"the child who is loved has many names"

read and review, please

for some reason this reminds me of "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton or "The Day You Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne (which, as I am sure you can tell, is where the title came from)

"You need a nickname, Severus."

"Huh?" This startled Snape. He'd been gazing at Lily's hair, wondering exactly how it was that shining red color in the setting summer sun whilst his stayed a hideously dark and angry black. He supposed it was just his luck, but all the same, he was glad he got to gaze at it.

"Severus is too harsh. I don't like it."

Snape had to agree. His ever-fighting parents had strapped onto him a name reminiscent of a Roman emperor (or so he'd been told, whatever a Roman was) from whom they'd come up with the word "severity". He supposed that was how they'd taken their anger at each other out. But it had only worked briefly.

"What's good? And short for Severus Snape?" Lily pondered aloud. "Snapey?"

He tried it out in his mind. She spoke the very thoughts he'd been thinking.

"No. It sounds gross. Like snake-y."

Whatever snake-y meant. He thought of someone calling him "Snapey." No, that wouldn't do at all. It sounded like a horrible endearment or an insult.

She plunked back down onto her swing, still lost in thought. "You've got to get rid of the -erus, at the end," she said, biting her lip in thought. "That's the part that sounds harsh."

Then she smiled. "I've got it! I'm going to call you 'Sev'. I like it. What do you think?"

Snape thought.

And smiled with her.

"I like it."

Of course he liked it, if she did.

"So what do you think of Potter, Sev?"

"I hate him. He's always after you. Just because you're-" He broke off, looking away ashamedly.

Lily looked at him, innocent and oblivious. "Huh? Just because I'm what?"

Well, Severus had been planning to say something along the lines of "pretty" or "nice" or "smart" or "perfect", but he couldn't choose, and figured it was bad to say anything at all along those lines anyway.

"I dunno..." Snape tried to save himself. It worked, and he was spared from the realm of Hades and awkwardness.

"Because he's kind of cute, you know..." Give him all nine levels of the Underworld any day, anything was better than that sentence.

"Huh?" Snape tried to put as much subtle shock into that as possible. He thought, however, he might have ended up with just a lot of raw shock.

"He's a good Quidditch player. He's smart. He has nice eyes. That sort of thing, you know."

Snape hated Quidditch.

"So these things make someone cute, do they?" He scowled.

"No, not just those things, stupid Sev. You're cute, too, you know."

Snape was too busy being shocked (again) to reply. He? Snape? Severus Snape, whose own mother thought him unpleasant, cute?

"Well, you're smart. And funny. Plus, you're Sev. My friend. James is just stupid about me."

Snape basked in that phrase for the entire week.

The... Potters?

Can't be, no, not them, there were plenty of Potters, weren't there? Potter was a common name, wasn't it?

They couldn't be saying that the Dark Lord meant those Potters?

Not those Potters, of course.

Then he heard a snatch of a conversation- just enough to send him into an abyss.

"Glad she is a Mudblood though. It'd be too bad if both were pure- a waste."

"Oh, Mudblood Potter? Hang on, has she got red hair?"

"Righ', that's the one."

"Pretty, innit she?"

Pretty? Pretty? How dare they describe her as pretty! She was beautiful at the least. Stunning, flawless, lovely, perfect...

But- oh, she was- they were going to-

Snape left, unable to withstand the Death Eaters' excitement any longer.

Lily raised her eyes, knowing just who was standing before her. She looked into his eyes. Poor man- he wasn't human anymore. She didn't understand why he'd want that. He looked haunted- but he didn't know it, she was sure. Losing one's humanity could do that to someone.

She knew she shouldn't pity him, but all the same... He'd once been human, hadn't he? Maybe with dreams? She didn't know.

All of a sudden, a similarly haunted face appeared in her mind.

Sev.

Would he be devastated by her death?

Something in her mind told her that she'd been more than a best friend to him- his perhaps only best friend. But he wasn't Sev anymore- she knew now he was Severus Snape, highly positioned Death Eater.

Wait! The voice in her mind -her voice- cried out to her. No, Lily, you're about to die- you've got to forgive him, haven't you? He already tried to say sorry- He never meant it. Sure he deserved your anger but, Lily, forgive him, you're about to die, what if you can't forgive him after this? Sev has got to still be Sev, deep down, and if he doesn't care then you've still forgiven him- it's gotta count for something.

Lily thought of James- brave, dearest James- lying downstairs, probably dead.

"You don't have to die, you know, just give me the boy!" Voldemort said in his cold high voice.

Lily wondered why James had to die but she didn't have to-

No, she didn't wonder- Sev really was still Sev. She was almost mad at him for not putting in a good word for James and Harry (although frankly, the point was probably to kill Harry and that wouldn't have really gone over well, she thought detachedly), but, well, he was still emotionally-stunted Sev after all.

She sighed sadly, looking at her son one last time. Green eyes, like her own.

