CHAPTER ONE
My legs are jelly as I pedal faster. Can't be late! Gotta get to school! Gotta get these papers in! My life and career depends on it! Sometimes I wish I could split myself in two, you know. Then I can get the other half to do the boring stuff like study and go to school, and I could just get on with life. Sometimes I really wish that sort of thing was possible.
I skid to a halt in front of the front steps of good ol' Saratobi Prep and park my bike in the rack, rush into Admin and dump the papers in the appropriate cubbies. Phew. Close one. But I got them in just in time. I check the big clock behind the admin counter. Still got a few minutes to get to class. I can't be late again, or the principal will roast me and probably kick my butt outta here.
I can't let that happen. I motor out of the office and head down toward History. Not my favourite subject – not that I like school at all – but not the worst. Philosophy. The worst waste of time ever. I hope whoever came up with philosophy choked on there own meta … meta … whatever it is big shot talk. It's too late to transfer out, but at least I don't have to deal with it first thing in the morning.
'Naruto!'
The familiar urge to run and hide comes over me as Sakura storms toward me. She looks really angry; her eyes are huge and her fists are all bunched. I didn't do anything. Not this time. Positive. I can't remember doing something to make her that mad. I'm looking for an escape; I could jump the steps and gun it to the library? Yeah, I could out run her. She's wearing those pointy high shoes. No way she could catch me.
She's on me and I hold my arms up defensively. 'I haven't done anything. Promise, Sakura. Calm down, okay. I promise –'
'What are you talking about, you idiot?' She slings her arm around my neck. I can't take her weight! I mean, what? She's not heavy. No. Of course not. That's crazy talk. Believe it!
'Sa-Sakura –' I can't breathe! She's crushing me.
Finally, she jumps away and puts her hand to her mouth. 'Oh, I'm sorry, Naruto. Are you okay?' I'm gasping some, spluttering and dragging in air like it's gone out of style. 'You're fine,' she says and drags me up the steps onto the second-floor landing. 'Look. Naruto, I need to ask a favour.'
What? No! The last time she asked a favour I ended up dressed in drag, singing karaoke at her cousin's birthday! No! I'm not doing any more favours for her.
'I'm going to Paris with the graduate fashion class,' she continues. She's doing that thing where she's trying to make it sound like it's no big deal, but actually rubbing it in my face. 'Ino's coming too, so I can't ask her to do it. Actually, you're about the only person. Everyone else is way to busy, so you have to do it.'
'Do what?' She's rambling on but hasn't actually said what she wants. Not that I'm doing it though. I'm just curious.
She's dragging me around the corner; looks like we're heading to the library, but she keeps going on down the corridor.
'I'll be way too busy, going to all the fashion shows and fashion stores. I won't have any spare time at all. I'll be exhausted! Can you imagine?'
Not one bit. 'Where are we going, Sakura?' I peek into windows as she drags me down the hall. The rooms are full of sewing machines and bright materials everywhere. She pulls me into one of the rooms and plops me down at a long table covered in shiny blue material. A dummy is wearing a skirt next to the table, the skirt's in the same blue material.
She pulls a shiny pink tablet from her bag and presents it to me dramatically. 'This is it. I hope you don't mind, Naruto. I'll just be way to busy to deal with it in Paris.'
She shoves the tablet under my nose and I'm bombarded with pink and flowers and love hearts and all that girly stuff girls go gaga for. I read the title on the page.
'Ask-'
'Lavender. I know! Brilliant isn't it? No one knows it's me. And they won't know it's you either. Or they better not,' she growls.
'What is it?' Some sort of fan site for everything pink and girly?
Sakura rolls her eyes and jabs her finger at the screen. 'Isn't it obvious?'
'No.'
She groans. Well, how am I supposed to know what it is? A girly gardening site of something? She looks around and leans in. 'It's my advice column,' she whispers.
'Advice column?'
She clamps her hand over my mouth. 'Shhhhhhhhh. Secret advice column. There's messed up people out there, seeking the trusted and good advice from Lavender.'
'Advice about what?'
'You idiot! What do you think it's for?' She looks like she's gonna hit me, but then pulls herself together and takes a deep breath. 'I mean,' she says through gritted teeth, 'it's obviously for love advice. Obviously. What else?'
I snort. Can't help it. 'Love? You?'
'Yes. Love. And I'm pretty good at it thank you very much. I've helped loads of lovesick, heartbroken girls and guys with their love problems.'
And then I stopped laughing. 'And what do you want me to do with it?'
She swoops on me, hugs me around the shoulders. 'I want you to be Lavender.'
'What!? Are you serious!? I can't do that. It's … It's … For girls.'
'Only while I'm away. No one will now it's you.'
'No way! Nah uh, Sakura. Find somebody else.'
I get up to leave to make my point. I'm not doing it! No way! Believe it!
'Look, it's easy,' she's saying, stepping after me. She slides quickly in front of the door, blocking my escape. 'They send you messages and then you give them advice. Just make it up, they won't know. I'll show you.' She grabs my arm and pushes me back into the chair, shoving the tablet in front of me again.
'Trusted advice, huh?'
'Shut up and watch.' She opens the messages and scrolls through. There's a lot of them. And I mean a lot. Over a hundred at least. So many saps hanging off Sakura's words of wisdom. 'Here's one,' she announces and clicks on the message. I read the thing, trying not to laugh.
Dear Lavender
I'm with a guy who has begun to distance himself from me. He used to shower me with attention and gifts and dinners, but now I can barely get him to take me out once a week. I haven't done anything different, but he's pushing me away for no reason. Please help.
Sincerely
"ColdEmptyBed"
I can't help it, I can't hold the laugh in any more.
WUMP!
Ow …
'Can it, Naruto. If you're not going to take this seriously –'
'I'm not doing it!'
'You're such an idiot!'
'Me? What about that chick huh? Obviously, the poor guy can't afford to take her out anymore, but can't tell her that, coz she'll dump him. You're all like it, happy until you can't get what you want anymore … What?'
Sakura was staring at me, grinning a bit. Looking a bit crazy actually. It sends a cold shiver down my spine.
'You know, Naruto, sometimes you are very surprising.' Then the grin fades.
WUMP!
'Hey, whad'ya do that for?'
'I can't say that to her! She'll blame me when they break up and then where will I be? You idiot!'
'Fine, don't tell her. Just stop hitting me, would ya.'
She huffs and starts typing a reply. She's concentrating pretty hard on it too. She taps send, breathes "there", glances at me.
'You know, Naruto. I wouldn't be asking you if I wasn't desperate. I need you to do this for me.'
'I'm not cut out for –'
'I'll go on a date with you.'
What? What!?
'If you agree to be Lavender for one week. I'll go on a date with you.'
I can't help grinning. My brain only hears "I'll go on a date with you". I can't stop my mouth agreeing.
'Good,' she says. 'So, watch what I do. It's easy, I promise.' Then her face darkens. 'But, if you mess up, I will ki –'
'I won't.' For a date with Sakura? 'You have my word. I'll do it right.'
'One date, Naruto. One. I'm not promising anything other than that.'
Hehe. One date? She'll be begging for another one. Two! Believe it!
She shows me the ropes, hands me the tablet and stands up. 'I have to go. I have so much to do before I go to Paris. You'll be great, Naruto. I believe in you.' She gives a sort of half-hearted smile slash snarl or something and breezes out of there.
Okay.
Okay, I can do this. The tablet's still on the page, there's a small red "24" on the messages icon. I'm going on a date with Sakura, I'm going on a date with Sakura. I repeat it in my head and shove the table in my bag. I'll deal with this at lunch, right now I'm late. Again.