PAPER DREAMS

It's Easy to Hate, Harder to Love

1.

Is Silence Golden?

Silence. That's what fills the air, as I Haley Rebecca James walk up the few steps to the podium. It's not a loss-for-words silence, either but more of a scarily-dreary silence if you will.

Hundreds of faces are watching me as I walk up the steps clumsily and play nervously with the strings on my awfully heavy robe. Once I've reached the microphone, I tap on it gently and clear my throat…ready to start my valedictorian speech.

I can make out a few familiar, smiling faces in the crowd but most of the faces that stare back at me look – bored, miserable, sullen…and I could go on forever. Seriously though, they look almost depressed.

My throat feels really dry all of a sudden and my head is spinning. All I feel like doing is turning around and walking. Right out of this hall, that feels incredibly stuffy and suffocating to me, even though in reality it's hugely spacious.

I fumble with the piece of paper in my hand, then put it down onto the smooth mahogany coloured wood and start my very memorised speech.

"High school is something we all go through. And I think for most of us it's an important part of our lives. No matter what our experiences were like, I don't think there's any one of us that can say that it was completely awful and that we didn't enjoy it at all, and I don't think that there's even a person who can say that everyday was a great day. Because it's basically the main place where you grow, you learn to love, you learn right from wrong. It plays a huge part, and no matter what anybody says, I think we all know it'll be embedded in our minds, for years and years to come." I pause, and take a look a the expectant crowds faces. They look, uh intrigued shall I say. "For me it was a place filled with laughter and enjoyment and as much as I sometimes couldn't be bothered coming, it was all worth it in the end. Because this school, taught me a lot and so did all the people here. For nearly every single one of us, it was a place where we experience many of our firsts. First love, first dance, first detention…" A few people laugh at my lame attempt at humour, if I must say so myself. Oh how I love those people, right now. Ofcourse all those I'm saying don't apply to me, well atleast not the love part. I've never dated a boy in my entire eighteen years and not because I didn't want to or because I wasn't asked but because, I actually was not allowed to. My mother doesn't really care but my father basically forbids it, for reasons I don't know. Yeah, I'm totally in the dark.

I carry on with my "little" firsts speech when someone from the crowd ohso rudely interrupts me.

"First fk!" Shouts the deep, masculine voice. I recognize it and immediately know that it belongs to non other than Nathan Scott. King Nathan Scott who…okay, just got to calm myself down a bit. Breath Haley, breath. Woo, I feel a little calmer now.

A few people laugh at his remark, those being the girls that practically worship the ground he walks on, others being the snobby parents uh well it is a private, all-girls school. What in the flamingo heels do you expect!? Woah, I think I just made my own saying and the equally if not more snobby teaching staff, roll their eyes and tut, either in disgust or annoyance. It's hard to tell.

I can make him out in the first row, sittimg alongside Michelle Andrews. Or shoul I just say, sitting underneath her, seriously, dude…this isn't some whore-y club in Amsterdam where you can get free lap dances. I shoot him the most evil look I can muster but he just raises his eyebrows and smirks in return. I hate that he's here, ugh. But I expected it so I was kind of prepared. Michelle had been bragging about it for weeks now, saying how 'Nathan Scott was going to be her "date"' when in actual fact and I don't mean to sound crude they're nothing more than fk buddies and she had probably bribed him. Which I want to know nothing about, by the way.

Nathan Scott. I met him through my best friend/neighbour Brooke Davis. The Scott brothers are probably the only guys I know. Lucas, the eldest is Brookes boyfriend. He's pretty cool. Nathan on the other hand, well he's uh interesting(?) So I'm not really his biggest fan. Rude, arrogant and obnoxious don't even begin to describe the boy. I could go on forever about why I don't like him – at all.

As I stand and continue to deliver my dumb speech, I think about my life and how everything really is changing. I think about my family, about my father. How he tries to be the best all the time just to look good infront of the people that really shouldn't matter. He had to send me to a very expensive all-girls school, he has to buy the latest car and the big beautiful house with the pool. He's not exactly rolling in cash, either. Him and my mother are up to their eyes in dept. Then there's her and her trusty alcohol. I think it has something to do with who she married, but I still don't really get how she can do it. She'll drink herself senseless nearly every day. I'll come home from school to find her passed out on the couch, she's even been rushed into the hospital a few times, needing to be pumped. She still won't give up the drinks though. When I find her, sprawled out on the sofa, sometimes even on the floor – I'm always the one who has to pick her up, I'm always the one who has to clean up her mess. I have to put a blanket over her cold body and I'm the one who has to stay stuck in the house, even on the weekend s because I have to take care of everything. I'll have to make dinner for my dad because she'll be too 'out of it'. Everyday for the past five years has gone this way for me. Before my brother and sister get home from school, I'll try to hide all the alcohol containers even though I know, they understand I can't bare for them to see her like that, all the time.

