Seasons Of Grief
Written by:
Clarification
Lianou
Digital Artist:
Gwiazdala
"War is brutish, inglorious, and a terrible waste...Only the flies benefited."
- Eugene B. Sledge
Winter
"More news from wall, on this cold morning in Winterthur, and the omnics have been pushed back from the outskirts of the city once again by our military. During a midnight surge, the Omnic forces were gaining ground but this morning we are receiving reports that the assault has been met with fierce defenses. Again we advise citizens that can evacuate to do so immediately. If you have to stay create an evacuation plan. In these times of war, safety is never a sure thing. Thankfully, it looks like we are safe for another day…"
The anchor went on about the details of the battle, the casualties on both sides, how close the city's defenses were to breaking, the need for more soldiers. Here in his safe kitchen, Frederick Ziegler's heart raced as he realized just how close his family had come to being refugees the night before. Sometimes the war seemed so far away. It was easy when he looked at his wife, Alessia, to forget it was only just a few blocks down the street.
"Must you watch the news over breakfast, dear? Angela will be down soon."
"We must be prepared."
"We mustn't ruin our mornings." Frederick looked tiredly toward his wife's lovely azure-blue eyes. There was a fearful weight behind the love they so warmly shown. She held his gaze firmly. "Not while there is a shred of normalcy in this city."
"Nothing is normal anymore, Alessia." His tone was not angry but exhausted. "The defenses were almost overrun last night and they could break at any minute. We have to be ready to evacuate."
"I know, and we are, but as long as the military holds them back I want Angela to have as normal a life as possible. I've worked with the refugee children, Fred, and I don't want Angela to grow up with the kind of scars that they have, and I know we chose to stay at the hospital but Angela will not pay for our decision by losing her childhood."
Her words hung in the air. Frederick wanted his daughter to have a normal life just as much as his wife but he also felt the longer she spent in the city, the more at risk she was. He looked at his wife again. She was busy finishing the preparations for breakfast. Angela's lunch sat, neatly packed, on the edge of the counter. Alessia would have to go as well, he thought bitterly. It would be impossible to send Angela away by herself. Frustrated, he cursed the day that the other doctors had left. When the head of staff had told them they had a choice, many had stayed but many more had gone. How could Alessia and he have left, not when there were so many that still needed help and so many more to come, broken and bleeding into emergency surgery seconds from death. The rattle of gun fire came from the television as they showed live footage from the wall. He turned the television off sickened by the sound.
As if on cue, Angela ushered into the kitchen in her school uniform. In her hands, a textbook, his textbook. The tired doctor was not even surprised. The girl was years ahead of her classmates. She was a child prodigy. If not for the war she would be off in some special school, applying for university, anything other than learning basic biology, maths, and cursive. It was one of the many frustrations he endured due to the war.
"Are you feeling alright, father?" Angela said studying his face. She quickly opened her book and flipped through it. "Perhaps I should diagnose you."
A brief, low chuckle escaped him. "I'm fine, little angel, truly."
"You need coffee, I think, my dear," Alessia said as she put a steaming cup of black coffee in front of him. The intoxicating smell brought him out of his dark mood.
"Thank you, of course nothing is better than a hot cup of caffeine before a long day."
"Caffeine is addictive you know," Angela said smartly. "Addictions can be bad for your health, especially caffeine. Anxiety, insomnia, digestive issues, muscle breakdown, high blood pressure-"
"Yes, little angel," Fred cut her off gently. "But caffeine and I have a quid pro quo. No doubt when you enter medical school you will find a similar relationship with the substance."
"Sometimes the only difference between the medicine and the poison is the dose, dad."
"A fair point." Frederick allowed a weary smile to loosen his lips. "Now, eat up Angela, it is almost time to leave."
"What are you doing in class?" Alessia said as she sat down at the table with her own plate. "Something interesting I hope." Frederick was grateful for the change of subject but groaned inwardly when Alessia brought up school.
"I still believe I could spend as much time teaching myself from both your textbooks and Dad's and get a highly superior education. All we do is go over the most basic information and right when I think we will start going deeper, we move on to another subject. If I have to sing in one more Christmas pageant, I think I may die."
Alessia chuckled. "No need to be so dramatic. Your dad and I are looking for a better school for you."
Unhappy lines etched deeper on Frederick's face as they yet again lied not only to their daughter, but to themselves. "You know times are not as they used to be, Angela." He caught his temperature rising and, for the sake of his family, lowered his tone. "We… we must make do with what we have."
Angela looked down at her plate and pushed the food around. She knew that something skirted the edges of the city. She heard her parents talking in hushed tones when they thought she was asleep or out of earshot. The worry behind their eyes, the stress on their faces, it all spoke volumes to her. At first she thought that they were ill or perhaps she was and did not know it. Then after studying their behavior and symptoms, all she came up with was high stress levels. The whole city was experiencing high stress levels it seemed. No one lingered in the street anymore, most parents kept the children inside, safe from…from what? Angela was worried for her parents and wondered if she could do anything to help. She decided that right now, this morning, the only thing she could do was quietly eat her breakfast and enjoy the company of the two smartest people she knew. Before long it was time to gather her things and go to school. She used to walk but now they drove her, one of the many changes that had been made when the city came down with acute stress.
