TITLE: Avengers Get Educated
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the franchise Avengers and all it's associated franchises and copyrights are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
FAIR WARNING: yes, this is meant as a kind of tongue-in-cheek parody of the black-and-white world of comic books and Hollywood's presentation of world politics and no, I'm not from the US, so couldn't give less of a toss about American internal politics really, so please don't try to lug me into either of the two camps. I'm not for either of them.
This story was partially inspired by the Evil Overlord List on TV tropes and partially by me getting burned out on trying to finish my first story in 4 years, consequently for a new fandom whose TPTB have as well managed to run the entire train off the rail with their stupid decisions in plots and incomprehensible pairings. Why I bother I don't even know myself.
Would also like repeat, since this question comes up regularly in reviews for my old stuff and in private messages: no, sadly I'm not going to finish my unfinished JAG stories (thankfully there's only a handful of them among the 200+ I've posted) and I'm not gonna post any new ones for JAG. As I've already written, that era of life is for me closed and I'm not going back. As said, I'm working on some shortish stuff for a different fandom and you will find out which one it is when/if I am ready to start posting. ;-)
SUMMARY: good is good and evil is evil. Or is it? Is life really that black and white? The Avengers are about to find out.
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"What is the meaning of this?!"
The demanding shout stops the battle as everyone looks towards the angry man standing before them, hands on his hips as he glowers at his "guests". These lot didn't need 3 days before they started to stink.
"Who are you people?!" he grinds out, his eyes going from the green monstrosity pummeling some unfortunate guard into the ground, to the woman in skin-tight jumpsuit garroting another unfortunate with a blank look to her eyes, to some guy in a flying suit blasting holes in a nearby wall cause he was seeing giant space spiders there, to a guy with his arms exposed at 20 degrees below freezing thinking a bow makes a good close-range weapon and finally to a guy dressed in a US flag playing frisbee with his giant shield.
One by one they all stop what they're doing and gather in a group, making sure to pose theatrically for a 3D shot.
"We are the Avengers and we've come to put you out of business!" flaggie announces grandiosely.
This doesn't have the desire effect (boots shaking, peeing in pants and panicked run), though. It gets him another glare.
Honestly, from their costumes he at first thought it was a group that escaped from a lunatic asylum, but this is not that far off. They're loonies alright, though self-righteous pricks of loonies, but as far as he knows most of them haven't been institutionalized.
Yet.
"What gives you the right to intrude on my home and kill my men?!"
"You're evil..."
The man looks at them in the way that makes it clear he thinks they're stupid.
"So?"
Obviously the group thought that was all the reason or answer they needed, so they're now completely stupefied, looking at each other in said stupefaction. Or maybe just stupid. Either way, they don't really have a response ready.
"Have I been hurting anyone?"
Well, for that at least they have a valid answer. Hopefully.
"You were about to!" the Robin Hood reject claims.
"And how do you want to know that? Can you read my mind" his eye bore into them "What are you now, the thought police?"
"We are the Avengers, we..."
"Boo-frigging-hoo!" they are interrupted "Last time I checked you don't have any jurisdiction in this country. Or anywhere outside the US really. Okay, the UK maybe, but they are pansies anyway and they let you have the complete the run of their place anyway. What you are doing is illegal by international law and constitutes as espionage and sabotage. You certainly don't have the right to go about murdering people!"
He gestures at the bodies strewn about them.
"Well, they shouldn't have worked for an evil madman!"
"I'm gonna let that weak attempt at an insult slide because there are more pressing issues here than devolving into childish babble and cliches you insist on. Tell me, what else are they supposed to do? I offered them jobs so they could earn money to survive. Do you know what the employment situation is in this country? Do you even care? Of course not! It's just another bloody Eastern European country so it doesn't matter if you ruin it, right? It's not like our livelihoods and lives are important..."
The Black Widow raises her hand "Er, hello? I'm from Russia."
"You're a traitor to your country, who has gotten rid of her background as if it was something to be ashamed of, you don't count. So be quiet."
Natasha deflates hurt and sniffles and the green monster pats her on the head awkwardly in comfort. The rest look away, unable to meet his eyes.
"Do you realize these men had families? Wives? Sons? Daughters? Parents and siblings? What about them? What will they do? Without their husbands and fathers? Without their main providers? You've just thrown several dozens of people into poverty, not counting others not directly involved. I hope you're proud of yourselves..."
"Hey, you're the one who started his own private army and you're now blaming us?! How dare you!" returned Tony Stark, incensed.
"And why shouldn't I have my own army? Every country has a military and they have all done a heck lot more than mine ever did. Every single one of them has blood on their hands. My army doesn't. Just look at your own country how many millions have been killed by it, or at least your own organization. SHIELD has it's agents going around the world assassinating people just because they don't roll over and give their paws under the guise of wiping red from some ledgers. What the heck does that mean anyway? Who comes up with such stupid phrases? My army's only job was to protect my home. I have the money for it's upkeep, plus my installation helped the local economy immensely. Do you want to know how many people got jobs because of my base? And I'm talking local people, not below-mininum wage immigrants I imported from some third world country to labor for me, while I invent some numbers just to get around local laws. With construction work, services industry, support, security, transportation and so on, several hundreds of previously-unemployed locals received gainful employment. The taxes I've paid have also improved local infrastructure, making lives a little easier."
"And where did you get the money for all this from? We may have messed up a bit, but at least your backers will be hit. Who are they? The mafia? Cartels? Hydra? What part of criminal underground do they belong to?"
This time it's the man that stares incredulously. Then facepalms.
"What century do you people live in?"
They stare at him blankly. They certainly didn't expect this kind of response. Guilt, yes. Connection to some nefarious group, totally. Evil cackling to go with grand boasting about some grand masterplan, goes without saying.
"Ever heard of Kickstarter? Pa treon ? GoFundMe? Crowd funding?"
Definitely not this answer. It draws even more complete blanks, especially from the billionaire used to money being concentrated in few hands, his fellow 1-percenters.
"I would expect it from you, you've been on ice for the last 70 years." he looks at Steve "But the rest of you really don't have any excuse for your ignorance and lack of general education."
Still nothing, but at least from the mumbling that is coming from the gold-red suit he guesses the man inside is consulting his computer.
"Go goog... Wait, no, don't do that if you value your privacy, use some alternative search engine instead. Search for crowd-funding. Educate yourselves a little."
"Okay, you've made your point."
The group looks suitably chastened, though thoroughly unhappy.
"Good, but don't think you're getting off that easy!" his words stop them as they're about to quickly vacate the premises "I expect to be reimbursed for all the damage you've done. Further, you will provide all the medical attention and pay the rest of medical bills to every person you've harmed and support financially and provide grief counseling for the families of the men you killed. Or I'll see you in court and will make foreclosing Banks look like child's play by the time my lawyers are done with you. Is that clear?"
There's a grumbling assent from the group as they step back and help the security guards, those who could still walk, to their feet.
"Where are you going? Who said you could leave? You made this mess, you get to clean it up!"
Watching the group of masked self-righteous anachronisms in their stupid halloween costumes get to work the man shakes his head. Spoiled prats.
Reviews are love.
Note: turning the game on them and foreclosing Banks (instead of being foreclosed by them) is actually real. Search for it and you will find several examples of people who have successfully fought back against Banks.
PS, for some reason ffn insists on censoring (deleting) the word Pa treon, that's why it's written that way.