To Hell and Back
Prologue
I've been in love with her for fifteen years and we've only been together for eight. Every time we made love, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. She was everything that I wanted in a women and I knew that no one could come close to giving me what she gave to me. We decided to start a family and we were happy when Nanoha found out she was pregnant. I was so overjoyed to know that I was going to have a baby with the women that I've loved for so long. I couldn't wait to see our baby. I had hoped that he or she would look more like Nanoha because she was so beautiful and so perfect. And I knew that having this baby would make our lives so much more perfect.
One day, Nanoha and I had an appointed to see how the baby was doing. I was a little late because I had a showing at the art gallery that I worked at, but when I got to the hospital, Nanoha wasn't there. "Shamal, I'm sorry I'm late for the appointment. Where's Nanoha?" I asked our doctor since she was clearly the only one present in the hospital room. "Fate I think that you should sit down" Shamal said. I just knew something was be wrong from just her saying that and the look she on her face told me clearly. Please let everything be ok,I thought to myself repeatedly as I did what Shamal told me to do. "Fate, I'm sorry to tell you that Nanoha lost the baby", Shamal said sadly. I couldn't even speak from the shock. "What…..when did this happen…..why? I managed to say between my cries. "I really don't know what happened Fate. There was no heart beat present during the ultrasound. I'm sorry I can't give you a better explanation" she said sadly. I couldn't say anything else, so I just left. I drove home as fast as I could because I knew that Nanoha would be there. I found her in the kitchen with her head sunk within her knees. I ran to her and just hugged her with everything that I had. She was crying and I could tell she had been crying for a long time. "Fate….the baby's gone…..the baby's…Nanoha couldn't even finish her sentence because she was so distraught. I felt so hopeless because I couldn't do anything to make the pain go away. All I could do is hold her and try to be strong for her.
Nanoha was depressed after that and it took her a couple of months to get somewhat like her old self. To get Nanoha to feel better, Hayate suggested that all the girls go on a much needed trip. I couldn't attend because I had a show coming up and had a lot of preparing to do. When the day of the trip came, we said our good-byes, kissed and told each other that we loved each other. And then she was gone and would be for four days.
I went to work, which was under construction for the upcoming show at the art gallery. There was an architect named Shari that was really good at what she did. She had brown hair and blue eyes just like Nanoha, but they weren't the same. Nanoha's eyes were much more beautiful. It was almost time for me to leave and Shari came to my office. "Hey Fate. I just wanted to tell you that everything is going well and the improvements to the gallery should be completed soon" she said. "Thanks for your hard work Shari. I really appreciate it." I replied. Before I went to leave, Shari asked if I wanted to order some food and I agreed since I hadn't eaten yet. After an hour of eating and small chats, Nanoha called me. "Hey baby. We are having so much fun in Panama City. I wish that you were here with us" she said. "I wish that I was there as well" I replied. After that, I couldn't really understand what she was saying because that music was so loud on her end of the phone. So I just said that I loved her and hoped that she heard me and hung up my cell phone. "So who was that?" Shari asked me curiously. "It was my partner Nanoha. She's only a trip with a group of friends and she just wanted to tell me how good of a time she was having". What happened next really caught me off guard. "Oh, I thought that you were single" Shari said before she moved closer to me. Her face was only mere inches from my face and I could feel her breath on my lips. What is she doing? Was all I could think before she started talking again. "I thought that you were single, so I thought that I would get dinner with you to get to know you better". The way she said it sounded like she wanted to have sex and I didn't want to because I love Nanoha, but why wasn't I moving from our current position?
Next thing I know, she was kissing me on my lips. Her tongue was already begging for entry and my mouth opened to let it in. What the fuck are you doing Fate? You're with Nanoha. You need to stop this. But I didn't stop and I allowed what she was doing to continue. Somewhere along the line I started crying. I cried because I was doing this to Nanoha. I cried because our baby died. I cried because I hadn't cried since I was in the hospital just so that I could be strong for Nanoha. I don't know why I couldn't stop Shari. Maybe it was because I couldn't find comfort in Nanoha since the baby died. I really couldn't figure it out. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't realize that Shari had my pants off and her hand was already rubbing my opening. I couldn't help, but moan because she had found my spot. I loved and hated what she was doing to me, but I needed it. I needed some sort of way to help the pain.
It was over an hour later and I felt really disgusted with myself. Even though Nanoha and I weren't married since same sex marriage wasn't legal in New York, she was my wife regardless of the laws. How could I have done this to her after everything that has happened? I was really ashamed, but I don't why I continued having sex with her. Even after Nanoha came back with from her trip with Hayate and our other friends, I still continued to let Shari fuck me. I never mentioned it to Nanoha and just pretended nothing had even happened. I didn't want to hurt Nanoha by my actions, but I couldn't stop them either.