And now, standing here infront of hundreds of parents, teachers and students, I can feel a lump forming in my throat. How are my family going to survive without me there to pick up the pieces?

It's all running through my head as I just talk and talk. I don't even know what I'm saying now, my heads someplace else.

"Haley!" My friend Brooke squeals, as she runs up to where I am sitting, on a wobbly chair, that's placed on grass, on the school grounds in-case you wanted to know. She practically throws me to the ground, as she sits down beside me. This chair is small enough, already. Not to mention, if I actually sit on it, the legs will probably snap, and I'll fall straight on my ass.

"Hey. Brooke." I grin at her widely.

"So…college. Wow. This is going to be so much fun! We're not little high schoolers, anymore. Trust me, neighbour girl we're going to have a blast." Brooke tells me, enthusiastically. Speaking at an amazingly, fast rate.

I nod at her, my mind still on my family. Brooke had insisted that she come to my graduation, since I am her and I quote "bestest ever friend in the whole wide world ever". I think she just added that extra 'ever' on, for some umm extra, Brooke-ness shall I say?. I am secretly grateful, that she came though.

"Take that robe thingy thing off now, Haley!" Brooke shrieks, as though it's absolutely hideous and something you shouldn't be caught dead in.

"Yeah, okay." I pull it off, feeling relieved. That thing was practically burning and drowning me, at the same time.

"Oh, you are so my best friend."

"Huh?" I ask, as I turn my gaze away from Michelle and her little "ho possy" laughing flirtatiously, at something Nathan Scott blergh is saying. I bet, it's a really, really lame joke.

"The dress! Only a friend of mine, would wear something that fabulous. Where did you get it? It's so gorgeous." Brooke gushes, at the red, 50's inspired vintage mini-dress, I'm wearing. Usually, red is a bit too daring for me, but well, you know. "Oh wait!" Brooke says, before I can even answer. "I was the one, who picked it."

I roll my eyes at her, playfully and laugh until she starts to comment on my, patent ballet flats and 'how much of a fashionista she is'. Fashion, is a big part in the world of Brooke Davis, I shan't dare laugh in those moments. They're to be taken, seriously.

Lucas Scott suddenly walks up to us, and leans over to kiss Brooke, on the cheek. I can feel the jealousy mounting. Just as quickly, I feel a wave of guilt coursing through me and curse myself for being so bitter. Lucas smiles at me, and before I can even return it, the almighty Nathan Scott himself, is walking up to us. Oh God, help me. I mean whatever happened to Michelle?

"Hey. Where's Michelle?" Snap! Here comes my answer.

"Oh. She went home. You know these lesbo school girls. Total teases." Nathan says, then looks at me. "No offence. Hales."

I simply shrug my shoulders at him, trying to ignore the fact that he just called me 'Hales' Ugh, I despise him. Nathan and his friends wait outside my school, nearly, every single day, trying to find someone 'suitable' enough to sleep with. And I mean that in the non-'just-lying/sleeping-in-a-bed-with-a-member-of-the-opposite-sex'-way. Nathan Scott is the biggest man-whore. End of story.

Now he's smirking at me, and I just want to smack it right off his pretty face.

"Hi." He says, all of a sudden, as if just realizing that I'm standing right in-front of him.

"Nathan." I reply, shortly and smile, fakely.

"Nice dress." He's still got that darn smirk attached to his full, pink, kissable lips. Oh my god, where the hell did that, come from!? He does not and I mean not, have kissable lips. Not that I'd know but I mean, okay so they're very pink and fully-fied yes, I know that's not a word. Whatever. but…okay, I don't know! What his dumb lips are like. He's staring at my legs now. Perv.

I can see Brookes glare on him. I roll my eyes at his earlier comment and say "thank you" just for the heck of it.

"Shame you don't wear it, more often. And I thought you had something to hide."

I'm about to spit the best comeback, I've ever spitted uhh ever. But Brooke gets there first.

"Nathan. Shut the hell up!" She screams, standing up and glaring at him right in the face.

