Title: Wedding Dress
Pairing: K+
Rating: Alex Cabot/Olivia Benson
Author's Note: These characters aren't mine. If they were, things would be different, and I wouldn't have to worry about paying for college. They belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. Do I have that right? Anyways, the only things I own are almost a dozen textbooks, a light-up Pillow Pet, and a laptop I got for my birthday.
Author's Note 2: This song is based off of Matt Nathanson's "Wedding Dress". I do not own him or this song.
Author's Note 3: I used a Grey's Anatomy quote somewhere in here. I don't own it.
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Robert arrives at Alex's office in time to see Olivia leave the room. "You're still in love with her," he says, sitting in the chair across from Alex's desk.
Alex looks up from the notepad she's been writing on. "What?"
"That detective," Robert says, nodding towards the door.
"That's irrelevant," Alex responds.
"We're getting married tomorrow, Alex. It's not irrelevant."
"Robert" – Alex sighs – "I'm marrying you tomorrow. Not her."
"Would you leave me for her if she asked you to?"
A beat, and then, "No."
Robert sighs. "She can't give you the future I can, Alex. She can't give you kids, a house in the suburbs, a long career as Governor of New York." He gets out of his chair and walks toward the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Where are you staying tonight?"
"My brother's house. Don't forget our wedding starts at noon."
"I'll be there."
…
…
"Why are you even going?" Elliot asks, looking at Olivia's crestfallen expression.
"She asked me to be her Maid of Honor three months ago," Olivia responds.
"You could've said no."
"She's my best friend."
"I'm your best friend; she's the woman you're in love with."
"That's irrelevant."
"She's getting married, Liv."
"It's closure, El."
"You don't need closure. You need to tell her how you feel."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"She's getting married tomorrow."
…
…
The wedding was exactly the way Alex had pictured it: a colorful array of irises were strung meticulously on the archway over the gazebo stairway where the pastor was standing, all her close friends and family were there, she was even wearing the same white dress she had imagined in her deepest desires ever since she was a little girl.
But something was missing.
And now, as she lies next to Robert in their hotel room the night before they are expected to board a plane for Italy, Alex – still dressed in her wedding gown – plays it over in her mind.
As she walks down the aisle, she can feel all eyes on her. The sensation makes her nervous, causes her to clutch her father's arm a little tighter.
And then her eyes find Olivia's and Olivia smiles.
She feels like she's drowning, like nothing in the world matters but making it to Olivia.
Until she realizes she's marrying Robert, not Olivia. And then she feels like she's sinking in murky lake water.
"What are you thinking about?" Robert asks, pulling Alex out of her thoughts.
"Nothing," Alex responds, quickly sitting up. "Go to sleep. I'm going to go shower."
"Want me to join you?"
"No, I need some time alone."
In the bathroom, Alex strips out of her dress and hangs it on the towel rack. Turning the water on as hot as she can take it, she steps into the shower and closes her eyes.
Olivia finds Alex standing on the balcony off the master bedroom of the Cabot's Connecticut Estate.
"A toast," Olivia says, handing Alex a glass of champagne. "May you and Robert have many happy years together."
"Olivia, don't."
"What?"
"Did you ever think we'd end up this way?"
"No," Olivia says. Quietly, she adds, "I always thought it'd be us."
Alex looks over at the detective and allows a stray tear to slip from her eye. "So did I."
Olivia leans over, places a kiss against Alex's lips, and walks away.
Tears roll down Alex's cheeks, mingle with the water from the shower, and fall to the ground unceremoniously. Noticing the water has run cold, she shuts the shower off, wraps herself in a fluffy hotel towel, and walks into the bedroom. Rummaging through her suitcase, she finds the t-shirt and sweatpants she packed that – miraculously – still smell like Olivia's apartment, and pulls them on. With Robert asleep on the bed, she goes into the suite's living room and curls up on the couch.
…
…
"I need to be drunk," Olivia announces, sitting in her usual seat across from Elliot in their booth at their favorite bar.
"You're already drunk." Elliot laughs.
"I need to be drunker."
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
"Elliot," Olivia says, placing her hand on top of his, "Alex married a man today."
"Then let's get you drunk."
"Do you think I should call her?" Olivia asks, several drinks later.
Elliot shakes his head fervently. "No."
"Why not?"
"You're drunk."
"So are you."
"You're drunker."
Olivia laughs. "I am."
"We should get you home."
"Nope."
"Liv."
"El."
"You need to go home."
"It's lonely."
"I'll stay with you."
"Really?"
"Of course. What are friends for?"
…
…
"What changed?" Robert asks, scaring Alex awake.
"What?" Alex asks, quickly looking around the room, trying to remember where she is.
So we lie here in the dark, all the wrong things on fire. In sickness and in health, to be with you, just to be with you.
In your wedding dress, to have and to hold. Even at my best, I wanna let go.
And you hold me in your arms, and all that I can see is my future in your hands. And all that I can feel is how long ever after is, and it's all that I can do to be with you, just to be with you.
Robert sits on the couch, placing his arm around Alex's shoulders. To her credit, Alex doesn't shy away. "What changed?"
Alex sighs. "Nothing."
"We're married, Alex."
"I know."
"Why?"
"Because I love you."
"I don't think you do."