When the awaited art show finally came, I was feeling really drained. I was in the shower just thinking about what I was doing behind Nanoha's back. It was like I was glued to my current position because I couldn't move just thinking about it. Nanoha had to come and get me before I realized that I was in the shower longer than I would usually be in there. "Fate you're going to be late if you don't get out of the shower" she said as she came into the bathroom. I didn't reply and when she noticed, she opened the shower door and turned off the water. She turned and looked at me and saw that I was really going through something. I just started crying because I was such an idiot. Nanoha came over to me and hugged me. "Fate are you ok?" she said in a worried tone. I looked up at her and looked into her blue eyes. "We need to start a family Nanoha". I said, knowing that would be the solution for stopping my current fling. "I can't right now, but in a couple of months we can try it again ok?" I could tell that she was still mourning over our baby's loss and so I understood and kissed her.
Nanoha and I were now at the art gallery enjoying ourselves. Out of nowhere, Shari came over to us. Oh shit. Shari please don't say anything about us. "Hey Fate. How are you this evening?" Shari said. "I'm fine. The gallery really looks amazing. Thank you so much for everything. I replied. I could feel Nanoha looking at Shari and Shari was looking at Nanoha, so I decided to break the ice. "Nanoha, this is Shari. The architect that I told you that was helping fix up the place" I hurriedly said because I was scared of what Nanoha was thinking. "Oh right. You've done a great job with the place" Nanoha replied. "Thanks I appreciate it" Shari said and then she looked at me. All I could do was take a drink from the wine in my glass. I feared what was going to happen next. As if on cue, a painter then came up to me to talk business and so I left Nanoha with Shari. I was scared that Shari was going to say something, but was happy when I saw Hayate drag Nanoha off somewhere. After handling business with the painter, I saw Shari and I went over to chat with her. I looked around just to make sure that Nanoha wasn't around and I kissed Shari on the lips. We were just chatting and she asked if we could go somewhere and we did. We ended up in my office with her head in between my legs eating me like a hungry beast. Oh how I wanted to stop this. I always wanted to stop this but damn it was so good and I needed her like she needed me, but of course I had different reasons than hers.
After three hours of letting Shari pleasure me, I got home and was ready for bed. I started to undress myself and when I looked in the mirror to take my jewelry off, there Nanoha was. I was scared because she had a look on the face that I had never seen before. So I decided to walk over to her and then she said something that I'll never forget. "I know". That was all I needed to hear and I knew that she knew what was going on. I walked to her and tried to hug her, but she slapped me so hard that I fell to the floor. I started crying because this was my fault and I had caused this to happen. I desperately wanted to fix this, so I went over to Nanoha again and said the only thing that I could. "Nanoha, I'm sorry". She started crying and started hitting me. I used all of my strength just to calm her down. We ended up falling onto the bed and I took off her clothes because I wanted to show her that I loved her. "Get off of me Fate. Fuck you" was what Nanoha kept on repeating as I kissed her now naked body. All I could do was repeat that I loved her and hoped that she would calm done. She found some strength and ended up rolling us over so that I was now on the bottom. She started biting my neck really hard and kissed me forcefully on the lips. I started screaming because of the pain that I was feeling from her biting me. She then put my fingers in her opening and I stroked as fast as I could as she moaned. Please forgive me Nanoha. Please forgive me. I continued to move my fingers inside for her as I sucked on her breasts. And she continued to curse my name as she moaned into my mouth as I started kissing her.
Once she came, she lay on top of me crying and I felt as low as the dirt on the ground for causing all of her pain. Mainly for doing something that I swore to her and myself that I would never do. We layed like that for almost an hour without saying anything. I couldn't say anything and I decided deserve to say anything. When she removed herself from off of me, she said nothing but fixed her clothes and walked over to the door. Before she left, she looked at me with her sad azure eyes that told me that she loved me and hated me at the same time. Then she was gone and I knew that she would be gone forever.
After I had stopped crying, I went to the one person that could help me. Shari opened her door and before she could say anything, I smashed my lips against hers and started ripping her clothes off. I was so furious that she was the cause of this, but she was the only one that could comfort me at the moment. So I proceeded by slipping my hands between her thighs and started rubbing her clit. She started moaning loudly, digging her nails into my back. It really hurt, but I liked it and wanted to feel more of it just to ease the pain for hurting Nanoha. And she continued to dig her nails into my back as I added more and more pressure on her clit. I slid my fingers into her opening forcefully and started stroking as hard and as fast as I could. I knew that she was hurting, but she kept on moaning and didn't stop me. Shortly, she tightened around my fingers and I took my fingers out and just looked at her. I couldn't help, but start to cry. I'm sorry Nanoha. I've messed everything up and I know you won't come back to me. I'm so stupid.
It's been three weeks since that happened. I've attempted to kill myself twice because I couldn't bare this pain in my chest anymore. But failed of course, or I wouldn't be telling you this story. I finally cut it off with Shari because I couldn't even look at her anymore without wanting her kill myself. And now here I am. All alone with no one to come home to. Nanoha hasn't come home since our fight. She hasn't even come to get any clothes. I can't believe everything has gone to shit after almost sixteen years of being together, but that's what I get for sleeping around on her. All I think about is if Nanoha will come from Hayate's house to come back home, but it really doesn't look like it. I just hope that we'll get back to where we were before, just being happy. Nanoha, please forgive me.