Disclaimer: Final Fantasy and all of its characters are the property of Square Enix and its affiliates. As much as I wish they were mine, they aren't. At least until my cloning experiments are successful…

Trial By Ice

Chapter 1

Life began at 7:00 AM in Balamb Garden. Students' alarms would begin to go off, forcing them to tumble out of bed and stumble off to the community showers. Meanwhile, staff and on-duty SeeDs would be heading for the private bathrooms included with their rooms. There were definite perks that came with surviving cadet training. This was typically followed by a scramble to find clean clothes and finish homework or grades that were forgotten the night before.

The population of Balamb Garden was fully awake by 7:30 AM. The cafeteria would open and everyone would make their way down to breakfast. Some would sit and wait for friends to arrive while others would grab a quick bite and head to the open library to cram for an afternoon midterm.

It was 7:33 AM when Irvine Kinneas sauntered back to his room wearing yesterday's rumpled clothes and a broad smirk of triumph. He was about to key in the access code to his door when a flash of gold caught his eye. Glancing up, he saw Zell Dincht heading down the hallway. The martial artist looked positively frazzled with his wrinkled SeeD jacket and half tucked shirt. One hand was running gel through his hair while the other frantically wiped at a drip of toothpaste on his uncreased pants.

Irvine winced. It looked like his friend could use a little extra sympathy today. "Hey there, Zell," He called out with a cheerful wave. "Rough morning?"

"You have no idea," Zell grumbled as he finished pushing blonde bangs into their trademark crest. "I'm taking my cadets outside this morning, but I was in the Training Center until late last night and forgot to iron my uniform. Plus I overslept this morning, so I'm late for breakfast. And on top of it all-"

The blonde was immediately silenced by a palm over his mouth. Irvine flashed him a sympathetic smile. "Whoa there Zelly-boy, give your jaw a second to rest. These problems are easily solved. Now, when are you meeting the cadets?"

"Eight-fifteen," Zell sighed. "Which means I need to hightail it to the cafeteria now or I'm gonna be fighting on an empty stomach."

Irvine chuckled, causing Zell to bristle beside him. "Relax. I've got an iron and some breakfast bars in my room. I'll straighten out your uniform while you eat and take a minute to calm down. You'll make it in plenty of time."

Zell's eyes practically glistened with gratitude as Irvine finished keying in his code and opened the door. Once inside, Zell stripped down to his shirt and boxers while Irvine rummaged through his desk drawers for the promised food.

"I don't know why you're so worried about a few wrinkles," The sniper pulled out the ironing equipment, which Balamb Garden so graciously provided for every SeeD dorm, and proceeded to tackle the understated folds on Zell's jacket. "If you're going to be fighting outside, it's just gonna get messed up again."

Zell sighed as he tore the wrapper of a strawberry breakfast bar. "It's not about practicality, Irvine. It's about the image. You know it's my first semester as an instructor candidate. Even though I'm only tutoring a couple cadets, I have to look like a respectable instructor. The Board is really picky about decorum, so I can't afford to make little mistakes. If I show up in a wrinkled uniform, they'll deny me my license. I really want to do this, but I won't get the chance if I don't make the first cut."

Irvine nodded as he started on the jacket sleeves. He'd heard horror stories from Quistis about obtaining instructor certification at any of the Gardens. It had become a lot worse recently, now that NORG was gone and the Gardens were financed by a council of trustees. The newly appointed Board of Education had made the process a lot more selective. For the first semester, a SeeD going for their teaching license would be assigned to three cadets preparing for their own SeeD exams. They would meet a few hours each week to review for the written exam and practice techniques for the practical. In order for the SeeD to be considered for instructor training, all three of their cadets had to receive passing grades on the written portion. For the practical, two cadets had to score an eighty percent, meeting the minimum requirements for SeeD ranking. The third cadet had to receive a score of at least seventy-five percent, meaning they had made one large or several small mistakes that cost them their chance at SeeD for the semester. If the cadets did not achieve the proper scores, the SeeD going for their instructor license would have to try again the following semester with a new batch of cadets. On top of that, instructor candidates also had to adhere to strict new rules set down by the Board. Any blatant slip-ups in decorum could also cost them their chance for their license that semester. Needless to say, some SeeDs had to keep trying for years before they made the first cut. And Irvine wanted no part in that. For now, he was happy being another SeeD grunt without the extra pressure.

