Lunacy
It's the same every full moon. I change.
Not the way Remus changes, of course. Yet, I feel the same kinship and disgust of the moon that he feels. No one else can understand; not Fleur, who understands me so well otherwise, and not Tonks, despite her status as a fellow shape-changer.
I pretend I don't feel the pull of the madness within once the sun dies and the moon rises. But once everyone else goes to bed, I leave my place by the dying fire in Number Twelve's library and descend to the basement.
Remus' golden eyes glint as I come closer, and his growls quiet as he senses one of his kin drawing near his cage. I haul my usual stool near the bars and light a cigarette.
Ever since that night, I've found my senses heightened. The scent of the smoke swirls around my head and tantalizes my nostrils. The embers flare when I inhale, near-blinding in the gloom of the underground space. The sharp, familiar tang dulls my aching need for a different taste. I refuse to satisfy that craving; I'm no monster.
It's difficult to sit still until I descend those basement steps. Not only Remus feels placated by the bone-deep knowledge of our similarity. Our blood calls to each other, and I cannot deny its magnetic pull.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to let myself go during one full moon - to escape Number Twelve's oppressive walls and run free. To hunt. To rend and tear warm flesh from bones, and drink the boiling blood. To howl to the sky my freedom, and my dominance over the night.
I can't, though. Because I'm not a monster. I don't have the excuse of an irreversible curse that twists me from my human body to something sinister and bloodthirsty.
Sometimes I envy Remus' freedom. He can think these monstrous thoughts on the full moon without shame, because he is that monster for these long hours. He won't even remember.
I remember, and I am disgusted when the sun rises. Whenever the moon is full, however…
I can feel the madness just out of reach, and I raise my voice to howl out my misery along with the other caged monster in the basement.
A/N: Yeah… This was inspired by my own moon-gazing. I've always wondered just how much Bill would change after being attacked by Fenrir, so here it is.