Just a few improvements to polish my writing…
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot I guess, Oh and Ding Cong.
Introduction: This is a story about two people who grew apart, their memories, their regrets, and their wishes. It's a love story. But not just any kind of love, it's supposed to be a love so pure that now-a-days doesn't seem to exist.
Warning: Do not read unless you consider yourself mentally mature. This story means no offense to the characters. If you don't like it, then quit reading and don't flame me.
The Letter
Three years had gone by since the last time Mulan and Shang had been together. Mulan found herself alone in her room, thinking about him and wondering where he was. Like she had done before, she began to write him a letter.
"Three years of bitter agony and regrets inside my heart have gone by very slowly. During those three years I heard nothing of you. Although countless times I swore I cared no more about you and said I was over you; there was not an instant in which your handsome face wouldn't flash inside my thoughts. For as much as I tried to busy my head thinking something that wouldn't be you, and the image of us together, it turned to be completely useless. And I cursed you for so many times because you haunted me like a nightmare I couldn't get rid of. You kept me from having a peaceful life and I could not settle down with someone else because I loved you despite all you did to me. For some reason I was bound to you, we were so damned tied together...I couldn't let go from you. I wonder if you felt the same."
But life did not stop with his absence. Obviously, Mulan forced herself to pretend she was fine to prevent her family from worrying about her, although she was aware that her soul was slowly dying while she feigned to be happy.
For three years, Mulan received no letters from Li Shang. But she had insisted on staying in touch with him. She wrote several letters to him which were never answered. Mulan wanted so badly to hear about him, to see him, even if it were from far away, just to know he was still alive and fine.
"Sometimes I think you are too busy to remember I ever existed, or worse I was ever part of your life."
Mulan sunk her brush to the ink container and continued writing.
"I think you should know that I am about to settle down with a man, finally. I must confess I am not thrilled with the idea, because I know I will never be a perfect wife. But at least my family will be pleased with the fact that I shall be doing things properly for once. And now I have vanished all those dreams and precious illusions of having a life with you."
Mulan sighed. After all these years of waiting for him, reality had finally hit her and she convinced herself that she had to give up the fantasy of being loved in order to become a wife.
"Well, Ding Cong is a very respectable man, probably not as you because he has no military rank nor noble blood. Yet he is the wealthiest farmer in my village. I don't know him well but I overheard him once talking to his comrades about me and he sees his marriage with me as a challenge. Filthy men."
Mulan sadly recalled the moments she had spent with Li Shang. The good old days when they would engage in conversations in which he would explain her military strategies and she would listen attentively. She really missed him.
"Back to the subject of us. I forgot to say, I wrote more than twenty letters to you, which of course were never replied. What happened to us, Li Shang? We were very good friends not so long ago. Does it have to do with what I'm thinking?
I know I was probably nothing more than another foolish girl among thousands who admired you, but to me, Li Shang you meant everything and yes, unfortunately, you still are the whole world to me. I dare say, I am probably the only person who has really loved you for who you are, and not for your rank, not for your money, not for your medals...Did you find what you were searching for?
Can you remember the last time we talked to each other?
Maybe not.
The memory of us together constantly repeats inside my head. There is not even a day I don't remember that rainy night."
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Flashback:
After a battle which ended in the loss of many brave men, the troops lead by General Li Shang were marching towards the Imperial City.
Mulan was inside her tent preparing herself for a sleep that would never come. Then she decided to check if Shang was asleep. She knew perfectly he would be awake, after spending so much time around him she had learned his habits. He never slept before or after a battle.
As a result of facing a horrible battle that became a massacre, Mulan was feeling anxious and she wanted to talk and keep herself from relieving the battle in her head. During the battle she had feared losing Li Shang.
Mulan stood before the General's tent and checked twice if there was someone looking for she did not want to lead the rest of the soldiers into thinking she was having an affair with Shang. At that moment, most of the soldiers were very busy engaged in conversations while others were asleep. Mulan made her way inside Shang's tent before she was caught.
Li Shang was sitting down with his head resting on both hands. He appeared to be lost in his own world.
"Shang?" she called out announcing her presence to him.
"Mulan," Shang replied standing up and walking to her, "Are you all right? Did you get hurt. I'm sorry I didn't check you out, but you know, the doctor insisted, and I thought you were now sleeping."
"No, no. I'm ok," Mulan answered trying to conceal her delight to the fact that he was worried about her. "I just wanted to talk to someone."
"Oh, I'm glad you're fine," Shang said placing his hand on Mulan's shoulder with a lopsided smile upon his face.
"What about you?" she asked pointing at his bandaged left arm.
"It's just a little scratch, nothing serious." Immediately, he moved his hand to cover the bandage around his arm and changed the subject. "So, about what do you wish to speak to me?"
"Anything, I just need some company, someone to make me forget."
"Oh," Shang grinned widely, "I must confess I need some too."
A giggle escaped from Mulan, betraying the fear she wanted to keep to herself.
"May I ask you one question?" the General inquired politely. It was one among his many qualities, being such a gentleman, no matter the circumstances he had always respected her.
"Sure, go ahead."
"If I'm not mistaken," hesitating, he went on, "You are you nervous about the battle we faced today?"
Maybe you knew me better than I thought, after all, we were supposed to be friends.
"I am," confessed Mulan feeling like a foolish girl scared of fireworks on the New Year's Celebration.
