Sometimes there
was a vacant look in his eyes. No scrap that... Often there was a
vacant look in his eyes, if she was completely honest with
herself.
It didn't matter if they were at work, at a restaurant or
in bed together. He'd be looking at her, but not at her. She
couldn't help but know who he was thinking about.
Unfortunately
for Cam, she was in love with Seeley, even if she knew their
relationship was just sex to him. Just a body next to him in bed,
while he was thinking of someone else. But even she knew that person
was unattainable.
Cam had never been a quitter, she never would
be. She isn't ready to give up on Seeley yet. She would take what she
could get. She knew one thing, she had one up on Brennan. Hers and
Seeley's past. She was holding onto that shred of
hope.
Booth's world had changed forever, and without
realizing it, so had he.
He realized he was just a man, that he
could fall.
He'd shown Brennan his weaker side at times. She
brought out another side of him, a side he thought had been erased
after the war. A side where no matter what he did, he did it all for
her approval and trust. He needed it, like he needed air.
He could
never break that trust she had in him, after all she had seen and
been through with people she loved. That bastard Michael had
humiliated her in front of a room of people, and used her innocence
and trust in him against her.
Her parents just left her. Her
brother packed up and left. Then her father and brother had only just
left her, again. He could never hurt her like that. But never
is a promise, and she didn't need a lie from him.
He loved that
she hugged him when she was scared. It was like she was holding the
last breath she would take, then when she was in her arms, everything
just disappeared. It was like she was silently screaming to him to
beg her broken heart to beat again. That only he could help mend
it.
Booth woke from his thoughts. Cam was talking to him. He'd
been "uhuh-ing" and nodding through the whole conversation
apparently. She hadn't seemed to notice he wasn't listening though.
Which was both a sad and good thing.
He felt for Cam, he couldn't
let this go on for much longer. He was using her, and felt guilty for
that. And also felt a huge sense of dread that Temperance would find
out. That could be the undoing of his and Brennan's
relationship.
Cam knew that look. He was thinking of her
again.
She had no idea what he saw in Brennan. Yes, she was a
brilliant woman. And, yes she was attractive, if you like that sort
of thing.
Why are you thinking of her now, Seeley? You're with
me, can't that be enough? Obviously it wasn't, and the worst
thing was, she didn't know why.
"Cam," Seeley
interrupted her mid-sentence. "We need to talk."
"We
are talking, Seeley," Cam said with a tight lipped smile.
"No,
we need to talk. About us..." Booth said
cautiously.
Cam's face turned white, then she quickly masked it
with a smile.
"What about us? I think we're doing quite well
with what we have at the moment." She winked
suggestively.
"That's just it, Cam. I can't do this anymore.
It's not fair to you or me."
Cam's blood flashed hot with
anger suddenly. "Not fair for me? Or to Dr. Brennan?"
"Where does Bones come into this, Cam? Bones and I are just
partners." But Booth said it a little too quickly.
"Don't
give me that, Booth. This is me you're talking to. I know when you're
thinking about her. I can see it in your eyes. Like not too long ago,
you were lost in your thoughts, then came back to the conversation
like you'd just woken up. I see it at work. As soon as she walks in,
no matter what you're doing, you'll straighten up and focus on
whatever she has to say." She looked closely at his face to
catch his reaction, she saw the caught-out expression before he
quickly hardened it.
"Look, Cam, it doesn't matter what you
think you can see, nothing is happening with me and Bones."
"Yeah.
Well not yet anyway, right Seeley?" she said, with a weary
bitterness; she was losing the battle, and she knew it. "But you
know as well as I do that's what you really want."
"It
doesn't matter what I want, what matters, is what's best for
Temperance. Until she says that's me, then nothing is going to
happen," Booth said with a sad look in his eyes.
"You
know she's unattainable right?" Cam said softly. For all she
wanted to fight for him, she couldn't help but let her heart bleed
for him a little bit, because she knew Brennan wouldn't let anything
happen between them.
"At the moment, yeah she is. She's
healing. But you know what? Who knows what's going to happen in the
near or distant future. We have a trust thing happening, and that's
what matters the most to me. I can't let us having a bit of fun on
the side ruin that. Cos that's all it is to both of us Cam, just a
bit of fun right?"
Cam slowly looked Seeley in eyes, knowing
she had lost. She whispered, "You're right Booth. Only a bit of
fun."