A/N Hey Guys! This is an entirely different story which doesn't even start happily. I have a set end to this and just had to publish it. As for my other stories, I am still writing them! I'm sorry for their delay. I'm really busy with school right now and just don't have the time to focus on them (since they're both really complex stories). This story is one I've written several chapters for, so I figured the least I could do was give you guys something to read.

Just a warning: There is a rape scene in this chapter. This is the ONLY chapter that will have sexual content that is not consensual.

Thank you to MB1000 for rewriting a portion of this chapter so it made sense. Check her out, guys! She has awesome stories!

My name is Isabella Swan, but everyone calls me Bella. I'm nineteen and in college. College was going great for me. Straight As, a boyfriend who loved my guts, and a group of friends whose loyalty was unrivaled.

Yes, everything was going great. College was in Seattle, I lived in Forks. My father and I decided to compromise on a living situation. Since driving three hours every day wasn't workable. We decided that the best place to live would be Port Angeles, a compromise both of us were hesitant on. Neither of us knew why.

I wonder if we knew it back then? Back when we were shopping for an apartment that the worst tragedy of our lives would come from my living there. All this wondering now, it's moot point I suppose. I wonder though, did we instinctively know?

Moving to Port Angeles was great. I had planned a birthday party for just about everyone I knew. Well in advance, of course, at various locations in and around the small town. It was bigger than Forks, but not as big as Phoenix or Seattle. I liked it, a nice retreat with a little hustle and bustle.

I'm nineteen, and I'll always stay that way. My body rotting away like a forgotten apple in an orchard. I would definitely never be as pretty as I had been before, because when I was nineteen, I was murdered.

Murder may be a strong word. After death, you see things. You can move around throughout the planes of existence, examining whatever you want. I decided to examine my death, question it. Why me? The girl with the blossoming life? Why?

I knew my killer. I trusted him. A friendly acquaintance, someone to wave to when you're driving down the road.

It's funny what you remember after death. Pointless memories come to the forefront but I realize now they're my happiest. I was two years old, my dad cleaning out his duty gun, getting it ready for another shift at work, and I grabbed it. It wasn't loaded, but that didn't matter. The fact that I ran with it scared Charlie. He ran after me, catching me up in his arms, grabbing the gun from my tiny hands, "Now there, little girl. My gun isn't a toy." He was laughing, and I was too. "Renee, we need to find some kid friendly activities for her." My mother came out, dressed in an apron, having been cooking supper. She smiled at me and grabbed me up, taking me to cook with her.

My first day of kindergarten in Phoenix, after my mother left my father. The hot Arizona sun beating down on my pig tails and white T-shirt. My mother posed me in front of the house, holding up a sign that said "First day of school!" She ushered me to the bus when it was time, taking a moment to snap a picture of me walking up the steps. I wonder why I remember these as the happiest moments of my life.

His face. The love of my life. After moving back to Forks as a junior, seeing his face at lunch on my first day there. The perfect contour of his cheek bones. The way his eyes squinted just a little bit when he smiled. The skin pulling back to reveal extraordinarily white teeth.

Those are the things I remember in this heaven of mine. It's not only my heaven, there are other people here, waiting- like I am. The heaven is a mixture of all our tastes. An endless meadow that changes into a white sand beach in one step. It's not actually heaven at all, though. It's a place between heaven and the world.

I remember my death, and the events leading up to it well. It was a Tuesday evening, it was beginning to snow. Late November, I was in Seattle finishing up an evening class. Rosalie, my boyfriend's adoptive sister, was sending me texts toward the end of my class.

Rose: Drinks?

Bella: Oh, into that illegal drinking again? Sure. I'll meet you at your apartment :)

Rose: 2 Hours?

I looked at my phone, 6:55 pm. It would take an hour and a half to get home if I sped, so I'd get to her apartment at about 9. That would do.

Bella: 9 o'clock it is! See you then

The professor told us we should have our papers done by Thursday, when class met again. I was almost done with mine, a mock news report about World War Three. Journalism was quite an eventful major.

I made my way to the elevator and hit the G symbol for the parking garage. Once I was in there, I made my way to my car. A brand new Subaru Legacy- courtesy of my boyfriend, Edward Cullen, and his family. It was a graduation present.

Edward's father was the CEO of a major medical equipment company. His products were in most major hospitals in the world. They had the money to spare, and loved living in the lap of luxury. The Cullen family wasn't pretentious like many rich families were, though. They gave to charity and saved a lot of their money away for future generations of the family. A huge nest egg that was meant to get the family by for a century or more- and it would.

My car started like a beauty, unlike my old truck that it replaced. The truck was old and abused, and over time just sputtered instead of went, and it died right after I graduated.

I made my way to the freeway, turning on the radio as I drove to Highway 101. The snow was pelting down the more north I went, my speed slowing down over time as the road became slicker.

By the time I reached the outskirts of Port Angeles I was only going about 20 miles per hour. There was an accident on the highway ahead, so I turned off onto a country road. I wonder now if the accident was premeditated, too.

