To start off, this fic should be taken with a grain of salt. It was not made to be taken 100 percent seriously and was made for pure enjoyment. Despite it being an action/angst fanfic, I couldn't help but add a little humor to it.
I do not own the wonderful show and book known as The Magic School Bus.
This is a response to lianneharmony's Action/Angst Attack Fanfic Challenge. It had to include the following:
-Tim's fantasy crush (can be anyone)
-Arnold Schwarzeneger (hope I spelt it correctly) (A/N: Will not be referred to as such throughout the work)
-A funeral -Wanda and Ralphie pulling a prank
-Carlos dissing the plan of the said prank
-DA sobbing hysterically while Phoebe screams
-The end of the world
-Arnold fangirls
-Keesha's purple jumper from 3rd grade
-The return of Ms. Frizzle
It was a sad, sad day indeed.
Eleven year old Ralphie Tenelli stood beside his mother as the shiny red casket was lowered into the gaping hole in the earth. The May sunlight shone down upon the heads of the family members and Ralphie's seven friends. They were all going to miss such a well-loved woman as she had been in life.
"In lieu of the traditional psalm, this woman asked that she be put to rest to her favorite song, which we shall now hear." The priest said, closing up his book and not showing any signs that the unnaturally warm day was a burden.
So tears were shed as the strains of "Walking on Sunshine" left the small stereo system near the headstone.
Ralphie and his former classmates remained as the last ones at the grave after the funeral had ended. "I can't believe she's gone..." Ralphie sniffled a bit, and Keesha patted him on the shoulder.
"I know, and to find out that she died on your birthday too." Carlos replied, not even being funny for once. "She was such a dynamic person...I know we're all going to miss her so much."
"It's like the Father said: she's on to greener pastures now," Tim consoled, tears streaming down his and everyone else's faces, ⌠She's surfing waves in heaven and flirting with handsome young men."
Wanda wiped the tears from her own eyes, trying to restore her dignity. "Well at least she died doing what she loved: mountain biking down Walkerville Gorge."
The eight stood quiet for another long minute, listening to the sniffles of Ralphie, Phoebe, Arnold and Dorothy Ann. All around them the fresh springtime air was filled with bright warm sunlight and birds and the smells of the plants growing in the cemetery. Though no one vocalized it, it was an appropriate setting for someone as dynamic, as loving, as bright and cheery as she had been in life.
"Come on, let's go. She would never want us to mope like this."
In the end, they took Keesha's advice.
Ralphie had barely left his room since the day of the funeral two weeks ago, except for school and sports practice, and even then he acted like a robot. He ate with much less gusto, which had his mother very concerned for her only son. So she did what any mother would do.
Two blocks away, Tim was fixing up the final touches on his shrine. He had lovingly crafted the display with the help of his woodworking father, and now was affixing several pictures and posters and other memorabilia to it. When he was completed, he stood back and smiled: the picture of the Terminator was the most pleasing thing about the whole setup (It was his most prized possession).
Tim had been introduced to the Terminator during the summer following his event-filled third grade experience; though he would not realize until much, much later that he had developed a crush on Arnold-the-movie-star, he quickly became attached to the actor (and not in a man-crush either, but a full-blown crush). If Tim could be stranded on a deserted island with only one person, he would choose Arnold-the-Terminator.
He jumped as the phone next to his bed rang loudly; shattering the quiet peace-filled moment of alone time Tim had been having with his crush. He picked it up before it could ring again.
"Hello, Tim, this is Mrs. Tenelli," A female voice filled his ear. A second afterwards the shock wore off and Tim regained his ability to talk.
"What can I do for you today, Dr. T?" Tim responded, dusting his empty hand on his thighs; every one of Ralphie's friends had taken to calling his mom Dr. T, because Wanda said it reminded her of a rap star.
"Ralphie's been moping ever since the funeral; he won't even eat his favorite dessert. I was wondering if you could get together some of your friends and cheer him up."
Tim took another long look at the poster displayed. "Not to worry, Dr. T, we'll get right on it"
"Why should we do this?"
Carlos shook his head, for once not willing to go through something as brainless as what Wanda had planned. Maybe it was to impress Dorothy Ann, who had decided to tag along with him, Ralphie and Wanda, but for whatever reason Carlos just wasn't buying it.