"You're not the only one who feels scared after a battle. Everyone fears death, even the bravest warrior. War affects us, and we all have different ways of showing it."
"I can't sleep. The corpses laying still, the blood, the cries, their maniac faces, our lost soldiers," Mulan whispered, "It's like they're haunting me. I killed. I don't feel like a hero, I feel like a murderer."
"I see no murderer in you. Those bastards didn't deserve to live. You did it for your country, for your people." Mulan felt a bit strange as she heard him trying to soothe her. "Imagine if we had lost the battle, think of the innocent children, think of your family, Mulan. I know it's hard. Sometimes, I wish there could be another way to solve things, but they are barbarians and we have to stop them."
Their eyes locked. That moment, all Mulan wanted was to feel Shang's lips on hers, only that way she could forget about all her troubles and fears. She wanted to feel safe with him. But soon they looked away from each other.
Mulan apologized, "Sorry for being so foolish, you know it was my first real battle...you know, with the sword slaughtering thing."
"You're not foolish. You're fair and maybe you're too pure to be corrupted by the loathing between barbarians and Chinese."
Mulan was blushing cherry red now. Every time she received a compliment from her dear General she reacted the same way. Once again their eyes were staring deep into each other's still and a tear Mulan tried to hold on, rolled down her cheek.
"Everything is going to be fine," Shang assured, "No one is going to harm you as long as I'm at your side."
Those words made it. The longing Mulan had been fighting to conceal and the craving she tried to control burst out, like the lava exploding from inside a volcano...Mulan mustered the courage within her and offered him her lips. To her surprise, Li Shang replied the kiss, and for that moment she knew they both wanted the same. It had been Mulan's first kiss.
Their mouths stuck together softly grinding unto each other until they found the need to catch their breaths.
Unexpectedly Shang put his arms around Mulan's waist and pulled her closer to him. "Mulan, please, kiss me once again."
Without complaints, she disposed herself to fulfill her commanding officer's request. This second kiss lasted longer than the first. None of them let reason get in the way and all of a sudden Mulan found herself lying on the ground below Shang's body with her legs around his waist. They could hear the raindrops pounding on his tent.
Once again their lips parted. Shang let out a long sigh and rested his head on Mulan's chest. The heavens knew how nervous she was about having him so near.
"Mulan," he called out softly, "I need you to stay with me for the night, and leave before dawn."
She had fallen under the spell of his eyes, it was as if she no longer had control over her own decisions, he was her weakness and she could not say no to him. She did not give him an answer but he stared into her eyes longingly with such an expression of pleading in his dark eyes she had never seen before. He was like a child begging for a bedtime story.
"I will," was her final answer.
You began planting soft kisses on my neck that tickled and made me giggle. Then you gently slid your hand stroking from my left cheek to my waist. Gods, I didn't feel ready for this, but I didn't want you to hate me for it. You bent down to kiss me and I pulled the ribbon that kept your black hair ever so tidy and your hair fell over your shoulders. Even with loose hair he looked handsome. Smiling he undid the knot securing Mulan's robe. She was aware of her flushed skin. His hands wandered inside the shirt she always wore below her robe. She could feel every inch of her skin burning and her heartbeat rising.
"Please tell me, is there a woman as physically and as spiritually beautiful as you, Fa Mulan?"
His hands were know tenderly caressing her breasts making it hard for her to breathe.
"Just relax, I can't go on if you don't want to," he whispered.
"Don't, Shang, it's just that I've never done this before."
Shang lifted her shirt and right away and she pulled it back down trying to conceal the mark of Shan Yu's sword on her side. She felt embarrassed.
"Mulan, what's wrong?" he asked gently.
"You really don't want to see that."
"See what? Your scar? Your breasts?"
Mulan nodded. Yet he kissed her hand and gently removed it from the covered part of her abdomen. He lifted her shirt again and kissed the scar on her side gently. Then he helped her completely remove the shirt, and now she was exposing him her breasts. Although she felt awfully embarrassed, somehow she wanted him to go on. As she shut her eyes she heard him say, "Mulan, your body is beautiful."
A loud thunder crackled. She pulled his body closer to her own. Their lips met again as they rolled over on the ground. When they stopped, Shang tenderly placed his hand on her womb and planted a kiss there. She could guess what would follow. Shang attempted to pull down her trousers, but she held his hand with her own and offered him another kiss. He gratefully accepted the kiss and his hands moved to caress her neck and shoulders.
But then he stopped abruptly and whispered "Mulan, I can't do you this. Leave, now."
"But Shang," she tried to protest.
He stood up, making her feel cold all of a sudden. He picked Mulan's shirt and robe and handed them to her. "You are right. We can't," he said bitterly and walked out of your tent.
It all happened so fast she could not tell what was going on. She covered her naked chest with her clothes and left his tent swallowing her tears. She was utterly bewildered by his unexpected switch of mood. One minute he wanted to take everything off her and kiss her passionately, but the next he just wanted her to leave. Once again Mulan found herself confused by his attitude like so many times before.
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Mulan opened her eyes to end the letter.
"Sometimes I wonder if you thought I was not good enough for you. And here I am three years after that rainy night. All I wanted back then was to be with you and forget about everything. It was the last time we shared a conversation. In fact thanks to the incident I actually did forget about the battle. . .
Sincerely
Fa Mulan."
Qi Feng's Ending Note:
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