Because my brain is fucking poking me and saying 'Hey! Write this!' When I already have NanoWrimo to deal with and RBTTT. Just. Shut the fuck up, brain. Fine. I give.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I must admit I feel a bit foolish. I'm a thirty year old woman, dressed in black pants, an ICP t-shirt, and a ridiculous amount of Hot Topic jewelry. Currently, I am greatly regretting the decision to bet with my cousin Roxy that I could drink her under the table. The hangover still makes me wince when exposed to direct sunlight, and it's been three days.

Closing my eyes and breathing deeply, I take stock of my life. I am Rose LaLonde. Therapist, and owner of an herbal remedy shop. That may or may not have a room in the back with which I can see patients on the sly. I own a lovely little cottage out in the middle of fuck-all no-where, which is just where I'd like it to be. I foolishly took my cousin out drinking the other night and challenged her to a drinking contest. The stakes were such that if I won, she'd have to be sober for a month. If she won, I had to go to an event of her choosing. Alone. Outside. Which I really haven't done for...almost a year now. The reasons for that...I'd rather not think about.

Sighing and turning away from the mirror to flop back on my bed, I muse over her intentions. She genuinely cares for me, in her drunk scientist 'lets do an experiment' kind of way. As she put it "Gog, Rise, er, Rose, get the fcuck *fuck* out of the house! You're beautiful, bb, and you need to share that with the world!" I think she was waxing philosophical at that point, but I understand the essentials. She's well meaning, but terribly meddlesome.

It wouldn't be the first time she's tried to pry me out of my shell over the last six or so months. Turning my head to sniff the pillow that was once Kanaya's, I remember the blind date she sprung on me when we went out for sushi. She brought along some snarky computer nerd, Sollux, I think, and left me to talk with a gentle giant of a man, who could barely speak through his stutters. He was sweet, but...I have my limits in patience.

Speak of the devil. She comes bouncing in, bright and chipper as sunshine and already smashed. "Rise and Shine, it's time to go!" Oh I hate you so much right now. Roxy plops down next to me, pouting, "Awww Rosie-posie! Why didn't you put on the mak-ip, er, make-up?" I glare at her through half-shut eyelids. She pokes my forehead, cheeky monkey. "Come onnnn, you can't have the full ICP exper. without the faaccceee Rooosssiiiiiieeee."

Smirking indulgently, I scrub my eyelid with my palm. " I'm terribly sorry, Rox. But there is simply no way, in the foreseeable future, that I will apply make up to make me look like an entertainer of children, who may or may not be in full control of their mental faculties." She whines a bit more, but gives in when she sees my 'srs' face.

"Fine. You're perf. the way you are anyway, you cutie patootie!" I hope a solar storm melts her face. She stands up, stretching like a lazy cat, "I'll see you in the car, babe. Hurry up!" Augh. This is the part I wasn't looking forward to. Well. Maybe I'm not looking forward to any of the parts, but whatever. Shut up.

She insisted on driving me to the "Gathering" herself and hailing a cab home after seeing me safely inside the 'Dark Carnival,' thus ensuring I would actually attend. Why does she hate me so much. Then again, the repercussions for leaving early (leaked pictures and videos of my less than laudable behavior at the bar that fated night) are incentive enough to stay. She's diabolical, and I love her. Bitch.

She waits for me in the passenger seat, because there is no way I'm letting her schnatzed ass drive my beautifully ugly old Ford Explorer to the concert. Or ever. The car ride consists of awkward silences and my desperate pleas for her to let me out of the bet. Each entreaty is met with an indifferent, "Noep, you made a promise, Rosie," and a Cheshire smile. This is going to be the longest hour drive ever.

I give up, turning up the radio so I can absorb the last good music I'll be able to listen to until I leave the concert a shaking mess. I really hate clowns. I hate Roxy. I can't hate alcohol, even though it's the reason I'm stuck participating in this awful game of one-upmanship, currently. The Black Keys wail about the girl that keeps them waiting.

