Helloooo there, naïve readers. If you're looking for a hilariously perverted Spongebob fanfic, you've come to the right place. If not, I suggest you turn back…
DISCLAIMER::: I don't own any of the Spongebob characters and whatnot…but I do own a stuffed animal Patrick!!! Does that count??? Ugh…didn't think so. Hey, nothing wasted by trying!
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"Gimmie another shot." Patrick said, alcohol seeping from his pores. The bartender slid him another shot and Patrick downed it.
"Here's tonight's entertainment!" a voice said over the intercom. Patrick looked stupidly towards the stage, a yellow blob came out. As he looked harder he saw it was more squar-ish.
"Hey, look! It's Spongebob!" he said, pointing in a drunken manner. Spongebob, who hadn't noticed Patrick, was now stripping. His tie came off, then his white shirt, then the brown pants. A thin cheetah patterned thong was all that was left of his clothing. He danced around the pole that was conveniently placed in the middle of the stage.
"Whooooo!" Patrick called, throwing a dollar towards the stage. Some more dollar bills were thrown at the stage, and Patrick yelled, "Let's see what's under that underwear!" while fishing a twenty from out of his wallet. The drunken Manray, who was sitting nearby, saw the infamous brown wallet and ran, screaming, out of the bar.
After Spongebob's shift was over, he sat down next to Patrick and had a few shots and a couple beers. Now fully drunken, they put on their Goofy Goober Peanut hats, and sang the Goofy Goober song. Alcohol and sugar have about the same effect on them…
Spongebob and Patrick half skipped-half stumbled gaily back to Spongebob's house, where they had some fun to the Livin' In the Sunlight, Lovin' In the Moonlight song. Still not sexually satisfied, they called Sandy over. Her suit came off, and shortly after the bikini. In the middle of it all, Patrick had to stop to refuel, so they all had to wait while he downed 3 Krabby Patties. Then the fun started again. After all, F is for friends who do STUFF together, U is for U and ME, N is for ANYWHERE at ANYTIME at all down here in the deep blue sea.
Squidward joined in soon enough. After all, he WAS voted most likely to SUCK EGGS in high school. Sandy found Squidward's always-present crabbiness a major turn-on. So they paired off for awhile. What do you think Squidward does for fun? You never see him having any OTHER fun, so this is basically the highlight of the week for him…
Spongebob was in the middle of giving Patrick a spanking with his spatula, when Mermaidman barged in. "You young'uns aren't going to have all this fun without me, are you?" He asked. Spongebob looked down at the belt encircircling Mermaidman's large berth and smiled wryly.
Soon, Spongebob had Mermaidman tied to a chair with his belt (which had been changed to Wumbo). Spongebob then started giving him a lap dance. "Whoa there, laddie. I don't seem to get how this works…" He said, utterly confused. Spongebob smiled at the old man's naieveness and said seductively, "I wumbo you. You wumbo me." Mermaidman's wrinkles came together at his forehead as a confused look crossed his face. "Shhh. Just relax." Spongebob whispered.
Patrick looked up from trying to open a pickle jar in time to see the spandex of Mermaidman's pants begin to rise. Patrick rolled his eyes and proceeded to attempt to open the jar, which was by far more entertaining than watching THAT.
By then Sandy and Squidward had gone off to Sandy's house (though they barely made it there) where they could have a bit more privacy. Even though Squidward had insisted on videotaping it…
By the end of the night everyone was pleased. All except for Patrick…who never got his jar opened.
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Now review, my loves! Review!!!! Yesss that's right. Come and tell Waffles all about your reading experience. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!