"Hey Hazel, wanna have lunch together?" Carline packed her bag and asked.
"Yea sure" I said, "do you mind eating outside?" I looked out the window "since the weather is pretty great today."
"Sure" she replied, walking toward the stairs. "But I have to go cafe to grab some lunch" she walked down "meet on the grass? " She asked.
"Sure, I'll see you there" I replied and walked out.
The courtyard of our school is my favorite. There's meadow and tones of trees, which is a perfect spot for lunch. I found the biggest tree and sate under the shadow. I took out my camera and took a picture of the amazing sky. I liked to take photography, because it records my life. I know that life will kept moving on but there are always photos that I can look back and reminds me of this moment. So I record everything I love, the sky, people passed around me, little birds that flies around or even pretty flowers. There's a Canary fling around looking for food. It landed a yard beside me and started to hoping around with its tiny leg. I tried not to scare it and slowly moved towards it. I stick my camera on the ground, lay half of my body on the grass then suddenly; I saw a skinny guy behind it. I zoomed in closely to him and I found he's quite good looking. He's tall, skinny and has pretty grey eyes, which is really rare to see. I pressed down the shutter secretly. Stared at him for around five minutes then I notice that he saw me. As soon as I found out I turned back and took out my lunch, pretending nothing has happened.
"Hey you found a great spot, " Carline said walking towards me.
"Perfect place not to get burned" I responded.
"What are you taking?" She sat down then pointed at my camera. I show her the picture and asked, "Do you know him?"
"Oh, he's Augustus," she took out the sandwich and bit it. "He's in my science class but barely comes, I've never seen him talking to anyone else except Isaac." then she turned at me " are you interested at him?" she flash a smile.
"No," I said "just curious." Then turned away.
After class I walked through the hallway, walk up to third floor and go straight till the end. I opened the door of the last room, where photography club is. There are photos everywhere, five SLR cameras and one video camera on the shelve. Plants hanged on the roof and an old computer at the corner. I sat down beside the window then took out my camera. Suddenly, a tall guy walked in, I didn't get to see his face. But as soon as he turned, I saw the grey eyes and I noticed its Augustus.
"Hey, It's Isaac here?" he closed the door and said. Isaac is the leader of our club. He's a really busy guy that he's even a cadre of student club.
"No," I looked at him and soon as our eyes met I turned away. "I think he'll be here soon." My heart started to beat really fast.
"Do you mind I wait here?" he pulled out a chair and sat down. I nodded quietly then pretended to look on my camera. After few minutes I secretly looked up then saw him took out a book. Then it's an awkward silent for a long while. I guess it's only been around twenty minutes but it felt like ages. Then finally he spoke to me.
"So how long have you been here?" he looked up on me. "Or should I ask your name first?" he laughed. I can tell he was trying to come up with something to stop the awkwardness.
"I'm Hazel, grade eleven, I was here two years ago, you?"
"Augustus, grade twelve. And just incase you're curious; I'm not joining it. I'm just here for Isaac."
"Fair enough" I laughed.
"What do you usually take?" he pointed at my camera.
"Everything that's part of my life or interesting." I said.
"Such as?"
"The sky? Don't you ever think the color is always changing and may not be the same blue?"
"Yea maybe? Not that anyone would care." He said it sarcastically.
"I do, I care about everything I saw." I said. "Pictures record my life and represent who I am. Perhaps if I get amnesia I can at least look at it and try to remember things I've done."
"Or when you're stock in the hospital," he looked out. "It'll reminds you that you've once live out of the cage."
"Have you ever live in the hospital?" I asked. He looked at me with a smile and did not answered. Then it's another silently moment until Isaac came in. "Bye Hazel." That's the last words he said without looking at me. I'm not sure did I say something wrong or it's a heavy story that he didn't want to talk about.
The next day I went in to the clubroom at exact same time. I tried to imagine he might be there. So I opened the room with my tiny hope, then all I see is Isaac.
"Hey" I said.
"Hey Hazel," Isaac said "How's your day?"
"Not bad" I replied shortly. "Hey can I ask you some questions?"
"Sure" he smiled.
"It's about Augustus," I sat down "I know I shouldn't ask anything, but is he sick?"
"Yea, he's really sick." He replied honestly. I was shocked to hear the answer. Not the fact that he's sick, but Isaac actually told me. I thought he would try to hide the secrets for Augustus. "Are you surprise to hear it?" he laughed. I guess I made it really obvious.
