-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=- = Dream
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ = Scene change
(Takes place when Ashia is about 14, according to the elves. doesn't start with any of the LotR characters at first. but they'll be here, promise)
"She said life sucks, it's the truth to me, didn't you think it would be better than this? So where's the prize that I was promised, where's my great reward, where's my happiness.?" - More, J Englishmen
Chapter 1
Ashia-Daughter of the Dark
'No, no I will not bring myself back to this! Never again, I promised not to.' I thought frantically and swore under my breath. 'I can't let myself, I won't start this up again.' I practically dragged my eyes from the -
"Ashia? Are you all right in there? What's going on, Ashia. tell me what's wrong." my father's voice cut into my thoughts, and I'd never been happier to have him try and barge into my life.
"Yes, I'll be out in a second," relief flooded through me, I'd almost done it again. wait a minute, what? I'd never tried to this before. never, and I'd only thought about it because mother had tried 'communication' again. But now it was stupid. 'Is there another reason? No, I don't think so.'
Must she continuously try this, though? It never worked, and it always ended with her making some excuse to why she hadn't talked to me earlier, and then I'd stand and leave, not wanted to listen to her routine bull shit. I opened the door and brushed past father nonchalantly, ignoring his look of worry.
"You sure you're all right? You look pale. do you want to stay home today? I'm not forcing you to go." I hated it when he does this, I was old enough to decide whether I was coming or going. Old enough to make decisions for myself just like I'd been allowed to make earlier in life. Although, I would not allow myself to go back down that path. The path of my long forgotten worries.
"I'm not going, father. I do not wish to even try to force myself to try this again. And you know very well that I will not go unless it were your death wish." The look on his face said it all, 'why do you do this to us?' Again I ignored him, this time to keep my tears at bay. I still loved him; just it didn't seem the same, as I'd felt before, an empty sort of instinctive love.
I don't remember when I stopped wanting them in my life. Though, I don't remember life before we came to Mirkwood. I only remember feeling a confusing resentment towards them, they always wanted to 'help' me, and I was so sick of it. They told me it wasn't normal for an elf to reject family, and I didn't care whether I was normal or not. I told them, that, no matter how hard I tried, life for me would never be normal; not now, not ever.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The sun had set, and I wanted dearly to go outside, but father would worry and send someone to watch me, leaving me with no privacy to meander and think about the confusing things life had recently tossed to me. I couldn't believe that the same man once never even thought about me; never cared where I was, who I was with. it wasn't that long ago, but it felt like it had been ages when I'd felt free. Looking blankly across the room I revised my plans. I was going to finish this tomorrow, as soon as the lights in Mirkwood went out.
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
His face was pressing against mine. "Ashia, you know that no one will believe you. Everyone will think you're a liar, they'll be ashamed that you ever tried to blame me for this." I shuddered, It had to be true, and this was my fault. I realized I was quaking with fear.
Blinking back tears I said, "Why, why did you let us. me, do this?" I was shaking with not fear, but anger now, "What have we done? Oh, god they'll find her won't they? They'll find her and know it was us!" I broke away from him and started backing up; "Shit, what are we still doing here?" already the girl behind him was waking.
"Listen Ashia, they won't know. she won't tell a soul, because they won't find her," he grinned, the wicked smile I hated so much; the one that made ice run down my spine.
"You're crazy, what are you thinking?" I was screaming now, "What do you mean, they won't find her? She's already awake, she knows it's us!" he slammed his hand against the side of my face, and turned to the girl, who was crying and using a tree trunk to hold herself up.
"Shut up! I'll take care of her just go get the others, she'll be gone by the time they get here." he was still talking to me, but he was looking at the girl, probably giving her that look. The look that made him seem like his soul was black, completely isolated shadow.
Tears streamed down my face now "No! This has gone too far, I won't let you do this I won't let you do this again -- "
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
I sat straight up in bed, not knowing where I was at first. Looking around and realizing I was in my familiar room, I thought about the dream.
'Who was that guy, who was the girl? What was going on.?' questions were running through my head all at once, and the dream was already fading, somehow my cheek was stinging where the guy in the dream had hit me. 'There's no way that's ever happened in my life, no way. I've never seen either of those people before, and I've never been in a place like that.' But somehow it seemed to be real. No, it was real. It was like it really happened. long ago, or not yet. Maybe it was a clue or a warning, but it was real.
I noticed I was gasping for air, and I could hear footsteps coming to my door. Catching my breath was a difficult task, but answering the call from outside my door was even harder.