We pull up to the carnival grounds at Cave-In-Rock, and I groan internally. It's the last day of the festival, and from what I can see, everyone is batshit bananas crazy, and it's only twelve o clock in the afternoon. People are camping out in tents and cars. Trash is everywhere. That...is a fat naked man running down the aisle of cars. I want eye bleach. I want to go home. Don't want to see scary clowns. No. You can't make me. Do not want.

Roxy cackles next to me, and I realize I'd been speaking aloud. "Ish okie, Rosie-posie. I'll be nice and even only make you stay...three hours. That's all I need you to be here for, okay?" I could cry in relief. But that's still a long time. I nod assent, parking my car next to the only vehicles that don't look to be abandoned or on fire.

With the car off, I can only watch in horror the festivities that are occurring before me. Topless women competing for beads, fire-eaters, stilt-walkers, all in terribly done black and white make-up. We haven't even gotten inside of the 'Gathering' yet.

Roxy turns to me, all business. "You gotta take your pohn, phone, in with you. That's how I'll know where you are." She grins at my dubious expression, "I haxxxored it with my awesome abilities, babycakes! I could find you annyyyywheerrreee!" I diddle with my phone, a pretense to stay in my comfort zone just a bit longer. Growing irritated with my reluctance, she reaches over to my side of the car, unbuckling my seat belt and snapping open the door, impatiently shooing me out of my own damn vehicle. "Go on, you snarky brod, broad, Geez!"

With a click of the door locking behind me, I am officially stranded. Roxy ambles amenably out behind me, gesticulating excitedly, "Come on!" Grabbing my hand, she ushers me through the crowds like a well-trained bouncer. I had no idea someone so completely blotto could be so...forcefully graceful. She never ceases to amaze me. Music blares out of speakers dotting the landscape, nightmarish clowns prance about in various states of undress.

It occurs to me that I will definitely stick out like a sore thumb. A majority of the women here wear precious little fabric, which is thusly compensated for with bandanas and white and black face-paint. I don't know if I should be embarrassed for myself or them. Clinging to Roxy as she wades through the crowds, a neon-pink explosion of a shark,I wonder if I'll make it out of this mess un-stabbed. She's a predator that has smelt not-mime-blood, drawing me ever nearer to the entrance of the dreaded 'Dark Carnival.'

Handing me a ticket and my keys, she ushers me to the line with a gentle smile. "It'll be totes okay, Rose." I appreciate the fact she didn't use an annoying nickname. "If you get freaked the fcuck, fuck, out, gimme a call and I'll save you like a white kinight, knight, kay?" I roll my eyes and nod.

Patting her arm lightly, "I assure you, I can endure for three hours." A fratboy cum-juggalo staggers up to us, leering and gesturing for us to kiss. With a swift open palm jab to his solar plexus, I send him on his way. "See? I'll be fine. Thank you for being a bizarre familial relation that attempts to make me happy." She grins and shoots the double-bird to another encroaching idiot, barring his approach.

At the gate, she leans overly close to whisper in my ear, "I'm so proud of you, bb. You be good, and I want you to take lotsa pictures." She stinks to high heaven of gin, but bless her heart for trying to get me out of my funk. With a final wave goodbye, she turns and struts over to a waiting cab. Seriously, how do you get a cab driver to show up at a campground? Her and her conniving ways.

The ticket-master (?) takes my stub and punches it, intoning in a bored voice, "Welcome to the Dark Carnival, sister." The crowd behind me pushes in a wave, and I lose myself to a wash of color and noise.

Thanks to the anon. Guest, I appreciate it!

Thanks JK! Thanks for putting up with my wweh! I honestly don't know how far this story will go. It's been brewing in my brain like a food baby for a month now, it's got a pretty meaty plotline. Depends on how much time I have to devote to it. (It's so funny in my head, though. soooo funny)

Thanks Chairisse! I heart you coz reasons!

Thanks, Vespren! I appreciate the encouragement!

Thanks, Neverthrive! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I do intend to continue!