Hey guys. This story is ultimately Hannily (duhhhh). While I can't promise how many chapters this story will have, it will be multi-chapter. As always reviews are welcome and much appreciated!
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Graduating from high school was always one of those things that had been looming in the distance for so long that it seemed like it would never happen. At least that's how it felt to Hanna Marin, but here she is sitting among three hundred Rosewood seniors, waiting to get her diploma. The class valedictorian, some dude she's never seen or spoken to before, is rambling on and on for his extensive speech. He's talking about all of the loss that everyone is experiencing leaving Rosewood for college. Hanna rolls her eyes, as if anyone sitting here has experienced real loss, at least anyone besides her and her friends.
Over the past few years they had lost so much, every single one of them. She thinks about it all, the entire Ali saga, but Hanna knows that the biggest thing she lost was Emily Fields. Not that she ever really had her. It was complicated. Just like everything else in life, Hanna thinks.
...
It was one of those things it had taken her a long time to realize. Emily had always been her rock, and they were undoubtedly closer to each other than they were to Spencer and Aria. No matter who they dated, they were always still each other's priority and Hanna liked it that way. When Alison came back, it all started to change. The entire group dynamic was evolving, it wasn't just four girls anymore, it was five again. It wasn't like how it used to be either, which was the strangest part. Alison had changed and it took a lot of convincing before any of the girls accepted this. She didn't act like their leader; she acted like their equal. She acted like she cared and she acted like she valued their happiness over her own.
It was weird, but welcome.
Emily's feelings for Ali ended up being the elephant in the room for some time, since she had broken up with Paige and her and Ali seemed to be getting along very well. None of the other girls wanted to bring it up though, for fear that Emily would be annoyed or embarrassed. However, Hanna got too curious one night and she just had to know, so when she was alone with Em, she asked her.
"I don't know. I don't think those feelings ever fully went away. It was all kind of unresolved when she disappeared. She seems different. But I don't know how she feels about me. How she really feels, at least," Emily replied.
"Are you going to do anything about it?" Hanna had questioned.
"No. It's up to her now. I made my move 3 years ago."
Two weeks later Alison made her move. Three weeks later and she was publically dating Emily. Hanna didn't leave her room for that entire week.
...
Hanna tunes back into the valedictorians speech for a second and when she turns to her right she see's Aria, at the end of her row, looking at her.
"You okay?" the brunette mouths.
Hanna unconvincingly nods her head in reply.
Once the ceremony is over, her and Aria look for the others in the crowd. They spot Emily and Alison, holding hands with their diplomas clutched to their chests, and the two girls walk over to join them. A few minutes later and Spencer comes running over, parents in tow.
"Guys, they want a picture of all of us wearing our college sweatshirts. Please just amuse them," Spencer mutters as she motions to her parents behind her.
Mrs. Hastings has a huge bag with her and she starts passing out sweatshirts to each of the girls. Spencer's says "UPenn", Aria's says "Columbia", Alison's says "University of Florida", and Hanna doesn't even want to look at Emily's.
Hanna just wants to go home and steal some of her moms Xanax, or be literally anywhere else than right here, because she's about to be reminded that her and Emily are going to the same school. Hollis. Alone.
Because Hanna thought that going there for a year to figure out what the hell she wants to do with her life was a good idea, and then Emily decided to go there and live at home, for financial reasons, and at the time Hanna had been excited, because at the time, Emily wasn't with Ali. Emily wasn't with anyone.
But instead Hanna puts on the sweatshirt, takes the picture, smiles like she means it, and then she's gone.
The other girls don't seem to notice that she disappeared, and when they do they try to call, but she ignores every single one of them.
...
"Describe your relationship with Emily."
Hanna rolls her eyes almost instantly. God, she hates therapy. It was court mandated after the policy force finally caught onto the whole "A" thing, and once they finally pieced everything together, they ended up not charging any of the girls with the various crimes they had committed, intentionally and unintentionally, over the years. The catch was, they all had to go to counseling. Separately. In one of Hanna's first sessions with her therapist, Dr. Shannon, she had said that Emily was her closest friend out of the group, which had ended up being a mistake since she now avoided talking about the swimmer at all costs. Today, Dr. Shannon apparently wanted to know why that was.
"I don't know. We're friends?" Hanna shrugs.
"You said you were the closest to her out of the rest of the girls." Dr. Shannon continues, fiddling with the pen in her hands.
"Yeah, well we were."
"Were? Why the past tense?"
"I don't know. She's dating Ali now so we don't talk as much."
"Does that bother you?"
"That she's dating Ali?"
"No, that you don't talk as much."
Hanna is silent for a moment before responding, "Oh. Nope."
Dr. Shannon raises her eyebrows, unconvinced by her response, so the blonde continues, "I mean it was kind of annoying at first, I guess, but I don't care."
"Andit doesn't bother you that she's dating Ali then?"
"No. It doesn't bother me."
Lie. Blatant lie. But for whatever reason, Dr. Shannon lets it go this time and she doesn't ask anything else about Emily. They talk about classes starting in the next few weeks and just like that, their time is up. The second Hanna is out the office door, she pulls out the flask that's hidden in her purse and chugs.
One second, two seconds, three seconds, four. She puts it back. The burn feels good.
...
Aria is the first to go. She has a quiet goodbye dinner with her family at her favorite vegan restaurant, and then she invites the girls over to help her pack her final bag. They reminisce on the past four years until it's late, and Aria's mom pokes her head in the door and tells the girls they should probably get going.
"Spence, can you drop me off?" Hanna asks, grabbing her bag as she stands up.
"Oh, I would, but I'm actually going to sleep here and help Aria load up the car in the morning," Spencer replies.
Hanna frowns, but gives Spencer and Aria a hug before she follows Emily and Alison out of Aria's room, closing the door behind her.
