I'm not picking holes in anyone in particular – if there is a target for this story it will be me. I quite often combine most of the elements I mock in this story and read some very good fanfiction with it in. Don't take it too seriously; it's just a bit of fun.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Phantom of the Opera'
Bothering Erik
Erik slunk through the catacombs dejectedly.
I know. I'll go back to my lair.
He stopped bewildered. Where had THAT come from? What was the point in going back to his lair? It was destroyed and not even secret even more.
You can rebuild it.
But what was the point…?
Look you. Just go back to your lair otherwise I can't write this story!
Erik frowned. Were these his thoughts? Oh well. He shrugged and made his way back to his lair.
As he entered through the broken mirror beautiful music drifted to his ears. Completely confused as to its origin he followed the sound to see a brown haired girl in a familiar white dress sitting at his organ.
She turned around and grinned at him.
Erik's face drained of colour.
" Christine?" he croaked.
"No," she replied. "Who's Christine? Is she someone who broke your heart? Oh you poor thing. Do you want to cry on my shoulder?"
Erik backed away a few steps, "But you look and sound just like her."
"Isn't that funny?" she smiled scarily at him. "We must be meant to be."
Erik glanced quickly around his lair, which was still totally trashed, and back to her.
"How the hell did you get down here?"
"I got lost in the corridors and found my way here. It must have been our bond that drew me to you."
Now Erik was genuinely scared – not in the fearful sense but in the 'How am I going to get rid of this nutter?' sense.
"So you just decided to compose some music?"
"Yes."
"Randomly."
"Yes. I am very good with music."
"Since when?"
"Well I think I must have always been but we were so poor that we couldn't afford anything musical so this was the first time I've played anything."
"The first time?"
"Yes."
"You just sat down, having never touched an instrument before and composed a master piece?"
"Yes."
"On a broken organ?"
"Yes."
"All right…" Erik took a deep breath. "Leave – NOW!"
"But sweetie…"
Sweetie! "No! Get out!"
"Surely you don't mean me," murmured a sickly voice.
"Gah!" Erik jumped out of his skin as he realised the speaker was standing right next to him. "How did you sneak up on me?"
"I learnt from you Erik."
"I've never seen you before!"
"That's because of the amnesia darling." She smiled at him in a reassuring way.
"Erik, sweetie, who is this woman?" asked the girl at the organ sharply.
"I'm his wife."
Erik blinked, "Huh?"
"Well…future wife."
"Excuse me?" Erik croaked.
"Well I will be when you ask me. Not dropping any hints or anything."
"I can't believe you've been cheating on me Erik!"
Erik backed off bemused. "Who ARE you people?" he cried out.
Suddenly both women shouted "ANGST!" and burst into tears, running from the room.
"That," Erik muttered to himself, "is the last time I listen to strange echoed voices telling me to go back to my lair."
He was about to leave when a third girl entered the lair.
"Oh," she gasped, "what were the odds?"
'They seem to be surprisingly high today' he thought, but said nothing.
"I'm from the future," she whispered.
'And I'm Louis XVI'"That may be hard to believe."
'I wonder if all these women have escaped at the same time and from the same place.'
"I saw your story and knew I had to do something."
"So you travelled back in time?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Erm…"
"Considering that according to Einstein's theory of relativity the only way to do that is to travel at the speed of light and if anyone did that the universe would collapse."
"How do you know about that? Einstein's not been born yet."
Now Erik was stumped, "I – don't – know."
"It's neither here nor there." She smiled at him. "All I know is that I love you."
"Not you too," he groaned.
The other two girls burst into the room.
"We love him more!"
"Shut up!" Erik shouted.
"But I love you Erik!" The future girl cried.
"Will you stop saying that!" he snarled. "That goes for all of you!"
Suddenly the fan girl reached up and ripped off his mask.
Erik went nuts.
"What the HELL did you do that for!?!?" He then let loose a stream of profanities, finally grabbing the girl and slamming her into the wall. "Why did you do that?" he hissed dangerously.
The fan girl was widening her eyes and pretending to look scared – but Erik could tell that she clearly wasn't, for some unearthly reason.
"Because," she crooned, "We are now really close and you're about to kiss me."
Erik blinked, "Huh?"
"You have me pressed against the wall."
"Actually I've thrown you against the wall. If you hadn't noticed your feet aren't touching the floor."
She sighed, "Isn't it romantic?"
Erik scowled at her, "You know what? I really feel like killing you."
She gulped and gave him a shaky smile – rather unnerved that they weren't kissing yet.
"Good thing that you don't kill women, hey?"
"For you I'd be willing to make an exception," he growled.
"Really!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up, "I'm that special to you?"
"Gah!" Erik dropped her and walked off in disgust.
It was too long so I had to split it into two. I'll put part two up shortly. Tell me what you think :)