"Don't forget, little angel, we'll be waiting for you at six." Frederick said as he started the engine. "If we don't arrive on time, wait for us. Do not come back home alone."
"Oh she knows, honey." Alessia added softly, her gaze wandering over to Angela in the back seat, smiling warmly.
"Are both of you on shift at the hospital today?" Angela wanted desperately to go with her parents and see them do their work. Her mother helping children, her father performing surgery. Often they were gone these days, staying late into the night. Angela had to catch rides with other families. Luckily, her parents had treated most of them at one time or another so she never lacked volunteers to take her home. Her parents never said no to anyone in need. It did not matter if they had just gotten home after a 48 hour shift at the hospital and then someone knocked on the front door with a headache, stomach virus, or bad case of the flu. Sometimes their generosity came at the cost of family time but Angela loved watching her parents work and she knew that there was something more behind their need to be there for people.
She wanted to be just like them.
"We are, little angel." Alessia said as they drove onwards. "It will be a busy day."
"Perhaps I could assist." Angela added with nonchalant grin. "I could shadow you and start preparing for my residency." She watched her parents for their reply.
"Oh dear, while I do not doubt that you would learn very quickly, you should focus on graduating medical school first." Alessia said with proud smile.
Angela's words of remonstrance were unwilling to take flight, interrupted by the soft, motherly looks Alessia gave her daughter.
"I am certain that your time will come, darling. Be patient, for some paths are longer than what we imagine, but ultimately lead us to the destiny we seek, and I promise you that, one day, we will work together side by side. There is nothing in this world I would like more, Angela."
Frederick pressed his fingers deeper into the steering wheel, a somber look swept across his face. Angela watched her father's beautiful brown eyes through the rearview mirror. There look of sadness and pain did not escape her notice. He had learned to mask it very well, especially when his daughter was near but lately the mask was slipping. What was bothering him? He noticed her watchful gaze and refocus on the road. Clouds were gathering, obscuring the sun and the bright blue sky. Fred flicked on his light as darkness settled in the streets of Winterthur. Alessia and Angela were still talking about the different test they would do together. He used to do the same thing. It was he, after all, that had given her a child sized doctors coat. Then the cancer of war had come down up on their country. Even so, as disease occurs in the body, so sadness occurs in the spirit. Their promises and plans for the future lay at the edge of knife. They were being held hostage by the menace of war. Far away, close by, it was unfair regardless.
"How about some music this time, love?" Alessia suggested, the velvety of her tone slowly remedying the negative thoughts plaguing his mind. "What do you think, Dr. Angela Ziegler?"
Her soft lips stretched into a quick, bright smile. "I-I think, if I may say so, that this would be a welcomed change of pace for you, dad."
"Doctor's orders it is, then."
The way his lips lifted upward. From the get-go, Frederick was fully aware he was before another mere attempt of Alessia to shield their young daughter from the excruciating reality surrounding them. Her method of choice, however, was one the fatherly doctor couldn't help but hold dear.
"Careful, Alessia." Came his long forgotten chuckle, low and bright. "We don't want her to get ahead of herself."
"Dad!" Angela said rolling her eyes. With both of her parents smiles brightening the car, Angela felt she could do anything.
At the comforting sound of Alessia's soft laughter, Frederick turned on the radio which played music quietly behind their conversation. A moment to enjoy some peace and quiet.
Just a moment, though, Fred thought as his mind drifted to the hospital.
The deserted streets caught Angela by surprise, an aura of profound uneasiness seemed to hang over every house. Thoughts shuffled in her head like a whirlwind. The friendly faces she had grown to know on her walks towards school were nowhere to be found, just like the cheerful echo of 'good morning,' that used to fill the now undisturbed quietness of the ordinary grey sidewalks. The quiet seemed to seep into their car, despite the radio, as they drove down the street toward the school. It was not unusual for a peaceful and contented silence to fall in her conversations with her parent. The breaks in conversation always left Angela with a smile on her face. Lately, however, the worried eyes of her mother and her father seemed to bring a cold, haunted air to the stillness. Suddenly an old song came to her mind unbidden, as most catchy tunes do in long periods of quiet. Angela started tapping her foot to the beat and before she knew it, she was humming the melody.
"That's a good one, Alessia, see if we have it downloaded to the car."
Angela smiled as her mother tapped the sound system to life in order to find the song.
"What's it called again?"
"Luft Balloons!"
"That's it!"
