Title: When Tomorrow Comes
Date: 2 June 2004
Author: Sariyuki
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and its characters belong to Minekura Kazuya-sama whom I worship on daily basis.
Notes: I dedicate this fic for the one and only hakkai-san (so that she has more things to read ;))

= = = =

Those eyes.

He hated them so much. He began to hate them with passions. They followed him everywhere, literally everywhere. How long would he stand them? How long would he hold back?

Hakkai stopped in his track to take in the scenery around him. He could say it was peaceful here, in the monastery. He could say it was wonderful and beautiful. But he was loath to say them. He looked around him, at the small garden, the water fountain and the evergreen willows and the beauty just went pass him. He felt nothing. Why did he come here in the first place?

Of course he knew the reason he came to stay here after the journey. The real question was: Had he regretted it?

Hakkai sat on the steps in front of the place that he should call home now. He took a gulp of the wine that he was holding. They thought he didn't know what they were saying about him behind his back. Did they really think he wouldn't feel the slowly building up tension everywhere he went?

So what if he was a loot of the battle, a prize from winning the war, and... Sanzo's whore?

The bottle shattered in his hand.

He glanced at the blood leaking out from the wound caused by shards of tiny glasses without passion and let go of the remaining of the wine bottle. It landed on the bottom of the steps. Hakkai stared at the shards for sometimes before he could drag his gaze away from them. It's a mess. But he could deal with it later.

He lifted up his left hand, ran his fingers through his hair. It's a mess. His head was a mess. He felt cold metals against his fingers. The limiters. What if he took them off and wiped the smirk off their faces? He could do that. Oh yes, he could do that.

What would Sanzo do if he did that? Would he dare to stop him? Would he dare to kill him?

And Goku...

He could not even face Goku these days. He could not stand those golden orbs like he could not stand any pair of eyes in this place anymore. It was fortunate for him that Goku lived on the other side of the temple. Could he take down Goku? It was an interesting thought. Hakkai smiled for the first time since he woke up this morning. Him without limiters, against Goku without his limiter. He wouldn't miss it for the world if he were to watch the fight.

There was of course other alternative. He could leave. Yes, he could leave this place and go... where? Back to living with Gojyo? No, he couldn't just pick up a thread of his old life and continued from there. Nothing was ever the same. He had changed since then. And he supposed Gojyo had too. The thought of going back to living with him after failing here was unbearable.

He could just live on his own and be free. But, free from what?

The wind blew and the willows beckoned. It was beautiful. But Hakkai knew, nothing was forever.

= = = =

The door was opened briefly and a gust of cold night wind sneaked inside to invade the warmth in the room. It was slammed closed a second later. Sanzo disrobed himself and discarded the garment carelessly on the floor. Hakkai looked up from what he was reading. A greeting was halfway formed before he noticed something different with the monk. There was something in the pair of amethyst eyes that stared intently, almost defiantly back at him. Sanzo made several strides towards him.

And pushed him roughly unto the bed. Hakkai narrowed his eyes to examine closely the face hovering above him. Sanzo's face was covered with frown and distraught and his eyes were alight with anger, desperation and-

Sanzo yanked Hakkai's night shirt and tore it in two. He threw the piece of clothing away. Still he looked as distraught as if he didn't know what he was doing. His hands roamed the chest that was now uncovered and bare for him to touch. His fingers lingered on the ugly scar that marked an otherwise perfect body.

Hakkai shoved Sanzo's prying hands away and grabbed his wrist to pivot himself and flipped Sanzo's body. He was now on top of the monk. It was Sanzo's turn now to narrow his eyes. Hakkai held Sanzo's right hand tightly on the bed.

"Tell me, Sanzo, what would you do if I kill everyone in this temple?"

Sanzo glared back, "I will kill you."

Hakkai laughed but his eyes had no mirth. "You, and what army?"

Sanzo didn't rise to argue. The expression on Hakkai's face said that arguments weren't one of the options.

"And tell me, Sanzo, what would you do if I leave?"

Sanzo's gaze locked on the pair of angry green eyes, for they were angry. "I will kill you."

There was that laugh again. "Then I'll ask again: you and what army?"

Sanzo struggled to get out from Hakkai's grip. His wrist was beginning to hurt. "Fuck you."

Hakkai sighed and let go of Sanzo's wrist. The next second, he was pulled down. Sanzo grabbed a handful of Hakkai's hair and pushed Hakkai's face towards his own. He glared at the face, "Fuck you, Hakkai."

Hakkai said nothing but stared back.

"If you dare to leave," growled Sanzo. His gaze never left Hakkai's eyes. "If you dare to leave m-"

His sentence was cut by a kiss, his voice was drowned. Hakkai's lips crushed into his, his tongue forcing an entrance. Sanzo let go of Hakkai's hair to claw on Hakkai's back. The kiss was rough and brutal, so unlike Hakkai. But at the same time, it was also exactly Hakkai.

Hakkai's hand pulled Sanzo's black under garment up and yanked it impatiently. Sanzo gasped for air. There was nothing separating their bare flesh now. This was better.

= = = =

Hakkai couldn't tear his gaze away from the face. There was longing in his eyes. There was perhaps the closest thing he could ever call love in there. Sanzo's face was a picture of peace when he slept. Hakkai ran his fingers to brush a few strands of golden hair away from the face.

It was really a prize. Sanzo was his golden prize. Sanzo was his loot.

He placed his finger on Sanzo's forehead and touched the red cakra. He wiped it, gently, with his finger. It didn't come off. Strands of golden hair fell around it. Hakkai stared at the red dot.

The gods had taken away the most precious thing he had. It's only fair that he took this golden Sanzo away from them. In a way, he had got his revenge. But didn't they say the fruits of revenge were bitter taste?

Hakkai glanced at the clock. Then at the solitary candle that was lighting the room, his room. He could leave all this behind, of course. He kept on telling himself, he could leave anytime. If he kept on doing that, then maybe he'd believe it. Then maybe he could really leave.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, he decided. He could leave tomorrow and be done with it.

He ran his finger on Sanzo's slightly parted lips. He would miss them. Oh just how much he would miss them. He brushed his lips lightly on Sanzo's. His Sanzo. Sanzo was his and his only. And he would do anything-

Anything? Would he endure those accusing eyes? And those people who looked down on him as he passed?

Hakkai stared at the sleeping face of the monk. Sanzo knew about it all but there was nothing he could do. Helplessness had made Sanzo angry. Then his anger had turned into silent desperation. Hakkai sighed inwardly. There was nothing he could do either. Good things came to an end as bad things did.

Nothing was forever. But forever was a long way.

Tomorrow would come and bring another day. And there would be tomorrow after tomorrow. But for now, Hakkai wrapped his whole being around the body in his embrace. It was warm, peaceful and beautiful. He could sleep now. He would rest his worries now.

There were many tomorrows but only one now.

And this was now.

= = = =