologize profusely for breaking your leg, etc.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 14/08
Dear Landlord,
Etc? Really sincere…
Your Tenant
Tuesday 20/08
Attn: Tenant
Re: Broken leg & outstanding apology
I, Heero Yuy, on this day the 20th of August AC 198, hereby apologize to Duo Maxwell for breaking his femur and inciting several contusions upon his person.
In the future we could avoid broken limbs, if you did not jump me in an ally, during official surveillance, dressed in black, screaming of death and vengeance.
Your Landlord
PS. I don't hate you
Wednesday 21/08
Dear Landlord,
Quatre and Wuffie being really hard on you?
Your Tenant
Tuesday 27/08
Dear Tenant,
Yes.
Your Landlord
PS. The doctor tells me I may have a hairline fracture on my skull accounting for my severe headaches.
Wednesday 28/08
Dear Landlord,
Are they phoning you daily, telling you how terrible you are? Did I catch you off your guard? Was I fear inducing?
Your Tenant
PS. Codeine is hidden in my toolbox
Tuesday 03/09
Dear Tenant,
Yes. Yes. Terrifying.
Your Landlord
PS. Arigato. I lied about the love handles; you are extremely trim and well shaped
Wednesday 04/09
Dear Landlord,
Okay. Consider yourself forgiven. I could use a hand washing my hair; cast is making it really difficult.
Your Tenant
PS. As if I wasn't aware
Tuesday 10/09
Dear Tenant,
Have replaced first floor glass, no charges pressed. Do you need anything from the shops I will be going after work.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 11/09
Dear Landlord,
Yep. Graham crackers, chocolate, marshmallows, cola and baby oil. We could make 'smores and watch movies together.
Your Tenant
PS. Could use help with the hair again, your hands are very strong
Tuesday 17/09
Dear Tenant,
Had a very good time watching movies. I have never watched Red Dwarf before. It was humorous despite the technological inaccuracies. Can we do it again sometime?
Your Landlord
PS. I am not sure it is correct for me to assist you with washing your hair
Wednesday 18/09
Dear Landlord,
Correct? Heero, we're not playing a trivia game.
Your Tenant
PS. Absolutely on the movie thing. I have every episode of Sliders ever made! I just know you'll love it
Tuesday 24/09
Dear Tenant,
What game are we playing?
Your Landlord
Wednesday 25/09
Dear Landlord,
I'm not playing a game with you.
Your Tenant
PS. You are better at talking when we are not, why?
Tuesday 31/09
Dear Tenant,
If we are not playing games, what are we doing? I need to think.
Your Landlord
PS. It is easier to talk when I do not have to watch your reaction.
Wednesday 01/10
Dear Landlord,
I want you to be my guest, my special friend, permanently...
Your Tenant
Tuesday 07/10
Dear Tenant,
At least we know I can manage a leap from the first story.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 08/10
Dear Landlord,
God, Heero! Is that a joke I hear!
Your Tenant
Tuesday 14/10
Dear Tenant,
I am a funny guy.
Your Landlord
PS I am still thinking, but I have a question… How many special friends do you allow yourself?
Wednesday 15/10
Dear Landlord,
There isn't a quota, Heero… but I have had many, you've seen. But if it were you, it would only ever be you.
Your Tenant
PS. I'm glad we're not fighting. I hate it when we fight.
Tuesday 21/10
Dear Tenant,
If we both hate fighting, why do we do it so much?
Your Landlord
PS. I want to make it up to you, for the leg
Wednesday 22/10
Dear Landlord,
Sometimes anger is all I can get from you.
Your Tenant
PS. Come visit me when you get home, I'll show you how I'd apologize
Tuesday 28/10
Dear Tenant,
Sorry for running out. I was surprised. The kiss was…nice. Would this be one of my duties?
Your Landlord
Wednesday 29/10
Dear Landlord,
Duties? Heero there are no… never mind.
Yes. Kissing would be a duty, but a shared one that we do for each other as well as ourselves. Um, we'd do other duties together too, things that would make us close like best friends. Hugging, sitting together holding hands, touching…sex.
Your Tenant
Tuesday 04/11
Dear Tenant,
You are my best friend. You are the only person I am close to.
Your Landlord
PS. Researched sex on the net. I am a little confused on the ergonomics of the situation when there is no girl.
Wednesday 05/11
Dear Landlord,
Well, here's how it goes… um, I'll get you a book.
Your Tenant
PS. Try refining your search with 'homosexual'
Tuesday 11/11
Dear Tenant,
Arigato. Very helpful. I accept, should we start on page two or skip the beginner section and start on page nine? I have always been advanced in physical dexterity; I think it would be safe.
Your Landlord
PS. Is page thirty-eight the reason you cannot look at me without blushing?
Is page forty-one what you were attempting in the hallway with your hapless victim?
I'm not sure I want to do that one, is that ok?
Wednesday 12/11
Dear Landlord,
I accept too, but not mission accept, normal accept, ok? Why don't we watch some movies together, forget about the book and start wherever it starts?
Your Tenant
PS. I'm blushing because I'm kind of nervous.
Yes, page forty-one was the hallway incident…he was hardly being victimized.
Heero, you never have to do anything you don't want to, not with me. Ok?
Oyasumi, Heero.
Tuesday 18/11
Dear Tenant,
I liked our weekend together. I am glad we saved many pages for other times.
Your Landlord
PS. I feel, happy, maybe. Not a nice happiness a vindictive one. I am joyful that all your other special friends have left. Is that incorrect?
Wednesday 19/11
Dear Landlord,
So kawaii, you were jealous. I'm glad you're feeling vindictive happy. I'd be jealous if you were seeing others. And while we're on topic, I want us to be exclusive. Just us, only us...no one else, ok?
Your Tenant
PS. And maybe Wuffie
Tuesday 25/11
Dear incredibly handsome Tenant,
Oh Duo, you are so hot… I want to have sex with you… everyday and twice on Sundays.
Heero? Hello. Talk to me please. I was SO kidding about Wufei. Joke, funny, haha…
Please, I don't want to fight.
Your Tenant
Wednesday 26/11
Dear Landlord,
Heero?
Your Tenant
Tuesday 01/12
Dear Tenant,
Tuesday's are my day. Don't write on my day.
I don't want to share you with anyone, not even someone I feel great respect and friendship for. Is that ok?
Your Landlord
Wednesday 02/12
Dear Landlord,
You had me sweating there, Heero. I don't really want to share, just to prove it; we can try page twelve if you want.
Your Tenant
PS. You 'gotta admit Wuffie's a total hottie
Tuesday 08/12
Dear Tenant,
I need admit no such thing. On Friday I was the sexiest thing to ever draw breath. I think you called me God; I do not know much about your religion. I would like to try page twenty-two now.
Your Landlord
Wednesday 09/12
Dear Landlord,
Page twenty-two? You sure?
Your Tenant
Tuesday 15/12
Dear Tenant,
Ai Shiteiru. Duo, I think I love you. I want to tell everyone.
Your Landlord
PS. Please clean the saucepan you made spaghetti in last week. I am worried we are breeding a super bug
Wednesday 16/12
Dear Landlord,
Heero, you say the sweetest things. Saucepans and super bugs excluded.
Your Tenant (for always)
PS. Your ass is much nicer than Wuffie's, I'm sorry I implied otherwise
Owari