Before long the song filled the cold silence and the three were singing along. Frederick made himself smile as his analytical brain could not miss the true meaning of the song. How fitting it really was for their situation. He just prayed that his own hopes were not shot down. He was thankful that, even though she was so brilliant for her age, Angela was still a child, still innocent enough not to realize when a fun sounding song is actually about nuclear war. Still, all it took was a brief glance into the rear view mirror too see Angela's beautiful smile to bring his own smile back. He prayed he would never live to see the day that her smile was burdened by grief.
Too soon they arrived at the school and Frederick got out of the car to hug his daughter goodbye, there was an odd finality in the air.
"I love you." she whispered. The smoothness of that small sentence never failing to ease his inner struggles, making it harder for him to let her go.
"I love you too, my little angel," he said holding her tight. He gave her book bag to her and wondered how many of his old medical school textbooks she had put in it before she ran over to her mother.
Alessia gave her a lunch box, no doubt filled with her favorite lunch. "Aren't you forgetting something?" She asked, her tender tone blended with a healthy dose of sarcasm.
Angela lowered her eyebrows in momentary confusion, but it only took her a moment to connect the dots. With a smile, the young girl leaned in closer to her mother, who chose to close her eyes to feel the soft touch of Angela's lips pecking her cheek with her heart. Frederick put an arm around his wife as they watched Angela join the other kids in the school yard before the first bell. When he looked down at his wife, her eyes were watering.
"Why is it so hard to watch her go off by herself? It feels as though it will be forever."
Frederick held his wife closer. "We will see her this afternoon, my love. You should be careful. If our little angel sees you like this she might try to diagnose you next."
When Angela had disappeared into the school with all the other students, the Zieglers returned to their car and drove quietly to work. The atmosphere around calmed, the soothing sounds of softly splashing water droplets hit the car windows.
"What was that, love?" Came the concerned question from Frederick, breaking the silence at last.
"I don't know, Fred." Alessia started, choosing the right words. "It's just…I get the feeling she knows more than she lets on."
Frederick's thoughts were held captive before her statement as he carefully processed what he had just heard, unsure of what to make of it. "Do you think she's hiding it? Perhaps...for us?"
"It would be just like her to think of other first rather then of herself. She must see how stressed we have been lately. You, especially. Perhaps the other children have told her things."
"Well." A short laugh escaped him, but it didn't take long for it to fade away entirely. Even so, his words managed to flow out. "She took after her mother, then."
"Oh hush." She took that, instinctively embracing the opportunity to smooth the undisguised tension that silently threatened to take him over. "She only reads your textbooks you know. She'll be a surgeon just like her father."
"Well, I will not deny that this is a fair point." Fred, in turn, gave a hint of a smile. "Dr. Angela Ziegler... it suits her just perfectly."
"Indeed I believe so."
Another moment of silence punctuated by the sheets of icy water lightly drumming on the windshield fell upon them. The illusion of their safe world slowly cracked and shattered as military checkpoints became more frequent, most of which were a wide, double-gated barricade patrolled by heavily armed soldiers. Frederick's stomach churned with disgust soon after his eyes met their weaponry. If only there was another way.
"I'm sorry." He found himself saying suddenly. The two words burst out of his heart as water from a broken dam.
Alessia eyed him with confusion. "For what, mausebär?"
"For failing you two."
Alessia's heart tightened in her chest, Frederick was always so hard on himself "My love, Angela thinks the world of you and I-"
"Does she?" He asked. "I just...wanted to give her everything she truly deserves. A good school, a great education, but then this... his stupid war came in and-" He shut his mouth, unwilling to go any further. "She deserves better." He glanced at his wife. "You deserve better."
"Fred, although you may try, you cannot control the whole world. This war was not started by you nor will it be ended by you. We are giving Angela the best education she can have at this time. Even if she was marooned on a desert island, Angela would find a way to study. Nothing holds her back, and-" Alessia put a gentle hand on her husband's knee, "My darling, my world is perfect as long as I have you and our little angel with me. I mean it."
"About that…" He exhaled, releasing some of the tension that had built up in his shoulders before continuing with his next words. "Alessia." He suppressed the urge to shift his unshakeable focus from the road. "I want you and Angela out of this city, tonight. I will take care of your patients, all of them. I promise you that."
"Frederick, we talked about this." Her answer came spontaneously. Irritation surged up inside her. "If we go, we go together. That was what we agreed on."
"Alessia, I can't stop thinking about what almost happened last night. You are right, I cannot end this war, but I can at least make sure that you and Angela are safe. I can't stand the thought of seeing you two in the middle of all this hell; especially our little angel."
"Do you instead want to see Angela grow up without the father she adores?"
Her heavy words hit Frederick like so many knives and he fell into a shocked silence.
"I want her to grow up safe and sound." Frederick said quietly. "Somewhere she can actually have a future. Somewhere she can actually have a normal childhood, you said that yourself. I just need you to be there for her, just like I will when this war is over. But until then, I need you to promise me that you two will be far away from here."
