Meiko happily rocked on her rocking chair with her baby Gakupo. "You're a sexy little baby, aren't you..." she whispered, so her son wouldn't hear her dirty word. He happily giggled and grabbed his mother's pinkie. She laughed.
"HEH HEH HEH BITCHES!" An evil, sexy-ass witch suddenly appeared in Meiko and Gakupo's hobbit hole. "I WANT YOUR BABY, PLEASE THANK YOU!" She snatched Gakupo from Meiko.
Meiko growled. "I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE WITHOUT A FIGHT, BITCH!" she screamed. She swung her fist around and smacked the bitchy witch in the face. The witch immediately began to sob.
"YOU BBBIIITTCCCHH!" she wailed. "YOU RUINED MY FACE HOLE MAKEUP!" Indeed, the witch's sexy black lipstick was smeared quite noticeably. Meiko tried as hard as she could to sneak around the witch and grab her baby, but, alas, her breasts made a huge jiggling noise so loud that the witch was alerted of her presence at once.
The witch stood up and snapped her fingers, grinning maliciously. Gakupo suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke. Meiko gasped and began to cry in an ugly fashion.
"My name is Luka, and I'm the best looking bitch around! I also have the largest breasts," Luka said smugly, sticking her chest out.
"Oh, really?!" Meiko got all up in dat bitch's face and poked her in a rude way, like saying 'eff off!'. In actuality, she just flipped Luka off. "I beg to differ."
Meiko suddenly realized that she was being a complete shithead, because her son was in some unsafe place that that bitch was probably going to travel to as well! She stood up to herfrance
"At least tell me why the hell you're taking my son!" she pleaded, clinging to the witch's arm.
"YOU STOLE MY TWINKIES, BITCH! YOU'RE GETTING WHAT YOU DESERVE!" Meiko stood wondering when she had ever even stole Twinkies from anyone. Luka suddenly snapped her fingers and disappeared. Meiko fell flat on her face because she had been leaning on the witch for support.
"I'll get you back for this!..." Meiko screamed loudly as she climbed back on to her feet. "YOU ASS!"
Gakupo pretty much knew that he was living an abnormal life. For starters, he had long flowing lavender hair. He could be wrong, but he was sure that other teenagers didn't have damned miles of purple hair. He was also sure that sixteen year old guys didn't live in huge towers and are kept isolated from society. Honestly, he had an effed up mom and an effed up life.
His only source of happiness was his hairbrush. He had always treasured it because inside it was the personality of Len, a twenty year old man. He was kind, honest – pfft, SCRWE THAT. Len constantly bitched and bragged about how dead sexy his voice is. In all honesty, it really pissed Gakupo off. So, whenever Len was ranting, he just shoved him in his thick as hell hair, thus choking the little bastard.
Gakupo flopped around on his bed, wishing that he had someone to talk to. Or, at least, something to eat. He was starving, dammit! The big ass clock in his room read 1:00 AM, proving that it needed fixing. Gakupo sighed and hugged his pillow. He wanted a chance to truly live… And maybe try alcohol. Honestly, it sounded amazing, but he figured that even by the time he turned 21, he would still be in this damn tower! "Shit..." Gakupo muttered.
Miku had been taking a really long ride on her horse Rin. "HOLY SHIT MIKU! I'M NOT A DAMN ANIMAL, SO STOP TREATING ME LIKE YOUR DAMN PONY!" Miku simply said nothing and continued on her way, Rin complaining from under Miku the whole way.
After a while, they reached a strange clearing with a huge tower poking up out of the ground. Rin began to shriek. "HOLY SHIT MIKU! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS TOWER?! WHAT KIND OF DAMN PERSON PUTS A BIG ASS TOWER IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE?!" Miku looked over at Rin with a disapproving look in her eyes. Rin nodded. "Okay, I'll quiet my potty mouth…"
Suddenly, Rin's eyes widened and she began to skip around in sheer joy. "HOLY SHIT MIKU! THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT FAIRY TALE! WE JUST NEED TO TELL HER TO GET HER HAIR THE HELL DOWN HERE!" Miku silently nodded.
"LET DOWN YOUR HAIR, DAMMIT!"
