A/N: Sooooo, happy times were had by Captain Hill fans on tumblr when the lovely WoobiesFTW pointed out that in the midst of all our freaking out about Bruce, there is a scene in the AOU trailer in which it would appear that Maria is casually wearing Steve's jacket. *sniff* It really made my day, possibly my week. (I know, I need help, but I'm pretty sure we've already established that.) I couldn't get it out of my head and posted such on tumblr and kavileighanna requested (read: commanded ;)) I write my thoughts out. So, here they are. Actually, an entire post-AOU story flashed through my mind as well so this will be the first in that series, which, obviously, will not continue until after NaNoWriMo.
Now, for the depressing news. My computer ate my flash drive. *wimper* Lost, lost, all is lost. *incessant sobbing* I have a few stories it didn't delete, it apparently affected stories that were in "files." I don't know why, but that's what it did. Everything I've been working on for next week to finish up before NaNo is gone, as well as a lot for after. And all my notes and story mapping for NaNo. It's. All. Gone. I had planned to finish up my Maria/Sam story today, but that chapter, as well as all the chapters for the rest of the story...gone. So I will have to rewrite that and all the HIMYM cross-over chapters. This story was fortunately still open when it happened so it was saved.
Guess that's all. :/ Hate to leave my A/N on such a downer, but, hopefully, this story about my ridiculously self-deprecating babies will leave you with a better feeling. :)
Please R&R.
Steve leaned to the side against the bar and looked around the room as he toyed with the beer bottle on the counter. Dinner with the other Avengers and a few friends had been pleasant. It was nice to have some place to go where he didn't have to hide himself, or face awkward questions. Now, the group had retired, as it used to be described, into Tony's living room. The room had a decidedly futuristic feel to it, open and endless, it seemed. Tony's 'youthful optimism' on display, Pepper had explained the design. To Steve, it just seemed stiff and formal. He was more comfortable with modern life than he had been when he'd met Tony, but places like this made him wish for softness and comfort and warmth.
He closed his eyes and sighed when he realized his gaze had been perusing the room for just that. Most people probably would not use those words to describe Maria Hill, but he had learned over the past year that there was an incredible and beautiful depth to her under the façade she presented to the world. He glanced around the room quickly but didn't see her. A tightness came to his chest as he wondered for a moment if she had left without saying 'goodnight.'
There was a movement out on the balcony and he smiled as he looked in that direction. Maria was standing at the balcony railing, her back to him, so she couldn't catch him observing her. She had looked so beautiful tonight. Whether fate or Tony had seated her across from him at dinner, Steve wasn't sure, but it had made the event that much more enjoyable. Impulsively, Steve walked around the bar and grabbed another bottle of beer then carried both out to the balcony.
The door slid open for him and Maria turned to face him, a guarded look slowly melting into a warm smile. In moments like this, Steve liked to imagine the smile was one she gave only him. As always, the thought made him more nervous than he was naturally.
"Steve," she said as he approached her.
Her voice, as the rest of her had become to him, was soft and comfortable and warm. He handed her the beer and she took it with a quiet 'thanks.' Steve leaned against the railing with her and within in moments the nerves he always felt as he approached her dissipated.
"I hope I'm not intruding on your solitude," he said and was rewarded with another warm look as she shook her head.
"You're never intruding," she told him.
He smiled back at her and imagined for a moment that her words meant more before he forced himself to look away.
"It's a nice view up here," he said.
"Mmhmm," she said and turned to look out at the city lights with him.
Steve was keenly aware of her proximity as he felt her elbow brush up against his, even through the material of his jacket. He glanced over at her and hoped he wasn't doing something embarrassing, like blushing. She was so close and Steve just wanted to reach over and.
'And what?' he asked himself. 'You're lucky she's still your friend. Just leave well enough alone. She doesn't need this baggage, she's trying to rebuild her life.'
