Akkarin was putting on his brave face. Again. Hiding behind his mask; High Lord Akkarin. The mysterious, elusive Akkarin. He sighed. He knew he shouldn't let it get to him, but it still did. Stepping out of the Residence, Akkarin winced. The harsh light made his eyes sting, reminding him of earlier. No, don't think about that, cause if you do... He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Deciding to go and visit Lorlen, he headed towards his office, and focused on the hug he would get shortly. Along the way people stared at him in awe and hastily moved out of his way. He ignored them all, but stopped when he heard his name called. "Yes?" He replied.
"Do you have a minute?"
"I'm sorry, find me later please Balkan. Right now I have an important message for Lorlen."
"Sure." He smiled, "are you ok?" He asked, "you don't look too well.."
"It is fine." He replied. "Just a sleepless night." Balkan nodded in reply and Akkarin continued, almost oblivious to everything around him. He continued on to Lorlen's office and knocked eagerly. The door swung open and Lorlen beckoned for him to enter. He eagerly entered and locked the door firmly behind him. As Lorlen neared, he pulled him close for an embrace. He inhaled Lorlen's scent deeply and sighed content. "I missed you." He breathed.
"What's wrong?" Lorlen frowned. "This isn't like you."
"It's nothing." He said pushing away his thoughts. "I slept badly.." Lorlen pulled back and looked at him.
"I think we both know you are lying." Lorlen said. Akkarin looked away and said nothing. "You know you can tell me anything."
"I know.." Akkarin said hastily, "but.. No, it is fine." Lorlen decided not to push him and gave him another cuddle.
"You are in for a treat today." Lorlen said changing the subject. "I don't have any work to do. Osen decided he was going to make me have a day off." Akkarin smiled mischievously at him.
"Did he really..."
It was your choice. It can never be. Part of you wishes you loved another. Could you love another? It is still a possibility and you know this. Deep down part of you yearns for it, you cannot deny it; nor can you smother it away. It is part of you. He won't understand you, he too has chosen your path.
"Shut up!" He cried out inside. He felt as if his heart had been cloven in two, revealing his darkest desires, and deepest fears. His thoughts were a whirling mass of confusion and everything was out of place.
"Akkarin." He felt his named breathed upon his skin. Opening his eyes he found himself enveloped by his lover. Ever steady was his heartbeat, just like the man himself. Glancing up, there he was. Dark locks of hair draped down his soft face, framing his perfect skin, his emotional eyes and...
His lips are so inviting... Curled in a slight pout as if I haven't kissed them in a while... A deep shiver rolled down his spine, swelling his heart and fuelling his desires. I could never live without this man.
"You make me whole." He heard himself say. Did I really just say that? Lorlen's chest swelled rapidly, racing his heart and his arms held Akkarin closer. "I love you." I did it again. Why does my mouth betray me so? From above he heard a chuckle, and he heard the words he longed to hear reverberate back to him, from both his mouth and chest. Gently, he lifted himself to face his lover and looked longingly into his eyes. Lorlen's eyes gazed back full of love and happiness.
"Akkarin?" Lorlen said softly upon his face.
"Yes?"
"Could... Can you tell me about earlier?"
"Earlier?" He replied puzzled. Oh no... He wants to know about...
"What was bothering you earlier?"
"Oh." Akkarin winced. "That." You can't keep it a secret forever.
"You don't have to tell me." Lorlen said after a few minutes of silence.
"No. I should." He said taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. "I went back to my family home yesterday. A distant cousin from Elyne was also visiting, and she brought along the newest member to the family." He looked away, blushing slightly. "It stirred up some... unwanted thoughts from long ago."
"Ohhh.." Lorlen said realising what he meant. "Well it isn't unreasonable." Moving back, Akkarin lay down on his back, unsure of what to say. He doesn't understand. He can't. He is happy with his Guild. He doesn't yearn for more. "Was your family going on again about being a bachelor?" Lorlen asked softly.
"They always do. It is like a game for them."
"You... You can still have that."
"No!" Akkarin snapped back. "I cannot." Lorlen flinched at his tone and he tried hard not to show his hurt.
"I understand." He muttered softly, and moved to dress. Akkarin grabbed onto him and pulled him back into an embrace.
"I don't mean it like that." He said against the soft contours of Lorlen's body. "Never like that."
"Then what?"
"I... Just wish they'd all understand. I don't want to hide my love for you." Slowly Akkarin ran his hands down Lorlen's face and held his cheek within his palm. "But they'll never understand."
Lorlen reached up and held Akkarin's face in reply, brushing aside the loose strands of hair, and a small smile crept upon his face. "I'll always be here for you." He whispered before placing a tender kiss upon his lips.