Nathan glares right back at her. God, these two are as bad as each other.

"Luke, you better shut your girl up." Nathan hisses.

Lucas stays quiet, though. I've got the sneaking suspicion that he's afraid of both, Brooke and Nathan. Poor guy.

"Guy's." I laugh, a really weird laugh at that. "Chill." I quickly step in-between them, then step away again, when those surprisingly, scary-looking death glares are pointing at me.

Lucas intervenes. Thank the loving Lord, from the heavens, up above… Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! I'm not exactly religious. I just think me saying that sound's more dramatic and make's the situation more serious-like "Guys, just calm down." He says, with the same weird laugh, I had a couple of minutes ago. That's odd.

"Not until $$-face over here…" Brooke points, to Nathan. "…apologises to Haley." Brooke snaps, and turns her glare to Lucas.

"Please." Nathan snorts. "I don't apologise to anybody. Especially Hales." He says the last part in a high-pitched voice and drawls it out, all the while grinning at me, looking like a freakishly, creepy Cheshire cat, I might add. It's as though, he knows how he's making my blood boil.

His comment obviously makes Brooke madder though, cause she looks like she's about to lunge herself at him. Lucas holds her back and they walk off into some corner. About a second later, they're making out like there's no tomorrow.

I make a face, and Nathan rolls his eyes, muttering something along the lines of, 'horn dogs' I don't know, I can't really tell.

"You're one to talk." I mutter, quietly under my breath. Obviously, not quiet enough though.

"Excuse me?" He asks. Oh no. He's right in-front of my face, like he was with Brooke. This can't be good.

"You heard me." I say, loudly. A sudden and strange confidence coming through, one that I never would have thought I had.

"No. I don't think I did." Nathan chuckles, in his usual, obnoxious I'm-uber-cool-Nathan-Scott-big-man-on-campus umm, person-thing, manner. He's staring at me, with a questioning look on his face.

"Piss off, Nathan." I start to walk away then. What is it about me and walking away? It's like that's all, I do.

"Someone's obviously PMSing."

Oh no, he didn't!

I turn around and give him, the best glare I can muster. He just laughs though, as if everything is a big joke to him.

I know, I should just go home. But I can't shake off the feeling that, maybe, just maybe one of my parents might show up. Maybe they'll suddenly arrive, apologising for why they weren't able to make it in time, to see me give my speech. Then they'll envelope me, in a hug, and congratulate me. Making me feel excited about going to college. Not confused and disappointed. But nothing, nada! It's not going to happen, I know that, they're just really high and really false hopes, I guess. Instead of lying to myself, and waiting – I start to walk home. All by, myself.

"Mom?" I call, as I push open the front door.

"Mom!?" I yell for the second time. Still no answer. I know that there is never a point of, calling for her. It's not like she'd be able to hear me, anyway.

"Mom?" I ask, more quietly and questioningly this time, as I push open the dining room's door and sigh as I see my mother, lying on the couch. Her right hand is gripping a bottle of God knows what and her left arm, is draped across an arm of the couch. "Hey, mom. It's me." I whisper to her, shaking her slightly. I always try and be as patient as I can but the truth is, most of the time I just want to yell at her, and demand that she stops what she does. Tell her I hate what she's doing. And as much as 'I'm-a-depressed-teen-who-know-one-understands' this might sound - I just want someone to notice. I want to throw things and slam doors like every other teenager can. I want to make a statement, and I want people to stop perceiving me as some 'happy-go-lucky', satisfied with her life kid. Because my life and me, are far from it.

As quickly as I can, I dispose of the alcohol containers, pull her up the stairs and rearrange her body, so she's lying down properly, than I place a solitary kiss on her forehead. It's a pretty strange site, trust me. A daughter tucking her mother in. How often do you see that exchange, occurring? In that same order, that is. I glance into my parents bedroom, once more. Switch off the lamp by the door and close it behind me, with a sigh. Seriously, anybody would think I am a stressed and depressed thirty-five year old, with the amount of times I sigh and frown. Brooke scolds me, whenever I frown- saying I'll get awful looking frown lines. I hate to admit it, but I actually think she's right.