"Then why would I marry you?"
"It was expected of you."
"Robert-"
"No, Alex, listen." Robert sighs. "I understand you don't want to be married to me." When Alex tries to interrupt, he gives her a stern look. "I understand. But I don't understand why you would choose some two-bit, female detective over me."
Before she even registers what she is doing, Alex slaps Robert hard enough to leave a bright red handprint on his face.
"What the-"
"No," Alex says forcefully. "No. You don't get to talk about her like that." Grabbing her suitcase and purse from the bedroom, Alex leaves the suite, making sure the door slams behind her.
"Alex," Robert calls after her. "Alex, come back!"
…
…
Back at her apartment, Olivia sits on her couch, leaning against Elliot. "You should go home," she says.
"To what?" he asks.
"Oh yeah. Seems like we're in the same boat."
"That we are."
"I told her."
"Who?"
"Alex."
"What'd you tell her?"
"I love her."
Elliot nods. "I know. Try to get some sleep."
"You too."
"I will."
…
…
The night is warmer and darker than she expected. Alex hails a cab right outside the hotel, knowing exactly where she wants to go.
The ride through the city is quiet, too quiet for a Saturday night. Alex fidgets with the wedding band on her finger before deciding to place it and the engagement ring in her purse.
At her destination, she pays the driver and steps out of the cab. Staring up at the building, she counts four floors up and three windows over. Noticing the light is still on, she enters the lobby and waits for the elevator.
…
…
A light, incessant knocking on Olivia's door startles Elliot out of his sleep. "I'll get it," he whispers to a sleeping Olivia. He walks over to the door, looks through the peephole, and swings it open. "What are you doing here?"
Alex looks sheepishly at the ground, a blush coloring her cheeks. "Is she here?"
"Where else would she be?"
"Elliot, please."
"What are you doing here, Alex?"
"I need to talk to her."
"About?"
"Please, Elliot."
"Let her in, El," Olivia says groggily.
Elliot turns to face Olivia. "Are you sure?"
Olivia nods. "I want to hear this."
"Okay," Elliot says. Turning back to Alex, he says, "Come in."
"What are you doing here, Alex?" Olivia nods, nodding at Elliot as a sign to leave the room.
"I need to talk to you," Alex says.
"About?"
"I can't be with him."
Olivia scoffs. "It's a little late for that, isn't it?"
Alex drops her purse on the ground, crosses the room quickly, and presses her lips against Olivia's.
Thought I'd lost you. Thought I'd lost you; I gave you away. Thought I'd lost you. I'm jealous of the moon for how it moves the waves.
"I can't be with him," Alex says, "because I have to be with you."
"Are you drunk?" Olivia asks, taking a step away from the blonde.
"What?" Alex asks, looking offended. "No, I'm not drunk. Are you?"
Olivia cocks her head to the side and gives Alex a lopsided grin. "A little."
"I should go."
"No," Olivia says. She reaches for Alex's wrist but misses by six inches. "Stay. Sleep on the couch."
"I'm staying on the couch," Elliot yells from another room.
"Share," Olivia yells back. "Please, Alex?"
Alex nods mutely.
…
…
The next morning, Olivia and Elliot wake up to glasses of water and Advil set next to them, something Alex knew they would both need.
"Did you know Alex can cook?" Elliot asks as Olivia sits next to him on her couch.
"Alex?"
"Yeah."
"She's here? Why?"
"You don't remember?"
"Do I look like I remember?"
"She showed up at your door last night and confessed her undying love for you."
"She did?"
Elliot nods. "And she made us breakfast."
At that moment, Alex walks in with a cup of coffee made exactly the way Olivia likes it. "You're awake," she says, handing the mug to the detective.
"You're married," Olivia says, taking the mug from Alex's outstretched hand.
Alex shakes her head. "Robert's using his influence to get that mistake erased. I'll be happily not married by this afternoon."
"You kissed me."
Alex nods. "I did. But you kissed me first."
"At the reception."
"Yes."
"Why'd you kiss me?"
"I love you."
"Like you loved Robert?"
"No. I love you in a really, really big 'pretend to like your music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window', unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, Olivia Benson. And, as for Robert, I'm not sure if I ever loved him."
"You won't do to me what you did to him?"
"Never."
"Promise? Because I couldn't handle that, Alex."
"I promise."
"Then maybe we can give this a shot."
"Really?" Alex smiles.
"Yeah…after the erasure of your marriage is finalized."
"You won't regret this, Liv."
…
…
19 months later
Olivia stands under the archway over the gazebo, wearing a brilliant white gown with a single red carnation in her hair, waiting for the double doors at the end of the aisle to open and reveal her bride.
The organ starts to play and the doors swing open to reveal Alex clad in an elegant white dress with a red carnation matching Olivia's in her hair. Olivia's breath catches in her chest and a smile quickly spreads over her lips.
"You look beautiful," Alex whispers when she finally reaches Olivia's outstretched hand.
Taking Alex's hand in her own, Olivia whispers, "So do you."
The pastor clears his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen," he begins.
The rest is missed by Alex and Olivia until the crucial moment when they both say "I do", and, with that, they are pronounced wife and wife.
End
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I tried something a little different with this story. Like it? Hate it? Feel indifferent towards it? Let me know.
And thank you for reading.