Harry Potter Loveline, The 70's
A/N: This story is set in Hogwarts when James, Lily, Sirius and the others are all students in there 6th year. Adam and Dr. Drew are Hogwarts students, beginning there radio talk show from the bowels of the Hogwarts kitchens. I think that's all the forward you need for now. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Loveline show. I am in no way affiliated with CBS radio or JK Rowling. Basically, I don't own anything.
Dr. Drew: Hey and welcome to Loveline, all you Hogwarts students out there in need of some advice, use the call spell and we will get you on air.
Adam: Or just come down to the kitchens and talk to us in person, I tell ya, the Pastries are too die for.
Dr. Drew: Adam, don't tell them where we broadcast from, we aren't supposed to be in here remember.
Adam: Oh yeah, I was lying people, we aren't in the kitchen.
House Elf: Would you like a firewhiskey Mr. Carolla?
Adam: Onto the first caller, Drew?
Drew: Okay first up we have Peter, what's wrong, Peter?
Peter: I don't think I am cool enough for my friends
Adam: You're that ratty looking kid in Gryffindor, yeah?
Peter: Uh, Yeah, why?
Adam: Well that's your problem. Drew next caller, come on now.
Drew: Adam, we aren't supposed to deal with the callers like that.
Adam: Drew, come on, he isn't cool enough for his friends, and there is nothing we can do about that. Next caller, James you're on Loveline
James: Hey guys, I'm in love with a girl that thinks I am a conceited arsehole.
Drew: Well I would suggest you stop acting like that while you are around her.
James: Easy enough for you to say, I can't help that I am the hottest thing going around Hogwarts.
Adam: Yeah, okay, sure buddy. That's really going to get you the girl, am I right Drew?
Drew: Maybe if you deflate your head a bit she might show more interest, does she even feel for you?
James: Nah, I think she hates me.
Adam: No, really?
Drew: Well if she hates you, I don't think she's going to go out with you.
James: She will.
Adam: Of course she will, you got the right attitude, go get her tiger.
Drew: Thank you James and Adam, up now we have Severus, What can I do for you?
Severus: Hello, The girl I love hates me, what can I do?
Adam: What is going on in this school, huh? Everyone's hating, where is the loving?
Drew: This sounds familiar, why does she hate you?
Severus: Because I called her a mudblood.
Adam: This isn't Lily Evans you're talking about is it? I remember when you called her a Mudblood, I was there watching, Potter was hanging you upside down in the air and Evans was trying to help you. Good times.
Severus: Good times for you maybe.
Drew: Right, have you apologised?
Severus: Yes, but she wouldn't listen.
Drew: Well I would say just leave it, let it cool over and then see how it goes.
Severus: Okay, thanks I guess.
Adam: Another happy customer, who's up now?
Drew: We have Remus, Remus?
Remus: Hi, love your work. I have a bit of an awkward question to ask you guys.
Adam: Hit us with it,
Remus: I think I am in love with my mate, and he is a male.
Adam: That's not good, what ya going to do about it?
Remus: I was kind of hoping you would tell me.
Drew: Have you had sexual feelings for another man before?
Remus: No
Drew: Well it could just be experimentation, to see wether you were straight or gay, or it could be completely plutonic. Are you close friends.
Remus: Yeah, well I have never really had friends before I met him.
Drew: I am guessing that your problem is that you're confusing simple friendly feelings for something more. I would advise you not to act on it, okay, take care.
Remus: bye.
Adam: We got it all happening tonight Drew, yeeaah!
Drew: Now we've got Lily up
Lily: I am being harassed by two guys.
Adam: Oh no, we can't have that in the hallowed halls of Hogwarts
Drew: Do you know why?
Lily: Yes, because they both fancy me.
Drew: Have you lead either of them on?
Lily: No, I hate one and the other one, well..I don't want to talk about him.
Adam: We got a problem here, haven't we Drew?
Drew: Well I would say report it too one of the teachers if it is really starting to bother you. But make sure they both know that you're not interested in them.
Lily: All right, I will do that.
Adam: I love a happy ending.
Drew: Okay we have one last call before the add break, Sirius you there?
Sirius: Yeah man.
Drew: Well what's your problem?
Sirius: I think I am too good for this school, I mean I already know all the shit they teach in class.
Adam: So drop out, what you ringing in here for?
Drew: I agree with Adam on this, if you think you know it all drop out until you come of age, I dunno what we can do for you.
Sirius: Ah right, well I have no idea why I rang in, damn, wait I hear someone calling my name, got to run.
Line drops dead.
Adam: There is something wrong with that guy, right Drew?
Drew: Possibly but we'll be back after the break with more calls, you're listening to Loveline.
A/N: Well that's it, for now anyway, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading
Cager.