On the back road, I saw several cars abandoned. The fresh fallen snow having paralyzed the city for now. One car wasn't abandoned, though, and I recognized it. My friend's car. Oh shit, I wonder if they need a lift or a pull. I pulled over, putting my hazards on, and texted Rose

Bella: Helping a friend on the side of the road.

I never did get to read her reply.

"Hey there" I said after he rolled down his window. His car didn't seem caked in snow or stuck in any way, so I figured it was an issue with the battery or low gas. He smiled and waved, "Hey Bells, I actually went to get a can of gas but it's in the woods. Mind helping me go get it?"

I should have said no, but I didn't. I was naïve and that was my downfall. I told him yes, and accompanied him well into the woods. After all, he was the one who told me about this detour after I angrily texted him about the traffic 30 miles ago. I was using my phone as a flashlight, illuminating our trek. I looked back on occasion to see where the road was. "Where exactly did you leave the gas can?"

He looked back at me, then motioned for a shack in the forest. I was relieved. It looked like some type of outpost for hunting. He led me inside and sat down.

"Mind if we rest a minute Bells? I need to warm up." I nodded and looked around, my eyes wandering to the guns and axes in the shack. He offered me a coffee, which I couldn't resist, the darkness of the night had made me sleepy.

I should have resisted it, though.

Soon after I finished my small cup o' joe, I felt strange, and he laughed at me. "You shouldn't put your trust in everyone, Bella." My mind was spinning all around and my body had an overwhelming sensation take over. All I could think of was that he had drugged me. He grabbed me and lowered me onto a mattress, which smelled like mildew and fish.

I was aware that he was undressing me, but the drug he gave me made it so that I couldn't fight him off. My body felt heavy, but light at the same time. I felt like I was drifting in out, but I fought. I fought to stay alert.

"Stay still and this won't be too long." I heard him say. I felt a cool metal press against my back. I then felt a stinging sensation as he grunted. I then realized he had cut off my bra. The rusty, salt smell along with the stinging sensation alerted me that he had sliced my back in the process.

I felt him move me and I could smell him over top of me. His stench suffocated my nose as his body suffocated mine. I tried to move, but he made it so that I was pinned down. I struggled against him as the drugs continued to work their way through my system. My heart beat a like a humming bird. I wasn't sure if it was due to the drugs or what I thought was to come next.

I felt a searing a pain my breast. His greasy hair prickled in my skin as the pain ignited. I then realized as I felt the pain deepen, that he was biting me. I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. I pleaded that if he let me go, I wouldn't tell anyone. I knew it no use when I felt him felt remove my final article of clothing- my underwear. It wasn't until the hot tears stained my face, that I realized I was crying. I felt a slap across my face.

"Stop crying. I'll make you enjoy this." He yelled.

I couldn't stop the tears though. I felt his fingers invade me and he roughly shoved them inside me. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from screaming. The pain was overwhelming as he continued to add more digits.

"God dammit, why aren't you getting wet for me?" He yelled.

I cried out in pain as he become more forceful. The pain stopped for a moment. My body ached. I thought maybe he was done. My vision was becoming clearer as I looked at him. I then realized my hopes were in vain as he released himself from his boxers and put a condom on. I begged for him not to, even though I knew it was useless. He moved closer and I forced my self to look away as I felt him enter me in a one, violent movement. The white, hot pain was overwhelming. I cried, I begged, I pleaded. It fell on deaf ears. The drugs were fading and adrenaline was coursing through my veins but it didn't take away from the pain. I felt as if I was being ripped in two.

The emotional pain was almost as bad as the physical pain. I was betrayed by someone I trusted. I felt my world shattering around me as he continued to abuse me body. It seemed like ages before he every stopped. The smell of the blood alerted me before I saw it. It was overwhelming and a reminder of just how he violated me.

He then forced his lips onto mine and I tried to fight. I spat into his mouth with the strength I still was losing. He slapped me across the face and continued his assault of my body, while threatening to kill me. I then felt what felt like cool metal against my throat. I could only guess it was a knife as he continued his violation of me. I remained quiet then, but wanted to scream.

I then felt him remove the metal from throat. He pulled at my hair, causing even more pain. I felt a searing pain on my scalp that helped me find my voice again. I let out a blood curdling scream, but it was cut short by him hitting me across the head. His weapon of choice was his thermos full of drug-infused coffee.

I hurled myself forward, using the rest of my diminishing strength to push him off of me and run out the door. I grabbed my purse as I made my escape. I ran as fast as I could toward the town, which I figured was much closer than my car.

I was right, the town wasn't more than a mile away from where we were. I cried for help, hoping the various people walking down the small main street would see me or hear me. Nobody seemed to. I cried out, running past them, not managing to get their attention.

I looked around me, the ambiance changed. The people that were there one instant were gone now. The world fell away from me. What was once a vibrant town bustling with Christmas-time traffic was now a ghost town. I grabbed my shoulders. It was eerily warm for a November night. I did what I thought was my only option and ran, naked, to my apartment, running to my room to grab a pair of clothes.