Alessia went silent. Tears leaked from the edges of her eyes and she turned her face toward the window to hide them; unsuccessfully.
"Promise me, Alessia."
"Fred, I understand…I do but...I just…" Her voice trembled and she took a brief moment to compose herself. There was no way for her to change his mind about their departure; she knew that. Even so she wanted to argue with him. She wanted desperately to find a solution, to somehow change the reality they were facing. "What's stopping you from coming with us? I know that Angela comes first but…please…at least come with us. Angela needs you…and…I need you as well."
A sharp, phantom pain filled Frederick's body and radiated through his foot, gently pressed down on the gas pedal. "There are still people counting on us, Alessia. I cannot abandon them." He paused as his voice faltered. "I love you. I love Angela, more than anything in this world. But...what would she think of us if we just...turned our backs on those in need? She would understand why I need to stay."
Alessia had already known the answer although her heart had made her ask him to come with them. "She…would understand; but understanding does not help how much our hearts would break if we lost you."
"I will not die." He said abruptly, resolutely. "I will not leave you two, ever."
A lump grew in Alessia's throat once more. "You cannot control the whole world, my love." She quietly repeated.
Suddenly, they heard sirens approaching, ambulances rushed past their car soon after. Frederick sped his car after them, knowing that the surgery center would be overwhelmed after the events of the night before. When they pulled into the hospital, they were met with chaos. Soldiers hobbled here and there as the scant hospital staff tried to organize the crowd and administer aid. Stretchers lined the sidewalks, some filled with groaning men and women, others with disturbingly silent, motionless patients. In all the attacks the city had suffered, Alessia and Frederick had never seen so many wounded waiting for treatment.
"Nurse. NURSE!" Fred cried as he leapt from his car.
"I'll be with you in one moment, just wait one second," came the exasperated reply.
"What on earth is going on here? These people need aid!"
The nurse looked with surprise at Frederick. He was not wearing his coat or ID Card but after studying his face briefly, her tired eyes lit up with recognition. "Oh, Doctor Ziegler, thank God."
"Why are these men still out here? Surely the hospital cannot be full." Alessia said while helping a wounded soldier to stand.
"But it is, those horrible machines' advance last night put half the country's army in our hospital."
"Why are we short staffed? There should be a full complement of doctors and nurses here," Frederick added looking around, dread lining his brow. "Where is everyone?"
"Dead or gone, I'm afraid. There are a few doctors left but nowhere near enough for how many people need attention."
Frederick swept his gaze across the growing sea of injured and dying. He made up his mind.
"Alessia, tonight, you have to leave tonight. You must help as many as you can but as soon as Angela is out of school, proceed with the evacuation plan. I'll follow when I can."
"Fred-" Alessia started.
"We both feared this day," Frederick said taking both of his wife's hand in his. He pulled her close and looked into her tearful eyes. "But we knew it would come. There is no time to argue."
She nodded and tried to speak but the knot in her throat would not let her. Instead she rested her head on her husbands chest for a brief moment. There in each other's arms, the whole world seemed to take a step back.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
A quick kiss but rich in love marked their separation and as they both turned their energy toward the many people in need, they still kept each other, and their beautiful, innocent daughter in the back of their minds; praying that at the end of this terrible day, they would all see each other again.
. . .
Angela was reading one of her parent's textbooks during the morning recess when a distant sound ripped her attention away. She seemed to be the only one to have noticed, however, so she returned to her book. Suddenly she was startled out of the pages again by a large boom that made the ground shake. Some of the other children stopped now and started to look around. The teachers were exchanging looks of dread. A third boom shook the foundations of the school. As the dust settled, the teachers jumped into action. They corralled the kids indoors and down to the basement. Angela could only think about her parents at the hospital. Explosion, she thought, wondering how many more patients her father would see today.
"Angela, dear, come on! We need to get down to the basement."
Just as Angela began to follow her teacher inside, the alarms began. They were old alarms, fashioned for a war of long ago but still very loud, still bone chilling.
"Is it an air raid?" Someone asked.
"No, probably artillery."
"How long do you think it will keep up?"
"We could be here for a long time."
The heavy, leaded door to the basement shelter beneath the school closed with a thud. Angela followed the crowd of students, and just like them, sat down to wait for the situation to settle down.
"Listen everyone," said a portly, older man who stepped into the middle of the room, waiting for the people's complete silence to proceed. "Our military forces are outside dealing with the threat and they were informed that we're down here. They will come to evacuate the school once the situation is resolved, certainly. Everything is going to be fine, I assure you all."
"What is happening out there, director?" An older student asked thunderously. His height made him stand out among the other students as he asked the questions everyone else kept silent in their minds. "It's the Omics, isn't it? Have they broken the city defenses?"
The director inhaled sharply, and his authoritative tone threatened to desert him. "We don't know that, and no good would come from baseless speculations, young man. We do know that our soldiers are handling the situation as we speak, which means we have nothing to fear."