"Yea just shocked that you actually answered my question."
"Well, he asked me about you yesterday. And he barely speaks to anyone since he barely came to school. So I guess he kinda like you somehow."
"I never know it's an honor for him to talk to me." I laughed. "So what kind of sick?"
"Hepatic carcinoma," he said it seriously. "Stage 4."
"Stage 4…..," I stopped. I never thought it could be that serious. He didn't look that sick. "Then, does he live in the hospital all the time?"
"Mostly, he was born with it. I know him since he was eight, and he was really outgoing back then." He said. "But his carcinoma started to get serious when he turned to twelve. He kept went to hospital back and forth. Got surgery twice and after that everything changed. He started to home-schooling, became introverted, and barely talks to anyone." He looked at me. I guess he's waiting for my reaction.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" I think of something to say and asked finally.
"Because I'm his only close friend, and I know he needs more people to understand him and be his support." He smiled at me. "Do you mind visit him at hospital with me this Friday?"
"Sure, I would love to join, but you sure he won't mind?"
"Should be fine. I'll let him know before we go." He said.
At night I sat on my bed, thinking of what can I do for Augustus. I took out all of my photos collection, then I pick out some pictures I think he would like such as sunset and the clear blue beach. I put all of them in an envelope, and wrote Augustus on the top of it. I know I couldn't make any difference of his life; maybe he doesn't even want to have another friend. Perhaps some pictures can bring him some memories and happiness.
So Friday after class I went to the hospital in town with Isaac. As we walk to his room, I saw a doctor talking with a lady. "That's Gus mom" Isaac said quietly. We stand a distance away from her and try not to in troupe. All I see was the doctor shacked his head then his mom started to cry hardly.
"I guess Gus is not in a good status." Isaac said. I can tell he was really sad and tried to hold back his emotion. We waited there until we see Augustus's mom left. I guess she's too emotional that she couldn't even go in anymore.
Before we went in to the room, I took a deep breath. My foot moved heavily but I tried to smile. There I saw Augustus sitting on his bed reading novel.
"Hey dude," Isaac said, "how's your day?"
"As usual" Augustus closed his book then put it away. I walked beside to the bed with Isaac and just stand there quietly. "Hey Hazel," he turned at me.
"Hey Augustus," I said, "Hope you won't mind I join."
"No, not at all. Thanks for coming." He smiled at me.
"Do you want to eat anything?" Isaac said. "I can go get some dinner. Unless you want to eat hospital meal."
"I would rather have some burger," Augustus said.
"Can you eat burger?" I stared at him.
"Why, can't I just enjoy my life a bit and eat something I like?" I smiled and nod.
"What about you Hazel," Isaac asked.
"Burger as well," I said "do you want me to come with you?"
"No I'm good, I think Gus will want to have accompany." He gave Augustus a crook smile then walked out the door.
"It's gonna take awhile." Augustus looked at me "you might want to have a sit." He pointed at the couch beside. So I sat down then looked at him. All I know is he's dying soon but I have no idea how soon is it. A month, a year or even couple of years? I tried to think positively and tried not to look pitiful to him.
"You can say anything you want," he said "I'm fine. I mean it's not like I'm going to get worse anyways." He gave me a peaceful smile and tried to comfort me. But he shouldn't, I should be the one who comfort and encourage him. I looked down and felt useless. It's just hard for me to say anything. It's a feeling of you want to help out but you can't.
"Did you hear anything about me before you come in?" I looked up at him; he still kept his smile calmly. I nodded softly with a word.
"It's ok. You don't have to feel bad; I know I'm dying. Weeks ago, I asked the doctor secretly about how long do I have. He told me that I won't be able to live longer than two months." He said it with tears in his eyes. "My mom would never tell me, she will tries all she can to kept me alive. But I guess all I want is to be remembered. Something to proved that I've been existed before." I know I'm emotional that my tears just came out naturally. So I wipe it out, "let's make a mark." I said. I took out my camera and take a picture of him. "I'll come visit you everyday when I can, and I'll record your life for you. Tell me anything you want to say to anyone you want to and I'll help you record it."
"You sure?" he looked at me. I nodded, "at least your mom and Isaac will have something to look when they miss you."
"Will you miss me?" he said. "Will you remember me Hazel Grace?"
