China's Tomorrow by Yofune-Nushi
Summary: She fears humans more then she fears demons. Kanda knows this and does not correct her. // Kanda and Lenalee centric. // Pre-manga setting. Gen
This takes place before Bookman and Lavi join the Order. I have no idea what kind of situation happened to make up that much loss, but I'll just assume it was a big battle (and/or one really bad day).
She saw the glistening of dawn's light bounce off Kanda's metal instrument of death and life before the smell of clean blood hit her senses.
Her sense of touch was awakened when Kanda had nudged, carefully placing himself in any place but her blind spots, against her shoulder to move away from the body of where woman lay motionless.
She blinked, moved away with steadiness of a ballerina as Kanda motioned for the Finders to come out into the open with a silent gruff command to collect the body and follow casual protocol.
It did not matter who she was, where she had come from, or even how unfair it all was.
All that mattered was who she had left behind.
And that they, the burners of her flesh, were the last to ever lay eyes upon her.
The mission was a success; any mission where they killed akuma, retrieved fragments of Innocence, (exorcists) did not die was a success.
The value of life was always measured by one's usefulness rather then one's worth in the long run after all.
Lenalee, age fourteen, sits with an air of subtle ness that only Kanda, age sixteen, could sense at the moment and he is careful to stand a little ahead of her when by her side so that he can block the Finders that may possibly approach even though they are busy preparing to burn the freshly dead flesh.
He knows better the most when one should not be approached.
"Once this is done, we will go to meet up with Daisya and his team to hear the report on their side of things and let them know this area is clean."
"Yes"
She answers automatically and he stares ahead knowing without even bothering to look back at her to know what she looks like. Head down resting in her hand, leaning her elbows slightly on her knees from her sitting position on the slab of rock; she's not crying, but her head wound needs a look at with possibility of a concussion not to far off. He's also not feeling so well despite whatever wounds have been healed up for the most part, the curse can't make up for loss blood after all.
Not that they can rest yet, the job wouldn't be done until new orders from Central came.
Until then, they would just grit their teeth and suck in whatever pain that could not stop their bodies from moving, like always.
She eyes the blood on her leg, fresh and red like an apple just plucked from a tree in autumn and thinks back to women who showed up at the wrong time and place. She knows it's good that she reacted the way she did because losing one human is better then losing an exorcist and an exorcist must always be ready to feel when the curtain is being pulled and be ready just incase there is a knife instead of a rabbit being pulled out of the hat.
She can still feel the impact of soft flesh being rammed through by her foot and how it had only taken a split second for her to realize the impact was not familiar and unlike the feeling similar to that of hitting rain, this had been like hitting solid water and Lenalee knew before her body had caught up that it was already over.
Life is something Lenalee actually doesn't have strong concept for. Not like normal people, she thinks anyway. She knows people die better then they live and it's something she feels bad about because she can not understand it the way Kanda can. Kanda who knows death and yet knows life better; because he is not ripped or buried in a way that succumbs to the death of others while still having acknowledgement for it; maybe that is why he can let other's live and die in ways she is unable to.
She's not exactly sure if that is a good or bad thing. Not that Lenalee has ever been governed by good or evil so much as she simply is by pure action and doing what she can do because she's seen evil and she's seen what's considered good and sometimes it's hard to see why good is supposed to be so easy to view as likable on a whole.
Kanda has always, despite what he's said or acted otherwise, had a more firm grip on his own good and evil and that of others.
Kanda looks like a figure in those dark stories where you think it's always dark and yet you somehow find unexpected warmth that might not cast light in the darkness but will stay consistent in a way you can depend upon.
You just have to be willing to find it with your own power.
The flames lick the air and try to suffocate their breaths by birthing gray fumes, but a wind picks up and scatters the ashes and smoke away in another direction after only three gulps of oxygen that smells like human remnants.
They are good, they do wrong for good. It's all acceptable in the long run.
It's simple really.
As long as they can keep running, they can trample anyone who can not be contestants.
She has never been told this, but she has seen this and she knows it makes her Brother sad which in turn makes her sad, but she doesn't know how to do anything but smile after it.
She's never been good at seeing value unless she can be the one to place it.
Kanda knows her, in some ways better then Komui, because he's seen her worst and best as a soldier and she has no fear of being judged despite always wanting to be good enough and more for him and so does not expect him to pity her or try to offer comfort to her in a way that allows her to escape responsibility.
Because he knows his silence is one of her few saving graces on the field and she loves him all the more in ways she doesn't her other fellow exorcists because he respects her treats her seriously in a way that does not look away from the world she has fabricated for herself out of reality that is so fragile.
He doesn't yell at her, not because she's a girl and Kanda's polite (which arguable, he's not, mostly) but because he knows she doesn't need noise to be comprehend things for him and others and his silence, his style of silence, can be golden for her because it just speaks volumes that can deafen any doubt or insecurity she may feel. Kanda's warmth is steady in the dark, and while she has her own warmth, she knows his is always there when the blackness seems everywhere and she has faith in his enough to not have to worry so much which just takes so much pressure off and allows her to know that even if she can take a break here and there like this when it doesn't hurt him.
He respects her world and while does not envy it for what it is made of. He sees the strength in it because humans are just so fragile and for someone like her to trust in death more then life to build upon such fickle beings for such pure reasons that it all seems twisted. And yet she is still here, and has is consistent and dependable to him. Something Kanda cares about, because when you face death and demons you must have people you can work with because life is just so messy already and you don't need comrades who can't even give or receive unconditional trust out there.
Her world is not his life, his life is her world.
She has destroyed a human life though, and with it someone's world.
It's something she will get over, because humans confuse her just as much as they dazzle her and she will get up to fly like a storm for tomorrow after a clear silent day since that is what she knows and all she knows now.
He knows her, may not like all that he knows about her, because he looks at her and thinks of things he doesn't want to when he knows what's showing in plain and yet it's something he won't hate her for because he's in too deep and just knows how she works and how she doesn't. She fears things inside her world more then she does outside it and if she can not be broken under the weight and turn her weakness into strength then she can more then get up on her own and face down what has become her lot in life forever worse till always tomorrow.
The flames die out and the Finders stand waiting for their presence ahead so that they can move on, business as usual.
Lenalee feels mugen in its sheath tap and then rest against her leg and feels a shiver of pleasant reality rush down her spine for the cold weapon of Innocence felt soothing as if it were kissing her skin and not her boots. Though she supposed there was not a difference between the two. She opened her lips to let the air escape her and she feels just how chapped her face is.
"I fear humans more then I fear demons."
Kanda does not change his expression. For there is no need; he simply keeps resting mugen against her side with a tilt from his ever steady hand on the handle of his hilt and does not pull away until she stands up on her own at the time he predicts she will and allows her to lead the way down to fight another day in this world that exists outside the one both have made with each other.
I fear humans more then I fear demons
Demons can be conquered, humanity is forever, people are always turned to dust.
Kanda does not correct her.