The clothes went on my body. When I turned around, I saw the clothes back in the drawer and on my body all the same, as if I was never there.

I felt confused and tried to collect my thoughts. I had to figure out why the world was changing in front of my eyes. What was happening to me?

I ran to Rosalie's apartment. Her complex was across the street from mine and it was actually a row of nice townhouses. She was on the phone with Edward when I walked in, telling him it was unlike me to be late. I looked at the clock, 9:35 pm. "I'm here… Rose! I'm here!" I tried to cry out, but she disappeared. her house became a dark shell of the usually vibrant townhouse I was accustomed to seeing Rose in. The faint sounds of her television and voice were still coming through. I felt terrified, still not understanding what was happening.

I had gotten away from him, so why was this playing out like a nightmare?

I felt my phone vibrate, 'Edward is calling' the screen said. I pressed the green button and put the phone to my ear, "Edward? Hello? What's happening?"

"Bella, when you get this message please call me back. You're thirty minutes late to Rose's and we're worried. I know there was traffic but with all the wrecks on the news, we're worrying you might be in one of them. Drive safe, and try to call back if you can. Did you manage to help your friend? Who was it? I can come give them a lift if they need it. Anyways, I love you."

I screamed into the receiver, trying to let him know I was okay. The line went dead instead, and so did my phone. I ran back to my apartment, eager to plug it in and call him again. My charger was in my car, but I had an extra in my bathroom. I went in and stumbled back trying to adjust my eyes to the blinding light. Once adjusted, I looked around. The bathroom didn't look anything like my bathroom. It was dissociated, as if a movie set. The placement of things hardly made sense and there appeared to be no walls. The shower was steaming, as if someone was washing themselves. and I walked at a slow pace to the shower stall, perplexed.

Whose house was I in?

The shower shut off with a screech. Leaky faucet, definitely not my house. I noticed for the first time how much blood was all over the bathroom. There were splotches on the floor, and blood mixed with mud pooling around a pair of hunting boots. The door to the shower stall opened, and I saw my attacker step out.

A fresh wave of confusion flushed over me, "Hey?" I asked. I no longer felt drugged, I hardly felt anything, actually.

He didn't hear me, so I continued looking around. On the toilet were my torn underpants and cut off bra. I reached behind me and felt a small slash on my back where he had cut me while working to cut off my undergarments. It felt sticky and hot, as if there was still blood, but when I brought my hand back to look at it, my hand was clean.

He was careful to navigate around the small pools of blood on the ground. He made his way out of the bathroom, and I followed him.

We were no longer in my house, and I realized for the first time something was going on. There were more pools of blood on his tile floor, and I shivered at the thought of whose it might be. We walked into the kitchen, where a large bag was on the floor. "Fuck." He said, his voice hitching as if he was struggling not to cry. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" He hit the side of his head with the palm of his hand, and I moved forward hesitantly. I was fearful he would become aware of my presence.

"I didn't mean to do it, Bella! Fuck!" I moved forward, "You can see me? Finally someone can-" I got cut off by the rustling of a garbage bag opening. Inside I saw brown hair and drying blood on a forehead. I leaned in closer.

It was me. I fell backward, falling into and then through a table beside his chair in the living room. I scrambled backwards onto my feet, afraid that I was going crazy. I started crying, more of a hyperventilating type of cry than anything. I tried to remember what happened.

If I got away from him, how was I in a bag unmoving?

A set of hands from behind grabbed me and pulled me into the bathroom. I was too shocked to even look and see who was rescuing me from this hell. The bathroom disappeared and everything went white. The world falling from underneath me in flashes.

I screamed out to nobody in particular, "Am I dead!?" It was more of a desperate squeak than a scream, my throat felt like a hot poker had been stuck down it. It was burning with desperation to breathe but I was too scared to take a single breath.

I felt myself losing my touch with Earth. Desperate, I tried to feel for solid ground but was unable to find it. I raced through brilliant colors, seeing flashes of my memory go by me. I grabbed on tight to a door frame in the Cullen house as it rushed past. I saw myself walking next to Edward into the kitchen of his house. This was the day I met his parents and sisters, Rosalie and Alice. As if unable to be gripped, the doorframe creaked and I fell away from it.

The person who had grabbed me away from the Earth pulled me closer. I got a smell for the first time. Clean, rugged, musky. It was a man, and I felt more afraid. Their smell reminded me of his as he was on top of me, and I was still confused about what had happened to me.

We finally came to a stop in an unending forest. There was a clearing that we landed on, and the person holding me scooped me into a hug. "Shhh. You're okay now. I'm so sorry. I should have grabbed you earlier. I'm so sorry, Bella. Nobody's supposed to find out they died that way."

Just like that, the person that had saved me shattered me. He confirmed for the first time what I had already gathered. I was dead, and my escape was a farce. I never left that shack alive.

The only thing I knew to do was cry even more.

End Note: Let me know if you guys want more! I have so much of this story written down and ready to publish!