My brother and sister, Ben and Ally who are twins are still at school and my dad won't arrive home until later, so I've got plenty of time to kill. I'm just not to sure, what I should kill. Usually I would do my homework yeah, I have a really exciting life and ooze coolness. I know but well no more school now, so I can rule that out. I'm left with the incredibly exciting choice of, watching a movie or reading a book. They'll both be Nicholos Sparks, anyway, so I decide to go with the movie. I've never been a big reader, really. Which strikes people as a little odd, since I am an aspiring writer. Seriously, it's my dream job, I love to write. When I have nothing to do which is umm always, well nearly always I will just sit and write. Anything from stories and poems to song lyrics. That's why for college, I decided to take up literature. I want to be a real writer, someone whose story leaves the reader with a dreamy look on their face, hours after reading it. I want to be the some-one who causes the wistful smiles and the wishful thoughts. As cliché as it sounds, I think it would be a huge accomplishment, knowing that you're the one who's putting a smile back onto a persons face, a person who you don't even know. Like I said, my dream. Hopefully that dream will become my reality, soon.

I blow my nose noisily, as The Notebook plays on the screen in-front of me. That's about my thirtieth tissue now.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I just don't see how it's going to work."

Oh my…this is just heartbreaking.

"I'll do it then. It's over. It's over! I hate you!"

Noooo, Noah! Damn it. Say something! Do something! Anything! Just don't let her go.

I'm practically sitting on the edge of my seat, my hand gripping the remote control. As though it's all new to me when in actual fact I've seen it about a hundred times, maybe more. I kind of went through a Notebook phase, when I watched it every two days. Slightly weird, I know. Then suddenly, I start to bawl. Like real tears streaming down my face as Ally kicks the car one more time, and Noah drives away.

I am a pathetically sappy person, yes but then iThe Notebook/i is a pathetically sappy yet awesome movie, so you know. It's always got to me. The first time I went to watch it, I think I annoyed the crap out of everybody there, with my constant wailing. It's just so beautiful though.

I quickly press pause when I hear the doorbell ring and duck down. Yeah, real smooth Haley. The T.V was blaring a second ago and now you're not in? Wow, I talk, wait! Think, in third person. Which is even worser than talking in it, in my opinion. I am a dork.

Then a BANG!

"Neighbour girl, you open this door right now!" Brooke screams. "Or I'll barge in and heel you to death." Oh wow, threatening. I knew there was some reason I liked her. "I know you're in there!" She screams from outside the door. I can never hide from her.

I quickly stand up, smooth my hair down and wipe the wetness from beneath my eyes.

"Hi." I greet her, swinging open the front door.

"Hi." Brooke smiles at me, looking awfully suspicious.

She just stands there, not even welcoming herself in, the way she usually does. The girl is really starting to freak me out.

"Eww!"Brooke suddenly shrieks, for what seems like the tenth time today. I'm about to ask her what she's 'ewwing' about now but well, guess I'm too late.

"Why are you wearing those sweat pants?" She asks, pointing to my fading grey trousers and pronouncing 'sweat pants' like they're the most repulsive things on the planet. Brookes well Brooke comments might sound like she's being mean but she's actually not. She's just very style conscious. "Why aren't you still wearing your hot little red number? And…and are those Spongebob Squarepants socks, you're wearing!?"Brooke screams in horror at the end of her little rant.

I look down at my sock covered feet and well yes, I am wearing Spongebob socks. I have a thing for character socks, they just make my feet look so cute! "Guess I am." I shrug and wiggle my toes. Not being able to contain my laughter at Brookes shocked expression.

"Well…" She starts as she steps into the house, pushing me aside. I wondered when that was about to happen. "Go and put it back on. We are going out."

"What!?" Now it's my turn to yell. "Brooke, you know I can't."

"Oh but you can." Brooke says, her eyes twinkling and she's making a face that looks like she's saying 'oooh'.

"What?" I ask again, utterly confused at this point.

"Long story short. My mom is picking the twins up and papa James is going like golfing or something with my dad…" Brooke stops, to show her obvious disgust and disapproval on golf. "…Straight after work, so Haley, my love you're coming partying with me!"

"But what about my mom?" I ask, still a little dumbfounded.

"Well, she needs to sleep it off, right?" Brooke ventures cautiously, a sympathetic smile plastered onto her face. I just nod and she continues. "And the twins are going to be at sleepovers." she informs me.

"Both of them?"

"Yeah. They're twelve. It's like the sleepover years of your life."

"Oh, okay." I nod at her. "But what if I don't want to go? Huh?" I challenge her. Brookes smile fades all of a sudden, and she's looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "I'll be down in a sec." I shout as I jog up the stairs.

