AUTHOR'S NOTE: I used to work at a movie theater; there can be no worse job!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Slayers. If I did, there would be a fourth season already.
The Slayers Go to the Cinema
By: Kelly M. Maraglia
Keelia Drake sat outside, freezing her you-know-what off while she waited for the lazy manager to open the door.
"I can't wait to be out of here." She thought to herself as she did her opening counts and filled the popcorn. She had worked for Arkham Cinemas for almost three years but enough was enough. She got paid terrible wages, had to deal with horrible customers, and got zero respect from certain managers. As a nineteen-year-old college student, she thought she deserved better.
The doors opened, late as usual, which meant the customers were already angry. Of course, they don't take their anger out on the manager like they should. They take it to the poor concessionist, who has no authority to open the doors and no keys for that matter.
Through her line of customers, Keelia could see the general manager run through the door to talk to her manager, Harvey.
"What's he doing here so early in the morning?" She thought to herself, and then shrugged.
"Harvey, we've been bought out! The new owners are right behind me!" The general manager, Victor, spoke running out of breath.
"Are you serious?" Harvey asked.
"Do I look like I'm lying to you? How does the place look? Who's on concession?" He pauses to look. "Oh good, it's Keelia. At least we can depend on her." He finished.
"What the hell..." Harvey started to ask. Victor turned as well to see a strange group of people standing in the doorway.
The group of six slowly made their way toward the managers. A very tall woman with long, blond hair stuck her hand out to Victor.
"Hello. I am Filia. I am the new owner of this cinema." She said, smiling gently.
"Well, one of them anyway, Filia-san" A voice said which seemed to annoy the woman named Filia. Suddenly, a funny-looking man with short purple hair and mysterious garb seemed to appear right in front of them.
"I am the other owner. ^_^ my name is Xelloss, the Trickster Priest. ^_^" The managers hesitantly shook his hand, too.
"Namagomi" Filia screamed and tried to hit Xelloss with her mace, only to hit Harvey instead.
Xelloss was about to comment when screaming could be heard on the other side of the lobby. He went to investigate while Filia introduced her staff to Victor while Amelia healed Harvey.
The screaming came from a customer who was complaining about the prices. Xelloss appeared beside him.
"Do you believe the damn prices here?!" The customer asked him.
"They are perhaps a little steep, but that is hardly the fault of this poor concessionist." He answered.
"I don't understand how she can sleep at night, knowing she charges these prices!" The customer continued to rant.
"I sleep very well, thank you. But it seems somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!" Keelia replied sarcastically.
"How dare you?! Is this how you treat customers?!" The customer bellowed.
"Only ones that insist on complaining about things beyond my control, before I've finished my morning coffee." Kelly replied, fed up.
The word, coffee, made Zelgadiss's ears perk up. The chimera, who was now the manager, walked up to the customer and told him to stop bothering a fellow coffee-drinker.
"Why should I stop, you freak!?" The customer shouted
"That's it. You think you can just walk into any establishment and insult the manager? Get out!" Zel yelled angrily.
The customer left in an angry huff. Keelia came out from behind the concession and confronted Zel and Xel.
"You two are my heroes. How can I ever thank you?" She exclaimed.
"I'm sure I could think of something." Xelloss said, looking her up and down. Suddenly, he was bopped off the head with a mace.
"No trying to seduce the employees, Namagomi!" Filia shrieked.
"Where did the mangers go?" Zel asked.
"They ran away when Lina told them that she gets all the popcorn free or they get fried." Gourry, the new usher, said is his surfer-dude tone.
"That was very unjust, Miss Lina!" Amelia, the epitome of good and justice, and the new concessionist wailed.
"You got a problem?!" Lina Inverse, the Enemy of All Who Live and the new general manager, prepared a fireball and glared at Amelia and Gourry.
"So why aren't you running away, Miss...Keelia" Xelloss asked, reading her nametag.
"Because I'm not afraid, in fact, I think you all are great!" She explained.
"Well, I must introduce you to everyone. This is..." Filia began.
"I know. Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zel, Xelloss, and you're Filia." Keelia interrupted, pointing to each person in turn.
"How did you know that?" Xelloss asked.
"I've always wanted to do this!" Kelly said excitedly. She clears her throat, looks directly at Xelloss, closes one eye, holds up one finger, and says "Sore wa himitsu desu."
Xelloss face faults. Everyone else falls to, but they fall to the floor laughing.
After a while of eating popcorn and nachos and discussing plans for the cinema, a number of results were decided upon.
Keelia was promoted to ambassador between the dimensions. She got to decide what movies were shown and which ones weren't. Up selling and suggestive selling were eliminated. The prices were lowered. Arkham was changed to Mazoku Cinemas, much to Filia's dismay. And everyone lived happily ever after. ^_^