At times, Steve almost convinced himself that Maria was as strong as she pretended for everyone, that she could simply move on after he had taken her entire life from her. But he had been privy to moments when she thought no one was watching. He saw the weariness in her features, the lines on her face. He couldn't fool himself into believing that his decision to take down SHIELD hadn't affected her deeply. He had her smile and her companionship, he wouldn't demand more from her.
He notice her shiver and he turned to her. There were goose bumps on her bare arms.
"You look cold," he said and set his beer down on the table behind them.
He took his jacket off and rested it on her shoulders. She pulled it around herself as she thanked him and Steve allowed his hands to linger on her shoulders, glad to have an excuse for the physical contact.
Steve had entirely misconstrued the situation, Maria thought as he put his jacket on her. It wasn't the temperature that had caused her to shiver. She had been foolish to stand so close to him. The wine from dinner had apparently gone to her head, as well as the way he'd looked at her throughout the meal. But it was nothing, it never was. She understood that, the reason it had to be that way. He was kind to everyone, she told herself. The fact that when he visited Stark he spent more time in her office simply watching her work was, well, he had told her once that he was comfortable around her. He needed that, especially now.
They leaned back against the railing and Maria sought a distraction from her thoughts.
"Sorry Oslo was a bust," she said, taking the conversation to Bucky. It was safer than where she actually wanted to take it.
"Yeah," he said, his face contorting to a grimace. "I'd really thought we were on to something."
The tension didn't ease from his face and Maria went against her better judgment and turned to him to take his hand in hers. He looked at her, a warm smile breaking through the lines, and Maria had to work hard not to read anything into it.
"Will you stay around New York for a while?" she asked, trying to take her mind off the smell of him surrounding her now that his jacket was around her shoulders.
He shrugged and Maria could see the tension return as his throat visibly constricted. Damn her, why did she have to mention that?
"Yeah, there's really no reason to go back to DC now," he said quietly.
As Maria watched the emotions play on his face, she found herself wondering what it would be like to have someone love her as much as Steve had loved Peggy. To have that sort of devotion, that sort of care from another person was almost inconceivable to her. If she'd never seen it with other couples, she would have scoffed at the idea.
Shortly she noticed that he had turned his hand in hers and was absently rubbing the inside of her wrist. It felt to Maria such an intimate act that her heart began to race.
"She must have been an amazing woman," she said, trying to get her mind off the way his touch made her feel.
Steve looked at her and gave her a slight smile.
"Yeah, she was very special." He took a breath and let it out slowly as he looked past her into the night sky. "I have so many regrets."
Maria had an unusual urge at that moment, to take him into her arms, to comfort him. He had always amazed her. She couldn't imagine going through what he had, losing everyone and everything he'd ever known, and yet he was still such a good man. But comforting him that way was not her right so she simply squeezed his hand.
He looked back at her with an intensity she'd never seen him give her.
"Sometimes I don't know how to live with the regrets," he said, and Maria knew he was including his supposed failure to search for Bucky after his fall as well.
Without thinking, Maria reached her hand to his face.
"Steve," she said, then had to choke back her reaction as he leaned into her touch. "Peggy knew you loved her, and Bucky, well, you couldn't have known he was alive."
He studied her face intensely, as if he hoped to find all his answers there. Maria tried not to flinch at the intimacy of the moment. But when he reached up to touch her hand still on his face and take it in his, she thought for a few seconds he'd move her palm to his lips. But before she could think anything further, she heard the doors behind her slide open.
Turning, she saw Thor and, to her credit, she didn't scowl at him.
"Tony has something he'd like to demonstrate," he informed them.
They both nodded and, as he left, Maria reached up to remove Steve's coat.
"No," he said smiling at her again. "Keep it on. It's a little cool inside as well, and, besides, it looks better on you."
Maria thought his last statement absurd. It was huge on her and the brown leather certainly didn't match her dress or shoes, both of which were red. But it smelled of him and she wouldn't refuse the chance to experience this sensation. Who know when she'd have the opportunity again?