Wanda, upon hearing of Ralphie's distress from Carlos, who heard it from Tim, had gathered up as much shaving cream, silly string, toilet paper, and lipstick around her house and proceeded to concoct a prank so diabolical it would have Ralphie cheered up in no time. She placed her hands on her hips, thrusting out her growing chest in front of her as she frowned at the dark-haired boy.
"You're just jealous that you didn't think of this." She huffed, and then handed one of the bags to Ralphie. "You ready Ralphie?"
"I sure am!" The third-generation Italian-American said, hoisting up his bag of goodies in the air.
"Let Operation: Spring Halloween now commence!" Wanda half-shouted and half-whispered, running out from behind the dumpster towards the black sedan with the tinted windows. The reason behind this prank was that Wanda had been looking forward to pulling some "tricks" on Halloween since the fourth grade. Luck wasn't with her, as she had to have an emergency appendectomy that same day.
So this was killing two birds with one stone: making up for lost time while also cheering up her morose friend.
"This is dumb, this is really, really dumb. Even for Wanda." Carlos shook his head, wondering if he and DA should just get the hell out of there before this got messy. Tim was too busy looking at a picture in his hands to really notice: with Arnold-the-Terminator, nothing else mattered.
The deed took less time than expected, though the two partners-in-crime drew it out for as long as they could. Wanda wrapped the antenna with toilet paper streamers and coated the headlights with shaving cream. Ralphie wrote "I Love Barney" in bright red lipstick on each of the windows. They both painted stripes on the sides of the car with the silly string and shaving cream.
"Well I got to tell you Archibald," The first man said, scraping the remainder of the former Ms. Frizzle's cherry cobbler off of the bottom of his plate. "I don't think you'll be having that pest problem for a good long while."
The second man also finished with his dessert, "You might say we really buried her, humanely as possible, of course," the second man winked, and Archibald's wife chuckled as she cleaned up the table. "I know you loved her, but man, in her condition, she was more of a danger to you."
"I know," the glasses-wearing teacher sighed heavily, "but I loved her all the same."
While the prank was underway, and the discussion between Mr. Seedplot and the two shadowy men was had, Keesha and Phoebe were busy hauling clothes to the orphanage. They were an assortment of clothes around their own homes that they couldn't wear anymore. Keesha was busy rustling through her bag of stuff, trying to find what she had seen earlier.
"Hey Phoebe, do you remember this?"
Phoebe turned her attention to the familiar purple jumper that Keesha had gripped in her hand. It was old, it was worn, but it still contained many memories, even if it had only been two years ago.
Before Phoebe could say anything, the sound of Carlos and Dorothy Ann's approaching screams cut through the air like some bizarre siren, and the two girls turned just in time to see the two run from the street behind them and veer towards them. Right behind them ran Ralphie and Wanda, who dropped miscellaneous items of mayhem.
"You guys better get out of here!" Carlos suggested, and no sooner had he said that then a heavily-trashed car pulled out from the same street the four had just run out of.
Keesha and Phoebe did as told.
Arnold always did have a bit of a hero in him.
Whether it be defending Ms. Frizzle's honor from his cousin Janet, helping out a friend in need, or, most importantly, facing down a Tyrannosaurus Rex for his class's safety, Arnold was not as big of a coward as Carlos would tell people. He just tended to be a bit quiet about it. But if he could face down carnivorous dinosaurs at the age of nine, well, everything else just seemed pretty safe.
So when he saw that a small girl's little cat had gotten itself stuck in a tree, he wasted no time in climbing up there and getting it down.
He pulled the calico kitten off of himself as soon as he'd gotten back down (which didn't take very long since the cat hadn't gone up that far in the tree), and handed it back to the little girl. He was pretty sure that that was the end of it; he never expected a parade or anything, just a simple "thank you" for his troubles.
The next thing he knew, he was being hunted down by a small but persistent group of first grade fangirls, who wanted nothing more than to worship him (and smother him with first grader affections).
And as luck were to have it, he ended up running into the same dead end street as his seven friends had moments before. He looked around bewildered as they all crouched with frightened expressions behind garbage cans and dumpsters. Except Tim didn't look exactly frightened; he was looking wistfully at a picture he held in his hands.
