Half of a Person
When she passed Severus in the hallways, Lily failed to ignore him. Her breath would hitch and she would walk a bit too stiffly past. Small gestures betrayed her thoughts. She blamed his letters over the summer that had become so intense.
In Advanced potions, Lily watched as Severus put strands of his hair on the wrong side of his head so that they fell down his face. He'd tug at them again, revealing the bruise colored bags under his eyes. The brown orbs flitted towards her towards the end of class.
Upset at getting caught, Lily cleaned her station and bottled some amortentia before heading to the sink. It wasn't too long before he was behind her, waiting to dump out the contents of his cauldron. They were the first two to finish Slughorn's assignment and receive marks.
"Go ahead," she stumbled as she shifted her weight since she was carrying so much. She had meant to put as much distance between them as possible.
Before she knew what was happening, he'd set his things on top of the cabinet and took the load in her arms away. Not listening to her protests, he cleaned up, storing extra ingredients in the cupboard.
As the amortentia vanished down the drain, Lily had a craving for nicotine she hadn't indulged in for ages. She let a breath escape she'd been holding in ever since the steam billowed from cauldrons and rose in a cloud above the classroom.
"Want to smoke?" She spoke so quietly he was the only one in the room who possibly could have heard her. His shoulders arched up and then he turned around to give a small nod.
As they left, he went ahead so that he was always three seconds away. Lily followed him into the bushes and sat only a few inches apart from his legs in the tight space.
Knowing she couldn't use a lighter, he lit the fag in her mouth. She hollowed out her cheeks and puffed, pulling away from the flame.
"Your owl looked sick," its feathers had been dingy and no longer smelled like pine needles.
"It died."
News of the tawny owl's death made her sad but she hardy thought of her as she looked into Severus's eyes.
"Give me another chance," he said then. "Give me one more chance."
"And why should I?" Her voice strained.
"Because I love you."
A bolt of lightning ripped through the sky, landing far away but the thunder ricocheted loudly, vibrating through the air.
"You're delusional!" At the beginning of the year he'd all but confessed he was joining the death eaters. And she'd clearly told him he couldn't have it both ways.
Rain began to pour but they remained rooted to the grass, not even moving to fetch their wands from their robes. His mouth moved to her ear.
"Maybe."
He kissed her ear. Her hands remained firmly at her sides.
"No, you are," she said. "This can't happen. Ever."
It was clear Lily would have to leave first. Standing up, she anchored her eyes towards the castle and stepped in the muddy path.
"You'll let it," Severus said. She ignored him completely.
Very quickly, her clothes became heavy. It was difficult to walk down the corridors and up the stairs. Little pools of water collected beneath her wherever Lily walked. Her shoes squeaked loudly against the floor.
Casting drying charms, she washed up and went to the Great Hall for dinner, sitting between her friends. She didn't even look at the Slytherin table and forbid herself to even think of him.
She stared so intently at the dinner rolls, everyone knew something was wrong. Nothing they said could get her to speak.