Hey readers ! It's been a while, uh? This is my first attempt at writing Damon/Caroline. I wanted to give them a chance but never could find a suitable way to do do. Thanks to the amazing VictoriaJoan, who published a brilliant DC One Short of her own, and to some silly songs, I came up with this. Please review, and let me know what you think.
It never stops. The constant flow of thoughts, memories and emotions is exhausting. She thinks she will go insane sometimes. It's like her brain is in activity 24/7, reminiscing about the past, worrying about the future. She should probably be worrying about the whole doppelganger sacrifice thing but what really freaks her out is how everyone at school is talking college applications all day long. Teachers just glare at her when she doesn't have a proper answer to the stereotypical question "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" Whenever they ask, she can feel the weight of everything she has lost. She blames him, of course.
She's an outsider now. She is certainly not used to this position. So when she's at the house and he is out there somewhere inflicting misery, she wants to spill vervain in his precious bourbon. She never does. When she sees him, she wants to drive a stake through his heart. She never does. He is older, stronger; he would kill her without blinking, possibly making the agony last forever. And then, there's the real reason.
The fascinating aura of the bad boy that he has. The seductive yet strange smile on his lips. The way he cocks his head when he tries to regain control. The pupils dilating, causing her mind to go blank. The blood-injected eyes and the growls. The teeth – the fangs – piercing through the skin of her neck. The velvet voice he uses when he wants something from her. The intoxicating scent of his cologne. The softness of his lips brushing against her skin. The warmth of his breath and his whispers in her ear. How he has been her tormentor. How he has been her lover. How he has taken a piece of her.
Everybody just needs to stop kissing her. Seriously. She wants to talk to Bonnie and Elena about how Matt and Tyler are driving her crazy, have a girls' night, do their nails and eat ice cream. She needs some normality; she needs to pretend that everything is what it used to be.
Everybody just needs to stop trying to change him. Seriously. He wants to talk to someone about how he cares, have a moment, possibly with Stefan but anyone will do. He needs some normality; he needs to pretend that he is not in such an unbearable pain.
They meet at the door of the boarding house. His cerulean eyes lock with hers; it's just like oblivion. She is lost and she is pissed, for shallow reasons. He is torn and he is devastated, for very good ones. They meet halfway.
It never stops. The constant flow of contradictory emotions, the anger and the need are exhausting. She can't remember when or how this thing started. They feel free around each other, and it's priceless. When he's not around for a while, she misses him. She is not sure, but she thinks she needs him. She'd rather die than admit it, but he is the one thing that makes her feel better. She wonders if he misses her sometimes, but she's scared that he will just snort if she asks so she doesn't risk it.
Most of the time, he just comes around and she gets in the car without asking questions. He decides where they go and what they do. In other words, they go get drunk; they project this image of a perfect couple they are not. He lets her rest her head on his shoulder on the way back. She just pretends to be drunk because her stupid vampire system won't let the alcohol do its job for more than an hour. He knows she's pretending; he plays along.
They are somewhere out of Virginia, getting drunk as usual. He is wearing a black shirt and he has forgotten to button it to the top. She notices how every girl in the bar keeps glancing at him over their shoulders and she feels lucky to be in his company for the first time in a long while. Of course, he is not trying to seduce her. There's no need to. He knows that he's hot and she knows that he knows that she thinks he's hot. She smiles genuinely, trying to bond. He looks at her like she's out of her mind. He takes another piece of her.
The feeling is overwhelming her again. Because it's the end of the day and she has been surrounded with so much humanity at school, on the way home, on the radio, everywhere. The world is rubbing it to her face that she isn't a part of it anymore and it's exhausting. She is mad at herself for being so emotional and she's mad at Katherine for killing her and she's mad at him for being the one who started all this crap in the first place. She tries to relax, inhaling and exhaling deeply. She knows what she should do but, just like an alcoholic, she tries to resist. Just two seconds later, she sighs. She has lost the battle for tonight.
Using her super-sensitive sense of hearing, she makes sure that her mother is not around – but when is she, really? – and reaches under the mattress. When her fingers brush over the little piece of paper, the muscles of her undead body relax. She just wants to hit herself, because, really, this is pathetic. Thank God he will never find out about this. She would be mortified. She would die if she could. However, she stares at the picture, even though she could paint it in her sleep. Sometimes, she does.
Some guy asks if he can take a photo of them, because it's Valentine's Day next week and they have a Wall of Love or something. Damon says okay. The photographer mumbles something about how the picture will be a reminder of their love forever. "Forever, uh…" Damon bursts out laughing. She doesn't. He whispers in her ear in a lovesick puppy voice, making such a show of the two of them. She hits him with her elbow. This is ridiculous. He takes another piece of her.
She doesn't know where she belongs wants her to be a responsible vampire. Her mother wants her to be a better daughter. Matt wants her to be the careless blonde he fell in love with. Tyler wants something from her that she doesn't even understand. Bonnie wants her to be human again. Elena wants her to be supportive and understanding. She doesn't want to be close to anyone because then she would have to embrace the emotions she works so hard to push away.
He doesn't want her to be anything. He doesn't even want her. He doesn't try to hold her back. Ever. There's no need to catch him, because even when he's falling – and she just knows he is, sometimes - he doesn't let her notice. She wouldn't trade that for anything in the world because she's so lost and lonely and angry and thirsty and it's exhausting.
What's so funny? Is the idea of loving her so ridiculous? Or is it the mention of eternity? She doesn't want to know. Damon gives an appreciative look to the photo. The guy says they should come back for Valentine's Day to see if they win the contest. She says they wouldn't miss it. Their hands are entwined when they leave. He gives her the picture when he drops her home. "Forever…" he whispers in a mocking voice. She narrows her eyes at him for breaking the No Talking Rule and shoves the picture into her purse. She gives him a piece of her.
They never talk, unless it is absolutely necessary. Like "Want some more wine?" or "Don't kill this girl!" They look deep in each other's eyes instead. What they see there is a well-kept secret. It's like an understanding. Every time they cross paths, he's a different person. She never knows what it will be like. But there's one thing that she can count on. He will make her stop feeling. That's what is so great about him. He comes around, she gets in the car and off they go. There's nothing more to it. Together, they don't feel. And it's Heaven. She just needs somebody to hold on to. There's nothing more to it.
She is lying on her bed, wondering where Matt is and if he's thinking about her. Before she can go further into self-pity, he is here, lying next to her. He looks impatient. The words "What the hell is wrong with you?" want to come out of her mouth but she remembers the Rule. So she just frowns and he flashes a smile at her, showing the picture of them that is so embarrassingly exposed on her bed table. Oh. It's Valentine's Day. They have somewhere to be. She gives him her hand and another piece of her.
With a content sigh, Caroline puts the picture back under the mattress, turns off the lights and closes her eyes. Damon is the last one left here standing when she's feeling all alone. She looks at this picture of them and she's home. He is her sanctuary, her safest place to hide. Forever, she thinks before she falls asleep. He can't compel her anymore but when his cerulean eyes lock with hers, it's just like oblivion.
She has no idea that he is out there watching her, both inside and out. He is glad that she's on the Stefan Diet, because it makes it so much easier to read her mind. Forever, he thinks, gesturing to the folded photograph in his pocket.