"You shouldn't worry so much, Zell," Irvine smiled as he gave the freshly ironed jacket back to its owner. "I've heard you've got a good group, and your tutoring is really paying off with them. I'm sure they'll do well and you'll get into the instructor program without a problem. And if you don't it's no big deal. The Board mostly pays attention to the cadets' progress, not your pants. Quisty told me that she'd trained cadets completely out of uniform on hot days when she was an instructor candidate, but she still made it."

Zell tore open the packaging of another bar. "Not right away, she didn't," He mumbled between bites. "She had to go through the process twice before she made it."

The sniper waved a hand dismissingly. "Yeah, but that's because she was stuck with Seifer the first time, and you know how he…" He trailed off when he noticed Zell had stopped chewing. The martial artist's skin had taken on an ashen hue. "Zell?"

Bright sapphire eyes blinked and Zell's head snapped up at the sound of Irvine's voice. He blushed, as though he had momentarily forgotten that he was sitting in his underwear on Irvine's bed while the playboy cowboy ironed his pants. Zell shook his head to clear the blush, but his face remained tight with worry.

"You okay there?" Irvine asked, violet eyes softening in concern. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Maybe I have," The blonde muttered. Upon seeing Irvine's confused expression, he elaborated. "The instructor thing isn't the only reason I want to look respectable. I kinda have to because…well…Seifer's back."

"What?" Irvine shouted and immediately recoiled with a hiss as his free hand smacked into the hot iron.

Zell sighed, seemingly oblivious to the accident. "Yeah, he just arrived yesterday morning. I was really hoping Squall would have waited longer before letting him back in for a second chance. I guess he just missed his favorite sparring partner too much."

The sniper grunted in agreement from the bathroom as he held his hand under the cold running water. "So what does that have to do with a neatly creased uniform?" He called.

"You know how Seifer is. Once he saw me, he started 'chicken wuss'ing me all over again. I thought that if I looked like a mature, respectable instructor, he might just knock it off."

"And in the very likely chance that that doesn't work?" Irvine asked as he came back to finish the pants.

"I'll beat the living shit out of him," Zell smirked, punching his palm. Five seconds later, the blonde slouched back on the bed again with a sigh. "If he doesn't take my head off with Hyperion first."

Irvine couldn't help but smile at the scene before him. There was Zell, martial arts expert and a savior of time itself, slouching dejectedly on his bed; fully dressed in proper SeeD attire on top and pale blue boxers and polished uniform boots on the bottom. The pouting frown on his face, combined with his hair already falling out of its crest (he obviously hadn't squirted enough gel on it in his rush this morning), made him look like a disgruntled chocobo. Irvine could recall a time in his early cadet days when he'd worn a similar expression after hearing about changes he didn't like. That was before he had learned to relax. No, that was before he had learned ways to keep him relaxed. Perhaps it was time for him to pass on a little wisdom.

The iron was switched off and Irvine handed the newly creased pants to Zell, taking a seat beside him as the blonde pulled them on. "My dear Zell, you're obviously stressed and could do with a little winding down. Let me share a little saying handed down for generations back at Galbadia Garden."

"Oh yeah?" Zell cocked a bemused eyebrow as he fastened his belt buckle. "Do tell."

Irvine smirked, eyes dancing mischievously. "To attain mental satisfaction, one must first attain physical satiation."

Zell simply stared at him blankly for a moment before shaking his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"In layman's terms, you need to get laid, buddy."

"I should have known!" Zell cried out as he stood up. Irvine tried to speak, but was cut off as Zell turned to face him, frustration clearly evident on his face. "That's your answer to everything, isn't it?"

The sniper merely shrugged. "I have yet to find a problem that a night and a willing cadet haven't helped cure."

"And I suppose that's why you were heading back here at the same time that everyone else was leaving?"

"Absolutely," Irvine chuckled. He closed his violet eyes and lay back on the bed, hands folded behind his head. "One of the advanced firearms cadets wanted to wish me a happy eighteenth birthday, but was too shy to come to the party last week. So she arranged a private party in her dorm with one of her girlfriends…and her boyfriend."

Zell grimaced. "You're disgusting."

"Hey, life's too short to only pursue one gender."

"And it's because of your free-loving attitude that I can't get a girlfriend to 'attain physical satiation' or whatever."

