A/N: This was inspired by a thread on Tumblr that was basically "Shezza is hot but he needs a bath."
"Just tell me when to cough." As if I'd touch him now, Molly thought as she tugged on her nitrile gloves. Sick with worry and pissed off, she had to struggle to get the gloves on. Going by the oiliness of his hair and skin, not to mention the smell of sweat, tobacco, and only God knows what else, he hasn't bathed in days. Just no.
Sherlock watched her from the gurney, smirking. "Problem, Molly?"
"Yes, a patient who has forgotten the importance of hygiene."
He just shrugged. "As long as I don't start smelling of putrescine and cadaverine, I still smell better than your usual patients."
She stared at him. "You're high as a kite, how in the hell do you remember the two compounds in the smell of decaying flesh? Oh, and going by your breath, I'd say you're halfway there."
"Funny," Sherlock muttered, pouting.
Molly raised an eyebrow. "You really did want me to 'tell you when to cough?'"
He stopped pouting to grin up at her wickedly. "Yes, of course."
She rolled her eyes. "No, Sherlock. Not when you smell and definitely not when you're high." She proceeded to do the drug test, touching him only when it was completely necessary.
Sherlock was undaunted. "Does that mean that you'll 'tell me when to cough' when I'm clean and sober?" He waggled his eyebrows.
Molly couldn't help a small smile. "If you still remember this conversation then, yes."
Sherlock was grateful for the bath, even though he thought the rubber ducky from Mrs. Hudson was a bit much. He was even more grateful for the feeling of Molly's hands massaging his scalp as she washed his hair. Leaning towards her as much as the side of the tub would let him, he closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh.
"I bet it feels good to be home and properly clean again," she murmured, amused. "In every sense of the word."
He chuckled. "Once I've fully recovered, what do you say to us getting dirty?"
Her hands stilled. "Sherlock?"
"I remember our little talk in the ambulance perfectly well, Molly," he murmured.
She didn't say anything for a moment then he could hear the smile in her voice. "I'd love that."