Yo~ This one is mostly thoughts and contemplation so please enjoy~
My meetings with him started a long time back. Back when we were still punks dreaming of unrealistic futures. Even when we were both part of Team 7, he and I still met at our special place. It was always me who encouraged the continuance of our rendezvouses. He was his cold, apathetic self, tagging along with only words of complaint. The place was a quiet meadow north of town. Yes, I had visited the clearing before bringing Sasuke with me but after our mission in the Land of Waves I needed something to hold the two of us together. Thinking back on it, I was a pretty thick-headed kid. I pushed forward only with thoughts of what was present and not of what was to come. With the years that have passed, my feelings have changed. Now, as I walk along the narrow path to our veiled place my mind is only filled with thoughts of him—past, present, and future. Of course this isn't anything new; Sasuke has and always will play an unwavering role in my life.
I know what people think about him. Even Sakura-chan has put him behind her. It's as if, over the years and months and days and hours and minutes—Sasuke has faded from everyone. To the village, he was a mistake, like his brother, like me. But, the anger I feel is so real and palpable that sometimes I want to let out my rage. They do not understand the pain people like Sasuke or Itachi or even I have endured.
The air of the day is thick and hot. It sweeps down between the trees of the forest and along the lane I tread upon. With my hands placed in my pockets, I feel uncharacteristically calm. Despite the action and unrest of the ninja world, I am at ease with this destination in mind. No one knows where I have gone or the fact that I have left the village. As I march up the subtle incline in the path I step in and out of memories. They are made up of an amalgam of precious moments and scarring nightmares. His smile. His scowl. His eyes aglow with rage. His eyes lightened with something even softer. All versions of him are what I keep. I am not selective in my memories of Sasuke.
By the time I reach the top of the path, the sun is a quarter of the way down to the horizon. At the poor excuse for a summit, I look back over a shoulder to see the village of Konoha sprawling out beneath. I run the back of my hand against my forehead to wipe away the sticky film of sweat. Now that the path ends, I need to go off memory. I step into the thick greenery and welcome the cool air of the shade. I have not been here in years, not since I first returned from training with Pervy Sage. At the thought of my white-haired mentor I sigh. So much has changed since the Naruto of then entered these woods. I was still a child in so many ways even if I had mastered the Rasengan. At that point I had not yet seen Sasuke or accomplished Sage Mode or discovered how my parents had died. Much has changed, but still there is that little boy in there, the one aching for his best friend who has not changed. I believe it was likely this Naruto who convinced me to come trekking out here. Maybe things were too perfect back at the village; people a little too content with their lives. Everyone loves a period of peace but I still need my recurring doses of reality. And, for me that is the absence of Sasuke. The soft sound of rushing water widens my eyes and quickens my step. I am getting close. The distance between me and the unseen meadow is closing as my heart begins to pound even fiercer. The anticipation mixed with the relief and finally the pure excite are what carry me to the meadow. I stand at its edge to catch my breath. It is just as it was when I first returned back to Konoha, serene and perfect. Unlike the two of us. As my eyes travel across the small meadow, taking in the wispy clusters of shrubbery and bright young plant life I am plagued by questions I hate.
Why am I here?
He doesn't feel a thing for you. Not even hate, but not even remotely close to love.
I'm a bit of a dreamer; I guess lifelong habits die-hard. I glance down at my hands and see the scarred in cuts and scrapes. These are the rewards of any ninja. My scars are hard to see, thanks to Sakura-chan and her healings. What about Sasuke, what do his hands look like? Are they maimed and broken or smooth and unaffected? I take a step forward when I stiffen, sensing a presence. Ordinarily, I would be able to notice any wavers in the surrounding chakra, but my mind has been unfocused to say the least.
It can't be…
His pale arms slowly wrap around me, flushing my body to his. His right arm crosses over my chest and his thin fingers grip my left shoulder. With his other arm spanning my abdomen I am completely at his mercy. His face is beside mine but he says nothing. I swallow nervously. Looking down, I can see the state of his arms and hands. They are not flawless or unmarred. Years of hatred and rage have marked themselves upon Sasuke's skin. I can feel my heart drumming against my ribcage. My mouth opens but there is nothing to be said. My cheeks are burning.
"What are you doing out here?" He whispers into my ear. His breath is warm against my neck. For once, I'm the one at a loss for words. My thoughts are alive with the ferment of questions and feelings and disbelief. "Aren't you going to say anything?" Sasuke asks, his lips just barely touching the skin of my ear. Rather than happiness at his appearance, anger is boiling up inside me.
"Why are you here?" I ask disregarding his questions. "Are you here to take down the village, to kill me, to kill Obaa-chan? Are you…" I catch myself before asking the question I truly want the answer to.
"I have a question for you." He murmurs. Sasuke rests his chin against my shoulder, waiting for my response. I issue the briefest of nods. "Do you love me, Naruto?" These words are unexpected, staggering like the very fact that he is here. His voice, his words, his scent, his touch. Everything is overwhelming. It's too much.
"No. Not anymore." I say softly. As I make this admission, relief and calm wash down upon me.
"Good." I hear him say, the smile is obvious in his tone. "Forget me, Naruto." He demands before beginning to loosen his hold on me. I breathe in deeply when his arms finally slide away from my body. Instantly and without thinking, I reach up to let my fingers drift across the fabric he clung to. It is still warm from him and it takes everything not to turn after him. Hot tears spill from my eyes and I wipe them away quickly with the back of my hand before I twist on my heel. Sasuke is walking slowly from me, his white shirt glowing in the bright day. Sunlight glints off the blade he has fastened tightly to his back.
"I," I cry loudly but stop. Sasuke halts, as if waiting for my words. "I was lying earlier." I say, this time it isn't a call but a quiet voice. "I miss you, Sasuke." Something stops me from pleading for him to come back to the village. All of me knows he will never come back to Konoha. He will never come back to me.
With a slight turn of his head, I am able to see just a bit of his face. Be it in my imaginative mind or not, but light catches on a thin stream of clear tears on his cheek.
"I know." He says in a soft voice. Even though he has uttered two simple words, I know he means so much more. Sasuke continues his pace. I watch after him until I can no longer see his white back against the green of the forest.
My fingers are still faintly against my jacket. The heat of Sasuke is long gone but my memory is sharp. It has to be if I want to stay sane until I see him again. With a long breath in through my nose and out my mouth, I roll my eyes.
'Time to get out of this self-pity rut. I've got shit to do, you know?'
Thoughts? Thanks so much for reading!