I had a sister once.
We were the best of friends since the beginning. She was seven years older than I was, and I looked up to her more than anyone in the world.
Her name was Aideen, and she looked just like mum. She had big brown eyes and soft brunette hair, but hers wasn't totally straight like mum's—it was sometimes all over the place, but she liked it that way. Mum always tried to brush it, but she managed to avoid it. She also had the nicest smile you'd ever seen on anyone—I swear it could light up a room in an instant. Her laugh could do the same exact thing, and she loved to laugh. She joked a lot and always managed to put a huge grin on everyone's faces without even trying. Whenever I was sad or angry, she knew just what to say and do to make me laugh and smile again. She was beautiful, too. I swear every lad in the village had eyes for her, but she told me she wasn't very interested in romance.
She was also a lot like mum. She was studious, she could draw and paint, play instruments with ease, and was very wise. She listened to mum and mum listened to her. Mum loved that she did what she told her… most of the time. Aideen was stubborn like dad and sometimes she and mum would butt heads over certain matters, but it was never anything serious between them. They never got in big fights ever, not that I heard. That's something I envied as I got older.
Me and her would always play together. She'd take me outside and we'd run in the fields or in the glen for hours on end. Sometimes we made flower crowns for each other and would act out scenes of outrageous regality and stupidity. She'd help me climb trees and skip rocks, and would let me ride her horse with her. She also taught me a lot of things, like how to shoot arrows better and even how to carve patterns in wood. We'd always come home covered in dirt and have leaves in our hair—mum wasn't too happy about that, but we always tried to sneak to our room before she saw.
Speaking of which, she and I shared a room together. We kept everything and anything interesting we found on our adventures outside, like turtle shells or shiny rocks. Every night she would sit and read me a story or just make one up on the spot. I always asked her to stay in my bed and she would hold me close, telling me how lucky she was to have a sister like me. I think I was the lucky one.
One thing I always admired Aideen for was that she knew how to keep her head. She was sick on my sixth birthday when I got my bow and couldn't come out with us, which later I was thankful for. As soon as mum and I came home after the bear attack, mum brought me in to our room and told her to keep me here and that something had happened to our father. She held me and I told her Mor'Du attacked him. A while later she went out to the castle infirmary when Maudie came and told her my father had been brought back alive. She didn't know I followed her and was waiting outside. I guess I surprised her when she opened the door and told me she was just coming to get me.
"Whot happened to daddy?" I asked, horrified.
She kneeled down to my level and ran her fingers through her hair. "He… Uhm… Well… Mor'du… sort of… He lost his leg." I started to cry and right away she took my hands and smiled. "Hey, hey… Don't cry, Mer. Dad's alright, Ah promise. So he lost a leg, huh? That won't stop him from bein' the greatest warrior ever, right? He'll jus' be a bit wobbly for a while!"
I laughed a little and she ruffled my hair like she always did. "Dad really wants t' see you, you know." she told me. I guess she saw the uncertainty on my face, because she knew just what to say. "The leg is covered, don't worry. Dad is jus' fine. Tired, but fine. It's alright… Ah promise." I nodded and asked if she could carry me. She scooped me up and brought me to our dad, who was doing very well, just like she said. She made everything better, even on one of the worst days.
One day when I was seven years old, we had our breakfast with mum and dad. It was her day off from lessons and normally the both of us would go out on adventures together out in the forest. But today mum said I had to get fitted for new dresses—one of my least favorite things to do in the world. My sister just laughed and promised that when she got back we could play. I followed her to the stables after breakfast and she kneeled down and ruffled my hair.
"Hey, don't get so down, Mer," she told me with a little smile, "Ah'll see you later an' we can tell each other all about the other's day, okay?" I remember her then hopping up on her horse and saying goodbye before galloping out the castle gate.
It was sunset and she hadn't gotten back. It started to rain and mum was worried because Aideen had never been out after dark without telling mum first. Dad promised she would be okay and went out to find her and bring her home. Mum and I waited in the tapestry room as she worked on the section of my sister on the tapestry. I played on the ground with my toys as mum sang. Suddenly it started to thunder and I jumped into her arms, and she held and sang me. It wasn't long after that a guard knocked on the door to the room, solemnly requesting the queen come to the great hall. She told me to wait in the room as she left.
A minute later I heard her scream. She screamed with more terror and pain than I had ever heard before.
I hurried down the hallway and to the throne room. Quickly as I could I ran down the steps and paused for a brief moment. There was a gathering of people—soldiers and castle staff alike. I heard mum wailing from the center of the crowd. I pushed through them all until I made it to where she was… Then I saw.
Dad was kneeling in the center circle holding my sister limp in his arms. Mum kneeled in front of him and was bent over her, sobbing hysterically. Aideen was unmoving and her brown eyes were open, staring eerily up at nothing. Her mouth was open a bit and a little stream of blood trickled from the corner of her lip while her normally rosy face was pale and covered in dirt and scrapes. There were horrible, bloody bite wounds on her neck and slashes all over her from what must have been a huge beast.
I heard dad choke through his tears that he had found her lying like this in the forest. He held Aideen to his chest and growled through his teeth, "Ah'll kill Mor'Du… Ah'll kill 'im fer whot he's done!"