"So, where are we going?" I ask Brooke, once we're both seated in my white Range Rover. You see, my dad bought me a car, a really expensive one and all. I just don't get too use it a lot, since my dad doesn't like me being out and about too much. If you haven't noticed by now, I'm not exactly the rebelling type.

"Uhhh a party." Brooke tells me, quietly.

"Yeah. I kind of figured that part. Where at?"

"Umm have you got any decent music in here?" Brooke asks, as she reaches her hand around and starts to search in the back for a CD.

"Smooth subject change. Really it was impressive." I note and she smiles sheepishly. "Answer the question." I prod.

Brooke gives me a smile, making sure she uses her dimple to it's full advantage. I narrow my eyes at her. "Cute. But I'm not some whipped and desperate guy, so I ain't gonna fall for that whole flashing the dimple in a cute yet sexy way thing.

She drops her shoulders in defeat and sighs with a pout.

"Tell me!" I demand.

"Nathan's." She says, without looking me in the eye.

"Nathan's?" I ask slowly, making sure to stretch out every single syllable as if to make myself believe what I'm hearing. "Nathan as in Nathan-whose-balls-I-wanna-chop-off-and-feed-to-him-Nathan!? I half yell, my eyes practically bulging out of their sockets.

"If that's Nathan, my boyfriends equally hot but more of a jackass brother, then yes."

I stare at her in shock.

"Stop the car." I shout at her. I knew I shouldn't have caved when she begged me to let her drive. "Stop the car! Stop the car now!!!" I yell again.

"Ha! No." Brooke yells back, and sticks her tongue out at me.

"Stop the icaaaaar/i!" If I was in a cheesy comedy, right now- it would be in slow motion. I can just imagine it. Ooh that would be kind of cool.

"Haley. Stop being such a drama queen." Brooke rolls her eyes at me.

"Me!?" I ask in shock. She's the drama queen!

"Yes, you missy. Now shut up with all this shouting."

"Do not tell me to shut up!" I shriek. God, I have been hanging out with her way too long. "I don't want to go to Nathan's." I moan loudly, while slamming my hand onto the dashboard.

Brooke looks at me in shock, at-least I think that's shock. "Haley! You are not a seven year old in a candy store."

"But I hate him." I whine, complete with a pout as I sink further into my seat.

"Even though, you're acting like one." Brooke murmurs under her breath.

"What?" I ask, sitting up again.

"Nothing. I'm just saying, why do you hate him? I mean, you two have never even had a real conversation."

"That's because he's incapable of proper human conversation." I remark.

"Don't be a smartass." Brooke scolds me. "He's not really that bad, you know." Brooke tells me. A sympathetic look on her face. Before I can ask her what the hell she's going on about, she carries on. "I mean, I know neither of us have ever seen eye to eye but sometimes Lucas tells me to lay off him a little. There's apparently more to him then his moron attitude."

"Why is it, that I don't believe any of that crap?" I say it as more of a statement than a question.

"He's not exactly my favourite guy either, Haley. But be serious you don't really know him." Brooke shrugs.

"Are you kidding me!? I have never done anything to the guy. I don't know him? Hell, I know him a lot more than he knows me. He chooses to be a dick to me, for reasons I don't know. It's his fault I hate him!" I take a deep breath at the end of my very Oscar worthy speech, if I might say so myself.

"I'm sorry girly. But…don't they say there's a…" Brooke pauses and takes a look at my face. "…fine line between love and hate?" She asks with a slightly suggestive grin.

"I think they do say that. Doesn't mean it's true though, especially in this case." I warn her.

"Okay, okay. I'm just saying. Honestly." Brooke huffs.

There's silence in the car again as Brooke gets back to concentrating on the road and I gaze out of the window. Nathan's beach house suddenly comes into view.

"But you must like him if you're thinking about his balls that much." Brooke giggles as we step out of the car.

"Brooke!"

I'm sitting atop the balcony, swinging my bare legs from side to side when I suddenly realise it's a pretty bad idea. What if Nathan comes and pushes me off it? I could die! I'm just about to get down from my seat, when I hear a voice behind me.

"Hey."

"Hi." I reply as I turn my head around to take a look at the person.

"Having fun?"

"Yeah. It's just a blast Scott."

"I noticed." Then there's silence.

"Anyway, what are you doing out here? Did Brooke send you to out to come check up on me?" I ask, before he can say anything.

"Actually, no."