"Ash? You okay? I'm coming in now, I had a bad dream and when I woke up I heard you gasping for breath, I thought you were dying." Meaghan walked in quickly and quietly; "you're not dying are you? Please don't, I'd miss you too much!" she was about to cry, and it was the last thing I wanted right now, a bawling kid.
"Yea, I'm fine Meaghan. Tell me of your dream, maybe I can help you understand."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Meaghan spent the night in my room, and waking to find her beside me was a comfort. At least until I remembered my plans were going into action that very night. Sighing I got up, careful not to rouse my sweet sister. I dressed and combed my hair, and then looked at the young elf I called Meaghan.
She was like an angel, sleeping or awake. Her light hair framed her petite face in natural waves, and her blue eyes, unlike mine, were still dark and knew not the pain of the world. It would be hard to leave her, but I knew it was what I had to do, 'I'll leave everything I cannot afford to bring, to her. And I will leave a note, trying to explain. Oh god, I hope she will understand this.' Deciding on that, I lay back down beside her, without thinking I softy stroked her hair.
"I love you." I whispered, and I heard an answer, "I love you too, don't leave. please, I love you." but when I looked down she was still asleep, though, mumbling in her sleep. A single tear trailed down my cheek and my thoughts began to drift back to what the dream might have meant.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"How many times do I need to explain, you may be an elf, but you still need to eat!" Father was trying to get me to listen to him yet again for refusing food. I was not hungry, I don't know why, but I never really felt hungry for anything anymore, anything except the truth and answers.
"I'm not hungry, can you not except that?" I tried to stay calm, tried to be a 'normal' respectful elf. but that wasn't happening too soon. "Just leave me alone! I'm not going to sit at a table and have you shove food into my face, like I am but a child!" I kicked myself for that, but he looked as if I'd kicked him instead.
"Fine. have it your way, you will not stop yelling unless you do and right now, yes you are a child, especially when you yell like this." With that he turned and began to walk off, "We both know that this will go on for days if I don't stop it here." He left and took Meaghan with him, who I'd not noticed watching.
Now I really felt bad, Meaghan was too young to understand what went on between our parents and I. Now I would be questioned with her looks of suspicion and wonder. Although, not for much longer would I have to live under the tension that hovered in the atmosphere here.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I climbed out my window and into the evening sky. Pulling myself up onto the roof I looked out at the trees. When I went I would still see trees, just not these ones, and I would never get another chance to say farewell to the way they seemed as if they were burning at sunset.
"Namarie." I whispered, and the wind carried it across the forest, the trees whispering back. Their soft voices calmed me, assured me that this was the right thing. After saying goodbye, I watched the sunsets' blaze fade and returned to my room through the window, to finish packing and checking supplies.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My room looked almost the same; I had not taken much from it, mostly little things from other rooms in the house. I 'borrowed' my fathers' sword, Aeglos, and my mothers' long, gray-green cloak, woven with great skill by my grandmother. I took a months' worth of provisions along with a bow and quiver full of arrows, and a few (light) sentimental items that I could not bare part with.
Before I left my room, something caught my eye. On my desk sat the deck of cards I'd had for as long as I remembered. I was told they were a gift from an Istari, a blessing to the pure, Mother called it. They were supposed to have powers, and only the undefiled could call their entities up. I wasn't sure I could ever use them, no, I wasn't pure of heart. but it wouldn't hurt to drag them along with me, besides something was telling me that they'd have a part still in my story. For better or for worse, I could not tell.
I mounted the Elven mare grandmother and grandfather had sent me a year or so ago and turned back one last time to look at home. All was dark, except the patches of moonlight reflecting off the windows. I thought of the note I'd left Meaghan and, in a small way, to my parents. I said I was off to find answers. Answers to the dreams that have been calling my name for years now, and answers to my past and why I do not remember anything before I was seven years old.
"Come on Ashia, you know you have to do this, let's go." I told myself then spoke to my black mare, Akasha, and told her to go. For days and nights I rode, I couldn't find sleep until the fourth night, when Akasha couldn't go farther and I'd reached to outskirts of Mirkwood, my home and confinement.
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
"Ashia. I love you, why would I lie to you?" a tall, fair-haired man stood before me, speaking softly in
Sindarin. "Trust me, he will not come back to hurt you again. I promise, as long as I'm here he won't go near you."
