Hello there. My name is Jake Puckerman and I should warn you that I'm a fuck up. A royal fuck up that deserves to have every horrible thing in the world happen to him.

You see, I had the best life in all of Ohio – okay, maybe not all of Ohio but at least Lima – and I screwed up. I should probably start from the beginning. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. This is the real deal. The raw and blunt Jake Puckerman. The Jake Puckerman that he got to see.

It all started when I walked into the halls of William McKinley high school.

Walking down the halls, I knew that I'd be up for an interesting and most definitely exciting year. My older brother (half brother because my dad is a fucking douchebag who likes to go and dip his dick into every fucking whore that walks on by. No, my mother and Noe's ma are not whores and if you ever call them that I'll wring your fucking neck. Got it?) Noah had gone to the school before and well, he had a reputation. This rep would get me into a lot of shit whether I liked it or not. Fucking rep.

It didn't take more than five seconds for girls to flock my way and honestly, I was tappin' ass left and right. I was fucking king and McKinley was my palace. But that's when everything changed. Glee club. Mr. Schuester. Being Nice? Yeah, being nice.

After auditioning for the club, which I thought was just a joke but decided to do so anyway because I love dancing and singing is pretty chill too, Mr. Schue took me into his office. That's where he set up some bogus stunt in calling my brother and bringing him back to Lima from fucking Cali. He probably didn't even pay for his gas. Us Puckerman men aren't made of money you know. Whatever. So Puck, that's Noah's nickname because he's an idiot, rushed down to Lima and that's when I met my brother for the first time. It's funny, you try and repress something like having a half-brother for so long but are damn well aware of it that your brain just goes into an epileptic shock and you're kind of sitting there like a fucking chair, that's just been thrown out after it's been used too much, when you and him come face to face. I knew who he was. And he knew who I was.

Noe and I are cool. Way cool. But that's beside the point. Glee club. I got in. Of course, right? You should hear me sing. I sound like a God. Oh and I'm Jewish. And if you make fun of the fact that I'm Black and a Jew, I'll call the whole fucking Puckerman clan to come and beat your ass.

Where was I?

Right, Glee club. Mr. Schue started talking to us one day about how the kids before us were amazing and were his kids or something. He sounded like some kind of freak. But so wasn't everyone else in that fucking club.

After going on and on about 'Rachel this,' 'Kurt that,' and 'Finn, Finn, Finn,' we finally got to meet these faceless kids. That's when it all happened. Sure I was still banging every possible chick who'd let me get into their pants within the range of zero to six hours, but something else changed. Something weird.

Finn.

Mr. Hudson.

Mr. Finn Hudson.

I… yeah.

Fucking tall ass, ex-footballer playing, and piece of – beautiful man turned me gay, bi (whichever sounds less gay, I don't really know how all of this works).

Between all of the girls wanting to ride the Puckerman express (thanks for letting me use that Noe) and Finn just being his goofy self, I didn't know what to do. I was planning on biting the bullet but before I could do that, the idiot (call him an idiot and I'll punch your face in) asked me to help him choreograph some dances after rehearsal one day.

I had to call off seven girls that afternoon. Seven! The giant was lucky.

So I taught him a simple dance that anyone could do. Well, that I thought anyone could do. Apparently Finn has two left feet. Go figure, right?

After the rehearsal he was…

How do I put this without being to inappropriate?

… He was all sweaty and shirtless. Well, I was sweaty too so I just kind of went for it and kissed the lug and he kissed back and before I knew it – NO! We didn't have sex. Not then. Not yet. Wait for the fucking good part you dickhead.

We kind of just sat there and laughed after we broke the kiss. I had to break the kiss, thank you very much.

After it all happened, we decided that we'd go on a date the next night. Breadstix. Free breadsticks are the way to go. If you ever want a place with great Italian food and awesome breadsticks AND FREE REFILLS, go to Breadstix!

That night something changed. I didn't care about the girls. I didn't care about getting laid. I didn't care about anything. Well that's mostly true. I cared for one thing and one thing only: Finn, Finn fucking Hudson.

I learned so much about him that night. He told me that he wanted to be a teacher when he grew up which I thought was actually really cute because well he is grown up and he is kind of a teacher already, which I told him. Apparently he didn't think of it that way and he blushed like a tomato that had just been caught undressing by the rest of the vegetables it lives with.

I learned that he still believed in Santa Claus and that he would stay up every year to try and catch a glimpse of him. He took out his phone and showed me a couple of photos, they were blurry and had a couple of red lines on them, and he promised me that that was Santa and hey, I went along with it. It was cute so I told him that I still believed in Santa too (I don't but… he made me believe in Santa).

