A/N: I just saw this movie. I need to express my thoughts in a creative manner. I don't own anything. Read and review, if you please. Have an excellent day!
Squirrel Reviews: Ratatoing
by MiscellaneousSoup
Squirrel Girl slowly walked into the recording room, head in her hands, silently weeping. Behind her, Tippy Toe twitched and spasmed, nearly vomiting from the horror-inducing flick.
"Uh, hi. I'm Squirrel Girl and this is Squirrel Girl reviews. Oh my gosh, this is the...um….NO!" She threw the microphone away, making Tippy Toe squeak. "Tippy, we need to go 'Good Cop/Bad Cop' on this thing. I know one person who's evil enough to help."
In Latveria…
Dr. Doom sat in his dining hall, casually sipping tea and electrocuting some rebels. "That will teach you to violate the word of Doom, good fellow. Excuse me for one moment, I have a call." He pressed a button on his armor, causing a hologram of Squirrel Girl to appear.
"Hello, Doom." Squirrel Girl said.
Dr. Doom immediately recoiled. "Please, not again! I haven't touched your squirrels, I swear! Please don't hurt me!"
Squirrel Girl held up the DVD case. "I need you to watch this and record your thoughts."
Dr. Doom squinted. "Sorry, that's a bit hard to see. Wait...Ratatoing? Doreen, this is low! I thought you were supposed to be nice! Goodbye." Dr. Doom ended the call, then scuttled to his bedroom. A Doombot brought him a blanket and teddy bear. He would need it.
Back in the studio…
Squirrel Girl sighed. "Okay, who do we know who's even more despicably evil?"
Tippy Toe chattered happily. He had the perfect idea!
In outer space…
Thanos picked up the phone. "Hey. Squirrel Girl? Please don't hurt me! Oh, a bad film?Yeah, sure. Can't be worse than Plan Nine From Outer Space."
Forty-four minutes of shared cinematic torture later…
Squirrel Girl and Thanos bowed to the camera.
"Oh, sweet Death, this is the most vile film I've ever seen in my life!" Thanos declared. "So, there's this studio known for ripping off popular films!"
"And they decided to take on Ratatouille, an especially excellent film!" Squirrel Girl added.
Thanos fired a laser at the movie. "Unfortunately, the animation looked bizarre and the writing was lackluster! I spit on you, Ratatoing!"
Squirrel Girl smiled. "Actually, if you really stretch it, some of the voices could have been worse."
Thanos nodded. "Perhaps. However, there's the matter of the film's so-called comedy! How can I phrase this? No, really. I'm not an expert."
Squirrel Girl grabbed the phone. "I know who can help."
An abandoned warehouse…
Deadpool slumbered, dreaming of chimichangas dressed up as paper mache donkeys. After the phone rang twelve times, he picked it up. "Yeah? Oh, sure! See you in a sec!"
At the studio…
Squirrel Girl set down the phone. "He should be here in five minutes."
Deadpool burst through the door. "Hi! You called about Ratatoing?"
Squirrel Girl shook her head. "No, I called Spider-Man. What are you doing here?"
Deadpool patted Tippy Toe. "I can sense bad comedy. So, the film isn't funny, per se, but the incompetence of the writing can produce some unintentional humor. Not as much as similar films, but a fair amount."
Thanos finished spitting on the DVD case. "Deadpool, I'm surprised. That was surprisingly thoughtful. Would you consider joining up with us again?"
"Nope!" Deadpool pantsed Thanos, then ran around the room, hooting like a diseased giraffe. "I'm out of here! Hey, Thandroid, I'm going to go woo Death! NYAAA!"
As Thanos clubbed Deadpool over the head with a cartoonishly oversized mallet, Squirrel Girl walked over to the camera and waved. "I'm Squirrel Girl, that's Thanos, and he's Deadpool. This has been 'Squirrel Girl Reviews', but with some special guests. I'm going to get them out of here." Turning the camera off, she pulled out a squirrel-shaped mallet.
THE END