"I hope you are right, and never leave my side then. I don't trust him not to hurt Faerilyn, and I don't know where she has gone. I don't know what has become of the others, either. I can't remember... -" I tried to explain and stopped short in a sentence as he put his finger to my lips.
"They are alright, do you not remember who is with them? But Faerilyn, I'm afraid we can't help." he said in a hardly detectable voice, "Ashia. Faerilyn, she can't be found, I'm afraid that he has gotten to her before I could. I'm so sorry, I tried."
I began to cry and when I wiped my eyes, my hand was streaked with blood.
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
Tears were in my eyes as I woke. I couldn't understand where I was, not until I fully woke up and realized that that was only a dream. It hadn't made sense at first, and still made very little. most of my dreams had people I knew in them, all of them did except this one and the one I'd had when Meaghan came to my room. I knew no one in these, and I couldn't understand how, but they were connected with my life somehow. I knew it; they had to be. or they would be. Why did this have to be so confusing?
After washing myself in a nearby stream and eating just enough food to get me through the day, I climbed atop Akasha again, setting off before the sun rose. I rode across harsh lands for a few days, with little rest but neither Akasha nor myself minded. The whole time I was off in thought, wondering about my strange dreams.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A fortnight passed since I left home, and I had crossed fields and wastelands but now I had reached another woodland. I had no knowledge of this place, as I had no knowledge of where I was going, or why I was going there. I thought about Meaghan, then I grew sad, and felt like the world suddenly was weighing on my shoulders. I heard the last words she said to me echoing in my head. 'You're not dying are you? Please don't, I'd miss you too much!' Then the words I still believed she'd said, 'I love you too, don't leave. please, I love you.'
Tears trailed down my cheeks and now my thought was bending towards the sword I stole, glimmering and sharp. I pulled it out and looked my reflection in it, my perfect Elven skin and wondered if I just --
"NO!" I said it aloud, to make sure I didn't, and dropped the sword. " No, I'm not starting it. not now, not ever."
Now I was seeing myself in a life I didn't remember or know. I thought about what I'd thought about on the day before I left. what did I mean, not again? What did I promise not to do? This was getting annoying, thinking about things I didn't even remember.
I sighed, picked up the sword, and mounted Akasha for the last time before I started to put everything together, the last night before I met up with them, and fought for their lives and mine both. The last night before my life changed for the worse and the best.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ = Scene change
(Takes place when Ashia is about 14, according to the elves. doesn't start with any of the LotR characters at first. but they'll be here, promise)
"She said life sucks, it's the truth to me, didn't you think it would be better than this? So where's the prize that I was promised, where's my great reward, where's my happiness.?" - More, J Englishmen
Chapter 1
Ashia-Daughter of the Dark
'No, no I will not bring myself back to this! Never again, I promised not to.' I thought frantically and swore under my breath. 'I can't let myself, I won't start this up again.' I practically dragged my eyes from the -
"Ashia? Are you all right in there? What's going on, Ashia. tell me what's wrong." my father's voice cut into my thoughts, and I'd never been happier to have him try and barge into my life.
"Yes, I'll be out in a second," relief flooded through me, I'd almost done it again. wait a minute, what? I'd never tried to this before. never, and I'd only thought about it because mother had tried 'communication' again. But now it was stupid. 'Is there another reason? No, I don't think so.'
Must she continuously try this, though? It never worked, and it always ended with her making some excuse to why she hadn't talked to me earlier, and then I'd stand and leave, not wanted to listen to her routine bull shit. I opened the door and brushed past father nonchalantly, ignoring his look of worry.
"You sure you're all right? You look pale. do you want to stay home today? I'm not forcing you to go." I hated it when he does this, I was old enough to decide whether I was coming or going. Old enough to make decisions for myself just like I'd been allowed to make earlier in life. Although, I would not allow myself to go back down that path. The path of my long forgotten worries.
"I'm not going, father. I do not wish to even try to force myself to try this again. And you know very well that I will not go unless it were your death wish." The look on his face said it all, 'why do you do this to us?' Again I ignored him, this time to keep my tears at bay. I still loved him; just it didn't seem the same, as I'd felt before, an empty sort of instinctive love.
I don't remember when I stopped wanting them in my life. Though, I don't remember life before we came to Mirkwood. I only remember feeling a confusing resentment towards them, they always wanted to 'help' me, and I was so sick of it. They told me it wasn't normal for an elf to reject family, and I didn't care whether I was normal or not. I told them, that, no matter how hard I tried, life for me would never be normal; not now, not ever.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The sun had set, and I wanted dearly to go outside, but father would worry and send someone to watch me, leaving me with no privacy to meander and think about the confusing things life had recently tossed to me. I couldn't believe that the same man once never even thought about me; never cared where I was, who I was with. it wasn't that long ago, but it felt like it had been ages when I'd felt free. Looking blankly across the room I revised my plans. I was going to finish this tomorrow, as soon as the lights in Mirkwood went out.
