It's 2 am in Mumbai and Kala is sitting atop the roof, thinking about gravity. And rain. And black coffee. And gods. And miracles.
When she was young she could never sleep when it was quiet. And now, the silence is deafening. Will's mind is absent from theirs, the absence of his humor, his morals, his determination causing her to feel like a part of her own mind has gone quiet. She still has the rest of them- Nomi's endless chatter, Capheus's constant smile, but there's someone else missing too. The man she refuses to think of, the strength of him is gone. And she has never felt so alone.
She'd almost kissed him on this roof. She wishes she would've kissed him on this roof, not in that car. Not after he had said they could never truly understand each others' worlds. She'd been trying to get him to leave. To walk away. Just as he'd been trying to protect her. She tries not to let her mind wander to what happened after that conversation- instead she thinks about dancing around the roof, singing karaoke in a nightclub- what's going on?
But she's up here because her world is too quiet and she can't sleep anyways. Not when so many emotions course through her- Nomi is angry because she can't find a way around the fire walls. Lito is in bliss- Hernando is cooking and letting him eat off the spoon while Dani laughs, making drinks. And Wolfgang- he is empty, the silence deafening, the void too large to cross. She's been so good lately- staying busy at work, with her family, tending to Rajan's father, she's managed to stop thinking about him.
But not at 2 in the morning, when the world is quiet and her thoughts are loud.
"Believe me, I try not to think of you. But every time, it brings me straight to you."
He's there before either of them can stop it. Usually someone else will sense the pain and anger of them and come, but everyone is busy- Lito with his little family, Nomi with her hacking, Riley with Will, Sun is sleeping, and Capheus is attending to Amondi, entertaining the little girl after her treatment. No one is there to stop it.
"Sorry." She says instantly. She knows, because the others have mentioned it, that every waking moment Wolfgang is at Felix's beside. Judging from the scruff on his cheeks and the thinness of his frame, he's hardly left in the weeks since the shooting. She can sense his worry and his fear that his best friend will never wake up.
"Sorry." He utters a half second after her. They're both apologizing, for what? The pull that makes them crash back together despite the fact that they've been avoiding each other for days, weeks? They both go quiet, waiting for the other to draw back. But they don't.
A heartbeat later Kala finds herself in the hospital, Felix's steady breathing monitored by machines. Unable to help herself, because she's not sure if Wolfgang wants her here but she's sure she wants to be here, she goes to inspect the medications, taking note of the dosages and quality.
"These are very good." She says, to break the silence. Wolfgang has watched her move about the hospital room with a steady gaze. "He is on the best medication."
"Good." Wolfgang's tone is clipped, short. Kala would assume it's from anger directed at her, but all she can sense off of him is exhaustion and sadness. After there's nothing else for her to look at, she turns to him and meets his eyes.
They're back on the roof again, the sounds of the city filling their ears, loud compared the muted hospital sounds as it moves in the night. Kala sits in her pajamas, aware that they're probably indecent for a male's eyes, but when you share a soul with someone, why does it matter how much of your chest they see?
"You're not sleeping." She says softly, hands wanting to reach up and cup his face but not daring.
"You're not either." He glances around at the night sky. "It's the middle of the night."
"I'm just fine." She insists, folding her arms, the shock of finally seeing him giving way a little to her residual anger with him.
"No you're not." His eyes turn to her and she's terrified to note how haunted they look, how they've lost their spark. He looks like he left that mansion a thousand years older. "You never sleep. I can feel it, I can feel when you're up and moving."
"I sleep." She states but she's thinking about how when she does sleep, she's dreaming of him in that house, of painting splattered with blood, of bombs made in kitchens. She doesn't mean to do it, but before she can stop it, she hears his shape intake of breath. He's seen her memories, he knows that she wakes up in a cold sweat, how he slips through her fingers as she opens her eyes and he's gone again.
"I did this." He seems resigned to this. They're back in the hospital and he's looking at Felix, not her. For a heartbeat she thinks he's talking about him, but then he looks at her, heartbreak in his eyes. "This Kala, this is why I never wanted us to be together. I have killed him, I have marred you. I destroy the good and the innocent. I always have."
"He is not dead." She snaps, her anger rising again. "And I am not innocent."
"You aren't sleeping because you feel you have killed men." He states and she flinches at the words. "You think you are guilty, that you have broken the rules your gods have set. Do you know why you were forced into that situation? Because of me Kala! Felix was shot because of me!"
"I made my choice." Kala sets her shoulders and stands opposite him, Felix's bed between the two of them. "The gods can be as mad as they like but I will not change it. I will not regret it. I was not losing you. I would do it again. And again. And a thousand times over, if the result is always the same."
"I can see your thoughts Kala." He is getting as angry as she is, trying to get her to retreat and leave him. But he doesn't know what he's dealing with. Kala purses her lips and narrows her eyes. "I know how this is eating you up. And I-" His anger suddenly splutters out.