Angela watched carefully for his body language, looking for a hint of a lie in his words, as it seemed to be her best, perhaps only chance to gather a sincere rundown of their current situation, good or bad. The director's hands were clenched tightly throughout his entire speech and, when confronted, they shook so sharply that he hid them behind his back. His blink rate had the very same dramatic change after the student stepped up, and to only make matters worse, his eye contact was nowhere near as consistent as his tone. He was either lying or not telling the whole truth. The situation outside was far from controlled regardless, which meant...
She tried to block the frightful thoughts from getting the best of her, to erase the one menacing possibility her heart couldn't handle, but to no avail. Soon it came like a formidable aura holding her in a tightening grip. It stopped her from picturing anything other than her parents struggling in the middle of the wild chaos that shook the heavy basement doors. As the imaginary shouting of the slaughter played in her mind, icy tears started to stream down her pale cheek.
Please…Angela held her backpack tightly, wishing it was her parents. Be safe…be safe.
She was not the only one, however. The edge of her vision caught a young boy sitting beside her, he had his face buried in his shaking hands. Even still, she managed to hear the suppressed sound of his hiccups. All other students, as well as a portion of the teachers, were still shocked by everything that had just occurred. No one seemed to notice the young boy crying alone in the dark corner of the basement, but she did. Her mother would never have let him sit there alone. She quickly dabbed her own eyes with her sleeve and went to him.
"Hallo there." She whispered with ease. Before his lack of words in response, she kindly insisted. "What's the matter?" She asked as if she did not already know.
The boy lowered his hands, his eyes welled up with tears as they met hers. His face was marble white, fashionably thin, and with prominent cheekbones and chin. It was not a face Angela recognized.
"My parents-" He began, his voice failing as his distorted view slowly came to focus. "My parents told me to not talk to strangers."
His words took her by surprise, and before she even knew it, her fake smile turned real. "They told me the same thing." She refused to talk about the rumbling monster outside, fearing that it would do more harm than good for both in that moment of uncertainty. "It's alright, I'm not gonna hurt you." She intended to place her soft, delicate hand over his, but stopped dead in her tracks, skeptical of his reaction. "Hey, are you hungry?" Angela grabbed her lunch box carefully from within her backpack before the young, yet unknown boy could even begin to formulate an answer. "It seems we'll have to wait here for a while." She said carefully as she unlocked the small latch to reveal her mother's choice of food for her that day. He's really hungry, Angela noticed at a glance as the boy's eyes fell to the whole grain breads with generous quantities of butter and mortadella slices along with tiny grapes and, of course, bright red crisp apples; Angela's favourites. "You should eat, at least an apple or two."
His eyebrows shot up with shock. "Wait, why are you doing this?" He asked timidly.
She flashed a half-smile that played at the corner of her lips. "Why should I need a reason to help those in need?"
The boy looked rather strangely at Angela as she handed the brightest apple to him, hesitating half a heartbeat before his hunger surpassed his mistrust.
"Thank you." The worry in his voice did not faze Angela.
"Don't thank me, just doing my…future job." She said, but her words lacked the joy her tone usually featured when she referred to her life goal. From the very beginning, she envisioned herself accepting her PhD in Medicine before her parents' proud, and perhaps, watery eyes, followed by years of work and dedication to be as good as they both were in their wondrous, tireless crusade to help others indiscriminately. A childhood dream that stood unshakeable before many setbacks and complications caused by the war. Even in the face of this great calamity, the love and care of her parents had managed to guide her through the darkest time she had ever witnessed in her short years. Surely they would be able to weather this storm. The nagging image was again thrown to the forefront of her mind. They're safe. The Hospital is miles from the wall.
They are safe.
She rose from the dreaded images of her nightmare and grabbed hold of her consciousness, as out of hushed silence a cry arose. Many other children, more than Angela could possibly count, had met the same fate as the young boy sitting beside her. The urgency and the need to seek refuge in the shelter after the explosions forced the majority to abandon the classrooms as soon as humanly possible, leaving their backpacks and lunch boxes behind. She quickly noticed she was among the rare exceptions, most of which seemed unwilling to share their food or to even reveal it to people's peckish sights.
"Stay here, okay?" She said with ease, staring at the boy. "I will be back soon."
She was fully aware that her food wouldn't be enough to share with everyone, but even such a knowable fact wasn't enough to stop Angela from trying. She carefully parted each bread in two equal triangles that were gone almost instantly after she began offering them to the young ones, which then led her to give up on her apples as well. Their face seemed to light up as they saw her offering; their eyes shining with unspoken thanks.
"What about you?" A red-haired girl asked as Angela handed her the last remaining apple slice.
"Don't worry about me. You need it more than I do."
With nothing but a few grapes that would hardly satisfy her own hunger, Angela made her way back to the lone boy and sat beside him, determined to keep him company until either his parent's or the soldier's arrival. While she hoped for the former she knew the latter was most likely.