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
His face was pressing against mine. "Ashia, you know that no one will believe you. Everyone will think you're a liar, they'll be ashamed that you ever tried to blame me for this." I shuddered, It had to be true, and this was my fault. I realized I was quaking with fear.
Blinking back tears I said, "Why, why did you let us. me, do this?" I was shaking with not fear, but anger now, "What have we done? Oh, god they'll find her won't they? They'll find her and know it was us!" I broke away from him and started backing up; "Shit, what are we still doing here?" already the girl behind him was waking.
"Listen Ashia, they won't know. she won't tell a soul, because they won't find her," he grinned, the wicked smile I hated so much; the one that made ice run down my spine.
"You're crazy, what are you thinking?" I was screaming now, "What do you mean, they won't find her? She's already awake, she knows it's us!" he slammed his hand against the side of my face, and turned to the girl, who was crying and using a tree trunk to hold herself up.
"Shut up! I'll take care of her just go get the others, she'll be gone by the time they get here." he was still talking to me, but he was looking at the girl, probably giving her that look. The look that made him seem like his soul was black, completely isolated shadow.
Tears streamed down my face now "No! This has gone too far, I won't let you do this I won't let you do this again -- "
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
I sat straight up in bed, not knowing where I was at first. Looking around and realizing I was in my familiar room, I thought about the dream.
'Who was that guy, who was the girl? What was going on.?' questions were running through my head all at once, and the dream was already fading, somehow my cheek was stinging where the guy in the dream had hit me. 'There's no way that's ever happened in my life, no way. I've never seen either of those people before, and I've never been in a place like that.' But somehow it seemed to be real. No, it was real. It was like it really happened. long ago, or not yet. Maybe it was a clue or a warning, but it was real.
I noticed I was gasping for air, and I could hear footsteps coming to my door. Catching my breath was a difficult task, but answering the call from outside my door was even harder.
"Ash? You okay? I'm coming in now, I had a bad dream and when I woke up I heard you gasping for breath, I thought you were dying." Meaghan walked in quickly and quietly; "you're not dying are you? Please don't, I'd miss you too much!" she was about to cry, and it was the last thing I wanted right now, a bawling kid.
"Yea, I'm fine Meaghan. Tell me of your dream, maybe I can help you understand."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Meaghan spent the night in my room, and waking to find her beside me was a comfort. At least until I remembered my plans were going into action that very night. Sighing I got up, careful not to rouse my sweet sister. I dressed and combed my hair, and then looked at the young elf I called Meaghan.
She was like an angel, sleeping or awake. Her light hair framed her petite face in natural waves, and her blue eyes, unlike mine, were still dark and knew not the pain of the world. It would be hard to leave her, but I knew it was what I had to do, 'I'll leave everything I cannot afford to bring, to her. And I will leave a note, trying to explain. Oh god, I hope she will understand this.' Deciding on that, I lay back down beside her, without thinking I softy stroked her hair.
"I love you." I whispered, and I heard an answer, "I love you too, don't leave. please, I love you." but when I looked down she was still asleep, though, mumbling in her sleep. A single tear trailed down my cheek and my thoughts began to drift back to what the dream might have meant.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"How many times do I need to explain, you may be an elf, but you still need to eat!" Father was trying to get me to listen to him yet again for refusing food. I was not hungry, I don't know why, but I never really felt hungry for anything anymore, anything except the truth and answers.
"I'm not hungry, can you not except that?" I tried to stay calm, tried to be a 'normal' respectful elf. but that wasn't happening too soon. "Just leave me alone! I'm not going to sit at a table and have you shove food into my face, like I am but a child!" I kicked myself for that, but he looked as if I'd kicked him instead.
"Fine. have it your way, you will not stop yelling unless you do and right now, yes you are a child, especially when you yell like this." With that he turned and began to walk off, "We both know that this will go on for days if I don't stop it here." He left and took Meaghan with him, who I'd not noticed watching.
