Author's Notes
Alright, so I know I wasn't going to make another in this series, but you guys know how much I love things in three. I was always taught that everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. That makes perfect sense to me. So, it just didn't make sense for me to stop where I had, and let's face it, the ending I gave you guys was atrocious. So, yes, this is the third part of my In The Sun series. For new readers, the order of these stories is as follows: In The Sun, The Sun And The Moon, and finally, Brighter. If you have not read the previous two, I suggest you do so before embarking on this little number, because you won't have any idea what's going on.
Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave
Chapter 1
By Persephone's Nautical Nun
Spencer
Sometimes, I can still smell the cocaine in my nostrils.
I try to think back to what my life was like before all of this happened. I try to remember life before she showed up at my doorstep, before the O.D., before the cocaine, before Ashley.
I can't do it.
The life I led a year ago seems so far away from me, now. It seems impossible that we can ever get back to that place.
If it seems impossible for me, I can only imagine how hard it is on Ashley. I don't think she's ever experienced a normal lifestyle.
There are moments in my life that I know I'll never forget. They all include Ashley. I'll never forget the first time we kissed, or made love. I'll never forget watching her slip into unconsciousness that night after finals, or leaving her alone in that hospital. I'll never forget that night in the dirty bathroom when I lashed out at her. I'll never forget the day she sang to me in the piano shop.
It's strange to think that it was only eight months ago that I was sitting in front of the campus post office, watching her walk across the courtyard every morning.
I had never noticed it, but about a month after I met her, she stopped taking those walks every morning. I guess I never noticed because I was in bed with her, not sitting out on that railing. That should have been a warning to me that something bad was going to happen. It was those morning walks that cleansed her, washed away everything negative. Without those walks, it was all going to build up, transform her into a shaken soda can, waiting to explode all over the first person to touch her.
We're back on campus, now, living in an apartment together. I know, we haven't even known each other a year, and we're already living together? It's not like that. We sleep in separate rooms. We just thought it would be healthier for both of us if we lived together, to try to keep each other on track.
I do, sometimes, miss her warmth at night. I'm just not ready to go there, yet. I'm a lot better about letting her close to me than I was when she came to my house this summer, but it's still hard. There's still this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to keep her at arms' length. I'm not saying that I'll never be okay. I just need time.
She doesn't talk much about rehab. It must have been hard on her, going through withdrawal, without any kind of help. I didn't have to go cold turkey. I was lucky.
I was always the lucky one.
Anyway, classes start in about a week, and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. Ashley's still a music major, but I think that's just because it's what she knows. Don't get me wrong, I know she loves it, I just get the feeling sometimes that it's not what she wants to center her life around.
She's started walking around campus again, since we got back. Sometimes I go with her, sometimes I don't. We never talk when I do go with her, though. We don't have to. It's just understood that it's a time for her to think about things, and get some sort of perspective, and if I want to accompany her while she's doing that, I'm welcome, as long as I don't interrupt it. I understand that.
I respect that.
Kelly came by the other day, and gave us a half an ounce of weed as a welcome back present. Last semester, it would already be gone, but we've only smoked one bowl out of it. It's definitely more than we need.
Kelly hasn't changed at all, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. On one hand, I really would like to see her clean herself up, but on the other, I really want something constant, with all the changes that have been happening, lately. I try not to think too much about it. Neither of us is around her for extended periods of time, anymore, so it doesn't really matter. She's apparently living with a girl named Josie. I vaguely remember her from the first time I was over at Ashley's apartment. Kelly had come stumbling in, Josie wrapped around her like she couldn't stand on her own two feet. I soon realized that she couldn't. I think she passed out on the living room floor about an hour later.
As for me and Ashley, well, individually we're okay. Like I said, I'm not ready to let her completely close to me, yet. Even still, I don't know what we are, if we're anything. Some days we cuddle on the couch, and even kiss. Other days, we pretend the other doesn't exist. Maybe we're just two people that have been through something traumatic, and we don't know how to let go of each other.
I guess the only thing for us to do is wait and see.