"Everything is going to be fine." She assured him, even though she began to lose faith in such words.
"You're a hero." He said.
"I am no hero." Angela replied softly. "It's through our good deeds that we reveal our parent's virtues."
She pulled her backpack into a tight embrace. Yet her thoughts refused to calm, as they were again turned to Frederick and Alessia. Time stood still like never before and soon the tiredness brought on by long term stress came over her. As her consciousness ebbed, she dreamed of past things. Happiness. Comfort. Family.
Things that would never be again.
. . .
Her eyes felt heavy as they peeled themselves open. She woke up to the sounds of the boy calling for her, but she could barely hear his voice above the quick thunderous steps of the crowd of students walking towards the exit. Armed soldiers had arrived and the evacuation had begun at last.
"Let's go." She said as she rose to her feet. "Stay close to me, alright?" Her hand held his and they followed the crowd.
The passage back to the surface was so terribly narrow that Angela was obliged to wait several minutes before reaching the school's hallways, but when she finally did, her heart stumbled over its own rhythm.
"Daddy?" The young boy asked all of the sudden. "DADDY!"
Angela had no choice but to let go of him. The boy pounded his feet across the corridor, wildly darting past other children to reach a tall, wiry man who sank to his knees while spreading his arms wide in welcome to his son who did not hesitate to enter them. A woman came shortly after, her long arms encircled them both, like motherly wings. Angela watched speechlessly as the same miracle occurred throughout the school, for the soldiers were not the only ones that came to rescue them. Slowly, her eyes, her lips, and her spirit all at once smiled at the beautiful, tearful embraces taking place all around her.
"Dad! Mom!" She shouted, eager to catch sight of them. No response came. Yet Angela was so terribly giddy with excitement that she did not notice as she slipped into the crowd in search of her own embrace, one she would never let go again. "Alessia! Frederick!" She then chose to cry out their names, chant even, as it would allow them to easily distinguish her calling from the other children. "It's me, Angela!" Answer me, please! Please!
And it went on and on. Angela became oblivious to the cheerful howl of several-hundred voices surrounding her, for the only sound she heard was her parents' silence, echoing with their absence.
"Alessia! Frederick!" The scream came again, desperate, terrified. The silence tore through Angela like a great shard of glass, as her throat seemed unwilling to utter a sound. Even still, she cried out again and they did not answer.
They did not come.
"Hey, Mädchen." A soldier whispered kindly when he spotted her. His face was filthy and tired but there was relief in his eyes. He had made it. "We need to move, my dear. Come on."
"Wait- no!" She replied. "My parents- they…they said they would come to get me!"
"My dear, it's not safe here. You need to come-"
"The hospital!" Angela cut the soldier off as terror seized her. "Did something happened there?"
The man was hesitant to answer. "Erm…no, it didn't." His voice fraught with disbelief told her otherwise, for the soldier was no better liar than the director. "Are your…are your parents there?"
There was no further response from Angela, however. Her young, fragile heart still processing the devastating blow from the unvoiced truth he chose not to share. The hospital, what had happened there?
"Yes." She managed to whisper after a shocked pause. I am still sleeping. She thought. This is not real! It's not, it cannot be happening!
The soldier gave a short, fake laugh as he tried to ease the tension. Looking in Angela's watchful gaze he said, "Another team evacuated the hospital, little one. Your parents are safe and they're certainly worried about you. That's why you need to come with us, okay? We'll take you to them." He dropped his hand over her shoulder, gentle and reassuring. "Lass uns gehen."
"Bitte." She said, stepping away from his touch.
"What is it?"
"My little brother." The lie slipped out, smooth and easy as she was carefully fishing for the right words to proceed without rousing his mistrust. "I went to find my parents throughout the school while one of my teachers looked after him. I'll warn him that we need to go and we'll both meet you outside with the others." Angela couldn't remember lying before, for she was constantly told by her parents that just as a drop of poison engulfs a whole bucket of water, so the lie, however small, spoils your whole life. She had taken such advice to heart, but now before such a calamity, her heart fell silent. Wherever the soldiers intended to take her, she would not allow them to. Angela had a plan of her own, one the soldier failed to spot.
"Just don't take too long, okay? We'll be leaving soon."
Angela then turned her back to him and walked towards the crowd, this time in the opposite direction everyone was heading. It didn't take long for her to enter one of many empty classrooms at her disposal, since there was only one way to pass by the soldiers unseen. She hesitated, freezing air slithering up and down her body; then, after mustering all her courage she decided to open a window and launch herself down. She landed jarringly on her side from the elevated first floor window. Luckily the watery grass acted like a cushion against her fall. Facing the glossy asphalt just up ahead, Angela began to sprint against the heavy rain that soaked her to the bones within seconds. Each drop felt like a small stone, coldly piercing through her sopping legs felt numb and unsteady, painfully sore. As her shoulders started to protest the bouncing weight of her bag, Angela was forced to give up the backpack she held so close to her heart. She needed to keep her speed, for she refused to allow her parents' textbooks to become mere reminders that they were once part of her life. She wanted them.