Now I really felt bad, Meaghan was too young to understand what went on between our parents and I. Now I would be questioned with her looks of suspicion and wonder. Although, not for much longer would I have to live under the tension that hovered in the atmosphere here.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I climbed out my window and into the evening sky. Pulling myself up onto the roof I looked out at the trees. When I went I would still see trees, just not these ones, and I would never get another chance to say farewell to the way they seemed as if they were burning at sunset.
"Namarie." I whispered, and the wind carried it across the forest, the trees whispering back. Their soft voices calmed me, assured me that this was the right thing. After saying goodbye, I watched the sunsets' blaze fade and returned to my room through the window, to finish packing and checking supplies.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My room looked almost the same; I had not taken much from it, mostly little things from other rooms in the house. I 'borrowed' my fathers' sword, Aeglos, and my mothers' long, gray-green cloak, woven with great skill by my grandmother. I took a months' worth of provisions along with a bow and quiver full of arrows, and a few (light) sentimental items that I could not bare part with.
Before I left my room, something caught my eye. On my desk sat the deck of cards I'd had for as long as I remembered. I was told they were a gift from an Istari, a blessing to the pure, Mother called it. They were supposed to have powers, and only the undefiled could call their entities up. I wasn't sure I could ever use them, no, I wasn't pure of heart. but it wouldn't hurt to drag them along with me, besides something was telling me that they'd have a part still in my story. For better or for worse, I could not tell.
I mounted the Elven mare grandmother and grandfather had sent me a year or so ago and turned back one last time to look at home. All was dark, except the patches of moonlight reflecting off the windows. I thought of the note I'd left Meaghan and, in a small way, to my parents. I said I was off to find answers. Answers to the dreams that have been calling my name for years now, and answers to my past and why I do not remember anything before I was seven years old.
"Come on Ashia, you know you have to do this, let's go." I told myself then spoke to my black mare, Akasha, and told her to go. For days and nights I rode, I couldn't find sleep until the fourth night, when Akasha couldn't go farther and I'd reached to outskirts of Mirkwood, my home and confinement.
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
"Ashia. I love you, why would I lie to you?" a tall, fair-haired man stood before me, speaking softly in
Sindarin. "Trust me, he will not come back to hurt you again. I promise, as long as I'm here he won't go near you."
"I hope you are right, and never leave my side then. I don't trust him not to hurt Faerilyn, and I don't know where she has gone. I don't know what has become of the others, either. I can't remember... -" I tried to explain and stopped short in a sentence as he put his finger to my lips.
"They are alright, do you not remember who is with them? But Faerilyn, I'm afraid we can't help." he said in a hardly detectable voice, "Ashia. Faerilyn, she can't be found, I'm afraid that he has gotten to her before I could. I'm so sorry, I tried."
I began to cry and when I wiped my eyes, my hand was streaked with blood.
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
Tears were in my eyes as I woke. I couldn't understand where I was, not until I fully woke up and realized that that was only a dream. It hadn't made sense at first, and still made very little. most of my dreams had people I knew in them, all of them did except this one and the one I'd had when Meaghan came to my room. I knew no one in these, and I couldn't understand how, but they were connected with my life somehow. I knew it; they had to be. or they would be. Why did this have to be so confusing?
After washing myself in a nearby stream and eating just enough food to get me through the day, I climbed atop Akasha again, setting off before the sun rose. I rode across harsh lands for a few days, with little rest but neither Akasha nor myself minded. The whole time I was off in thought, wondering about my strange dreams.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A fortnight passed since I left home, and I had crossed fields and wastelands but now I had reached another woodland. I had no knowledge of this place, as I had no knowledge of where I was going, or why I was going there. I thought about Meaghan, then I grew sad, and felt like the world suddenly was weighing on my shoulders. I heard the last words she said to me echoing in my head. 'You're not dying are you? Please don't, I'd miss you too much!' Then the words I still believed she'd said, 'I love you too, don't leave. please, I love you.'
Tears trailed down my cheeks and now my thought was bending towards the sword I stole, glimmering and sharp. I pulled it out and looked my reflection in it, my perfect Elven skin and wondered if I just --
"NO!" I said it aloud, to make sure I didn't, and dropped the sword. " No, I'm not starting it. not now, not ever."
Now I was seeing myself in a life I didn't remember or know. I thought about what I'd thought about on the day before I left. what did I mean, not again? What did I promise not to do? This was getting annoying, thinking about things I didn't even remember.
I sighed, picked up the sword, and mounted Akasha for the last time before I started to put everything together, the last night before I met up with them, and fought for their lives and mine both. The last night before my life changed for the worse and the best.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~