"You know my surname?" I smiled to him. "I will remember you, remember all the conversation we have, the moment you spend together and I'll never forget your face."
"Thanks." Augustus smiled with joyful tears.
"Oh," I took out the envelope, "and here's something for you." I passed it to him, "you might like it." He opened it without a word. He looked through all of it and I saw a smile on his face. He turned to me "thanks," he said.
"If you want, I can bring you more next time."
"Sure," he nodded. Then we have a great time that day. I video take him, our conversation or even when I'm making fun of him.
Since then, I went in to his room everyday as I promised. I brought my camera and shown him what I take that day. "Do you actually study or listen in calss? Or you just taking pictures all the time." He laughed.
"Of course I do." I said, "I'm a great student." He looked at me with a face, and then we both laugh. I wish time could just stop at this moment. I wish we could have more time to spend together. I took lots and lots of pictures of him. When he sleeps, eats, reads book or even just sitting there look at me.
"Hey Hazel Grace," Augustus called my full name as I walked in.
"Augustus," I looked at him with a mad face. He knew I never like anyone calling me full name, it makes me feel like I did something wrong.
"Gus," he said.
"Alright, how about I call you Gus and you call me only Hazel?"
"sure," he laugh "only Hazel."
I helped him record videos for his mom, dad and Isaac. I was always wondering am I going to record mine as well, but I guess all the videos I've been taking is enough. The next Saturday I went to see him early; I went in and saw him still sleeping on the bed. "He's so cute when he's sleeping." I thought. I walked closer to him then touched his face. "I love you," I whispered. Then I secretly kissed on his cheek. I don't really remember what happen next, all I remembered is I stared at him for awhile then I fall asleep on the couch. When I got up I see Gus sitting on the bed reading.
"Hey," I sat up. "How long did I sleep?"
"Couples hours," he said. "It's two o'clock now, are you hungry."
"Yea, a bit. Want to eat?"
"Sure." So I went out to get some food. That was the last day I spent with him. I wished I have more time, I really do. The next day I have to go to church. So I told Gus I'll be there at night. In the evening Issac gave me a call.
"Hey Issac," I answered. "I'm just about to go now." I could hear there's someone crying loudly on the other side.
"Hey, Hazel." Isaac sobbed, "Gus passed away this morning, I'm sorry…." My heart dropped. I ran as fast as I can to the hospital, but when I went in the room he wasn't there. It's a cold room, it seems like no one ever lived there before. I saw Isaac stand against the wall; I guess he's waiting for me. We looked at each other and with words, we cried out loud.
I never dare to open the camera since then. It's too hard for me to look at it myself. So I decided to give Isaac his video from Gus, then we can look through all the videos and photos together. We sat quietly in the room, I know it's been a month after he left. But it's still a hard feeling. It feels like I've missing something, something that is really important and will never comes back. So took out my camera and we started to look through all the videos and photos. We laughed together with tears and talks about all the memories. Isaac even told me some stories when they were little. In the end, I saw an unknown video.
"Maybe it's from Gus," Isaac said. So I took a deep breath then opened it.
"Hey Hazel, " I saw Gus and there's me sleeping beside. He probably took it the day when I fall asleep on the couch. Just by seeing him calling my name, my tears started to drop. "I know when you see this video, I'm probably no longer in the world. I just want to say, don't cry and don't miss me too much. You gave me am amazing week and it's probably the best week of my life. Someone who understands, accept me as who I truly am. I'm sorry, that I can't finish your journey with you. Perhaps I can only be in your life story for a page, but it's enough for me." He started to cry, "umm…I'm sorry I never want to be this emotional. Thank you so much for being a huge part of my life. All my life, I've been afraid to be forgotten. I always want to leave a mark to prove I was once exist. But the marks humans leave are too often scars. It's impossible for me to leave anything. Then you show up, you have shown me that even though the world may forget me, I'll always be in your heart. You are beautiful, the most amazing girl I've even see. You're smart, funny and I will never get tired talking to you. I love you, I really do. Sorry it may not be a good thing to be loved by a dead man. But remembers Hazel Grace, I loved you and I'll never regret meeting you. Please have an amazing life, help me see the places I could not go, eat the food I could not have and finally," he walked down the bed then kissed my cheek deeply. "have a great family. I loved you so please keep me as a memory in your life. Then move on." He smiled with tears."
Augustus, you'll always be a huge part of life. You are the special one and I'll kept this secret forever in my heart.