Nothing less, nothing more.
A pang of regret and panic slowed her feet as she looked back at her school, now fading behind the curtains of rain. The thought of having the protection of a few of the soldiers while she went to find her parents was a nice one until she remembered the look in the soldier's eyes. That tired, hollow stare of someone who had just been through hell. How could she have asked him or any of them to return now that they had withdrawn to safety? How could she have asked them to abandon her friends and teachers in this dangerous time? Angela made up her mind to continue toward the hospital. There was one last chance for her to find help on her way. There was a checkpoint between the school and the hospital. She hurried on through the rain. It beat on her body and weighed down her clothes as if dragging her back. Her will was stronger, though, and she forced her way forward.
Aside from the drumming rain there was no sound. If the omnic army was anywhere near, they must have been as quiet a mice. There was no human presence either. A cold feeling of loneliness came over her as she ran down the street. As she continued forward she could not help but feel like she was trespassing, as though an adult would pop out at any time and admonish her for acting foolishly. But she could not stop. Her parents were waiting for her. They needed her. Suddenly, through the gray showers, there was a flickering light. Its orange glow lit up the dark afternoon. There was smoke as well billowing up into the clouds. Fuel Angela thought, even in all this rain it burns. As Angela got closer her heart sank and her stomach twisted into a tight knot. The fire was at the checkpoint. The stations were the soldiers checked your papers, and inspected the cars were empty and burnt. Perhaps this was the sight of one of the explosions she had heard.
Cautiously, Angela picked her way around the burning fuel and through the wreckage of the stop. The heat of fire was overwhelming and Angela stayed as far as she could from the volatile fuel as it roared from the tanks and cars that had been parked at the checkpoint. There were things crumpled in heaps around the concrete buildings and emplacements. Angela averted her eyes and swallowed hard. Focusing on her objective, she hurried through the otherside of the checkpoint away from the heat, toward the hospital. The road was now more populated, but with wreckage. She came upon the sparking frames of large omnics, their unlit eyes stared at her, menacing even in death. Some of them carried large turrets on their back and a single terrifying eye looking out from their small heads. Other omnics were huge with four stabilizing legs crumbled beneath them, some with their artillery guns still aloft, others broken in half hanging by wires. The more Angela saw, the faster her feet carried her and the more dread weighed in her mind.
Amid the ruined omnics were the bodies of soldiers. Their corpses lay in grotesque poses. Angela kept her gaze level when she could but the road was becoming more and more hazardous as the hospital grew nearer and nearer. Angela remembered the pained look the soldier had in his eyes. Had he come from the checkpoint or had he come from the hospital? Another team had evacuated them. She clung to the weary soldiers words but Angela felt that they were as true as her statement about her 'brother.' With heavy feet she came upon the hospital district and what she saw there haunted her nightmares for many years to come.
Angela had stumbled onto a battlefield.
There were smoking and smouldering fires in the wreckage all around. Dead from both sides littered the ground. Oil and blood mixed in the puddles gathering craters formed from bombs. Rubble from the hospital buildings was scattered around the surrounding streets. It had been the target of artillery. There had also been some kind of last stand by the able bodied soldiers but they had been overrun. Angela stepped timidly through the mess, passed the horror, passed the devastation and death. She kept her eyes level and refused to look. She had one objective: find her parents.
For a panicked moment she caught sight of a man lying in the wreckage as she entered the lobby of the hospitals trauma center, or what had been the lobby. The man was wearing the long, white coat of a doctor. Angela could not breath as she approached him to check if it was her father. Forcing herself to gaze on the face of the corpse she was both horrified and relieved to find it wasnot her Frederick. The horror of staring death in the face weighed on her tender heart and that beautiful innocence every child possesses began to spoil as she looked on the pale face of the doctor, frozen in unending fear.
Suddenly a scream rang out through the rain. "Mommy?"
Angela ran toward the screaming. She would always know that voice. The usually immaculate halls of the hospital were covered in dust, rubble, and other horrors Angela did not let herself focus on. Further into the hospital she ran, toward the frantic cries.
"Run Alessia!" Her heart pounded wildly when her father's shout reached her ears, along with his grunts of pain and exertion. Once she finally caught sight of them in one of the rooms, she discovered why. "Don't touch my wife!" Frederick growled as he tackled an omnic to the floor.
"Daddy!"
"Angela?" By shifting his gaze toward her daughter, Frederick had made a mistake. The omnic furiously lifted his mechanical foot to meet the doctor's stomach, the impact sent him flying backward against the concrete wall.