She really did have to die. Somehow, she knew she did, for Harry. But it'd all be fine in the end.

She jumped in front of Harry, a mother's instinct about ready to rip apart this threat.

"No!" She said defiantly.

A flash of green light, but before it could register in her similarly-colored eyes, the curse's effects had taken place, and she was gone.

Pain- make it stop- it was his pain and no one else's

Unimaginable pain-

Green-

her eyes? Or was it something else?

Snape woke up, tears streaming down his face and burning him in this bitterly cold October night. Well- now it was November.

Wiping them away to stop the pain, he noticed something else.

He felt weirdly- clean- forgiven. He'd never quite felt like this before. But even though he felt like this- he felt like the world was a darker place.

That was when he knew-

She was gone.

"NO!" he yelled, still trying to deny it to himself but unable to finish any of his sentences, knowing they were lies. "It's not- she's still- lying, all of you!"

"No." Blue- cold- piercing eyes. "It is true, Severus."

"I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT!"

"She is somewhere else."

"NO!" yelled Snape, tears still streaming down his face. He smashed a glass thing. Glared at Dumbledore, daring him to say, "calm down". Well, he wasn't going to calm down. Not now, not ever. He felt like a little kid throwing a tantrum, puffed up with his own anger. But he couldn't stop.

"I will not ask you to calm down. You won't. We both know that. It's all right. Feel free to keep throwing my stuff. It is just fine. Once you are done, we will talk."

Snape deflated and sank into the chair across Dumbledore, sobbing. Dumbledore kindly let him sit without interruption.

"I want to fix it- change it- change myself-"

"You cannot change was has happened."

"I know, Headmaster."

"But you can make amends."

Although he felt clean and forgiven- he felt like it had been worthless- and that he needed to work for it. But- he was willing, oh, he was willing- every moment of his life that he had left he would spend if only he could feel worthy of Lily's forgiveness.

His head twitched up. "How?"

"There is the boy. He has her eyes."

An image jumped into his head- her eyes, laughing and smiling, then angry at him like they had been that day-

"Her- eyes?"

"Yes, Severus. A pretty shade of green, weren't they?"

Severus broke down again, sobbing.

"You must protect this boy."

"I will."

Dumbledore softened. "And remember, you are not the only one who has lost someone precious to you."

Snape looked at Dumbledore. Was he talking about himself? But how could cheerful, friendly, Dumbledore, who walked around the castle humming various tunes to himself ever have been troubled?

How much did he really know about the headmaster?

"I, too, lost someone dear to me- someone as dear to me as Lily was to you. I lost them in a way just as horrible but different."

How could anything be more horrible than this darkness?

"This person is still alive."

Snape understood what Dumbledore was saying, but as for the story, he could not tell what it was.

Dumbledore continued.

"You may think about Lily for the rest of your life."

Snape would always think about Lily. He always had. Severus Snape did not like to change, and he didn't expect that he would anytime soon.

"But over time it will not be as painful.

"Now, remember, Severus- she cannot have died in vain. You must make sure the boy lives. Do you understand?"

Snape understood.

Snape knew exactly which one Harry was before the names were read off. It wasn't hard- those eyes stood out. Bright green, really exactly like hers.

But the rest of the boy- hair, build, face- was all James.

Snape hated him already- but he was Lily's son, and therefore he was always going to be of top priority.

that same unimaginable pain as the night she had died

his end

No one had ever survived one of Nagini's bites before.

So Severus Snape did what he had to do. He pulled out his wand and gathered his last thoughts, remembering the park and Lily and their first day at Hogwarts and all that. He conjured up a goblet. He'd known this day would come, but he had hoped that he wouldn't have to go like this. Harry hid in the corner, terrified out of his wits. The Granger girl stood behind him, shaking.

Harry, so very old now, had it really been nearly twenty years? He wondered what Lily would have looked like.

One thing he knew, her eyes would always be the same. He pulled Harry by the shirt, shocking the kid. He felt a little bad.

Oddly- he thought he might have grown to like him.

He wouldn't tell him that, though. No, he wanted something else from Harry now.

"Look... at me..." he whispered. Was that really his voice? That low, rasping hiss? No matter. He'd be elsewhere soon. But he needed to see those eyes, one last time.

So bright, like hers. Albus had been right, the boy was much more like Lily than he'd ever thought. Suddenly, he felt much lighter. How much weight had he been carrying? What was all that weight, anyway?

And where was he now?

Where had he just been?

Ah... he'd died.

He sat up.

"SEV!" yelled a voice, clear and familiar and belonging to only one person he'd ever known. "Oh, Sev!" She cried, practically jumping onto him. "You've grown so old, haven't you?"

Well, this was not what he wanted to hear. Perhaps, "I'm so glad to see you" or (he didn't dare hope for this one) "James really is an awful husband and I've dumped him for you". However, she was crushing him in a hug currently, and he didn't at all mind that.