One violet eye cracked open. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I don't want to be with a girl that's gonna spread her legs for a quick romp with the infamous Irvine Kinneas at the drop of a hat," Zell spoke slowly, his words low and clearly dangerous. "I want someone who'd be committed only to me; someone who understands that love is about more than sex. But you've seduced every girl I've ever wanted."

Irvine sat up quickly. "Whoa, Zell, that's a huge assumption. I may have slept with a lot of people, but I never pursue anyone that my friends have their eyes on," His eyes narrowed with grave seriousness. "I may be a playboy, but I do have morals."

"Well I guess those morals don't apply to me," Zell muttered as he headed to the door. "Look, thanks for breakfast and taking care of my uniform. I'll pay you back later."

But before Zell could reach the keypad, Irvine grabbed the martial artist's shoulder. The sniper spun his friend around to face him fully, one hand on each shoulder. Violet eyes framed by auburn locks captured the attention of startled sapphire.

"Of course my morals apply to you," Irvine shook Zell for emphasis. "Name one girl you wanted that I stole."

Zell kept his eyes focused on Irvine's, desperately fighting a rising blush. "Selphie."

"What?" Irvine started, eyes widening in surprise. "Zell, I had no idea you liked her like that. You never said anything, so I didn't think you saw her as more than a friend. I wouldn't have gone after her if I knew. And it didn't work out between us anyway. We had one night together and decided a relationship would be too weird. It would be like dating my sister, or something. So we just pretended it never happened…Wait, we never told anyone. How did you know about that?"

Zell rolled his eyes. "And here I thought you snipers were supposed to be observant. Selphie's room is next to mine and the walls aren't exactly soundproof."

Irvine paled. His hands fell from Zell's shoulders as he stepped away. "Oh Hyne. And Selphie's…"

"A screamer," Zell finished. "I heard you two going at it all night. And since then, she's made it a habit of bringing boys to her room every other night. I have to go to the Training Center for hours until they finally leave. I get a great workout, but by then it's really late and I don't get enough sleep."

Realization dawned on Irvine. "So you were running behind this morning because you were at the Training Center until late last night because…"

"Yeah," Zell sighed. "Selphie brought a friend over last night."

Irvine winced empathetically, having first hand knowledge of how piercing Selphie's shrieks got when she was ready to orgasm.

Zell sighed. "Exactly. I swear she comes in second for the most conquests in a week at B-Garden, next to you."

"You're giving me too much credit."

"No, I'm serious. All of the girls trip over each other trying to get into your pants, Irvine. And a bunch of guys do too. Hyne, I wouldn't be surprised if Shiva herself wanted to screw you too."

As if responding to Zell's statement, Irvine's favorite junction quivered in the back of his mind. There was the tiniest rumbling in his ear too, almost as though the ice goddess was purring.

Odd, Irvine thought. She's never done that before.

Zell shook his head. "Look, I'm sorry. What you do with your free time is your business. And you're right. I never said anything. I never say anything when I really need to. That's the real reason I can't get a girlfriend. I've just been really frustrated with that, and the teaching thing, and Selphie doing the horizontal mambo all the time. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that."

"Hey don't worry about it," Irvine smiled as he pulled Zell into a one armed hug. "I'm used to it by now. Tell you what, if you ever get a free day, we'll sit down and work on your communication skills. I'll help you figure out when to talk and when to shut your yap. Deal?"

The blonde's lips curled into a tiny smile. "Deal."

At that moment, the PA system beeped and Xu's voice echoed throughout Garden. "Attention. Irvine Kinneas, please report to the third floor. Repeat. Irvine Kinneas, please report to the third floor. That is all."

Irvine chuckled. "Sounds like Squall's got a mission planned. Guess we'll have to wait until I get back."

"Guess so," Zell chuckled as well. "Anyway, I need to go. I've gotta meet with the cadets in a couple minutes. Thanks again for your help. I'll see you later."

Irvine waved as Zell closed the door behind him. He put the ironing equipment back in his closet and headed for the bathroom. Shiva was still making that purring noise, though it was muted by the water spurting out of the shower head. Ten minutes later, Irvine had showered, shaved, and thrown on fresh clothes. After checking his gun and ammo, and noting that Shiva was finally quiet, he headed off to the third floor.

Duty called.

Author's Notes: How does everyone like it so far? There will be action, angst, and romance aplenty as the story progresses. Just be patient. Please feel free to leave reviews. Constructive criticism is wonderful, but flames are pointless and will be ignored.