"Fangirls?" Arnold inquired.
"A horrible prank gone awry?" Wanda questioned. The reunited group of eight worried that this was how it was to end; instead of in the belly of a tuna fish or lost in the vacuum of space forever, they were to be done in by their own actions. They heard the sound of an approaching car with squealing tires; the two shady men from earlier would gain retribution for their car.
Dorothy Ann broke down into hysterical sobbing in the arms of a blushing Carlos, and Phoebe screamed bloody murder as the car drew closer to its targets.
Tim finally spoke up, intending to at least have the last word before he and the others died painful, horrible deaths. "Goodbye, Arnold my love!"
"What?!"
"Not you! This Arnold!" Tim protested, holding up a picture of The Terminator-Arnold. If they weren't about to die, the rest of the class probably would have chosen to remember that.
However, a second set of screeching tires and groaning breaks filled the alleyway, and the nostalgic scent of exhaust fumes pulled the attention away from the sight of the fast-approaching car. The door to the familiar yellow magical school bus squeaked loudly and a familiar voice cut through the air. "Get in, class!"
Carlos was the first one on; making sure that Dorothy Ann could make it to one of the seats. "Are we glad to see you, Ms. Frizzle!"
The other children expressed similar sighs of relief and gratefulness for their former teacher's prompt action; after giving his greeting Tim had taken refuge in the back seat to kiss his picture with joy. The frizzy-haired redhead smiled brightly, the green lizard perching in her usual spot on the dashboard. She closed the door behind Arnold, who remained for a moment speechless on the stairs as he took in the familiar surroundings.
"So am I, but I'm known as Mrs. Seedplot now." She smiled, and Arnold noticed the gold band around her finger. He gave her the biggest smile he could manage. "You'll always be Ms. Frizzle to us."
Years of experience had made sitting down and buckling up second nature, and by the time they had all buckled the Friz had the gas pedal to the floor and her hand had started to pull a lever on the dashboard.
The tires of the black sedan screeched to a halt as the bus heading right for them vanished without a trace; the bus buzzed harmlessly above them as a bee. The eight children relaxed into the seats that Junket had once called saggy, but they knew better. They were the comfiest seats they could ever remember sitting in.
"Thank you so much, Ms. Frizzle--I mean--" Ralphie stammered.
The Friz just laughed. "Don't worry, Ralphie. I don't mind being called that. By the way, I heard about your grandmother. I'm so sorry for your loss."
In all of the excitement, Ralphie had easily forgotten about his grandmother's funeral. But by this time, and because of all the action, he no longer felt so sad about it. "Thank you, but I'm feeling much better now."
Wanda was the next to break through the silence in the bus. "You know, I feel like some music right about now. So because this bus has so much gadgets that a radio couldn't be added, everyone has to sing "The End of the World (And I feel Fine)" or I'll make you sorry."
And with a laugh, Ralphie joined in with the rest of the class.
The two shady guys never did find out where the kids who trashed their company's sedan, and went about their business of removing the rest of Archibald Seedplot's blighted trees.
Archibald Seedplot never did find out about his wife's hand in rescuing the kids who had trashed the company sedan, nor did he ever learn about the bus' magical properties. He replaced his removed trees with a cherry tree.
Valerie Seedplot (Frizzle), never one to be deterred, taught at Walkerville Elementary for one more year before joining a nudist colony.
Phoebe and Keesha never did get around to dropping off the clothes at the orphanage. Keesha ended up making sock puppets with her old jumper's fabric. A dog chewed up Phoebe's clothes.
Arnold never did escape the affections of the first grade fangirls, though he did briefly distract them with Carlos' charm and good looks.
Carlos never did let Wanda forget her stupid idea, though he did every time he saw Dorothy Ann walk by.
Dorothy Ann never let herself succumb to Carlos' charm; she did succeed in making him jealous without intending to.
Tim never gave up his crush on Arnold-the-movie-star. He continued to build shrines dedicated to him throughout his high school career.
Wanda never admitted that it was her fault the two guys were after them, and she got all but Carlos to stop reminding her about it.
And Ralphie never forgot how much he hated "The End of the World", though he got back at Wanda by singing the bologna jingle she always hated.
The ending was supposed to be like those humorous end credits at the end of certain movies that tell what happens to the characters next.