Seizing his opportunity to react, the omnic hoisted himself up from the floor and ran towards his rifle a few steps away. Alessia charged forward with full force against the machine, screaming, desperate to keep him away from both Frederick and Angela. She pulled him roughly away from the gun, but her body paid the price for such a move, for she could not spot his fist swinging towards the side of her chin. Angela watched with numbed horror as her mother fell on her back, blood draining from her mouth.
"No!" Her feet pounded the floor, heart throbbing inside her chest. Angela didn't hesitate nor did she think. She could only act; running instinctively towards the omnic as he was about to take aim. Her entire being trembled as she managed to hold his rifle and pull it furiously away from him, forcing her arms to work harder than his as they fought for the gun. "Stay away from my parents!" She shouted, her fear was lost in her despair.
But her opponent barely struggled, for his strength surpassed hers in every way. As she felt powerless before him, her demise grew closer. The omnic forced the rifle to his side in a way Angela's hands weren't able to follow. As she tripped and stumbled over her own feet, Angela had nothing but a side-glance of the end of his rifle rushing directly towards her defenseless face. Burning pain broke open from the point of impact, her lips uncorked a cry laced with blood as she crumpled to the ground.
"Angela no!" She heard her father cry out between labored breaths.
Blackness filled the edges of her vision, but not enough to engulf her completely, for the shaky, pounding of her father's footsteps echoed in her ears along with Alessia's sharp coughs unleashing the accrued blood in her mouth as she rose to her feet. And so, gunshots cracked into the air. Loud as thunder, the symphonic theme to violence reverberated throughout the room and rang out far over the hospital. Then silence reigned.
No sooner had Angela thought of standing up than she felt her father's body collapsing on top of hers, his white coat stained with blood; crimson, in the height of the chest. "D-dad?" A choked whisper escaped her.
With great effort he opened his eyes to see his daughter gazing at him, aghast. Unable to handle his failure he whispered, "I'm sorry, my little angel-" His words broken by his last, jagged breath. She watched the light slowly fade from his eyes and felt his hands grow cold like stone as they rested on her back, as if he intended to give her one last embrace before closing his eyes for the final time. A cold wave embalmed them both, and Angela only managed to emerge from it once she caught sight of the omnic's foot just before her. She pressed her eyes shut, waiting for a bullet to end her life as well. Angela sensed the omnic towering above her, but he did her no harm, as if she was just another lifeless corpse on a crimson river. Instead, the machine kept his peace toward the exit without looking back. Mission accomplished.
"Dad." She called him, her voice low and hoarse. "Dad? Dad!" Her hands reached out for his face in panic, trying to wake him up, trying to bring him back. "Daddy please! Daddy… daddy!" Nothing. Not a move, not a word, for death had claimed his gentle soul at last. "Don't leave me! DADDY!"
Only when Angela's heart clogged her throat was she aware of Alessia's strangled moans leaving her lips as she writhed in pain a few steps away from her husband. "Mommy!" Angela rushed toward her mother and her eyes immediately fell upon the constant, plentiful flow of dark cherry-red gushing profusely from her punctured throat. "No, no, no…No!" Angela sank to her knees, she carefully placed her hands over the wound trying to stop the bleeding. Alessia clapped her hand over her daughters and held it tightly. Unable to speak, her eyes never left her daughters bruising face.
"Mommy tell me what to do! Tell me how to help you, please!" But Alessia couldn't will her words to fly from her open mouth, regardless of her efforts. Instead she took her other hand, stained in red, and tucked a lock of her daughter's golden hair behind her ear. In her last moments she caressed her little angel's cheek and gave her one last, tearful smile.
"Mommy," Angela's voice was just a whisper as she realized nothing could be done. "Please, Mommy don't leave. You can't."
Alessia had already gone, however, her beautiful blue eyes staring , unseeing, just over Angela's shoulder. Her hands dropped from her daughters face. Angela was reduced to sobs, as the salty sea behind her eyes suddenly burst forth. They wracked her body as she knelt beside her mother and father there in the ruined hospital. She cried for a long time until a great fatigue came over her and the blackness returned to her vision. As she submitted to unconsciousness, tears still trailing down her grimy, discolored cheeks.
Author Notes:
Clarification: Howdy friend, thanks for reading my first fanfiction. It is an honor to finally have a work published. I sincerely hope you enjoyed the read. What a rollercoaster it was to write! I definitely would not be posting this without having Lianou to lean on. (check his stuff, it's pretty great) If you have time, please write a comment. Don't be afraid to offer criticism as well. I am always looking to improve. Also if you are so motivated, share this with a friend. Please stay tuned for the next chapter, Spring. Angela is not finished yet.
Lianou: Hello, dear reader. Good morning/afternoon/evening. Thank you kindly for reading the first chapter of Seasons Of Grief. Your thoughts and comments will be very much appreciated if you have a minute or two. It was a great pleasure to work alongside someone so talented and kind such as Clarification, and I cannot wait to see what else we can accomplish together. In all, thank you very much for your time. I hope we meet again soon in Chapter 2 – Spring.