Amelia on Shakespeare
By Reanna King
Author's note: Mmmm… in my Shakespeare class, I was skimming though my book and found some rather… Amelia-ish verses in "The Rape of Lucrece." I decided that I didn't want to read the whole thing and picked out five verses to use in this. I'm writing this with virtually no planning whatsoever, so pardon any craziness/insanity that occurs within this fic.
MALE VICTIM: (holding hands up) No! Please! Don't hurt us!
FEMALE VICTIM: (huddling close to MALE VICTIM) Leave us alone, please!
BANDIT 1: Stop whining!
BANDIT 2: (prodding MALE VICTIM with short sword) C'mon! Yer money or yer wife!
BANDIT 3: 'R both!
MALE VICTIM: Oh, who will save us?
AMELIA: O foul evil who creeps forth from the bowels of hell,
Justice serves me and Justice serves me well!
Whoever plots the sin, thou point'st the season,
'Tis thou that spurn'st at right, at law, at reason!
BANDIT 1: (looking around) What the—
BANDIT 2: Show thyself, wench!
(AMELIA appears in a high branch of a nearby tree)
BANDIT 3: It's a kid!
FEMALE VICTIM: We're saved!
(AMELIA leaps down from the tree, and lands on her head. She quickly recovers, stands, and points an accusing finger at THE BANDITS)
AMELIA: I am Amelia Wil Tesla Seillune, defender of Justice! I do not forgive those who have been possessed by evil! You do wrong and therefore you are villains!
BANDIT 2: What's with this girl?
BANDIT 3: Who cares, let's get her!
AMELIA: DIEM WING!
(The resulting gust of wind blows THE BANDITS backwards until they hit trees, rocks, thorny bushes, etc.)
AMELIA: When will you learn that allies of Justice will always prevail over minions of evil?
BANDIT 1: (struggles to get up) That's it, you've had it…
AMELIA: Why should the worm intrude the maiden bud?
Or hateful cuckoos hatch in sparrows' nests?
Or toads infect fair founts with venom mud?
Or tyrant folly lurk in gentle breasts?
But no perfection is so absolute,
That some impurity doth not pollute!
MALE VICTIM: Huh?
AMELIA: FIRE BALL! (The fire ball fries the poor BANDITS. AMELIA strides up to them) Guilty thou art of murder and of theft,
Guilty of perjury and subordination,
Guilty of treason, forgery, and shift,
Guilty of incest, that abomination,
An accessory by thine inclination
To all sins past and all that are to come,
From the creation to the general doom!
BANDIT 2: Listen, we're sorry, we'll never do it again!
BANDIT 3: Just stop talking like that, we can't understand a word you're saying!
AMELIA: Your punishment has just begun, villains!
Thy secret pleasure turns to open shame,
Thy private feasting to a public fast,
Thy smoothing titles to a ragged name,
Thy sug'red tongue to bitter wormwood taste;
Thy violent vanities can never last.
BANDIT 3: I can't take much more of this!
BANDIT 1: (stands up) I'll shut your mouth for good!
AMELIA: RONDO BURST!
(The poor BANDITS are now in a broken pile at AMELIA'S feet)
AMELIA: Thou makest the vestral violate her oath,
Thou blowest the fire when temperance is thaw'd,
Thou smother'st honesty, thou murth'rest troth,
Thou foul abettor, thou notorious bawd,
Thou plantest scandal, and displacest laud.
Thou ravisher, thou traitor, thou false thief,
Thy honey turns to gall, thy joy to grief!
MALE VICTIM: Really, we can't thank you enough. You can go now.
FEMALE VICTIM: You've done enough, honestly!
AMELIA: I'M NOT DONE PUNISHING YET!
MALE VICTIM: Yes, ma'am!
AMELIA: The patient dies while the physician sleeps,
The orphan pines while the oppressor feeds,
Justice is feasting while the widow weeps,
Advice is sporting while infection breeds.
Thou grant'st no time for charitable deeds.
Wrath, envy, treason, rape, and murther's rages,
Thy heinous hours wait on them as their pages!
(AMELIA looks at her feet)
AMELIA: How dost thou feel now, fiend?
(No one's there. The BANDITS as well as the VICTIMS have fled the scene)
AMELIA: (holds her fist to the air) Another triumph in the name of Justice!