"Lily..." choked Severus. "Glad to see you, too," he muttered sarcastically.

"Oh, of course I'm glad to see you, Sev! It's just- goodness, it's been quite a while, hasn't it?"

"Too long."

"I knew you'd come around."

"I always had been there."

"Now I know that."

"Lily- I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to, I swear-" For a moment he was that fifteen-year-old boy again, apologizing desperately for his mistake.

"Sev- didn't you know I forgave you?"

Severus looked at her. Did she know what he had done? He bowed his head, sinking to the floor.

"Lily- I was the one- I overheard the prophecy, I told Volde- Voldemort-"

"I know, Sev."

She did... And she still forgave him?

"You wouldn't have killed us, I know you better than that. You tried- didn't you? He said that I didn't have to die. That was you, wasn't that?"

Snape looked up, still on his knees in front of her.

"It was... I did try, but it wasn't enough, you still died..."

"We only died because of that rat Wormtail. If you had been our Secret-Keeper, would you have given us up?"

Snape gaped at her.

"No, you wouldn't have." She said kindly. "I was in the house, too... And you knew I'd die, rather than let Harry die. So no- you wouldn't have given me away."

"Lily- I don't know- I'm not that great-"

"Nonsense, Sev! You took care of James's son for 16 years. You hated James."

"Lily- that was all for you-" He couldn't let her give him so much credit-

"I know," she said kindly. "And that's why you're so great- you hated James but you spared his son for a friend."

Now or never, Sev.

"But Lily- you were more than that- more than a friend to me-"

The air froze, just for a second.

Lily bent down, facing Severus directly. He faced her, fearing the rejection.

"I know, Sev, and I'm sorry you weren't ever more than a friend to me- I understand now that's why you hated James so much- I wouldn't blame you if you still did. So please forgive me- I think that we can be friends again- can't we?"

Yes, they could be friends, couldn't they? He didn't need any more than that- he'd been without a friend like Lily for so long that he only really needed that-

It still hurt, though- to know that James was the only one for her.

He looked at her- just so glad to see her, laughing and smiling at him like she had when they were young and happy in Hogwarts as best friends-

No- he didn't need any more than this.

"Yes, Lily... I'll still be your friend... always." He sighed. That had hurt a little less than he'd thought it would.

She smiled, and he saw shiny little tears forming in her eyes. Then she hugged him. "I'm so glad," she said. "You were really one of the best friends I ever had. Plus, I like hanging around really intelligent people occasionally."

When he looked at her, confused, she poked him on his abnormally large nose. "That would be you, dearie."

"And James isn't?"

"No."

"So am I better than James?"

"Don't make me answer that. I like James and I like you. James is my husband. You are my best friend."

She looked up, happily, awaiting something- he didn't know what.

"C'mon, Sev, you've got a train to catch!" A loud rumbling noise was heard, and Severus jumped.

"Just the train, c'mon now!" A huge train appeared out of nowhere. She pulled him on.

"Where're we going, anyway?" asked Severus.

"Oh, it's heaven there. You'll like it," she said, still smiling at him.

Snape was quite shocked that he was going to heaven, and gaped at her like he had when they were little and she said something shocking. She rolled her eyes.

"Yes, of course you're going to heaven, silly! Did you think you wouldn't make it?"

"No, I didn't..."

"Oh, well, this should be a pleasant surprise then! Maybe you'll meet James and his friends on proper terms, excepting Wormtail of course," she said, and, lowering her voice to a whisper, "he got sent down there. But you already met him... Oh well. We're not too sorry that he missed out."

"What's down there, anyway?" asked Snape, feeling younger now that he was around Lily. He actually literally felt younger, and stood up. He was about as tall as Lily, who looked to be Hogwarts age, and so figured he was actually literally younger- probably Hogwarts age as well.

Interesting.

"Celestina Warbeck," said Lily with a perfectly straight face.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Fine, I'm joking. I don't even think she's dead yet..." said Lily thoughtfully. "Well, she was pretty old..."

"No, I don't think she is," said Snape.

"How would you know, anyway? Are you a fan?" asked Lily teasingly.

"No," said Snape.

"I bet you are. They're going to go through your closet, looking for valuable or incriminating stuff, and all they'll find is a bunch of Celestina Warbeck pictures (which, frankly, are incriminating enough for anything). Not to mention the signed photo you have of her hidden under your pillow. And then of course there's the poster that you had to keep hidden from Voldemort, because you knew he'd steal it. Of course, he's a fan too."

Snape stared at her. "Glad some things never change."

She glared at him.

"It's a compliment," he sighed. It really was- after all, he fell in love with Hogwarts-age Lily.

"Right. And here's the train!" She yelled over the roar of an engine.

"All aboard," she said to him.

For the first time in years, Snape felt like he was boarding the Hogwarts train with Lily again- on a journey to someplace exciting that he could call home.

He couldn't wait.