I learned that he had his heart broken so many times on both a relationshipinal (his word) level as well as familial. He told me this and I filled with rage. I wanted to run out of the restaurant and scream in the faces of everyone who had hurt him. I wanted him to give me the names of everyone but he changed the conversation and started asking me questions.

He started asking me all of these questions: what I wanted to do with my life, what my values were, where I wanted to live after Lima and what my favorite Journey song was. If any girl were to ask me any of these questions I would have left them high and dry – or low and wet? Do people even say that? Fuck it, Jake Puckerman says that.

I paid for the meal and he drove me back to my place. I totally thought I was going to get some head or at least make it to second base but instead he kissed me and told me that I was beautiful. Beautiful. He made me feel like such a fucking…

The next day went by too quickly. I ignored all of the girls that were blowing up my phone or who came up to me in the hallway and focused on Finn. It's like he never left my side that day and I strangely liked it. Sure he couldn't come with me to my classes but he'd wait by the class door in case I had to go to the bathroom or needed to see him. It was adorable. He plays the adorable, lost puppy card really well. Apparently he wants a puppy. Gunther.

The best part was that he didn't care how much trouble he got in. Apparently, at least according to Mr. Schue (Finn asked), he didn't have to worry about getting in trouble because we were both consenting and because he wasn't a real teacher and that he had just graduated. Let bygones be bygones (what the fuck does this even mean?).

That night, he asked me to be his boyfriend and the idiot did it in front of Noah. Noah couldn't help but laugh in our faces, thinking that we were joking but little did he know we weren't. Let's just say he was pretty shocked when Finn and I started sucking face in the kitchen.

Once Finn let, no we didn't have sex you perverts, I ran up to go talk to Puck and he was upset. I could tell by the hole in the wall that was right above his lamp. "I'm in love with him" was all that he said "but be happy. Don't let me get in the way of that. Okay?"

I didn't sleep that night.

Months passed and Finn and I were amazing, better than amazing (amazinger – according to Finn). Puck seemed to forget about it as well as he was back to chasing after some other person. Blaine or something. I don't know.

Then it happened. Yes, it.

We were sitting on my bed, okay more like lying on top of each other, and we were making out. Things got heated and let's just say what they say about big hands and big feet are fucking true. Finn Hudson is a - GIANT.

Guess who bottomed. Guess who topped. Ha.

A couple of weeks after that, I did the stupidest thing possible. I ruined my baby's life. I cheated.

I cheated.

With a girl. I cheated with a girl.

I didn't even get to tell him.

He found out.

She told him.

She told him good.

Told him about everything. Everything. Every. Thing.

When he found out, he was devastated. He wouldn't speak to me for days. It's like time was standing still and I was running in hopes of getting the Earth to continue to turn but failing miserably because I was doing it all by myself. I'm so philosophical.

When I ran into him, he ignored me. Cold. Flat out. Ignored!

I played the victim card. I made it seem like he was the one who had done me wrong. I even fucking sang a song about it during glee club one day. A fucking song that talked some nonsensical shit about how I was the one with a broken heart and that he pushed me to do it. Bull fucking shit.

I got crazy after that, having sex, kissing girls, flirting left and right. Finn watched it all and he did nothing. He just stood there like a fucking doofus. He should have punched me in the fucking face. I wish he had punched me in the fucking face.

After a couple of weeks of Finn just taking it, not in the good way either, I learned that him and Puck… they were… talking. I had to do something.

I found Finn the next day and corned him. I looked up into his eyes and pleaded for his forgiveness. He looked down at me and I started crying. Hard core crying. Right there, in public.

I asked him if he still loved me and he shook his head. He told me that I betrayed his trust and that by continuing to cheat I had just made things worse. He said he didn't want me near him at all anymore. He said that it was people like me who had betrayed him relationshipinally. I got down on my knees and begged for him back and he walked off crying. Sure he said we could be friends but… you can't give yourself to someone and not have feelings for them. I realize that now.

I've quit girls.

I'm not into boys. Finn is the exception.

I'm all alone.

I can't talk to my brother about it. Him and Finn are now dating.

Apparently they moved to California together and are trying to start a life there. I hope to God that Noah doesn't fuck this up. Finn is the most perfect man out there. He deserves nothing but the best.

I guess it's true what they say: if you love someone, you should be able to let them go.

Finn, I love you.

I'm sorry.

I'll be good. Just give me one more chance.