Gakupo jumped slightly when he heard his mother calling. "Thank God, it must be lunch…!" He threw his hair over and felt his mom grab onto it. However, there was a little…added weight. Gakupo was dragged closer and closer to the window, until he was leaning halfway out of it. "WHAT THE HELL?!" he shrieked. He finally managed to pull himself back in. The weight subsided, and felt lighter. Gakuo rubbed his poor scalp. However, he was horrified to see two young bitches slither up off of his hair and on to the floor of his room! "YOU'RE THE BITCHES THAT ALMOST GOT ME KILLED!" he yelled. Rin nodded happily while Miku did nothing. Gakupo actually found this second girl…kind of pretty…
"My name's Rin and she's Miku! She's the princess of this land, but she doesn't talk much. What's your name, miss?" Rin asked, grinning.
"Oh, my name's– " Gakupo froze when he realized that Rin thought he was a woman. Without ridding himself of his sweet disposition, he said sweetly, "I'm a man, bitch. Please address me as Gakupo."
Rin giggled happily. "HOLY SHIT, MIKU! HE SPEAKS LIKE ME!" Miku nodded, smiling a bit.
"Well, sit down, dammit! Your legs are gonna get tired!" Gakupo jokingly ordered. Rin and Miku gratefully took a seat, Miku choosing an armchair while Rin plopped onto Gakupo's bed.
"HOLY SHIT, MIKU! IT'S SO BOUNCY!" Rin repeatedly bounced on the bed so that her butt would slightly hop off the bed and then land back on.
Gakupo decided to bring the asshole hairbrush out for the occasion, and they all talked, laughed, and swore. Well, except for Miku, who kept her 'strong and silent' disposition.
The only problem was that Gakupo had forgotten to get his hair. And at that moment, a crazy bitch was climbing up.
"Gaku-chan, I made sandwiches – WHO THE HELL BE THESE BITCHES?!" Luka screamed. Rin hopped off the bed and began to scream herself.
"HOLY SHIT MIKU!" Rin automatically shrieked. Once she realized that the crazy bitch had been talking to them, she screamed, "WHO ASKED YOU, BITCH?!" The fight went on for quite some time, while Gakupo clung to Miku.
After a long, long time, Luka and Run's throats were too sore for them to continue. They decided to call it quits and form a sexy truce with Len and each other. By now, Gakupo was so much of a little candy-ass that he was being held bridal-style by Miku. She still remained expressionless.
Luka inspected Miku. "Bitch, could you please set Gakupo down?" Miku wordlessly obliged. Luka took this opportunity to…SHOVE MIKU OUT OF THE TOWER!
"MIKU!" Gakupo sobbed. "I really liked her…" he mumbled.
Rin, on the other hand, was in hysterics. "HOLY SHIT MIKU!" she repeatedly cried out the window. Gakupo and Rin hugged each other for the longest time, both mourning the loss of a potential lover for Gakupo and person to bitch at for Rin.
Rin, fed up with all this bullshit, shoved Luka out of the window as well! Having not expected it, Luka was unable to teleport out of the deep shit she was in. She fell to her death, screaming, "WHY, YOU LITTLE BIIIIIITTTTCCCHHHHH!" the whole way down.
Gakupo and Rin got down from the tower as well, Rin letting Gakupo use her as a landing cushion because, bitch please! We can't have Gakupo climb down his own damn hair, can we?!
They looked down at Miku's limp body in silence. Gakupo suddenly knelt down and hugged the shit out of Miku. "I love you so much!..." Gakupo held her like that…and jumped ten feet in the air when she hugged him back!
"HOLY SHIT MIKU!" Rin happily screeched. "You're back!" She nodded simply, but nothing she did could stop the huge smile on her lips when Gakupo kissed her on the cheek.
"Let's get married!" Gakupo squealed. Miku nodded, back to solemn mode. Gakupo stretched his arms.
"I can almost taste the wedding cake!" he sighed. Rin gave a huge ass thumbs-up in agreement.
Many years passed. Miku and Gakupo were the trusted rulers of the kingdom, and were expecting a child. As for Rin? Well, she found a way for Len to become a human, and they married.
Gakupo's life had definitely changed for the better.
At least, until he heard Rin scream, "HOLY SHIT MIKU! THERE'S THIS CRAZY PINK-HAIRED BITCH IN THE CASTLE SMACKING PEOPLE WITH TWINKIES!"
A/N: I know it's not too funny at all... But I wrote this at 2:00 AM. I'm really tired right now... I should probably sleep... But I WON'T! :D Well, I had fun with this! Thanks for reading!