I give him a questioning look.

"It's getting pretty crazy in there, I just needed some air."

I just shrug and he nods, looking as though he's about to go back inside. "Hey, Lucas?" I say before he's gone.

"Yeah?" Lucas responds.

"Thank you." I tell him, with a smile.

Lucas just nods, a slight hint of a smile on his face and I turn my gaze back to the raging, ocean waves, in-front of me. Nothing but the sound of them crashing into one another and the shouting and music in the distance, surround me. It still feels like silence to me, though.

"Brooke." I nudge her from behind, when I finally find her in a crowd. She's sitting at a table, playing some stupid drinking game. A few other Tree Hill High kids surround her, including Nathan. Michelle and a few other girls from my school are there, too.

"Haley. Honey!" Brooke yells, as she turns her head around to face me.

"Hey." I say, noticing that the entire tables eyes are on me. "So, uh I'm going to go home, okay?"

"What?" Brooke asks me, a confused look etched onto her pretty features. "But the funs just starting!" She insists, a smile replacing her confusion.

"I'm not really feeling well." I lie. "I'm going to take my car, okay? You're riding with Lucas, right?"

Brooke raises an eyebrow. "Ofcourse. Afterall, I need my daily work-out." She says suggestively.

"Eww." Me and Nathan both wince at the same time. The rest of the table are too busy making out or being um drunk.

"Well, I'll see you later than?" Nathan is still staring at me, I have no idea why.

"Okie dokie." Brooke sings. "Listen, Haley…" She starts as she stands up and takes a hold of my shoulders. "Everything will be okay." She says, pointing a finger at me, as if for emphasis. Than she turns around and walks away from the table, wobbling slightly. And she's left me here, alone! Alone with him. And well, a whole bunch of drunken teens. I'm about to wlak away Nathan's stare is annoying me when he says my name.

"What?" I bark, still a teensy bit annoyed.

"Do you need a ride?" Nathan asks me, sounding surprisingly sincere.

I just stare at him for a couple of seconds without saying anything. "I have my car." I reply abruptly.

"I was trying to be nice."

"Uh, yeah well, maybe you should have tried that approach a long time ago." How dare he? Ugh he makes me so angry, I mean what is the point of acting like the nice guy now?

Nathan shakes his head. "And I thought you were a mature one."

"Don't pretend you know me, 'cause you don't." I growl at him, through clenched teeth.

"And you don't know me." He answers, sounding equally as pissed.

We continue to stare at each other for a couple more seconds, darn…how time flies when I'm having fun! FYI; that was meant to be sarcasm. I can feel a lump forming in my throat and tears prickling my eyelids. I have no idea why, either. Why should anything he says affect me? I ask myself. I simply turn my back on him and walk out.

I let out a breath as I turn the corner, away from the beach. A breath I had no idea I was holding. I just stare ahead, my eyes completely focused on the road in-front of me, as the car twists and turns every once in a while. Usually, when I'm driving I have to have the radio on but well I feel as though someone is whacking a sledge-hammer against my head – it hurts that badly. I'm no expert but I doubt more music would help the pounding.

Once I've reached my house I pull into the driveway. And just sit in the car for a while because I know, as soon as I walk into that house, reality will flood me. Finally, I decide to go in. I think about using the window but realise its not like I have to sneak in, anyway. My dads away and my moms totally out of it. If I wanted to, I could stay out all night and go get high and crazy drunk but…it's not exactly the route I want to take.

I unlock the door and walk in, not even bothering to be quiet. Once I've managed to get up the stairs I'm exhausted and the stairs at my house are those ridiculous twirly wirly ones I push open my parents door and tip-toe in to the darkness to cover my mom with the blanket she's pushed onto the floor.

"Goodnight." I whisper, as softly as I can.

I can't even be bothered to switch on my bedroom light or brush my teeth, or have a drink of water – even though my throat is scratching of thirst. Instead I quickly change into a tank-top and polka dot pyjama bottoms. Sighing with satisfaction, I crawl into bed.

I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling. Thinking. I've done it, I'm free, it's my life for real now. I don't really have to listen to anything my father or anyone else says. This time, next month…I'll be lying in a different bed, with different surroundings except, I know that there will still be that strange little thing I've become so acquainted to. There'll still be that familiar silence.

Phew ::wipes brow:: That was the longest chapter I've ever written, that's for sure. Anyway, please do tell me what you thought. I'd appreciate it :

xox