I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. This was my sister… she couldn't be dead. I ran to her and started pulling on her arm that hung loosely at her side, begging her to say something. Mum and dad gasped—they didn't know I was there until now. Mum quickly took me in her arms and hid my face away, telling me not to look as she stood up. I screamed and tried to get out of her arms, but she held on tighter. She wouldn't stop crying as she turned and handed me to Maudie, one of our maids, and told her to take me to my room.
Maudie hurried away with me as I kicked and screamed for Aideen. When we came to our room she set me down on my bed and tried to calm me, telling me it was going to be alright. I tried to get up but she gently held me in place. "Ah want my sister!" I wailed while attempting to get away. Maudie held me close and pet my hair. I guess that was what I really needed. I could hardly speak, and all I could ask was, "Whot happened to her?" Slowly she moved back, shook her head solemnly, and told me to stay in my room. I nodded. I wasn't going anywhere. She closed the door and I started to cry.
It was a little while later when I heard the door open again. It was dad. I asked where mum was, and he said she couldn't talk to me. He sat on my bed and brought me into his lap. I asked him what happened. His voice was quite and broken when he told me that my sister had been killed by Mor'Du… the same bear who had taken my father's leg only a year before. I didn't fully understand. Never had anyone close to me before died. How could my own sister—my best friend—be gone? He held me for a few hours in the silence as it rained outside. When he thought I was asleep, he set me down and pulled the covers over me. He kissed my forehead and left the room, leaving me there in our empty room. I didn't sleep for a moment that night.
I woke up the next morning to mum opening my door. I turned over and looked at her, seeing her eyes were red and her hair and dress were disheveled. She laid down on my bed and brought me into her arms without a word. A little while later she spoke to me. "…Did… did your father tell you?"
"…Yes." She held me tighter and started to cry. "Mummy… Ah want to see her."
Mum kissed my hair and shook her head. "Dear… not yet…" she spoke quietly.
"But Ah jus' want her…"
"Merida, please…" Her voice was shaking and she sat up on the bed, looking away.
I looked up and sat in her lap. "Ah'm sorry, mummy." All I really remember was her holding me tight and rocking me, whispering that she loved me.
A few hours later I went down with mum to the castle infirmary. She kneeled down and took my hands. "You don't need to come in if you don't want too." she told me quietly, but I insisted. She opened the door and we went in. I couldn't see much, but I did see dad sitting beside a bed in the room. His eyes were tired and red. Mum went slowly to his side and took his hand, looking into the bed. She shook with grief and covered her mouth before leaning on him for balance. Dad held her and whispered words of comfort.
I walked up slowly to the bed, hopping up on a little stool to be able to see. I swallowed a lump in my throat and looked over. In the bed Aideen lay motionless with a white sheet up to her stomach. The ravaged bite bounds on her neck were cleaned, but were still gaping. Her eyes were closed and she looked paler than I had ever seen her before. I looked her over without a word. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and I tried my hardest to fight back the sobs I knew were going to break forward. Looking at her face again, I couldn't keep it away. I cried. I cried and I couldn't stop. I laid my head down beside her and took her cold hand in mine. Dad rubbed my back and mum kissed my hair, but the tears wouldn't leave.
The funeral was a few hours later. The whole kingdom was there. I stood beside mum and dad, clinging to her dress. They lowered in the casket and I hid my face in my mother's skirts. I heard my mother and father crying, but I knew there was nothing I could do. They wanted my sister. They wanted her firstborn back.
We never really talked much about her again, at least not around each other. It hurt us all too much. Mum even took out my sister from the tapestry, because whenever she so much looked at it she would cry and hide in her room for hours without speaking to a soul. From what I understand from my father, my sister was my mother's first baby to survive after many failed pregnancies. I suppose that was one reason my mother held her so dear—Aideen was her blessing from the Gods.
They moved her bed and other furniture out of our room a few days later. I kept her drawings and diaries before they were taken away, hiding them in the chest at the foot of my bed. I've never opened her diaries, but I always look at her artwork. She drew and painted landscapes and animals, but most everything she did was of our family. There's also an ink portrait she did of herself. I keep it under my pillow and look at it every night. I missed her more than I can even begin convey. I would lie in bed and stare at the ceiling thinking about her and the love we shared. Now, all I felt was emptiness. I still feel that emptiness. I feel it every day and it won't leave me alone.
As I grew older, mum and I grew apart. I think she has always wished I was more like my sister. I sort of wish the same thing. When I got up in the midst of that archery competition for my hand, I thought of my sister very briefly. I thought of how she would never defy my mother in such a way. I thought of their relationship and how mine with my mother vanished in an instant. I was so angry and called myself the firstborn, forgetting Aideen. Truly I've never forgiven myself for that.
I go to her grave as much as I can. I leave flowers and talk to her, telling her how much I miss her. I told her about how mum wanted me to marry and how she got turned into a bear because of me. Aideen probably would have kept her head and solved our problem easy. I always wondered if mum ever pushed marriage on my sister—she must have. Mum was preparing her to become queen originally, not me. I don't remember them talking about betrothal, at least not in front of me. I told my sister everything worked out in the end and we were close again like when she was around. I pray that perhaps once Mor'Du's soul was released, Aideen's was at peace as well.
If I had one wish, it would be to see Aideen again. All I want is her to be back in our family's lives again and bring us all the joys she once did. I want her to hold me and say everything is going to be alright.
I had a sister once, and she was everything to me.