Author's Note: Greetings, Middle-earthlings. This is pretty self-explanatory. Basically, if our favorite LotR characters had televisions and all got into the advertising business, the result might look just a little bit like this (or not). A couple of these might be a tad immature, since they're recycled versions of bits and pieces I wrote many years ago. Anyway, enjoy!
Disclaimer: All characters from The Lord of the Rings belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. I'm just borrowing them. Sorry, Professor.
Denethor's Barbecue Pit
Denethor stands next to a smoking barbecue grill wearing a chef's hat and apron. "Do you prefer your meat roasted? Do you love the taste of seared flesh? Then come on down to Denethor's Barbecue Pit for the meal of a lifetime!"
He removes the hat and apron, revealing a waiter's uniform underneath, and escorts a hobbit family to a table.
"We've got sizzling steaks, charred chicken, fried fish, toasted turkey! Try our special warg burger if you're feeling adventurous." Denethor grins. "Got any worthless second sons? Have him burnt to a crisp for only a dollar more!"
"Which is Denethor's grand idea of a joke, of course," says Boromir, popping out of nowhere. "Need a great place for fine food and comedy? Check out Denethor's Barbecue Pit!"
"I'm serious," says Denethor.
Boromir smiles and claps Denethor on the shoulder. "A man who's serious about his food. You won't find better than Denethor!"
"I mean it," Denethor growls.
Boromir gives a thumbs up. "Denethor's Barbecue Pit. A flavor your tastebuds won't regret!"
Denethor cackles darkly as he flicks a match onto his barbecue grill, which bursts into flames.