From the start, the hat had been a terrible idea.
He felt his eyes traveling back up to it, drawn in by its primary colored gravity field. Could a hat even have a gravity field? Engie'd probably know the answer to that one. Maybe if it-
Shit! Was that a question? Uh… Quick, think fast! Wait, what the hell were they even talking about? There was something about Spy; yeah, definitely; uh and what else was- oh!
"Nah, that ain't true at all." It was those stupid colors wasn't it? Or just the entire thing, cause if it didn't have that-
Shut up! Pay attention! And do something with your hands. You look stupid!
He shoved his arms across his chest, his left hand holding onto his right bicep, his right hand out palm up in the air.
"Look, if you want him to take you seriously, maybe you should quit goofing off all the time, I mean, you run round acting like a kid and Frenchie's gonna treat you like one, yeah?"
The boy looked down and shuffled his feet.
"Yeah, I guess… I just, well yanno, wish he'd be less of a dick about it. You got me?" The kid glanced back up, probably looking for assurance or some shit.
Oh god. He felt his chest tighten up. There was a breeze in the room. Fuck.
He watched helplessly as it caught the bright yellow propeller on the boy's hat and lazily swung it around.
"Er, uh, yeah, sure I do." The corner of his mouth twitched upwards.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO. Don't do that!
He crossed his arms over his chest as his shoulders began to shake as that thing! That fucking thing kept spinning around and how the hell did this fucking kid expect anybody to take him seriously at all when he wore such stupid hats.
"Dude. What the hell's the matter with you?" The kid had switched from worried to being disgruntled as he noticed the Sniper losing control; his expression getting darker by the second as he realized what was going on.
"You're laughing at me aren't you?!" His propeller started spinning faster, squeaking as it picked up speed.
"Man, here I was thinking I could talk to you and WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?"
The Sniper couldn't keep it in him any longer. The tight feeling in his gut traveled up until his shoulders were shaking, his face turned red, and sides heaved from the cacophony of guffaws, snorts, sniggers, and doubled-over, gut-bursting laughter that erupted from him.
He tried to stop, he really did, but every time he calmed down enough to look up he caught sight of that stupid beanie and the hilarity of it brought him to his knees again.
Eventually the kid stormed out, muttering things under his breath about stupid koala-fucking Australians, not ever taking anything seriously and he was left alone in the empty room, a breeze still blowing through the open window.
He gave a few last chuckles and wiped the tears of mirth out of his eyes before walking over to the window and opening it all the way.
"Thanks a lot for that." He leaned on the windowsill and grinned down at the man lying on the roof below him.
"I'm gonna have to deal with backlash for that tomorrow."
"Aye, but that's what the lad gets for wearing that cap, am I right?" He chuckled and raised his bottle in a mock salute towards Sniper.
"Heh, that's true." He pulled himself over the windowsill and dropped onto the roof, snagging the Scumpy and taking a swig before sitting down next to the Demo and passing the bottle back to him.
Besides, it really was a stupid hat.