"You what?" Kala demands and then she feels it, she feels the deep well of regret, of self hatred. She gets the image of a young boy looking at beautiful white flowers, marveling at them before trying to touch one. The flowers crumple, stained black from his dirty hands. She sees her own face looking at him in horror, the adrenaline of killing his uncle coursing through her veins. She is Wolfgang and she sees that he wishes so badly that he could take everything from her, take her pain because she is so unfamiliar with it and he knows it like the back of his hand.
"I want you to sleep." He says softly and they're back on the rooftop. "I want you to be happy, to be soft and warm to the world. Not jaded like me. I don't want to ruin you." He picks up one of the flowers lying next to him and twists it in his fingers.
"You think you ruin me?" Kala questions and he is avoiding her eyes. Their emotions and feelings are blurring together, their lines being crossed and she sees how delicate he thinks she is, how fragile and beautiful. He sees her like this flower, something he will mar.
"Yes." He whispers and Kala reaches for him, taking the flower.
"What you do not realize is that beauty can always be ruined," She says carefully, tucking the flower behind one ear. "But why can we not enjoy it while it is here?"
"Because when it is gone the world will be a much darker and colder place." He argues, eyes fixed on the flower.
"The world will always be dark and cold." She thinks of a little boy waiting in an alley, holding a cord and she knows Wolfgang is recalling his past. "Flowers cannot be sheltered forever."
"Kala…" He is closer now, moving towards her even if it's inadvertent. They are like magnets. Resisting the pull is futile. "Within weeks of knowing me you were pulled into my life. You had to make choices you never would've had to make if you had stayed with Rajan! I tried to protect and look what I've done- I've hurt you, I hurt everyone."
"I never would've had to make those decisions if you had walked away." She is glaring at him now, brown eyes flashing. "If you had turned the wheel, where would we be? Where would you be?"
"Dead!" He bellows. "They would've killed me Kala, they would've killed you! It could be you in this bed!" He gestures to Felix and Kala paces around the hospital room. "And the only thing worse than losing him would be losing you. I would have rather died than let my uncle and my family put their hands on you." He makes a noise of disgust.
"How come when you kill to protect someone you love it's justified but when I do the same, you act like I have torn my soul apart?" She yells at him and that question at least stuns him into silence. She feels how he is recalling watching her gather ingredients, admiring how this beautiful woman declares that she will fight. "Wolfgang, of course I feel this burden. Of course it sits on my heart. But when I weigh it with the alternative, with the idea of you being gone from my soul…" She takes a sharp inhale of breath, as the pain of Will's absence overwhelms them both and they realize how much more painful a death would be. "Surely a god would understand the deaths of bad men to save a good one."
"A good one." He gives a humorless laugh, the shock of her words wearing off now. "You did not save a good man Kala. I saw the truth clear as day on your face. How can you see that and still say I am a good man?" She thinks about her anger at him, at how he had pushed her away again and again, about how she had watched him murder his uncle. She tries to show him that she wished a different life for him, for him to walk away, to not keep falling victim to the patterns. But she was never angry with him, not until he told her what to do, until he presumed like every other man he could make choices for her, that he knew best. That the truth of it is so much more.
"Because I love you!" The words burst from her and Wolfgang goes silent, dropping his gaze. Kala thinks about retreating, leaving him with that, because she's unable to bear the idea of what he might say back. But then Felix stirs and she reaches up to gently push his hair back, startled. Wolfgang looks between the two of them in disbelief.
"Why…" Felix's words are weak, raspy. "The fuck are you yelling Wolfie?"
"Bastard." Wolfgang breathes, moving to Felix's side. Kala stays where she is, watching in amazement. "Oh, you bastard."
"I want a steak." Felix decides and Wolfgang is laughing, resting his forehead on Felix's shoulder, tears gathering. For a long moment he just shakes his head then lifts it, looking directly at Kala.
"I love you." He says quietly and the breath deserts her lungs.
"I love you too brother." Felix says, unaware that Wolfgang isn't look at him but rather his left shoulder. Kala manages a smile and then she's gone. He needs this moment alone. But before she can unfurl her legs on the rooftop he's there. Eyes blazing, he grabs her waist and the back of her neck, pulling her close. He kisses her deeply, like he's drinking every last bit of her in. He draws back, resting their foreheads together, breathing heavily. She has no idea what to say or do, so she just stays still, thinking that she must be dreaming.
"Sleep." He mummers, plucking the flower out from behind her ear. "Sleep, my bright flower." Then he is gone and a little unsteady, she climbs back into bed. Though her mind is racing, she falls asleep nearly instantly.
When she wakes, the golden flower from the night before is there beside her bed.
It's surrounded by a dozen white roses. She picks them up and smiles, burying her face in their smell. She's suddenly craving black coffee.
AN: Because I will go down with this ship and season 2 is going to ruin me. Please, please, please leave reviews and let me know what you think!