"We can drop you off," Alison says over her shoulder to Hanna as she walks into the bathroom down the hall, "I'll meet you guys downstairs."
There is nothing in the world that sounds more painful to Hanna at that moment than having to sit in the car with Emily and Ali, even for five minutes, while they hold hands in the front seat and act adorable together.
Once her and Emily are outside, she turns to the swimmer, "I think I'm just going to walk. I'll see you guys later."
A concerned look washes over Emily's face and Hanna almost laughs at how genuine it seems.
"Are you sure? It's no big deal, it's on the way to Ali's" the brunette says.
"I need the air," Hanna mutters before turning and starting down the sidewalk. She feels a hand softly grab her arm, and she turns back to her friend.
"Are you okay? I mean, is something going on? You haven't been yourself lately," Emily says in a quiet tone, her eyes searching the blonde's for an answer. It's almost enough to make Hanna crack and spill her heart out right then and there, but her mind tells her to be smarter than that.
"I'm fine, just tired."
Emily doesn't say anything, and Hanna hears Aria's door shut, signaling that Alison is ready to go.
"I worry about you, Han." Emily says, even quieter than before and Hanna replies in the same tone.
"Don't."
She doesn't say it in a bitter way, she says it with honesty and she see's the worry in Emily's brown eyes grow. Hanna just turns to start heading home and in the distance she hears Ali ask Emily where she's going. So, she picks up her pace.
...
Alison is the next to go. Hanna silently thanks whoever does the scheduling down in Florida that they had her start school before Spencer, so she didn't have to be stuck in Rosewood with just Emily and Ali, even for a week. In true Alison fashion she has a huge party, the complete opposite of Aria's quiet departure. Hanna goes with Spencer, and they spend the first couple of hours mingling with parents and retelling the same speech about where they are going to school and what they plan to study.
Then suddenly it's late enough in the evening that the parents are too tipsy to notice, or care, that the kids have started breaking into the alcohol too. Hanna cracks another beer as she stands in the backyard, watching random kids from their graduating class stumble around, laughing, carefree.
"Don't you think maybe you should slow down a little bit? I don't think Mr. DiLaurentis will want to carry you out of here," Spencer says with a slight smirk as she walks up to the blonde.
"I hope that greeting isn't how you plan on making friends at school," Hanna replies, taking a huge gulp of beer. She's looking across the yard at Alison, who is talking to group of people, while subconsciously leaning back into Emily, who has one arm wrapped around her girlfriend, and another holding her drink.
"Are you going to be okay once I leave? I mean is it going to be weird...it just being you and Emily again?" Spencer says, clearly noticing where Hanna's gaze is falling.
"Why would it be weird?" She's trying to play it off, but she knows Spencer knows her better than that.
"I'm not oblivious Hanna. Do you want me to say it out loud?"
"No."
"They won't last. It's college you know." Spencer doesn't say it to be mean, she says it because she's Spencer and being brutally honest has always been her thing.
"It doesn't matter. Even if she was single she wouldn't be looking at me anyways." Hanna mumbles.
There's a comfortable silence between the two of them before the blonde speaks again.
"Am I really that obvious?"
"No. Neither of them notice," Spencer nods in the direction of the couple, "and Aria doesn't either, if that makes you feel any better. It's been a hard year on all of us, they think that's the only thing you're dealing with."
"Good. Lets keep it that way."
...
Emily starts texting and calling her now that Alison is gone and at first it pisses Hanna off, until she looks at her "missed calls" list, looks at her previous text history with Emily, and realizes that the girl has been calling her all along. It's in that moment that finally hits Hanna that she's been ignoring Emily. Blatantly. She hasn't realized that she didn't respond to nearly any of the brunette's attempts to reach out over the past few months, and so she tells herself to get the hell over this jealousy complex before she loses one of the best friends she's ever had.
So Hanna hits "call" and invites Emily to hang out with her and Spencer at The Brew. Maybe she was imagining it, but Emily sounded pretty damn happy that she called.
...
At first when Spencer brings up Alison while they are sipping on their coffees, Hanna wants to strangle her, but then Spencer shoots her a look. A look that tells Hanna she's asking Emily all of the questions that the blonde wants answers to but will never ask herself.
"Does Ali like Florida so far?"
"Yeah, she loves it, she say's its amazing," Emily replies, surprisingly without a hint of sorrow in her voice.
"So you two are..." Spencer continues.
"Doing long distance. I guess. For now."
"For now?" Hanna interjects, which earns her a smirk from Spencer.
"I mean, I'm not stupid. I know how hard it is and I know the chances of it working out aren't great, but it seemed too unrealistic to just cut each other off without even trying."
Spencer nods silently, understanding, before Emily continues.
"I just hope if...when...it does end, it wont be too bad. I don't want to screw up our entire friend group."
Spencer lets out a chuckle, "We will all always be friends, Em, but we are going to make new friends too. It wouldn't be life or death if it were to end badly. Our dynamic is going to change anyways."
Hanna thinks on her words and it is weird, really, because life how they have known it is over. They are all going to be separated now and start completely different lives. It's never going to be the same after this. Not really, anyway.
...
Spencer's quiet departure mimics Aria's, except she says goodbye to Emily and Hanna separately. It hits Hanna that she's really going to miss having someone around who actually knows what's going on in her head, and she's not sure how she's going to handle it when Spencer leaves. When they finally hug goodbye, Hanna hangs on tightly, not wanting to let go, not wanting to be alone with this again. Spencer finally breaks them apart and looks directly into her friend's eyes.
"Promise me you'll go easy on the vodka. And the meds."
"I'll try," Hanna replies, unconvincingly, "see you at Christmas?"
"Take care of yourself."
And just like that, Spencer's gone too.